How many dates before an invite to your place?

[tihash]

This is an issue that came up tangentially in another thread...

I have usually gone out on one or maybe two dates with a girl and then for the next date either invite her to my house for dinner (a nice home-cooked meal and a bottle of wine) or invite her to my house to watch a movie on DVD. If I am really, really into the girl I opt for dinner, and if anything less than 100% IL on my part I go for the movie date. I usually schedule the first few dates on weeknights if possible rather than Friday or Saturday nights

Some other DJs have suggested you should not invite a girl to your home for as long as 6 or 7 dates.

I have always been of the mind that once a connection is established (which should occur within one or two dates or else you seem to be headed straight for LJBF-land) it is time to get them to your house and on the comfy couch so that making out or more is easy in a private setting.

What are your thoughts?

[scorpio1138]

Originally Posted by tihash

I have always been of the mind that once a connection is established (which should occur within one or two dates or else you seem to be headed straight for LJBF-land) it is time to get them to your house and on the comfy couch so that making out or more is easy in a private setting.

What are your thoughts?

Thats what works for me. I can usually tell by the first date if the chemistry is there. On 2nd date we may or may not go back to my/her place. definitely by the third or I'm on to another one. No way I'd wait for 6 or 7.

[tihash]

So do you do an outside-the-home 2nd or 3rd date and then go back to your place? I have been making the 2nd or 3rd date at my house.

I always found the "let's go back to my house" awkward, and sometimes depending on logistics the girl suggests meeting you somewhere rather than picking her up, etc.

[Colossus]

When I was actively dating, it really varied. I'd like to say I stuck to my principle and waited 3-4 dates, but there were a few first dates at a lounge or bar that ended up in body fluid exchange back at my place. Not exactly 8's and 9's, and not exactly proud moments for Colossus.

But, as a general rule, I would say 3 dates. This allows good comfort and rapport to be built and may preclude awkward couch moments.

[ThunderMaverick]

Just screw them in your car. Most of the time it works for me.

[Bluntmaster]

Second date I'll invite them over. Why the hell not?

[Espi]

Next time, tell a young lady that you'd like to just sit and talk.

No dinner.

No dates.

No nothing.

You simply want to get to know her. You don't want food or dates to get in the way of wanting to know the "real her." If she prefers "going out", get another girl...NOW...

[jophil28]

Originally Posted by Espi

Next time, tell a young lady that you'd like to just sit and talk.

No dinner.

No dates.

No nothing.

You simply want to get to know her. You don't want food or dates to get in the way of wanting to know the "real her." If she prefers "going out", get another girl...NOW...

Yes, I tried that quite a few times amd each time she disclosed some information that I found deeply disturbing...besides , I could feel malnutrition setting in by 11pm.

[Zarky]

I disagree with most posts in this thread. I have a way of doing first dates that get me laid often.

There is a wine bar within walking distance of my place. I live near the ocean. I invite them for first-date drinks in the early evening. Often we have a little appetizer too. It's a decent place. Then we go walking on the beach. After a few minutes of talking we start to make out. I point to an area about a half mile away and tell them that's where I live. About half the time we end up there and then it's on.

IMHO you should be having first dates very close to one person's or the other's residence. All early dates should be close to home and should in a sense revolve around the home. And IMHO all early dates should involve alcohol, especially the first date. That way, once she's got a couple of drinks in her, you're close to home and there you go.

This way there won't be a "now we're gonna have sex" date. It's more spontaneous, and you make the home (and the bedroom) sort of a part of every single early date. Even if you don't wind up there it's close by and a part of the date 'vibe.'

[tinctrar]

I tend to stick to second or third date because I dont want some crazy chick knowing where I live.

I do live in a secured gated community - however, my security guards at the gate know how I live (as a DJ) and they always let the hot chicks in.

Make sure she isnt pyscho crazy and qualify within first two dates.

I also like Zarky's advice about proximity to either residence. Helps a whole lot. Usually Ill suck it up and try to get closer to her place for the first two dates - this way if something happens we are close to her surroundings.

[stayfly]

usually 3rd, 4th or 5th date

depends on the chick / situation though

[Drum&Bass]

There is NO MAGIC NUMBER of dates before you ask a girl to come to your house...Tihash your NOT seeing the bigger picture.

It doesnt matter how many dates you go on...The only thing that matters is how well you connect with a girl. After you connect with a girl you have to learn how to keep the connection strong and read her signs.

It doesnt matter how hot or not a girl is..THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS IS HOW GOOD YOU MAKE HER FEEL...

BEFORE..
DURING..
AND AFTER

SEX.

Your looking at things through the eyes of an immature high schooler.

Focus on the core/nature of a person and you will be able to have your way with anyone..I thought I already told you to quit worrying about superficial tactics.

[Falcon25]

This depends on the woman and how much she is into you. You can never go too slow with a woman. Six or seven is very good if you want to keep the girl around. The more time passes from the time you met, to sex, the more emotionaly connected she becomes. She won't stray if you are patient. If you want to hit and run, one or two dates max. But if you want a girlfriend. Take your time, if she likes you, she will love the anticipation and will beg for it, especially since you won't rush. Self control is the key. If you ask a girl who is not really into you yet, "wanna come watch a movie?", in her head you just said "I want to fuvk you, and want to make an excuse for getting you in my home". For her, if she wants just sex, then you did great, but if she was not yet completely ready and interested or on the fence with you, you just ruined it, you can NEVER go too slow with women. I have proven this in my experiences. Life is not like porn movies man, you have to be patient, charming, charismatic, and have self control. Then you will have more girls then you know what to do with.

[SoldMySoul]

Originally Posted by Falcon25

This depends on the woman and how much she is into you. You can never go too slow with a woman. Six or seven is very good if you want to keep the girl around. The more time passes from the time you met, to sex, the more emotioanally connected she becomes. She won't stray if you are patient. If you want to hit and run, one or two dates max. But if you want a girlfriend. Take your time, if she likes you, she will love the anticipation and will beg for it, especially since you won't rush. Self control is the key. If you ask a girl who is not really into you yet, "wanna come watch a movie?", in her head you just said "I want to fuvk you, and want to make an excuse for getting you in my home". For her, if she wants just sex, then you did great, but if she was not interested or on the fence with you, you just ruined it, you can NEVER go too slow with women. I have proven this in my experiences.

This is spot on! Every time I have had sex very soon it just seems to ruin the long run. Which in a lot of cases was just fine. Several dates waiting is not going to kill you especially if you like her and she does you. I would probably try and wait 4 maybe 5 depending on circumstances. I guess by using several dates that should equate to maybe three weeks or so, which allows enough time to have a feeling for both of you.

By all means though I would like to think 3 is average and some dudes will bail by that time if they have not gotten it which is all up to them. Even using a date a week, that would be three weeks too.

[Scaramouche]

Dear Hash,
Generally on the third date you ask them to leave their car at your place and then go on in your limmo to wherever,then its easy when you take her home you invite her in for a Baileys or Kahluah,to listen to your music or whatever...Have it all organised,the sofa the side light and snacks,Lace her drink,decide to celebrate your second date with a demi boutee of champagne, then she will be yours.

[jonwon]

1 date.

Not including the time I aquired her number.

Why drag it out? If you can achieve it in one?

When a women sleeps with you, she becomes more invested, hence the best way to keep a woman coming back again and again is to fcuk them asap.

Crude as that sounds, its true.

[Zarky]

Yeah I really don't understand the whole "waiting" thing. You can have a cookie now or you can wait a month and a half for it. Why wait? All the women I've slept with who wanted to delay it have been crap in the sack. It's never "worth the wait" because if they're good they'll know their sex skills will make you want to come back, so they'll be more willing to use those skills sooner.

Like I said, of the couple dozen chicks I've screwed in my life, the ones who made me wait for it have been the least sexually talented. Which is probably why they wanted to wait.

[SoldMySoul]

Originally Posted by jonwon

1 date.

Not including the time I aquired her number.

Why drag it out? If you can achieve it in one?

When a women sleeps with you, she becomes more invested, hence the best way to keep a woman coming back again and again is to fcuk them asap.

Crude as that sounds, its true.

An ex coworker was asked this question by me and he responded in similar fashion as you. That dude was funny as hell too.. He was very adamant about his convictions. He answered just like this after I asked him when he expects to get laid with a new one, " First date! I mean we are all adults, right?"

I am starting to see the error in my ways as I get older. Maybe he is on to something as you are. Hit and Quit, Pump and Dump or line up a bunch of Friends w/ Benefits. I'd probably be way better off.

[Falcon25]

Originally Posted by jonwon

1 date.

Not including the time I aquired her number.

Why drag it out? If you can achieve it in one?

When a women sleeps with you, she becomes more invested, hence the best way to keep a woman coming back again and again is to fcuk them asap.

Crude as that sounds, its true.

THIS IS WRONG. A woman does NOT become vested in you with sex. SHE DOES WITH EMOTIONS AND TIME. If you have sex with a woman early, she will get rid of you easier. In fact, you have a better chance of being vested in HER than she is in to you, especially if she gives it to you good. To her, it's just sex. The way to capture a woman's heart is not to lay them quick, but to make them anticipate and FEEL something EMOTIONALY. Don't listen to this (if you want a girlfriend). Women love the anticipation. If you just want to hit and run and not make her fall in love with you, then yes, the quicker the better to get what you want and leave.

[squirrels]

Originally Posted by Drum&Bass

There is NO MAGIC NUMBER of dates before you ask a girl to come to your house...Tihash your NOT seeing the bigger picture.

It doesnt matter how many dates you go on...The only thing that matters is how well you connect with a girl. After you connect with a girl you have to learn how to keep the connection strong and read her signs.

It doesnt matter how hot or not a girl is..THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS IS HOW GOOD YOU MAKE HER FEEL...

BEFORE..
DURING..
AND AFTER

SEX.

Your looking at things through the eyes of an immature high schooler.

Focus on the core/nature of a person and you will be able to have your way with anyone..I thought I already told you to quit worrying about superficial tactics.

What he said.

When I was dating, I always used the, "meet me at my house and I'll drive to xxx". The reason being that it always meant we had to come back to my place. Didn't always result in sex/make-out, but it did often enough.