I hate this but, I really need analysis of these texts

Ok here's the deal. Me and this girl are friends and we see each other a lot in classes and such. She liked me before I started to feel things for her. I could always tell she was really in to me, but I slowly started to develop feelings for her. In the mean time she got a "boyfriend" but I could always tell she still liked me more. For example one time I was walking by her and her boyfriend and they were holding hands, but when she saw me she immediately released her grip. When they're together and I show up she always leaves him to talk to me. She gets jealous when I talk to other girls even when shes with her boyfriend.

Now here's the ways I messed up. He made a move way before I did and I never made a move. I refused to try to interrupt the relationship because I felt like she would eventually come to me anyway. I would ignore her when she would show up with him to parties etc because I would get pissed.

Well anyway we had a party in my apartment last night and she got pretty drunk, and started making out with him in front of everyone. I was pretty shook from this because I've never seen her do this before. I can't stop imagining them leaving the party to have sex, it tears me up.

Ok so I decided I needed to talk to her today so here's where the texts come in:

me: Hey vicky u got a few minutes i need to talk to u about somethin real fast

her: I guess....suree...

me: Ok u at ur apartment just come out i need to get my laundry

her: Im at the (campus center)

me: Nevermind ill ttyl

her: Cant text it? You can stop by here.. im chillen above the cafe..

me: uh im kind of carryin my laundry...

her: Ohhhk...well whats up you can textt

me: Ok i mean id rather speak to u in person, but whats the deal with u and that kid dan. U guys together or what?

her: .mmm kind of...why

me: Ok cause im not gonna be pursuing a girl thats already taken knowhatimean?

her: Yeahh I know..just didnt reallyy realize you were trying to pursue anything. Idk at the moment im kinda with him sorry scott..

me: Well thats the thing i dont pursue u because everytime u send signals to me i see u with him the next day or somethin like that, confusing ya know? It's ok though, plenty of other girls, i just had to know


After that she didn't respond. I hated having to text this and wanted to talk in person. But why didn't she answer me? I'm a little shook because I really started to care for this girl, and I realize that was another mistake. The truth is there are other girls but she really stands out to me.

yea dude as far as this chick goes its OVER. but who the F*CK CARES!? i can tell you're in college. There are chicks walking around all over the damn place. go meet some of them

You just made the number one mistake; telling her how you feel through words instead of through actions. When a man TELLS a woman how he feels, she is much less likely to reciprocate those feelings than she would be had you SHOWN her how you felt.

I know you didnt flat out tell her "I have feelings for you" but you said enough to kill any mystery that may have been there. Girls love the emo dance of not being sure whether or not you like them, and you killed that (you jerk!)

Better luck next time, whats done is done just try not to make the same mistake again.

Voice said:

Ok here's the deal. Me and this girl are friends and we see each other a lot in classes and such. She liked me before I started to feel things for her. I could always tell she was really in to me, but I slowly started to develop feelings for her. In the mean time she got a "boyfriend" but I could always tell she still liked me more. For example one time I was walking by her and her boyfriend and they were holding hands, but when she saw me she immediately released her grip. When they're together and I show up she always leaves him to talk to me. She gets jealous when I talk to other girls even when shes with her boyfriend.

Now here's the ways I messed up. He made a move way before I did and I never made a move. I refused to try to interrupt the relationship because I felt like she would eventually come to me anyway. I would ignore her when she would show up with him to parties etc because I would get pissed.

Well anyway we had a party in my apartment last night and she got pretty drunk, and started making out with him in front of everyone. I was pretty shook from this because I've never seen her do this before. I can't stop imagining them leaving the party to have sex, it tears me up.

Ok so I decided I needed to talk to her today so here's where the texts come in:

me: Hey vicky u got a few minutes i need to talk to u about somethin real fast

her: I guess....suree...

me: Ok u at ur apartment just come out i need to get my laundry

her: Im at the (campus center)

me: Nevermind ill ttyl

her: Cant text it? You can stop by here.. im chillen above the cafe..

me: uh im kind of carryin my laundry...

her: Ohhhk...well whats up you can textt

me: Ok i mean id rather speak to u in person, but whats the deal with u and that kid dan. U guys together or what?

her: .mmm kind of...why

me: Ok cause im not gonna be pursuing a girl thats already taken knowhatimean?

her: Yeahh I know..just didnt reallyy realize you were trying to pursue anything. Idk at the moment im kinda with him sorry scott..

me: Well thats the thing i dont pursue u because everytime u send signals to me i see u with him the next day or somethin like that, confusing ya know? It's ok though, plenty of other girls, i just had to know


After that she didn't respond. I hated having to text this and wanted to talk in person. But why didn't she answer me? I'm a little shook because I really started to care for this girl, and I realize that was another mistake. The truth is there are other girls but she really stands out to me.

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Seriously? You had this conversation that shouldn't have even taken place, in text none the less!!!!!?!?

C'mon man....Should have remained calm/cool, if you would have been going after other girls, all THIS would have never even happened or bothered you like this. Plus who knows later in the future, one week she could have broken it off with him (as this is usually the case especially in high school/college) and than just "maybe" you two could have started something. Yet you would have been so busy already with other girls it wouldn't have mattered either way!!!!

Now she has you in her scope as that "guy friend" who has a crush on her and seems desperate to be with her.

me: Ok cause im not gonna be pursuing a girl thats already taken knowhatimean?

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Why did you say that?

What did you want to accomplish?

Two quick thoughts:

1. Why didn't you just call her?
2. Don't tell a girl that you're trying to pursue her.

Also:

In the mean time she got a "boyfriend" but I could always tell she still liked me more.

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Oh really?

For example one time I was walking by her and her boyfriend and they were holding hands, but when she saw me she immediately released her grip.

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That means nothing.

When they're together and I show up she always leaves him to talk to me.

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Unless she's leaving him to hook up with you, again, that means nothing. This probably isn't what you wanted to hear, but it's what you're going to need to hear. You're young though. Move on, there's plenty of skirts to chase.

Oh god no. Do not have conversations, especially serious ones like that, over text. Or over the internet for that matter.

CarlitosWay said:

Now she has you in her scope as that "guy friend" who has a crush on her and seems desperate to be with her.

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Maybe, but she has a crush on me too. I am pursuing other girls, i already made this clear to her. I never act desperate to be with her, if anything I'm the opposite, I rarely spend time with her. Even when we are together I hardly even pay attention to her, this is probably partly why she always liked me. But that also back fired because this other dude spends every waking moment with her, he's like the ultimate AFC.

Maybe I did f this up...

Yeah you should have definitely had this convo in person..

It sounds like you knew she was with a guy.. But you went ahead and threw yourself out there saying you were pursuing her, even though you know she has a boyfriend?

Sounds needy to me... I think this is the situation where you should just go with other girls.. and if you don't see her with him a while, then you ask her this.. preferably in person.

Maxtro said:

Why did you say that?

What did you want to accomplish?

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I was implying that I would only pursue her if she wasn't taken, since "I am the prize" after all. The whole thing was basically telling her that I have other options and she can only be with me if she drops this guy. In other words, as long as she keeps this guy around I'm not going to go for her but instead go for other girls. But maybe that's not how it came out.

I mean I actually did the reverse thing to her once. I hooked up with some girl like right in front of her. I think I made it obvious I'm not desperate.

And yes I know I should have told her this in person I even texted that if you read my post.

Evzone said:

2. Don't tell a girl that you're trying to pursue her.

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Uhh, yeah in fact I actually made it clear that I wasn't going to pursue her. That was the the whole point.

Voice said:

I was implying that I would only pursue her if she wasn't taken, since "I am the prize" after all. The whole thing was basically telling her that I have other options and she can only be with me if she drops this guy. In other words, as long as she keeps this guy around I'm not going to go for her but instead go for other girls. But maybe that's not how it came out.

I mean I actually did the reverse thing to her once. I hooked up with some girl like right in front of her. I think I made it obvious I'm not desperate.

And yes I know I should have told her this in person I even texted that if you read my post.

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So you gave her an ultimatum? Were you hoping she would take the bait and drop the guy? I don't think it works that way.

Hooking up with another girl in-front of her is fine. It shows you have value and should make her jealous.

Telling her that you're not going to chase her if she doesn't dump the guy she is with, will just make her think you're weird.

Imagine the situation was reversed. You are with a girl that you're dating. Some other girl comes up to you and says, "I'm not going to like you if you don't dump her." How would you react? I'd just laugh at her and go on with my day.

Man, "plenty of the other girls" comes off as reeeall try-hard to me. Imagine a girl texting "plenty of other guys" to you.

So, is this fixable? What do you guys think?

If your best buddy told you this same story about a woman in his life, how would you advise him ?

You see Voice, we all know the answers to these riddles, we all know HOW we should be in our dealings with women who show some interest. We instinctively grasp what it is to be masculine, but instead we act reserved and we stay our distance in the hope that she is going to fall into a state of swoon by our mere presence.
That of course will happen occasionally but not as frequently as you would like. YOu need to take some risks - the risk is always the same - the potential for rejection.

I am 53 years old , and I resemble Dustin Hoffman. I am no Bratt Pitt.
IT is after 2 pm Sunday here now . At about 4 pm I am going to go to my local market and get the email and digits of a gorgeous blonde 20 year old who works in customer service. Do I feel nervous- not really because I have done it many times before. Do I feel like a creeper- a little, but who cares what I think. The results are what I am after and the results are all that matter. It follows that if I want to get her alone and naked I need to take the risk of rejection.

Voice said:

So, is this fixable? What do you guys think?

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Yeah, hit her head so hard that you'll cause her amnesia!!

NO there isn't!

The guys before me already told you your mistakes... No need to say them again!

What you could do now is pretty simple!

Act like you don't care (you shouldn't care actually) and like nothin happened!
DON'T SAY ANYTHING LIKE, I WAS DRUNK OR SMTH! PLS!! Cause I've heard this before!

You got your self "violently" out of the friend zone, and you just got rejected!
Just forget about it and move on with your life! If she brake up and SHE pursue you, show more interest out of the blue, then come back here and ask what to do!

That is one of the most awful and embarrassing text conversations i have ever seen. I cringed after reading it! You deserve to be smacked across the face which would be out of love brother. I'm telling you it would be love not hate because this is just bad!

me: Hey vicky u got a few minutes i need to talk to u about somethin real fast

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Why are you asking her if she's got a few minutes? she's not the president. Stop being so polite girls don't like that. They like men that take and do what they want. If she's freakin busy she would have let it be known in the conversation. Stop that garbage!

me: Ok cause im not gonna be pursuing a girl thats already taken knowhatimean?

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I think everyone already explained how bad this was. Think of it logically. What if she had said she is not going out with him and is free? You think she would be telling you "oh please come get me i'm free" after you made yourself look like a wimp with this? After you had made it known that you were pursuing her rather than showing her by the process of kino and escalation.

her: Yeahh I know..just didnt reallyy realize you were trying to pursue anything. Idk at the moment im kinda with him sorry scott..

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Did you ever show sexual intention?

me: Well thats the thing i dont pursue u because everytime u send signals to me i see u with him the next day or somethin like that, confusing ya know? It's ok though, plenty of other girls, i just had to know

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You are blaming her for not making it work? Who's the man here you or her? If you get signals you have to make a move that's why women give us signals. You are trying to rationalize your actions to her when women do not understand rational thinking but emotions. Her emotions after those texts are of you being a creep stalker wimp.

Don't be surprised if this girls never talks to you again. This was bad and downright creepyish.

f283000 said:

Don't be surprised if this girls never talks to you again. This was bad and downright creepyish.

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Wow, is there any possible way I can save this. Act like I don't care?

Voice said:

Wow, is there any possible way I can save this. Act like I don't care?

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Don't "act" like you don't care.... DON'T CARE! move move move on!

Why do you have such a fixation about a woman when you're in college?
Why do you have such a fixation about a woman with a boyfriend?
Why do you have such a fixation about a woman that is now going to have a HUGE anti-slut shield up when she's around you? (if she'll even be around you any more)

Recognize you fvcked up... and NEVER have a conversation like this with a woman again!

I was implying that I would only pursue her if she wasn't taken, since "I am the prize" after all.

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If you're really a "prize", why are you trying to fix something with this woman? You fvcked it up really bad, and if you were really a prize - you'd be able to say "oh well, on to the next one." But you really liked the way you perceived this woman to treat you better then her boyfriend; you lived within a fantasy because you do not have an abundance mentality. You MUST HAVE a scarcity mentality, because you seem to think there was something special about this woman........ What's so special? That she gives you attention?

If you're going to use "i am the prize" to defend your actions - ACT LIKE YOU'RE THE PRIZE!!

The whole thing was basically telling her that I have other options

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The only thing that told her that was when you said "plenty of other girls", which hardly qualify's as telling her you have other options.... because you're just saying it through text, and telling a girl "i have other options" is not the same as having other options....

And she can only be with me if she drops this guy.

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Now you're getting to the truth bro! All this other stuff you're say is fabricated justification! What you were really saying to this girl (how she most likely perceived it) is either/all of the following:

1) I like you and want you to break up with your boyfriend for me.
2) I can't talk to you anymore because i have feelings for you and want to be with you.
3) I really like you and i want you to fear me being out of your life.

none of those things would work if you said them to a woman, neither will saying "i can't pursue you when you have a boyfriend."

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There may have been a little curiosity on her part; maybe she did like to flirt a little with you, and enjoyed your company....

A smoother operator could have done a lot with that kind of attention.

But, the way you went about this is just wrong.

Can it be saved? Sure, anything can be saved. But, her anti-slut defenses around you are going to be TENFOLD! Now that she knows you like her (even if she knew it before; she now KNOWS it) -the dynamics of your guys interaction have changed. It would not surprise me if she doesn't make any effort to see you again.

The only exception would be if she had some kind of secret crush on you - if that was the case - you probably still creeped her out, but she may be willing to still talk to you. <- i doubt this is the case though because of her reaction to your text...

Telling a girl you have options is like walking into a room full of new people and saying, 'im a really cool guy, lets be friends'.