still not getting over my ex

Romjuan · Apr 15, 2010

been single now since january. i think some of you remember i was living with my ex of 2 years. I made a post back about how we said we werent going to date anyone when couple days later she saw me out with another girl.
anyway im still thinking about her and missing her. I tend to find myself thinking what she is doing and it sucks. Havnt talked to her much, just when i see her out at bars or something. that has only been twice though. been doing the standard working out, keeping myself busy hobbies, dating other girls nothing seems to be working. i cant help but wonder if shes dating anyone or even hooked up. i know i shouldnt be thinking about these things, but **** i do. any other suggestions?

next weekend we will be seeing each other because its my nieces birthday and she is friends with my sis in law. i really dont know how to handle that either. thanks for any help suggestions you guys have.

on a side note, i have been going out alot, probably too much, but what sucks is that 95% of my friends have gfs so they dont go out much. the guys i have been going out with are few. i have no problem getting girls, but they just dont do it for me. despite the way i come off on my posts, my game is very good. not to brag, but i can easily score a good looking chick from a bar or a website and get laid.

anyone else been there?

Amazing · Apr 15, 2010

well, post the tips on getting girls with such a great success and I'll tell you the secret.

just remember, exs are exs for a reason. What are those reasons?

Falcon25 · Apr 15, 2010

It will take to six to twelve months. Nothing will help but time. Hang in there.

tinctrar · Apr 15, 2010

Im sorry man. We have all been there and it hurts.

As long as your doing what you say your doing then things will get better. I guess the no contact thing isnt really going to work cause u will see her.

This approach is not the best for all men...but I always get over a woman quicker with a few rebound girls. I have to sleep with them though, otherwise it doesnt really work. May sound bad but its not all about the sex...ill spin a few plates and have a good time.

My single mom plate right now is a huge help. She doesnt ask at all about my past realtionships and we have alot of fun. When I want to mix it up I go with salsa plate. Then for the wild card I go with hot bartender vietnamese plate.

Point is - new strange always help me through. I found some old pics on my computer with my ex and it didnt even bother me. We only dated for five months tho so its a huge difference.

Kee living brother. Good times are up ahead.

Romjuan · Apr 15, 2010

Amazing said:
well, post the tips on getting girls with such a great success and I'll tell you the secret.

just remember, exs are exs for a reason. What are those reasons?

really, i think its just the personality ive always had. ive always been social and funny. My openers arent planned, i just use what my enviroment allows me to talk to the girls at bars. I only approach girls that make eye contact with me which signal to me they are interested. The lay is pretty easy too. When i get them alone to build the rapport, i come off as fun, energetic, and personable. thats about it.

the reason we broke up since you asked was (as my older threads have shown) because she believes were on different levels of our lives. shes 25 over achiever, owns her house well paid job. im 29 still in college and figuring out which direction im going. shes looking for someone that can take care of her and her family even though she doesnt need it.

Romjuan · Apr 15, 2010

Falcon25 said:
It will take to six to twelve months. Nothing will help but time. Hang in there.

thanks falcon. i guess i know that it is going to take time so i want to improve every part of myself during this time, but i find it hard to make time because of work and school. In a sick way, I almost feel like I dont want to lose the pain because I still want her back. Its like the line in swingers when rob tells mike " after a while you begin to miss the pain, for the same reason you miss her, because youve dealt with it for so long."

Romjuan · Apr 15, 2010

tinctrar said:
Im sorry man. We have all been there and it hurts.

As long as your doing what you say your doing then things will get better. I guess the no contact thing isnt really going to work cause u will see her.

This approach is not the best for all men...but I always get over a woman quicker with a few rebound girls. I have to sleep with them though, otherwise it doesnt really work. May sound bad but its not all about the sex...ill spin a few plates and have a good time.

Kee living brother. Good times are up ahead.

Ive been reading (what seems to be an insane amount) of no contact threads on the site and its seems like the logical way to go. I dont want to miss my nieces birthday but im considering going early and leaving early just to not see the ex.

tinctrar · Apr 15, 2010

That may not be a bad idea...

I know im gonna get ripped for saying it.

Appoloin · Apr 15, 2010

Im pretty good at getting over chicks fast. Ill give you my advice. I was in a similar situation like this a few years back where unfortunately my ex hung around in the same social circles so we would see each other once in awhile and it sucks man it really does. The best thing I can tell you though is to for sure implement no contact. However, no contact is just that but do it for yourself not for her. Delete her number delete her off facebook, myspace, ****ing delete her dumbass off of everything and act like she never existed. This is going to piss her off and shes going to want to talk especially if you got friend zoned. Dont its the ultimate **** test dont talk to her and believe me she will try, dont give in or youll be ****ed for the rest of your life. Dont masturbate to thoughts of her period, none of that **** no matter how amazing the sex was with her dont do it. Next, you need keep working out it will raise your testosterone levels and self esteem entirely, and just make you feel better because youll have more endorphines running around in your mind. Than this is the hard part you have to go out and rebuild your network, and dont associate yourself with anybody that she does at all period dont talk to them at all, because they will report back to her about what your doing, and you dont want that. If all else fails just believe me if your hurting shes hurting a million times more and if shes not than shes off sucking some other guys **** and you dont want her back anyway. so goodluck

grayclif · Apr 15, 2010

Romjuan said:
I dont want to miss my nieces birthday but im considering going early and leaving early just to not see the ex.

Go early, take a gift, spend 10 - 15 minutes quality time with the niece and then roll out. Then get involved with some activity for the rest of that day. Don't go home and sit there thinking bout the ex.

amoka · Apr 15, 2010

I was in your situation. What worked for me is to completely DELETE her number from your phone. Yeah, it may not seem much but trust me, it works like a charm. When I had my ex on my phone and I'm going through the phone book to make a phone, I remember her. At times, when I am particularly drunk, I get tempted to call her. But now that I don't have her number anymore, and thanks to the almighty cell phones I did not have to memorize her number though the date lasted way over 2 years. So go ahead, DELETE her number.

speed dawg · Apr 15, 2010

I have a question - Why do you feel you must go out all the time, and with people? Man when I was single I met way more girls through mutual acquaintances, church, parties and other things than I did hanging out at bars and others places you would consider "out".

Kailex · Apr 15, 2010

Hey Romjuan, I have a similar story to yours and it goes something like this:

I constantly seem to be having discussions with my ltr. we have been together for 2 years and things are always hot cold with her. Sometimes shes lovey dovey and affectionate,however, most of the time she has attitude. We live together which could be the reason why are number of times we have sex has drastically decreased. We have been living together for 6 months and the last 3 months we are always having arguements/discussions about her sex drive. It gets annoying and desperate on my part and she gets frustrated about the constant bagering from me. I use to brag about it to my friends how my gf would want to do it all the time, even during "that time of the month" she would give me head. Now I get sex 2 week with the other 5 days me complaining why she constantly turns me down. When we do have sex its boring old married couple rushed sex. I try and make it exciting by moving her around to different positions or trying it in different rooms of the house to turn up the excitment but always she declines and says lets go to the bedroom. ALmost like its a chore and she does it just to shut me up. Everytime i have a serious discusion about how I want change from her and if she doesnt Ill walk away, she says "ill try". but doesnt.

I really dont know what to do. The attitude gets very old to me too. On an average day as she comes home from work I ask how her day was.. she has nothing to say about it except , "it was OK." well what happend, any stories?. "no nothing really." she has nothing to say ever, but then she gets on her cellphone and text messages alllllll day to her sis and her best friend about god knows what. I ask why do you have so much to say to them but nothing to say to me? The attitude is always there and really not called for. It could be me just playing with her in bed non sexually as we wake up and she throws the *****y attitude. I do not want to break up but I dont know what else to do? Is there any advice on how to handle her. Why did she change her personality? Has she already "broken up with me" in her head? Even though we never know if our gf is cheating, i am very confident she is not. Her mom has been cheated on by 2 husbands so she very much is hurt by it. Could use some advice guys..thanks in advance...

Oh wait... that was you 3 months ago.
I can tell why you can't get over her. I mean, you practically had to beg her for sex and she'd even complain about that. The sex was vanilla flavored and she already has the "genetics" for terrible relationships.

I mean, who wouldn't miss someone whose best conversation in a given day was "Oh nothing"...

Yeah, I'd miss the sh!t out of that biotch too. I mean, what's not to miss other than the weak sex, the mental torture, and the relationship anguish. I can really see why it's so hard to get over her.

She was definitely a real keeper.

And being 29 and still in College and still not knowing what you want to do in life, is NOT uncommon. She might be younger, but trust me, she is definitely NOT ready to be marriage material.

And YOU need to get her out of your head by whatever means possible. It's been 3 months. In 3 months you've posted about her... THAT is not helping either.

Go No Contact COMPLETELY. Erase every memory of her from your computer, phone, and even your life "together". Even if it means missing out on certain things, then these are sacrifices you must make.

She's probably blown on 10 guys by now and has happily moved on and you're still wondering what she's up to? That's not healthy. You need to give yourself an honest chance at moving on and you STILL haven't done so.

NO CONTACT NOW. Even if it means missing out on certain things... you do so, but you CANNOT still be in situations where you see her, because if you seem this needy through a post, then she definitely is noticing as well...

Amazing · Apr 15, 2010

Kailex said:
Hey Romjuan, I have a similar story to yours and it goes something like this:

I constantly seem to be having discussions with my ltr. we have been together for 2 years and things are always hot cold with her. Sometimes shes lovey dovey and affectionate,however, most of the time she has attitude. We live together which could be the reason why are number of times we have sex has drastically decreased. We have been living together for 6 months and the last 3 months we are always having arguements/discussions about her sex drive. It gets annoying and desperate on my part and she gets frustrated about the constant bagering from me. I use to brag about it to my friends how my gf would want to do it all the time, even during "that time of the month" she would give me head. Now I get sex 2 week with the other 5 days me complaining why she constantly turns me down. When we do have sex its boring old married couple rushed sex. I try and make it exciting by moving her around to different positions or trying it in different rooms of the house to turn up the excitment but always she declines and says lets go to the bedroom. ALmost like its a chore and she does it just to shut me up. Everytime i have a serious discusion about how I want change from her and if she doesnt Ill walk away, she says "ill try". but doesnt.

I really dont know what to do. The attitude gets very old to me too. On an average day as she comes home from work I ask how her day was.. she has nothing to say about it except , "it was OK." well what happend, any stories?. "no nothing really." she has nothing to say ever, but then she gets on her cellphone and text messages alllllll day to her sis and her best friend about god knows what. I ask why do you have so much to say to them but nothing to say to me? The attitude is always there and really not called for. It could be me just playing with her in bed non sexually as we wake up and she throws the *****y attitude. I do not want to break up but I dont know what else to do? Is there any advice on how to handle her. Why did she change her personality? Has she already "broken up with me" in her head? Even though we never know if our gf is cheating, i am very confident she is not. Her mom has been cheated on by 2 husbands so she very much is hurt by it. Could use some advice guys..thanks in advance...

Oh wait... that was you 3 months ago.
I can tell why you can't get over her. I mean, you practically had to beg her for sex and she'd even complain about that. The sex was vanilla flavored and she already has the "genetics" for terrible relationships.

I mean, who wouldn't miss someone whose best conversation in a given day was "Oh nothing"...

Yeah, I'd miss the sh!t out of that biotch too. I mean, what's not to miss other than the weak sex, the mental torture, and the relationship anguish. I can really see why it's so hard to get over her.

She was definitely a real keeper.

And being 29 and still in College and still not knowing what you want to do in life, is NOT uncommon. She might be younger, but trust me, she is definitely NOT ready to be marriage material.

And YOU need to get her out of your head by whatever means possible. It's been 3 months. In 3 months you've posted about her... THAT is not helping either.

Go No Contact COMPLETELY. Erase every memory of her from your computer, phone, and even your life "together". Even if it means missing out on certain things, then these are sacrifices you must make.

She's probably blown on 10 guys by now and has happily moved on and you're still wondering what she's up to? That's not healthy. You need to give yourself an honest chance at moving on and you STILL haven't done so.

NO CONTACT NOW. Even if it means missing out on certain things... you do so, but you CANNOT still be in situations where you see her, because if you seem this needy through a post, then she definitely is noticing as well...

Truth bites, but damn that is one awesome post!

Here is my BS .02 - if she is feeling like she needs to have it all figured out at 25 and have a set life, the go ahead, let her. I promise you those people who want to go get married and have a house before 30 are the ones that divorce within 3 years.

Sounds like you were supplicating and going by her reactions.

can we have sex?
no
why not?

instead of taking action, sneaking up on her one day and having your way with her for example..

you just turned chumpy, that's all, men in relationships tend to do it a lot.
but it looks like she is headed for a ****ty marriage, TBH

Romjuan · Apr 15, 2010

Kailex said:
Hey Romjuan, I have a similar story to yours and it goes something like this:

I constantly seem to be having discussions with my ltr. we have been together for 2 years and things are always hot cold with her. Sometimes shes lovey dovey and affectionate,however, most of the time she has attitude. We live together which could be the reason why are number of times we have sex has drastically decreased. We have been living together for 6 months and the last 3 months we are always having arguements/discussions about her sex drive. It gets annoying and desperate on my part and she gets frustrated about the constant bagering from me. I use to brag about it to my friends how my gf would want to do it all the time, even during "that time of the month" she would give me head. Now I get sex 2 week with the other 5 days me complaining why she constantly turns me down. When we do have sex its boring old married couple rushed sex. I try and make it exciting by moving her around to different positions or trying it in different rooms of the house to turn up the excitment but always she declines and says lets go to the bedroom. ALmost like its a chore and she does it just to shut me up. Everytime i have a serious discusion about how I want change from her and if she doesnt Ill walk away, she says "ill try". but doesnt.

I really dont know what to do. The attitude gets very old to me too. On an average day as she comes home from work I ask how her day was.. she has nothing to say about it except , "it was OK." well what happend, any stories?. "no nothing really." she has nothing to say ever, but then she gets on her cellphone and text messages alllllll day to her sis and her best friend about god knows what. I ask why do you have so much to say to them but nothing to say to me? The attitude is always there and really not called for. It could be me just playing with her in bed non sexually as we wake up and she throws the *****y attitude. I do not want to break up but I dont know what else to do? Is there any advice on how to handle her. Why did she change her personality? Has she already "broken up with me" in her head? Even though we never know if our gf is cheating, i am very confident she is not. Her mom has been cheated on by 2 husbands so she very much is hurt by it. Could use some advice guys..thanks in advance...

Oh wait... that was you 3 months ago.
I can tell why you can't get over her. I mean, you practically had to beg her for sex and she'd even complain about that. The sex was vanilla flavored and she already has the "genetics" for terrible relationships.

I mean, who wouldn't miss someone whose best conversation in a given day was "Oh nothing"...

Yeah, I'd miss the sh!t out of that biotch too. I mean, what's not to miss other than the weak sex, the mental torture, and the relationship anguish. I can really see why it's so hard to get over her.

She was definitely a real keeper.

And being 29 and still in College and still not knowing what you want to do in life, is NOT uncommon. She might be younger, but trust me, she is definitely NOT ready to be marriage material.

And YOU need to get her out of your head by whatever means possible. It's been 3 months. In 3 months you've posted about her... THAT is not helping either.

Go No Contact COMPLETELY. Erase every memory of her from your computer, phone, and even your life "together". Even if it means missing out on certain things, then these are sacrifices you must make.

She's probably blown on 10 guys by now and has happily moved on and you're still wondering what she's up to? That's not healthy. You need to give yourself an honest chance at moving on and you STILL haven't done so.

NO CONTACT NOW. Even if it means missing out on certain things... you do so, but you CANNOT still be in situations where you see her, because if you seem this needy through a post, then she definitely is noticing as well...

Kailex, that the best reply I've read all year. Thanks... Reading that did take me back. One thing I still don't understand is how much things could have changed. The first 3/4 of our relationship was great. Marriage material , we both enjoyed each other. Did I become afc? That is my assumption.
The pain comes and goes. Right now after reading ur reply I feel good and positive about being single. I know in a couple days tho ill start remembering how great things were and why we can't be like that way again

Kailex · Apr 15, 2010

Romjuan said:
Kailex, that the best reply I've read all year. Thanks... Reading that did take me back. One thing I still don't understand is how much things could have changed. The first 3/4 of our relationship was great. Marriage material , we both enjoyed each other. Did I become afc? That is my assumption.
The pain comes and goes. Right now after reading ur reply I feel good and positive about being single. I know in a couple days tho ill start remembering how great things were and why we can't be like that way again

You're welcome.
I'm always one willing to give a swift kick in the ass.

But it's a waste of time to think of what "could have been" because it's never going to happen.

Trust me, one day you'll meet many other women (note how I didn't say THE ONE) that'll make you rue the day you even met that last biotch.

You know what you did wrong in the last relationship. All the replies and advice were there in those threads you had put up. Just work on yourself more. You'll get there eventually... but trust me, nothing good ever comes easily. It's an uphill battle, but you HAVE to fight through the pain to get that sigh of relief once you reach the top.

She's worthless.
Did you turn out to be an AFC in that relationship? Yes.
Was it her loss? Yes.

Food for thought.

Disco · Apr 15, 2010

That really was a great post.

You'll be fine as long as you want to be fine. I was with my ex for 3 years. I lost my job, got a little down and instead of some support I got a very militant style removal from our apartment. I knew it was coming though, but will still shocked by the harshness. I deleted her number, moved to another city 15 hours away without hesitation. The first 2 months were confusing and rough b/c everything was so new. Now I have a better job, I've started my own magazine, found funding for my short film, slept with 5 girls since february and am now dating a very, very attractive 28 year old with a great sense of humor who I don't have to BS with. The one thing you HAVE to quit doing is asking "what did I do?". That's the worst thing you can do. Relationships are 50/50 in all areas. Bottom line is soon, and you can either decide to do it now or be one of those guys who wastes two years doing it, you will get over it and it will just be memories. And you will be amazed at how those memories don't really mean **** anymore. You'll also be able to see the whole relationship where a good memory will make you laugh on the inside, but you'll also be able to see the bad and go "wow, i am so glad to be out of that. at least i took her a$$ginity". Have fun man, don't stay in the past...come to the present. IMO sounds like she sucks anyway.

Romjuan · Apr 18, 2010

Sorry guys, ihopefully others are learning from the advice on this thread too. But kailex and others, what do you think I should do for my nieces bday next sunday? Should I avoid the ex? Should I go be ****y funny and tallk to her? Or go there and give her no attention? I know I shouldn't be thinkin about this but I'm a planner and I want to know what my game plan is

squirrels · Apr 18, 2010

Romjuan said:
Sorry guys, ihopefully others are learning from the advice on this thread too. But kailex and others, what do you think I should do for my nieces bday next sunday? Should I avoid the ex? Should I go be ****y funny and tallk to her? Or go there and give her no attention? I know I shouldn't be thinkin about this but I'm a planner and I want to know what my game plan is

Ask yourself this...why do you NEED a "game plan" for dealing with a girl who isn't part of your life any more?

The more you dwell on stuff like this, the more you make seeing her out to be some "major event" that requires "planning", the rougher it's gonna be when you actually DO see her.

You're asking us how you can "bend the spoon", when in reality the spoon isn't even THERE, it's in your head.

You have some looping thought processes that are causing you discomfort. You can't really STOP them, they're involuntary. What you CAN do is just "let them happen". Stop acknowledging them as important and needing ministration.

Let yourself feel the pain...then keep doing what you want to do. You don't have time to stop and think about this sh!t. Grit your teeth and carry on through the "pain". If you do this, you'll find that it isn't a big deal at all...it'll become a "buzzing" in the back of your head, until it decreases gradually and eventually disappears.

Warrior74 · Apr 18, 2010

Go to your nieces party. Don't change your behavior because of her,let her change hers because of you. Put your game face on son. Be your normal happy self. Let her see that and wonder. Don't give her the satisfaction of making you change a damn thing about who you are. Don't give her the joy of seeing you upset or making you leave early. BE BRAVE my son. Have you ever had to sit in the room with real enemies, people who wanted to hurt you? Destroy your business? Kick your ass? Do you show those people your fear and weakness? Why would you show any to a simple ass woman who means nothing to you? Do what you will! Damn what she thinks! The best revenge is living well, in her face!

Why did she change? Who gives a sh1t, she did and now it's over. But if you must have an answer....here it is...

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=130806

still not getting over my ex

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