StrawHat
New Member
Been married for 5 years this June.
We had been together for 3 years before that.
Of those 8 years - the first 4 were AMAZING. My wife can be a little fiery, but i've always been pretty good at handling that. Perhaps too good.
After the first 4 years, we switched pretty much from having great sex, intense moments, and lots of laughter... To pretty much having a mundane co-dependant relationship.
Our typical weekday would have us both getting off work, coming home, eating dinner and talking about our day, then going up and watching tv/playing on the internet for the remainder of the night together.... Having sex about once a week in a very textbook way (her saying "want to have sex tonight?")
I'm in normalville and i hate it! I think she does too...
So, i've done archive searches here and fast seduction. Read legendary posts, picked up some books, and have digested it as best as i can....
One of the first things i've started doing is picking up some hobbies and reconnecting with friends who i stopped hanging out with after marriage.
- I took up a kettlebell class, that i go to 3 times a week.
- I took up jogging, which i do 3 times a week (combined with kettlebell training: only on sundays do i not work out)
- At work - A co-worker was telling me about how a bunch of them (all women) had signed up to be part of this breast cancer awareness team that meets once a week. They go out to campuses/malls/conventions and pass out stuff to women. I instantly said i was interested! We meet once a week for meetings (only 30 minutes), BUT go out and do things on the town to increase awareness 2-3 times a month.
- I've started hanging out with 2 out of 3 of my best friends from high school again. Sometimes we go out, sometimes they come over and hang out with me.
- I used to draw comics and i have began to do that again.
I'd say all these things have cut into my "cuddle" and "quality" time with my wife by only about 30%... That means if we used to spend 30 hours a week doing "common married people stuff" (aka: nothing lol) - we now spend about 20 hours a week doing that stuff.
Positive Impact? Noticeable increase in sex (we're doing it about 10 times a month now and it's increasing!). She also seems in general more flirtatious towards me. I personally enjoy our relationship more now.
However, There's a negative impact...
Her fiery ways (which had pretty much disappeared into the boredom) are back! Perhaps this is due to her increase in sex drive since i've read they're connected. I don't know...
We had a HUGE argument last night because she wanted me home at 6 and i had kettlebell until 6:30 and she said, "take this one night off for me" and i said, "I'll see you around 6:45"...
When i got home (at 6:45) she layed all this stuff on me about how my social life has become more important than my wife...
HER: Do you have fun doing all this new stuff without me?
ME: Yes, i have tons of fun killing my body in the gym.
HER: You must, because you spend every free hour in there!!!
at this point, im remembering not to get sucked into her frame:
ME: Yeah, exactly. So, did you make the veal cutlets?
That actually worked! We went into a conversation about that. We had a normal dinner, talked about some stuff....
Then it came up again a few hours later.
HER: Maybe i should start doing all these new things with guys from work.
ME: I only do 1 thing with people from work. But, I agree with you. Maybe you should.
HER: You're being an @ss. Why don't you invite me to workout with you or to hang out with you and your friends? You don't like hanging out with me anymore?
ME: (im getting sucked in here) Of course i like hanging out with you! I still hang out with you more than anyone else! My friends and I like to hangout alone.
HER: What are you fvcking them? (she's talking about my male friends and being a b!tch at this point!)
It continued into the night like this...
Ultimately, i want to avoid flatly telling her that hanging out as much as we were is unhealthy and a quick way to a bored life... That im doing these things to be more attracted to her and to be more attracted. Etc....
Do you think that's wise?
Should i flatly tell her that I'm doing these things to improve myself and our marriage?
She seemed ok with it at first, but now she's obviously not! I have a feeling she's going to bring it up again today. She doesn't seem to mind the jogging thing, but any element that includes me being social with other people besides her seems to bug her!
Perhaps jealousy is the issue here... Perhaps i need to figure out a way to get her involved in her own hobbies???
Anyway: We fvcked last night! lol... Got her fired up, and then ended the conversation to take a shower and she came and joined me 5 minutes later!
- She's undoubtedly becoming more sexually attracted to me because of this. Is the cost of that going to be increased arguing?
We had been together for 3 years before that.
Of those 8 years - the first 4 were AMAZING. My wife can be a little fiery, but i've always been pretty good at handling that. Perhaps too good.
After the first 4 years, we switched pretty much from having great sex, intense moments, and lots of laughter... To pretty much having a mundane co-dependant relationship.
Our typical weekday would have us both getting off work, coming home, eating dinner and talking about our day, then going up and watching tv/playing on the internet for the remainder of the night together.... Having sex about once a week in a very textbook way (her saying "want to have sex tonight?")
I'm in normalville and i hate it! I think she does too...
So, i've done archive searches here and fast seduction. Read legendary posts, picked up some books, and have digested it as best as i can....
One of the first things i've started doing is picking up some hobbies and reconnecting with friends who i stopped hanging out with after marriage.
- I took up a kettlebell class, that i go to 3 times a week.
- I took up jogging, which i do 3 times a week (combined with kettlebell training: only on sundays do i not work out)
- At work - A co-worker was telling me about how a bunch of them (all women) had signed up to be part of this breast cancer awareness team that meets once a week. They go out to campuses/malls/conventions and pass out stuff to women. I instantly said i was interested! We meet once a week for meetings (only 30 minutes), BUT go out and do things on the town to increase awareness 2-3 times a month.
- I've started hanging out with 2 out of 3 of my best friends from high school again. Sometimes we go out, sometimes they come over and hang out with me.
- I used to draw comics and i have began to do that again.
I'd say all these things have cut into my "cuddle" and "quality" time with my wife by only about 30%... That means if we used to spend 30 hours a week doing "common married people stuff" (aka: nothing lol) - we now spend about 20 hours a week doing that stuff.
Positive Impact? Noticeable increase in sex (we're doing it about 10 times a month now and it's increasing!). She also seems in general more flirtatious towards me. I personally enjoy our relationship more now.
However, There's a negative impact...
Her fiery ways (which had pretty much disappeared into the boredom) are back! Perhaps this is due to her increase in sex drive since i've read they're connected. I don't know...
We had a HUGE argument last night because she wanted me home at 6 and i had kettlebell until 6:30 and she said, "take this one night off for me" and i said, "I'll see you around 6:45"...
When i got home (at 6:45) she layed all this stuff on me about how my social life has become more important than my wife...
HER: Do you have fun doing all this new stuff without me?
ME: Yes, i have tons of fun killing my body in the gym.
HER: You must, because you spend every free hour in there!!!
at this point, im remembering not to get sucked into her frame:
ME: Yeah, exactly. So, did you make the veal cutlets?
That actually worked! We went into a conversation about that. We had a normal dinner, talked about some stuff....
Then it came up again a few hours later.
HER: Maybe i should start doing all these new things with guys from work.
ME: I only do 1 thing with people from work. But, I agree with you. Maybe you should.
HER: You're being an @ss. Why don't you invite me to workout with you or to hang out with you and your friends? You don't like hanging out with me anymore?
ME: (im getting sucked in here) Of course i like hanging out with you! I still hang out with you more than anyone else! My friends and I like to hangout alone.
HER: What are you fvcking them? (she's talking about my male friends and being a b!tch at this point!)
It continued into the night like this...
Ultimately, i want to avoid flatly telling her that hanging out as much as we were is unhealthy and a quick way to a bored life... That im doing these things to be more attracted to her and to be more attracted. Etc....
Do you think that's wise?
Should i flatly tell her that I'm doing these things to improve myself and our marriage?
She seemed ok with it at first, but now she's obviously not! I have a feeling she's going to bring it up again today. She doesn't seem to mind the jogging thing, but any element that includes me being social with other people besides her seems to bug her!
Perhaps jealousy is the issue here... Perhaps i need to figure out a way to get her involved in her own hobbies???
Anyway: We fvcked last night! lol... Got her fired up, and then ended the conversation to take a shower and she came and joined me 5 minutes later!
- She's undoubtedly becoming more sexually attracted to me because of this. Is the cost of that going to be increased arguing?