Relationship Game – Are you ready for a Relationship?

I’ve read a lot of posts that say in order to have a successful relationship you have to find the right woman and make sure she is perfect for you. This is true. But more importantly I believe we have to first be ready before we get into a relationship. You have to have your act together. You need to be happy with yourself, with where you are in life and where you’re going. You have to be the foundation in the relationship, you have to be rock solid or it will crumble.

Ask yourself why is it you really want to get into this relationship. Is it because you have a scarcity mentality? “She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, I don’t want to lose her”. Or is it because of social pressure… perhaps most of your social circle is married or in LTRs and the pressure is on. Perhaps you’re looking for someone to complete you?

If you’re struggling with jealousy, lack of confidence, low self-esteem. If you don’t have any hobbies, anything you’re passionate about. If you haven’t figured out what it is you want from life, from a partner. You’re going to eventually find yourself in a world of hurt. Why? Because a relationship will put immense pressure on you and expose all weaknesses.

Even if you luck out and find the right girl, you know what? You’re going to blow it. Why? Because you will become jealous and insecure, you will become needy and clingy. You will abdicate your role as leader of the relationship and then even the nicest girl will come to despise you.

Woman want a man they can look up to, a man with purpose, a man they can follow. The Third Commandment of Poon says it best;

III. You shall make your mission, not your woman, your priority
Forget all those romantic cliches of the leading man proclaiming his undying love for the woman who completes him. Despite whatever protestations to the contrary, women do not want to be “The One” or the center of a man’s existence. They in fact want to subordinate themselves to a worthy man’s life purpose, to help him achieve that purpose with their feminine support, and to follow the path he lays out. You must respect a woman’s integrity and not lie to her that she is “you’re everything”. She is not you’re everything, and if she is, she will soon not be anymore.

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What is your mission…

Good god. Guess I'm not ready for it.

but honestly, I've never been in a relationship, so i don't know.

My mission is poon, not with one chick but with many. Don't know how that would fit into the above equation.

lorekeeper said:

Good god. Guess I'm not ready for it.

but honestly, I've never been in a relationship, so i don't know.

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LOL. its not that bad. You don't have to be perfect, but you have to have some basics sorted and be on the path.

Zarky said:

My mission is poon, not with one chick but with many. Don't know how that would fit into the above equation.

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If you're happy and intend to spin plates for awhile than i guess it doesnt apply to you. But if you think, you might eventually get into a relationship, some stuff to consider.

I did my 8 year bid. I'm in no way ready for a relationship. I am ready for adventure, sex and money.

game.r said:

If you're happy and intend to spin plates for awhile than i guess it doesnt apply to you. But if you think, you might eventually get into a relationship, some stuff to consider.

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I take this back.

I did my 8 year bid. I'm in no way ready for a relationship. I am ready for adventure, sex and money.

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On further thought, i believe you always have to be ready for a relationship. Because you're going to be spinning plates and eventually one of those plates is going to turn into a LTR. Whatever you've established during your spinning plates time is gonna carry over into your relationship. Basically you should be ready or getting ready but not necessarily looking... then when you find the right plate it should just flow into a relationship.

If you are broke, don't even try it. Great post.

I'm confused about the direction this thread is supposed to take. Are you looking for our long term relationship experiences or are you looking to see what our "mission" is?

DJjazzyJeff said:

I'm confused about the direction this thread is supposed to take. Are you looking for our long term relationship experiences or are you looking to see what our "mission" is?

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sarcasm?

The point is before you enter a relationship you have your act together, ergo the relationship should not come first in your life... your mission should.

game.r said:

I take this back.



On further thought, i believe you always have to be ready for a relationship. Because you're going to be spinning plates and eventually one of those plates is going to turn into a LTR. Whatever you've established during your spinning plates time is gonna carry over into your relationship. Basically you should be ready or getting ready but not necessarily looking... then when you find the right plate it should just flow into a relationship.

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firstly, just because your spinning plates doesn't mean your doomed to having one turn into an LTR. Who sold you that bill of goods? Check your receipt on that one. That only happens if you WANT it to. You seem to discount free will in this equation. I have walked away from some great girls because I wasn't at a point where I was ready to settle down. I've had girls toss ultimatums...or girls who realized it wasn't going to go the distance and bowed out of their own free will.

I usually find myself in a relationship when I have no interest in one...when I'm out as free as a bird trying to enjoy life, make money and nail some ass. Eventually I meet one chic I really click with and the game goes to the next level. I agree it does just sort of happen...but at some point you have to make a decision and I don't assume that every man is going to make that same decision. I guess most do though.

game.r said:

sarcasm?

The point is before you enter a relationship you have your act together, ergo the relationship should not come first in your life... your mission should.

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Okay, I just didn't know if you wanted people to post their relationsihp experience or what they are doing to be the best they can be.

DJjazzyJeff said:

Okay, I just didn't know if you wanted people to post their relationsihp experience or what they are doing to be the best they can be.

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either one really. Guys can share anything they like that relates to the topic. agree, disagree, perhaps with just a part of it... lets flesh it out.

Warrior74 said:

firstly, just because your spinning plates doesn't mean your doomed to having one turn into an LTR. Who sold you that bill of goods? Check your receipt on that one. That only happens if you WANT it to. You seem to discount free will in this equation. I have walked away from some great girls because I wasn't at a point where I was ready to settle down. I've had girls toss ultimatums...or girls who realized it wasn't going to go the distance and bowed out of their own free will.

I usually find myself in a relationship when I have no interest in one...when I'm out as free as a bird trying to enjoy life, make money and nail some ass. Eventually I meet one chic I really click with and the game goes to the next level. I agree it does just sort of happen...but at some point you have to make a decision and I don't assume that every man is going to make that same decision. I guess most do though.

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Doomed? lol, such an ominous word. I think we're basically saying the same thing. I didnt mean to imply that there was no choice, the choice is still ours when we get into a relationship. But eventually we do decide and we end up in a relationship.

Eventually I meet one chic I really click with and the game goes to the next level.

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It's interesting that you say a relationship is the next level, because I agree that's what it is. You can't compare casually seeing different women to finding one that you really click with. There's a depth there that a lot of people on this forum seem to want to deny (okay, that's probably more true of the general discussion board than here).

I agree it does just sort of happen...but at some point you have to make a decision and I don't assume that every man is going to make that same decision. I guess most do though.

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The reason that it just seems to sort of happen is that you have to find the right girl for it to happen with. You're only half of the equation here.

As you say, not every guy is going to make that decision, but most do. The pump and dump has its place as a stepping stone in a man's maturity, as a learning experience, or as just a way to have fun I guess. But I don't see the pump and dump as a destination in and of itself, as a final ideal to shoot for. It's more of a stop along the way.

I'm not saying every guy should aim for a relationship. Like you say, it's something that just seems to happen. But this idea that is propogated here that LTRs are for chumps, and that instead we should only be interested in finding multiple women for the sole purpose of fvcking just seems very adolescent.

zekko said:

It's interesting that you say a relationship is the next level, because I agree that's what it is. You can't compare casually seeing different women to finding one that you really click with. There's a depth there that a lot of people on this forum seem to want to deny (okay, that's probably more true of the general discussion board than here).


The reason that it just seems to sort of happen is that you have to find the right girl for it to happen with. You're only half of the equation here.

As you say, not every guy is going to make that decision, but most do. The pump and dump has its place as a stepping stone in a man's maturity, as a learning experience, or as just a way to have fun I guess. But I don't see the pump and dump as a destination in and of itself, as a final ideal to shoot for. It's more of a stop along the way.

I'm not saying every guy should aim for a relationship. Like you say, it's something that just seems to happen. But this idea that is propogated here that LTRs are for chumps, and that instead we should only be interested in finding multiple women for the sole purpose of fvcking just seems very adolescent.

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Well said!

It's not the next level, it's just a different level. Two different paths.

zekko said:

It's interesting that you say a relationship is the next level, because I agree that's what it is. You can't compare casually seeing different women to finding one that you really click with. There's a depth there that a lot of people on this forum seem to want to deny (okay, that's probably more true of the general discussion board than here).


The reason that it just seems to sort of happen is that you have to find the right girl for it to happen with. You're only half of the equation here.

As you say, not every guy is going to make that decision, but most do. The pump and dump has its place as a stepping stone in a man's maturity, as a learning experience, or as just a way to have fun I guess. But I don't see the pump and dump as a destination in and of itself, as a final ideal to shoot for. It's more of a stop along the way.

I'm not saying every guy should aim for a relationship. Like you say, it's something that just seems to happen. But this idea that is propogated here that LTRs are for chumps, and that instead we should only be interested in finding multiple women for the sole purpose of fvcking just seems very adolescent.

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I can't remember who said it..but I read somewhere no woman wants a man who willingly, who runs into the cage. She wants to capture that proud free bird and tame it. That difference between most men and AFC's. AFCs will gladly run into the cage, they are happier there and it turns women off...its no challenge. There is no Alpha male to tame. And the taming process isn't overt or quick, it's something that happens slowly...that's why relationships just 'seem" to happen. It's a slow process of her trying to secure you for herself only.

I can always see it with my friends, especially the ones who are players...but honestly..they pick her as much as she picks them. My last good friend to settle down...he had about 8 girls he was seeing, but he kept complaining about this one who made him jump through all of these hoops,wouldn't put up with his crap, drove him nuts. I told him, one by one the rest will blow out, and its just gonna be you and her and at that point, you're gonna have to make a decision. He laughed it off. 6 months later...true to form...he had to decide, stay or go. Here are his reasons he gave me to stay....

0. She's attractive and fun (goes without saying)
1. I'm 36...I ain't getting no younger.
2. She's a good girl, no drama.
3. She has her own money and is a hard worker.
4. I'm tired of all of those other crazy girls.
5. She's put up with me this long...I should settle down with her.
6. I care about her.

His only complaint was that she didn't give BJs but wanted him to go down. And she portioned out sex at her convenience. (a deal breaker for me personally)

Of course over the last year and a half his quota of poon has gone from every day random poon to none especially after the baby. Yup, they had a baby and are engaged. And of course his dreams of having a nice sportscar, buying some new gear, new music equipment, working on his album and going to vegas are out the window. He's spending all his money on baby stuff and house hunting and wedding planning. There is a trade off and he did sign up for it all.

So this is why relationships are the next level. You give up your freedom and finaces for family. Just be sure you are ready for it all. Some guys don't want to do all of that and I wouldn't call it adolescent, that's some feminine shaming language, I'd call it following their true desires. As long as you aren't doing it from a frame of fear of a relationship....I don't see the problem. Some people don't want to deal with all of that...and that's okay, I don't think we should judge a man for that. Play the field until you get tired of playing it.

Honestly I think most people enter LTRs because of fear of losing someone, sex, and social pressure.

I can't remember who said it..but I read somewhere no woman wants a man who willingly, who runs into the cage. She wants to capture that proud free bird and tame it. That difference between most men and AFC's. AFCs will gladly run into the cage, they are happier there and it turns women off...its no challenge. There is no Alpha male to tame. And the taming process isn't overt or quick, it's something that happens slowly

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Yeah, I've heard that. I honestly don't know if that's true or not. It sounds like pickup jargon, a story told to make a certain point. I'm sure there's some truth to it, but I wouldn't call it a hard and fast rule. A lot of guys are the ones who pursue a certain female as opposed to the other way around.

I know the DJ way is to let the female bring up the relationship idea, and I do think that's a good idea.

1. I'm 36...I ain't getting no younger.
2. She's a good girl, no drama.
3. She has her own money and is a hard worker.
4. I'm tired of all of those other crazy girls.
5. She's put up with me this long...I should settle down with her.
6. I care about her.

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I see 2,3,4, and 6 as good reasons. But it's his life and his choice.

So this is why relationships are the next level. You give up your freedom and finaces for family.

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You're talking about marriage and making a family. I was just talking about LTRs. I don't happen to be married (divorced) or have any children. Marriage and children would be another level up for sure. It may just be I'm not mature enough to have children, maybe I'm too selfish. Or maybe I'm not willing to engage in behavior that risky.

Some guys don't want to do all of that and I wouldn't call it adolescent, that's some feminine shaming language, I'd call it following their true desires.

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Don't set up a straw man, I did not say that guys that didn't want to get married were adolescent. I said that the behavior of chasing women for the sole purpose of fvcking them was adolescent.

I don't think we should judge a man for that. Play the field until you get tired of playing it.

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I agree with that. I just don't see playing the field as the final destination, it's part of the journey. Guys can play the field forever if they want, that's fine. But to me, it's the difference between having a lot of friends and having that one good friend that you know you can rely on. An LTR is a deeper thing.

Honestly I think most people enter LTRs because of fear of losing someone, sex, and social pressure.

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That sounds pretty cynical. I'm sure there are guys who do that. But what if you just genuinely want to enter into a LTR with someone?

I think your default mode should be to initially resist LTRs. First, by making it a challenge you will inevitably increase her investment in you (which is a good thing), and second, it takes TIME to clearly evaluate a woman. If a woman "forces" an LTR on you too soon, you can rest assured that she will soon be controlling other aspects of your life before long.

The downside of spinning plates is that it's a lot of work, and they won't "spin" indefinitely--nearly all girls will reach a point where they require the stability of a committed relationship. So, you essentially have a choice- either date her casually for about 3 months, tops, or commit to her. Most of the time, the former is the better option. Be sure you don't enter an LTR because it "felt like the right thing to do."