shes doing my head in! need your thoughts!

ink_wizard · Jun 30, 2010

Ok so for the past month, ive been chatting to this great chick, shes gorgeous, shes 18 im 22 but we have such a great connection and quite alot in common...only problem...she has a bf. This is a different girl from the last one i was speaking about and no i dont intentionally go after chicks with boyfriends.

However we speak about 3 times a week on facebook and text messaging, things going great..we've met once and it went well, great chemistry..made out...i was happy with that. But shes just recently told me though that shes unhappy in her current relationship and is contemplatiing breaking up with her bf for me....We've both fallen for each other, and she always tells me how badly she wants to be with me and how she likes me more and how she wants a future with me etc problem is she's secared to break up with him (theyve been together for 9 months) incase we dont work out and because she still deeply loves him too and doesnt want to hurt him....This also bugs me because everytime they're together, i dont exist like i dont hear from her at all and she ignores my texts but when theyre not together she bombs my phone....And on facebook it looks like theyre so inlove with eachother that its hard to believe shes un happy but she assures me she doesnt love him as much as she used to and its me she wants....She even went mad at me when she found out i was pursuing other chicks! i dont get that?

I dont know what i should do? i know you will say to drop her and move on but its not as easy as that we both have such strong feelings for eachother and such a great connection and i dont want to lose that, however i also dont want to be "the other guy" and wait around forever.......but at the same time she assures me in the "near future" we will be together and to be patient with her because its "not easy" on her.

Is she leading me on and wanting her cake and eat it too? Need your opinons, please help!!!!!! im going crazy!!!

Sherlock-Holmes · Jun 30, 2010

DJ_Hero said:
Tell her something like "it's me or him, call me when you've come to your senses" and drop all contact. Only when she contacts you and has broken up with her boyfriend, is it okay to start talking to her again. If she doesn't do both, it's her loss and you have to move the fuck on.

Do not listen to the above. By letting her know that you're there WAITING for her, she'll take you for granted. Ignore all her contact for 1 week. When she calls just tell her you're busy and will call her back, but don't. Let her feel that you've lost all interest.

If she still contacts you after 1 week, then her interest is still there. You'll know she likes you enough if she contacts you even when she's with her "bf".

Sherlock-Holmes · Jun 30, 2010

DJ_Hero said:
Tell her something like "it's me or him, call me when you've come to your senses" uck on.

That's the waiting part.

We don't wait, we IMMEDIATELY IGNORE, NC. If she still contacts (despite the ignore) after a week then there's HIGH INTEREST. If she doesn't that WE DONT BOTHER CONTACTING HER ANYMORE.

falconslax89 · Jun 30, 2010

ignore her hard. women want what they cant have...she has her boyfriend so thats why she isnt all that into him. DO NOT let her know she can have you...ive been in almost an identical situation...the ignoring worked like a charm until the one day i let her know she could have me for sure. thats when all the power shifted...i could literally feel it shift the instant i let her know that. make her think that she cant have you and i guarantee she will break it off with him and come after you hardcore. just keep it up once shes done this or she just might go back to her bf once the chase for her is over. its all about the chase. goodluck!

ink_wizard · Jun 30, 2010

but thats the thing, i dont hear from her AT ALL when shes with him?
i flirt and still pursue other chicks and she doesnt like it one bit and tells me to stop "messing with her head" umm wtf?

i understand what you guys are saying but how do i make her speed up her decision?..i dont want to be one of those guys that waits and gets nowhere while her relationship with him improves and ive wasted so many months....and i have given her the ultimanium thats its me or him and she tells me to "be patient and that its me she wants" but yet she wont break up with him.... -_-

Sherlock-Holmes · Jun 30, 2010

The only way u can "speed up", is actually not to care at all. Bro, some things cannot be forced, only manipulated. Continue with flirting, jealousy is a good sign. Tell her that unless you're attached, you can go out with who and whenever u want.

Be the man, do what you want.

falconslax89 · Jun 30, 2010

ink_wizard said:
but thats the thing, i dont hear from her AT ALL when shes with him?
i flirt and still pursue other chicks and she doesnt like it one bit and tells me to stop "messing with her head" umm wtf?

i understand what you guys are saying but how do i make her speed up her decision?..i dont want to be one of those guys that waits and gets nowhere while her relationship with him improves and ive wasted so many months....and i have given her the ultimanium thats its me or him and she tells me to "be patient and that its me she wants" but yet she wont break up with him.... -_-

good...shes saying these things because ITS WORKING. keep doing it. NEVER listen to what a woman says, only what she does. of course she doesnt talk to you when shes with her bf dummy...she doesnt want him to know! keep messing with her head...thats the point of playing "the game!"
you cant do anything to speed it up. however the more you talk to her and do what she wants to more you are slowing it down. i promise her relationship wont just magically "improve." you doing this will drive her crazy, just keep it up.

Kailex · Jul 1, 2010

Read my signature.

You want to turn a woman willing to branch swing, into an LTR ALREADY.
This is DOOMED.

You will get BURNED.

Everyone is telling you to do all sorts of things. The only thing you should be trying to do is have sex with her and nothing MORE. Do not play this game.

You don't seem to have it in you to PLAY IT. She is actively telling you that she will leave him for you, but only if you are a sure thing and only if HE will break up with her. That's a LOT of circumstances based on anything that's NOT her. She's not willing to take responsibility for a break-up.

This woman is NOT a quality woman.

Therefore, proceed with extreme caution.
You two do NOT have a great connection.

Remember, if you try to make her an LTR, it will be only a few months until she does the same to you... and even if she didn't, you WILL have doubts as to whether she is or not.

Conclusion: FB is the maximum level you should take her to. Nothing higher than that. Do not get emotionally involved or this will be the end of you.

Pimp-sicle · Jul 1, 2010

Kailex said:
Read my signature.

You want to turn a woman willing to branch swing, into an LTR ALREADY.
This is DOOMED.

You will get BURNED.

Everyone is telling you to do all sorts of things. The only thing you should be trying to do is have sex with her and nothing MORE. Do not play this game.

You don't seem to have it in you to PLAY IT. She is actively telling you that she will leave him for you, but only if you are a sure thing and only if HE will break up with her. That's a LOT of circumstances based on anything that's NOT her. She's not willing to take responsibility for a break-up.

This woman is NOT a quality woman.

Therefore, proceed with extreme caution.
You two do NOT have a great connection.

Remember, if you try to make her an LTR, it will be only a few months until she does the same to you... and even if she didn't, you WILL have doubts as to whether she is or not.

Conclusion: FB is the maximum level you should take her to. Nothing higher than that. Do not get emotionally involved or this will be the end of you.

Took the words right out of my mouth.... spot on!

To add to this:

1) yes she is having her cake and eating it too

2) women who cheat are liars and all liars are cheaters; the foundation of this "relationship" is set up to fail because there will never be any trust

3) her words say high interest while her actions say mild interest

4) she wants to know fo sure that she has you wrapped around her finger

5) never believe a girl when she says she wants to break up with her bf and doesn't. Its really a simple situation; if she was THAT miserable she would break up with him. Meaning things might not being well with them, but they're not going THAT bad either

6) Lastlly NEVER EVER give a woman a "me or him" speech. It puts pressure on them and makes you come off as insecure.

7) Go GET other women, you fretting over this because you have one-itis and are completely dependent on her at this point.

8) And don't just ignore her for a week; start slowly pushing away from her and pursuing single girls, because this girl will play you.

9) 18 year old chicks have the mature of a baby ant..... they act first, think later. As Kaliex said, you should only think of her as a sex toy, nothing more.

PIMP

iliketennis · Jul 1, 2010

doomed is right

2crudedudes · Jul 1, 2010

ink_wizard said:
This also bugs me because everytime they're together, i dont exist like i dont hear from her at all and she ignores my texts but when theyre not together she bombs my phone....

This shows me you're not ready to mess around with taken women. You can't expect her to be on your jock while she's spending time with him. It would be too fvcking obvious!

but thats the thing, i dont hear from her AT ALL when shes with him?
i flirt and still pursue other chicks and she doesnt like it one bit and tells me to stop "messing with her head" umm wtf?

i understand what you guys are saying but how do i make her speed up her decision?..i dont want to be one of those guys that waits and gets nowhere while her relationship with him improves and ive wasted so many months....and i have given her the ultimanium thats its me or him and she tells me to "be patient and that its me she wants" but yet she wont break up with him.... -_-

Forget it. She wants your attention. Tell her, fine, take your time breaking up with this guy. In the mean time I'm gonna go bang other chicks while you take your precious little time. I'm not gonna sit around like a dumba$s while you blow some other guy.

5string · Jul 1, 2010

Remember, what a women does with you now, she has done with other men in her past, and will again in the future. She cheats. Get it?

Kirro · Jul 1, 2010

ink_wizard said:
Ok so for the past month, ive been chatting to this great chick, shes gorgeous, shes 18 im 22 but we have such a great connection and quite alot in common...only problem...she has a bf. This is a different girl from the last one i was speaking about and no i dont intentionally go after chicks with boyfriends.

However we speak about 3 times a week on facebook and text messaging, things going great..we've met once and it went well, great chemistry..made out...i was happy with that. But shes just recently told me though that shes unhappy in her current relationship and is contemplatiing breaking up with her bf for me....We've both fallen for each other, and she always tells me how badly she wants to be with me and how she likes me more and how she wants a future with me etc problem is she's secared to break up with him (theyve been together for 9 months) incase we dont work out and because she still deeply loves him too and doesnt want to hurt him....This also bugs me because everytime they're together, i dont exist like i dont hear from her at all and she ignores my texts but when theyre not together she bombs my phone....And on facebook it looks like theyre so inlove with eachother that its hard to believe shes un happy but she assures me she doesnt love him as much as she used to and its me she wants....She even went mad at me when she found out i was pursuing other chicks! i dont get that?

I dont know what i should do? i know you will say to drop her and move on but its not as easy as that we both have such strong feelings for eachother and such a great connection and i dont want to lose that, however i also dont want to be "the other guy" and wait around forever.......but at the same time she assures me in the "near future" we will be together and to be patient with her because its "not easy" on her.

Is she leading me on and wanting her cake and eat it too? Need your opinons, please help!!!!!! im going crazy!!!

:crackup:

You had best listen to Kailex & Pimp. If you don't though be sure to report just how badly ya got burned. Do it for me, I could use a few extra chuckles.

Cinamon · Jul 2, 2010

A classic case of grass is greener on other side, with a hint of spinelessness, in nt being able to break up with her bf. I would say she is using you, she loves the attention, and if she does it to him, she can do it to you too.

What gives her the right to be angry when you try pursuing other girls, especially seeing as she is already in a relationship with someone else.

You need to believe that you deserve a decent girl in an exclusive relationship, and anything less than that just isnt good enough, and if she isnt able to conform to those standards, you need to move on. How would u feel if u were in her bf shoes.

ink_wizard · Jul 2, 2010

thanks for all the replies, its helped me alot.

just an update though.....all this week we've been sextexting quite a lot and we've agreed to meet up an fu*k.....bad move?

Also shes told me that shes inlove with me and that everytime shes with him she wishes it was me but is still to afraid to break up with him...

boomerick · Jul 2, 2010

Yep and when she's "co-piloting" the other "jet" that's exactly what she's telling the "other captain"......

She's flying both airlines at the same time and pulling two "attention paychecks"....

Ground her ass before she flys you into a mountain...

There are plenty of other co-pilots out there....

Over and Out.

EFFORT · Jul 2, 2010

Spin more plates imo

Kailex · Jul 2, 2010

ink_wizard said:
thanks for all the replies, its helped me alot.

just an update though.....all this week we've been sextexting quite a lot and we've agreed to meet up an fu*k.....bad move?

Also shes told me that shes inlove with me and that everytime shes with him she wishes it was me but is still to afraid to break up with him...

She's using sex as a negotiating chip and the word "love" as leverage.

Obviously, you are updating us with this new piece of information because as soon as she texted this to you, you got all hot and bothered.

Look, son, she's just stringing you along.

All bets are on her making up a last minute excuse to NOT have sex with you and then blame it on her boyfriend with promises of meeting up in the future.

Want to truly gauge what happens and what her intentions are?

DROP HER. Tell her you DON"T want to meet up to have sex with her. She'll go beserk.

I told you once and I am telling you one LAST time, STEP AWAY from this situation. She is REALLY toying with your brain and it's WORKING. You have NOTHING to gain from this situation. Do you really want to get with a girl who'll eventually be with you and then tell some other guy that she's in love with him but doesn't have the balls to break up with you.

Newsflash: She's NOT going to break up with him. That was never her intention. And I'm almost 100% sure that she's positioning her relationship so that HE can break up with her, so that NONE of the responsibility falls on her shoulders.

She is NOT worth it.
If you were an advanced DJ, you'd know how to play this and spin this in your favor. But you're WAY too emotionally invested in this.

STOP TEXTING HER.
STOP TALKING TO HER.
NEXT THIS LOW QUALITY HOR.
MOVE ON.

CuriousGirl · Jul 2, 2010

She sounds like bad news, if she's unhappy with her relationship she should end it before getting flirty and involved with other guys. She's saying she wants you but meanwhile she's all lovey dovey with her bf? How can you respect her? Also you're encouraging her, which isn't nice for the bf. Sure she might just end up getting close with another guy anyway but don't be that guy. I think you should just leave it.

Blue Phoenix · Jul 2, 2010

Pimp-sicle said:
Took the words right out of my mouth.... spot on!

To add to this:
1) yes she is having her cake and eating it too
2) women who cheat are liars and all liars are cheaters; the foundation of this "relationship" is set up to fail because there will never be any trust
3) her words say high interest while her actions say mild interest
4) she wants to know fo sure that she has you wrapped around her finger
6) Lastlly NEVER EVER give a woman a "me or him" speech. It puts pressure on them and makes you come off as insecure.
PIMP

Absolutely. Actually this girl is doing your head with something called EMOTIONAL BULLSH1T!

There´s a book with this title that you can take a look.

shes doing my head in! need your thoughts!

Don Juan

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