Relationship Game - Choose the right Woman!

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game.r

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Your relationship failed because YOU did not choose the right woman. Even when you choose the right woman and the relationship fail, it’s still YOUR fault. That’s right. This is the one truth that is overlooked on this forum time and again; YOUR decisions and behavior determine the success or failure of your relationship.

Key Points in A relationship

The decision to enter a relationship
  • Do you know what you’re looking for in a woman?
  • What are your standards; behavior, personality, family history, former relationships etc
  • Which of these standards you will/will not bend

During the relationship
  • How will you behave?
  • Will you allow yourself to be disrespected just to keep things peaceful
  • Will you get over emotional and become clingy afc
  • Will you allow her to move in
  • Will you establish boundaries and stick to them
  • Will you stop being a challenge
  • Will you allow your power to be usurp; can’t hangout with the guys, have your plans made for you etc.

The decision to end the relationship
  • Given repeated poor behavior by her, will you end it or will you stay because; its easy, sex is good, the kids, you like her family, you share a lease, she's sorry, etc
  • Again what are your standards?

When you decide to end a relationship, its still a failure. But somehow it just doesn’t seem that bad to me, after all, you made mistakes, you recognized them, you manned up and made a decision... for YOU.

These are some thoughts I have about relationships, I’m not saying its comprehensive or even correct, just my point of view. Agree, disagree or expand on the ideas some more…

Have at it…
 
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squirrels

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Right on, as far as I'm concerned.

Of course, you know how I feel about "relationships", but you should never be afraid to get out of one if you're not getting what you want out of it.
 
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Scaramouche

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Dear Game,
Oh look it's so easy to say all these things but in reality it will only work to a point....Why?because both parties are continually changing,their needs and aspirations are like constantly moving relationship goal posts...Most of the Hunters on this site are so blinded by the imperitive need to have a satisfactory sexual relationship that they are blind to their other needs...sex is rather like being locked out of the little boys room,when the door unlocks,a moment of sheer bliss then,so what! lets get on with life..look at successful long term relationships around you,there is always something other than the obvious,that binds these two people...could be study,a shared language,a common interest like Dancing or Chess,can even be following the Share Market...given that,then it can be a goer but to keep it fresh don't move in together,ideally have a few plates spinning.
 
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catman

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Your spot on and when she stops meeting your needs and becomes a controling,nagging,drama causing cvnt kick her ass to the curb and dont ever look back:cool: :cool:
 
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kingsam

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game.r said:
Your relationship failed because YOU did not choose the right woman. Even when you choose the right woman and the relationship fail, it’s still YOUR fault. That’s right. This is the one truth that is overlooked on this forum time and again; YOUR decisions and behavior determine the success or failure of your relationship.

Key Points in A relationship

The decision to enter a relationship
  • Do you know what you’re looking for in a woman?
  • What are your standards; behavior, personality, family history, former relationships etc
  • Which of these standards you will/will not bend

During the relationship
  • How will you behave?
  • Will you allow yourself to be disrespected just to keep things peaceful
  • Will you get over emotional and become clingy afc
  • Will you allow her to move in
  • Will you establish boundaries and stick to them
  • Will you stop being a challenge
  • Will you allow your power to be usurp; can’t hangout with the guys, have your plans made for you etc.

The decision to end the relationship
  • Given repeated poor behavior by her, will you end it or will you stay because; its easy, sex is good, the kids, you like her family, you share a lease, she's sorry, etc
  • Again what are your standards?

When you decide to end a relationship, its still a failure. But somehow it just doesn’t seem that bad to me, after all, you made mistakes, you recognized them, you manned up and made a decision... for YOU.

These are some thoughts I have about relationships, I’m not saying its comprehensive or even correct, just my point of view. Agree, disagree or expand on the ideas some more…

Have at it…
Click to expand...
become a Doc Love fanboy and undestand RL game perfectly!
 
G

game.r

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kingsam said:
become a Doc Love fanboy and undestand RL game perfectly!
Click to expand...
I never did get to the Doc Love stuff kingsam. hopefully in future i will get some of his links to support my argument or base my arguments around his articles. My goal is to bring a different perspective to this forum, other than "just spin plates".

Most guys come to a site like this because they want to get girls and have a relationship. They learn game and realize that they can have many girls from stories of other guys. And seriously, what guy doesn't want as much poontang as possible? So spinning plates it is. And again, nothing wrong with that. But still most guys want a meaningful relationship with one woman at some point.

It is at that point where they find themselves up a creek without a paddle. Perhaps they gamed her perfectly and all was peachy, but they ignored all the warning signs that "this is a crazy b!tch". perhaps she was perfect, their soul mate, but during the relationship they total drop the ball. End result is they get chewed up in the relationship and have no clue what happened or how their decisions and behavior caused it. They then come back to this forum bitter. And are told "relationships suck, just spin plates"... until they somehow find themselves in another relationship, and up a creek. again.
 
Rollo Tomassi

Rollo Tomassi

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GAME.R, like most noobs, you don't fully grasp the principle and purpose behind Plate Theory. I suggest you go read up. If you had you'd know that spinning plates is less about "having as many girls as possible" and more about developing the mindset of abundance and the confidence that comes from realized and potential options.

I wont condemn monogamy outright, but I will say that you'll never fully appreciate it's value until you have benefitted from experiencing non-exclusive dating. Keep sampling the buffet, keep spinning plates, until such time that you've come to know the difference between a good bet and a bad bet with regards to monogamy.

Far too many guys will make their necessity a virtue. Whether you've run out of option or you never had any, you can always find reasons to believe that the choice you made to commit was the morally correct one, the pragmatically correct one, the emotionally correct one, the responsible one,...and the rationale list goes on. Of the host of guys who discover SS (we don't advertise) or any other forum in the Community there are really only three persistent root problems; how do they get a girl, how do they keep a girl they have, or how do they get an ex back. I don't see an epidemic of men getting too much pussie and wondering how they can pair it down to one special girl. These guys find "special girls" every weekend - keepers, marriage material, Quality Women - that's the monogamy mindset. They're already primed for it by the time they're 12 y.o. courtesy of the Matrix. They're too afraid to exercise options, too afraid to consider developing concurrent options, and much too afraid to experiment with anything they think would be remotely unsettling to the mediocre monogamy they do settle for, for fear of having to go back to enduring real rejection and seeking out new women. That is the scarcity mentality in a nutshell.

As I stated above, there's nothing wrong with monogamy in the long term, but I sincerely doubt the majority of guys seeking advice from the community have the life experience to determine what a good LTR would be that non-exclusivity would teach them.

I've encountered guys like you all too often. You want affirmation for your decision to become monogamous (you're getting married soon if I'm correct?) from a consensus of men. You discovered the community after you'd made that decision and the stories and experiences of others here conflicts with what you thought had been an educated choice to become monogamous. So now you want other guys to tell you you're doing (or did) the right thing, but the logic and reports of others don't quite gel with that.

If you want any confirmation of that, just look to the men who blew off the community for an LTR for a few years and are now "back in the market" because they reverted to old AFC ways and the Quality Woman they had it in for blew them off. Read what they say about their relationships and how all the advice and experience they thought was so worthless while they were wrapped up in the early stages of a ONEitis is now their gospel truth.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=175642
 
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squirrels

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Rollo, I tried that angle. He didn't listen.

The reason so many relationships FAIL in this day and age is because people these days aren't looking for "mates" or "partners"...they're looking for "relationships".

The "relationship" becomes the central focus of the interaction and both of the players to it take a back-seat. Both become frustrated with the static nature of the "relationship" and how it does not evolve to meet their needs, not realizing that it's THEY who are forcing it into an unnatural shape like a bonsai tree, not allowing it to grow, because they think of it as a static entity and focus on IT, instead of on each-other.

"Commitment" is bullsh!t. It really is. A successful "commitment" is something that happens naturally, as a result of your mutual and shared interaction with a specific woman and the building of a mutual life together. "Commitment" should be done because of that mutual life, not because of some arbitrary statement of commitment such as, "You're my girlfriend" or "Marry me".

By the time you enter into an official "relationship", it should be a foregone conclusion, not a leap of faith. Both parties already understand that there's a mutual perspective and have no qualms about continuing it or allowing it to grow indefinitely.

That's why I agree with this post...because much of what game.r says is true. If you are in a "relationship" that fails, it's because YOU made a bad decision.

I would take it one step further...that the decision to "enter into a relationship" was the bad decision, not necessarily the selection of woman.

But the realization that "the 'relationship' that fails is a mistake" is a step in the right direction.
 
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kingsam

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even doc love (aimed at getting a high quality LTR) says to date multiple women - the more you meet the more chance you will find one you really connect with!

DL essentially says Spin plates!
 
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game.r

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Rollo Tomassi said:
GAME.R, like most noobs, you don't fully grasp the principle and purpose behind Plate Theory. I suggest you go read up. If you had you'd know that spinning plates is less about "having as many girls as possible" and more about developing the mindset of abundance and the confidence that comes from realized and potential options.

I wont condemn monogamy outright, but I will say that you'll never fully appreciate it's value until you have benefitted from experiencing non-exclusive dating. Keep sampling the buffet, keep spinning plates, until such time that you've come to know the difference between a good bet and a bad bet with regards to monogamy.

Far too many guys will make their necessity a virtue. Whether you've run out of option or you never had any, you can always find reasons to believe that the choice you made to commit was the morally correct one, the pragmatically correct one, the emotionally correct one, the responsible one,...and the rationale list goes on. Of the host of guys who discover SS (we don't advertise) or any other forum in the Community there are really only three persistent root problems; how do they get a girl, how do they keep a girl they have, or how do they get an ex back. I don't see an epidemic of men getting too much pussie and wondering how they can pair it down to one special girl. These guys find "special girls" every weekend - keepers, marriage material, Quality Women - that's the monogamy mindset. They're already primed for it by the time they're 12 y.o. courtesy of the Matrix. They're too afraid to exercise options, too afraid to consider developing concurrent options, and much too afraid to experiment with anything they think would be remotely unsettling to the mediocre monogamy they do settle for, for fear of having to go back to enduring real rejection and seeking out new women. That is the scarcity mentality in a nutshell.

As I stated above, there's nothing wrong with monogamy in the long term, but I sincerely doubt the majority of guys seeking advice from the community have the life experience to determine what a good LTR would be that non-exclusivity would teach them.

I've encountered guys like you all too often. You want affirmation for your decision to become monogamous (you're getting married soon if I'm correct?) from a consensus of men. You discovered the community after you'd made that decision and the stories and experiences of others here conflicts with what you thought had been an educated choice to become monogamous. So now you want other guys to tell you you're doing (or did) the right thing, but the logic and reports of others don't quite gel with that.

If you want any confirmation of that, just look to the men who blew off the community for an LTR for a few years and are now "back in the market" because they reverted to old AFC ways and the Quality Woman they had it in for blew them off. Read what they say about their relationships and how all the advice and experience they thought was so worthless while they were wrapped up in the early stages of a ONEitis is now their gospel truth.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=175642
Click to expand...
I think you misinterpret my intentions.
But First i'd like to say i registered here in 2008 after lurking for a few months, i just didnt post alot, so not really a noob.

Second, i'm not about to get married (not even close), however i do plan to some day.

Third, I'm pretty self-aware and independent minded, i'm not here looking for affirmation, neither am i shocked when others don't share my view. In fact, I've been called names by persons here for apparently going against their world view.

This brings me to why i believe you misinterpret my intentions.

I've never said spinning plates is wrong nor have i advocated monogamy as somehow better than spinning plates.


what i have said is

This forum gives very little advice on how to navigate relationships, the predominant advice is just to spin plates

- - you post that spinning plates is about establishing a mindset, but most advice seems to advocate spinning plates as an end to it self, saying never get into a relationship (my impression anyway). This is not realistic, because most guys eventually end up in relationships anyway! and when they do they completely screw it up

I'm not saying choose monogamy/relationship over spinning plates... but when you do get into a relationship, make sure you're ready and you choose the right woman and have standards. That if you don't its your fault the relationship failed.
 

At this point you probably have a woman (or multiple women) chasing you around, calling you all the time, wanting to be with you. So let's talk about how to KEEP a woman interested in you once you have her. This is BIG! There is nothing worse than getting dumped by a woman that you really, really like.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

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countermart

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It's a gamble

The concept that it is always someone’s fault when a relationship end is simply not true. Guys should stop beating themselves up about this and concluding that they became an AFC or anything else.

People change, especially women. Through time people are influenced by all types of external forces. The arrival of children, a death in the family, a move towards religion, or away from it etc, etc.

Not too many guys get married unhappily, or thinking they have made the wrong decision on the day. But the reality of the matter is that you just do not know what is going to happen in the future. No matter how selective you are in the end it comes down to a simple gamble.

The error in marriage is not that it, as a basis is bad, but that it is assumed to last forever. There would be a lot less stress on society if it was set up like a company contract (the courts see it this way anyway). What happens when the company is dissolved, determine this at the start? From a risk reward point of view most financial advisers would say the proposition is too one sided or risky.

The problem is in my opinion resulting from a basically Religious cultural background that says marriage should last forever, while the courts see the breakup of a relationship as simply a business relationship, complicated by children.

Think of your best boy mate (Australian friend) at school. Could you hang out with him in the same house for the rest of your life? Chances are the relationship would end at some point....especially if you like girls lol.

I agree that just spinning plates seems a good way to meet a girl(s) that you get along with, but inevitably this does often fall into an exclusive relationship with one girl and in the end that is when risks rise. Essentially, you have all your money in one stock. In the end it’s a big gamble and it’s your choice as far as that decision goes, but do not assume you are entirely responsible for the outcome in all cases once the gamble has been taken.

Countermart
 
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