Haha. I need serious help with this one guys.

underoath777 · Jan 10, 2010

Hey guys, I'm new to the forum here. Everyone looks like they know what's up so I joined!

Here's my situation. A couple months ago I met a girl at a party, and we instantly had a connection. A couple weeks later I flew back home to the east coast for the holidays, and after a couple comments on facebook, we began texting. This all escalated fast...I mean we both were definately interested. This soon escalated to phone calls. This is the first time I've been up late on the phone with a girl in like 3 years. She's got a lot of a depth and just really holds my attention, she's definately unique.

In a few days, she mentioned she had a bf, and I told her that I knew and that it wouldnt stop me, and she was relieved! So here's the thing, she would call me nearly everyday, we'd text a lot throughout the day, and we'd call each other baby, etc etc. The conversation even turned sexual sometimes. We both want each other, and we both admit it.

Now, her boyfriend basically would do anything for her, and treats her like she's a goddess, which is obviously why she digs me...I've told her at any point I'm liable to end this if I don't like it. i.e. if she ever cheated on me, we're done. I learned long ago the needy **** doesnt work.

So we've been talking for around 6 weeks now, but within the last week, things have died down A LOT. A few days ago I called her and straight up asked what changed with her, and I got a weird, yet strangely honest sounding answer. Apparently she was ignoring me, as well as some of her other best friends on purpose. She said every now and then she ignores the people closest to her to give herself change. She's also starting a new semester at school and is trying to relax before that. Since she told me, I told her I understood, and then ended the phone call.

I texted her when we hung up, and didnt hear back from her until maybe twelve hours later. Now, this has been happening basically all week, until yesterday I didnt text her at all. Every day for over a month we'd say good morning to each other, with the exception of yesterday when I didn't text her. She texted me last night however, and we talked for a bit, and everything seemed normal.

And of course I texted her this morning and have failed to get a reply back.

One thing to mention, her best friend commented on her FB about how she needs to make time for her, citing how they havent talked in days. So at least this **** she's going through seems to be legit, and not just about me.

My thing is, I really like this girl, we really get along well (with exception of this bull****) but this is killing me. I've done my best to repress all my needy emotions and not say anything amateur or needy in hopes of making her feel bad, but I'm at the point now where I need some light at the end of the tunnel.

So I'm really looking for suggestions on how to play this game. (Btw, if I ever find a girl who doesn't play games, I won't either, but that day hasn't come yet, so I attribute it to being a part of life lol) The thing is she told me if someone ignores her, she HATES it and will do everything she can to show them that. Thing is, she's been ignoring, however, she will MAKE SURE she at least makes contact with me daily, so there hasnt been one day without conversation, it's jsut been abstemious to the nth degree.

So do I ignore her until she texts me again, then text back for a bit till she quits (or I fall asleep first lol)

Or just ignore her EVEN when she texts me first. I.e. go a day without talking to her at all, and completely cut her off for a day or two.

The best way I can explain this is I have one-itis. I've gone out with and fvcked other girls since we started talking, but it's all been pointless compared to her. I KNOW I don't need her, I just want her very very badly.

Oh btw, I'm coming back to the west coast in a couple weeks, and she's cognizant of this...so I'm thinking she may be a little nervous because she's going to have to make a decision obviously. Ehh, lol

So any help is appreciated guys. Seriously!

Thanks!

romangod · Jan 10, 2010

underoath777 said:
Now, her boyfriend basically would do anything for her, and treats her like she's a goddess, which is obviously why she digs me...I've told her at any point I'm liable to end this if I don't like it. i.e. if she ever cheated on me, we're done. I learned long ago the needy **** doesnt work.

Ah.......... Ah.................. Ah.............

Do you think she might be cheating on you with her boyfriend?

Cheers!

tafakna · Jan 10, 2010

The way hormones and neurotransmitters work is that by the time the word 'unique' comes out you're screwed (your brain is in romantic love mode and it will stay that way for a while).

Other posters will soon post how you're behavior (texting all the time, counting the hours between replies, fishing for a feedback) is completely counter-productive to your goal. You need to get a hold of yourself. Let her do the chasing for a while.

I will got a step further and state that you're on the verge of losing her for good, specifically when I read this:

so I'm thinking she may be a little nervous because she's going to have to make a decision obviously

Pushing for a decision is (psychologically) the worst thing you can do at the moment. Nobody wants to make life changing decisions with the clock ticking. Healthy relationships are all about things evolving naturally, and not forcing your position. She needs to be with you by choice, not by force, not by ultimatum.

You don't have a strong enough relationship to make it a easy choice for her. You want to associate yourself with her having a good time, not with bringing her additional problems.

underoath777 · Jan 10, 2010

Lol, well we aren't technically together yet. We both know that we have to spend legit time together first...we're on different sides of the country. And I told her I do expect a lot, but I just expect the same person I've been talking to, no bull**** pie in the sky expectations.

underoath777 · Jan 10, 2010

tafakna said:
The way hormones and neurotransmitters work is that by the time the word 'unique' comes out you're screwed (your brain is in romantic love mode and it will stay that way for a while).

Other posters will soon post how you're behavior (texting all the time, counting the hours between replies, fishing for a feedback) is completely counter-productive to your goal. You need to get a hold of yourself. Let her do the chasing for a while.

I will got a step further and state that you're on the verge of losing her for good, specifically when I read this:

Pushing for a decision is (psychologically) the worst thing you can do at the moment. Nobody wants to make life changing decisions with the clock ticking. Healthy relationships are all about things evolving naturally, and not forcing your position. She needs to be with you by choice, not by force, not by ultimatum.

You don't have a strong enough relationship to make it a easy choice for her. You want to associate yourself with her having a good time, not with bringing her additional problems.

Exactly. I made that mistake early in December, but we communicate really well and she told me to take things day by day. Since then, I haven't brought up anything about the future. I havent referred to what will happen when I get there, etc. But, I do believe she knows she's going to have to make a decision eventually, and thats not because I keep bringing it up, because i haven't mentioned it for close to a month now.

horaholic · Jan 10, 2010

Your best course of action would be to next her. She is doing you no good, and teasing you. You will eventually get her out of your mind. You're not gonna do that by texting her everyday. It might make her come running, too.

You need to cut your losses. If its been six weeks of nothing, Im guessing you are just an excitement and attention fix for her. I dont think she has any intention of getting with you. I've been in your exact situation before. Its all a big tease. If she likes you so much, why is she still with her borefriend, and not giving you any? Think about that.

I would tell her that your sick and tired of being teased, and you need to move on with your life. Tell her no hard feelings, but dont contact you anymore. Maybe she'll drop her panties when you do that, or maybe you will move on, but you will be better either way. Dont buy her BS of "Oh next week I'll come over," cuz it never comes. you can say "get over here RIGHT FVCKING now, cuz Im not wasting another minute waiting for you. If not, fine, I'll call another girl, and you can lose my number."

in the words of Jeffy from RSD, if you want to bang her; no matter she says, you answer with either "irrelevant" "cut the shyt," and "time to fvck."

Any excuse she gives: "but Im gotta..." you: "Irrelevant."

"Im not sure I should " you: "Cut the shyt. Its time to fvck."

Try it and report back. If she doesnt immediately bang you, get rid of her for good.

There's no relationship, and there never will be one, unless you want her doing the same thing behind YOUR back, anyway.

underoath777 · Jan 10, 2010

horaholic said:
Your best course of action would be to next her. She is doing you no good, and teasing you. You will eventually get her out of your mind. You're not gonna do that by texting her everyday. It might make her come running, too.

You need to cut your losses. If its been six weeks of nothing, Im guessing you are just an excitement and attention fix for her. I dont think she has any intention of getting with you. I've been in your exact situation before. Its all a big tease. If she likes you so much, why is she still with her borefriend, and not giving you any? Think about that.

I would tell her that your sick and tired of being teased, and you need to move on with your life. Tell her no hard feelings, but dont contact you anymore. Maybe she'll drop her panties when you do that, or maybe you will move on, but you will be better either way. Dont buy her BS of "Oh next week I'll come over," cuz it never comes. you can say "get over here RIGHT FVCKING now, cuz Im not wasting another minute waiting for you. If not, fine, I'll call another girl, and you can lose my number."

in the words of Jeffy from RSD, if you want to bang her; no matter she says, you answer with either "irrelevant" "cut the shyt," and "time to fvck."

Any excuse she gives: "but Im gotta..." you: "Irrelevant."

"Im not sure I should " you: "Cut the shyt. Its time to fvck."

Try it and report back. If she doesnt immediately bang you, get rid of her for good.

Oh, well it's a little different...I haven't seen her since that initial party. So I mean it's been like six weeks of just phone and **** because we're 3000 miles apart. lol

One thing I wanna mention..throughout all the time she's been ignoring me, yes I know it was 12 hours, however I don't let her know that. I still go out, and I don't text her, and I'm sure she sees my facebook statuses showing I'm out having a blast with my friends. If I was back there there's no way I'd let this drag on this long haha

But that advice is legit, thanks man

Captain · Jan 10, 2010

underoath777 said:
This is the first time I've been up late on the phone with a girl in like 3 years.

Mistake. Too much attention. Give her the gift of missing you.

she's definately unique.

She isn't, you're infatuated. One-itis.

So here's the thing, she would call me nearly everyday, we'd text a lot throughout the day, and we'd call each other baby, etc etc.

Again, stop this. Too much attention. Meet up with her.

I've told her at any point I'm liable to end this if I don't like it. i.e. if she ever cheated on me, we're done. I learned long ago the needy **** doesnt work.

OK... but you need to make sure you are willing to follow though. Personally, I wouldn't have verbalised it. Drops subtle hints that you have options, e.g. date other women.

So we've been talking for around 6 weeks now, but within the last week, things have died down A LOT.

As expected. You gave her way too much attention at first.

A few days ago I called her and straight up asked what changed with her, and I got a weird, yet strangely honest sounding answer. ........

And of course I texted her this morning and have failed to get a reply back.

You screwed up.

Why?
1. You gave her too much attention.
2. You spent too long on the phone, texting, and online chatting.
3. You did not meet her and get physical.

So I'm really looking for suggestions on how to play this game.

You play it by NOT playing it. Don't waste your own time.

So do I ignore her until she texts me again, then text back for a bit till she quits (or I fall asleep first lol)

Quit with the texting.

The best way I can explain this is I have one-itis. I've gone out with and fvcked other girls since we started talking, but it's all been pointless compared to her.

At least you see this. Keep fvcking girls until you get over this one. If she sends you a text, give her a call, set up a date, and fvck her

Pimp-sicle · Jan 10, 2010

A-T-T-E-N-T-I-O-N W-H-----O---R---E!!!

Your wasting your time and she's already showing you that she isn't a loyal partner for a relationship. Stop putting this chick up in the sky as such a godo catch. She's just another slvt who needs to be fuvked and dropped.

PIMP

underoath777 · Jan 10, 2010

Captain said:
Again, stop this. Too much attention. Meet up with her......

If she sends you a text, give her a call, set up a date, and fvck her

All solid advice, but we're 3000 miles apart, which is why we havent seen each other yet. Thats why this is so weird for me. I've basically been stuck here anticipating moving back, so all my energy has gone into her. I know she's not the best, but fvck I hate failing, and the whole idea of stealing her from her bf is like the ultimate conquest.

I used to be a needy dude, just like her boyfriend, and alpha guys would steal my girls, ever since I was like in 5th grade. I was looking forward to reversing that role ya know? Even though this whole girl thing is way easier now, this particular situation makes me feel like I have no control.

Bottom line, I'm not going to cry if this doesn't work, although, I don't want to give up. So she WILL text me, probably tonight. What should I do to ride this out until I get back and have the chance to see her again? If it doesnt work, then fine, I'll move on, but I can't just give up.

CarlitosWay · Jan 11, 2010

underoath777 said:
All solid advice, but we're 3000 miles apart, which is why we havent seen each other yet. Thats why this is so weird for me. I've basically been stuck here anticipating moving back, so all my energy has gone into her. I know she's not the best, but fvck I hate failing, and the whole idea of stealing her from her bf is like the ultimate conquest.

I used to be a needy dude, just like her boyfriend, and alpha guys would steal my girls, ever since I was like in 5th grade. I was looking forward to reversing that role ya know? Even though this whole girl thing is way easier now, this particular situation makes me feel like I have no control.

Bottom line, I'm not going to cry if this doesn't work, although, I don't want to give up. So she WILL text me, probably tonight. What should I do to ride this out until I get back and have the chance to see her again? If it doesnt work, then fine, I'll move on, but I can't just give up.

Ride out like any sane mofo would do...Live your life have awesome FUN....let her know it to. Even rub it in her face a bit to the Attention Wanting Woman: Oh hey underoath you sexy man you how you doing baby? *code for * " my bf isn't banging me tonight so I'm bored and free right now to talk to you for a bit just a bit though"

be like "Oh doing great but really can't talk right now g2g, meeting up a girl to learn some salsa lessons, maybe i'll hit you up some other time"

then boom don't respond to her....!

You left her thinking A)Hmmm sounds like he has a fun life and B)He has other options...

tafakna · Jan 11, 2010

underoath777 said:
Exactly. I made that mistake early in December, but we communicate really well and she told me to take things day by day. Since then, I haven't brought up anything about the future. I havent referred to what will happen when I get there, etc. But, I do believe she knows she's going to have to make a decision eventually, and thats not because I keep bringing it up, because i haven't mentioned it for close to a month now.

Sure, it's classical.

'Take things day by day' or 'let things happen' it's her way of saying 'I don't want the responsibility of making major decisions like now'.

What you have to do is show your advantages. Always be positive, keep regular contact but don't overdo it (call her once a week, drop excess texting). Be consistent without pressuring too much.

You need to make her feel like you're not forcing a decision. You don't want her to feel trapped here... You DO want a decision and a solution, but it needs to be one that she feels like SHE decided and not one that she was forced to decide.

And never ever bring up the future... act like you're living day by day, even if it clearly it's not the case...

underoath777 · Jan 11, 2010

You guys have given me some great advice, and I've been browsing some other threads here. I decided I'm going to give her a freezeout as well as no contact. I haven't been the man I should be with her. I.e. she's given me subpar behavior and I went with it. So now I'm going to "punish" that behavior.

She sent me a text this morning, to which I'm not responding to. I've read a thread by "igetit!" and he suggests a no contact period of 5 days, unless she calls within that timeline. Sounds good to me, because honestly, the situation pisses me off and I realize I have to man up and stop acting like the old AFC.

I'll keep you guys posted, but how does that sound? Any other advice?

For example...
Should I completely stay off of FB, or maybe comment a hot girl or two? I know she checks my page.

tafakna · Jan 11, 2010

She is not giving you subpar behavior, she's giving you the expected behavior of someone who's confused, who already has a partner and feeling pressured.

This is not about freezeouts, this is about remaining calm and consistent for the rest of your life. Talking once or twice a week is healthy. Texting every few hours is not (at this stage). You would do well to go NC for 5 days, but it will be pointless if you keep engaging in the same behavior once she calls you.

Stay off FB, any comments will sound phony at this point. People on boards wrongly assume that girls are brainless and won't see through such cheap tactics.

And finally for heaven's sake meet this girl in person whenever you can, a internet/phone relationship is not really a relationship (even if you had no choice up until now). It's VERY common for girls to flake when things start becoming real.

underoath777 · Jan 11, 2010

tafakna said:
She is not giving you subpar behavior, she's giving you the expected behavior of someone who's confused, who already has a partner and feeling pressured.

This is not about freezeouts, this is about remaining calm and consistent for the rest of your life. Talking once or twice a week is healthy. Texting every few hours is not (at this stage). You would do well to go NC for 5 days, but it will be pointless if you keep engaging in the same behavior once she calls you.

Stay off FB, any comments will sound phony at this point. People on boards wrongly assume that girls are brainless and won't see through such cheap tactics.

And finally for heaven's sake meet this girl in person whenever you can, a internet/phone relationship is not really a relationship (even if you had no choice up until now). It's VERY common for girls to flake when things start becoming real.

Yeah, I really did rush into this, I guess because she didn't really argue with it. That's all how I got to texting her and talking to her all day. She started calling me all the time, and I was there to pick up the phone.

I definately understand that by me doing a freezeout, that I can't go back to the way it was, because that statement you gave sheds a lot of light on this. "It's not a relationship"

Sucks to hear that, but you're 100% correct. Assuming she calls, my plan was to just be polite but not to act overly interested. I think I'm done with calling her "baby" etc.

I've been giving her the benefits of a bf without actually being in a relationship with her.

Thing is, I'll be back in around a week or two, so it's not much longer until i get to see her.

But as far as how I should act after this freezeout, I've established a couple of "man rules" I'd appreciate your guys' criticism

1) Don't stay on the phone for long. (how long do you think is too long?)
2) No more talk like "baby, sweetie, etc."
3) No reference to the future at all
4) No reference to how I feel
5) Always be positive

Now, I'm really just looking for a balance of being the man I need to be, and not letting her lose complete interest with her.

I feel like she expects me to act the way I've treated her, and I'm very confused as to how she's gonna act when I change my demeanor.

Lol, I feel like I'm starting from scratch now.

underoath777 · Jan 11, 2010

aaronlava said:
Your forgetting these 6 words "once a cheat always a cheat."

She'll cheat on your bro, you'll get hurt.

I don't think it's as black and white as that. Like I said, I used to be the needy guy, the superAFC. Girls would drop me and then be with guys, alpha guys, for years.

I have countless examples from high school and college of this behavior. They leave or cheat on one guy for someone who appeals to what they want as a woman, who has a high survival and replication value.

Mine was very high when we first started talking, however, now I need to reestablish it.

lorekeeper · Jan 19, 2010

Hey underoath, followed this thread from the 5 day no-contact thread.

I agree with most of the people here, You've set yourself up in a situation that will, in all our views, end up with you getting hurt.

I won't post a long reply, because most people have put it a lot more eloquently then i can, but basically, she's getting pretty much all the attention she needs from 2 different guys.

I seriously doubt she will leave her BF for you.

do the 5 day no-contact thing, but please try to listen to peoples advice in this thread. Go out, see other girls.

2crudedudes · Jan 19, 2010

What is the deal with all this texting? Maybe I'm old fashioned, but WTF man? You have her number, CALL her and be done with it. I find texting very impersonal, which isn't what I want when I'm trying to pick up on a girl.

I only text family and friends.

jonwon · Jan 19, 2010

underoath777 said:
Hey guys, I'm new to the forum here. Everyone looks like they know what's up so I joined!

Here's my situation. A couple months ago I met a girl at a party, and we instantly had a connection. A couple weeks later I flew back home to the east coast for the holidays, and after a couple comments on facebook, we began texting. This all escalated fast...I mean we both were definately interested. This soon escalated to phone calls. This is the first time I've been up late on the phone with a girl in like 3 years. She's got a lot of a depth and just really holds my attention, she's definately unique.

In a few days, she mentioned she had a bf, and I told her that I knew and that it wouldnt stop me, and she was relieved! So here's the thing, she would call me nearly everyday, we'd text a lot throughout the day, and we'd call each other baby, etc etc. The conversation even turned sexual sometimes. We both want each other, and we both admit it.

Now, her boyfriend basically would do anything for her, and treats her like she's a goddess, which is obviously why she digs me...I've told her at any point I'm liable to end this if I don't like it. i.e. if she ever cheated on me, we're done. I learned long ago the needy **** doesnt work.

So we've been talking for around 6 weeks now, but within the last week, things have died down A LOT. A few days ago I called her and straight up asked what changed with her, and I got a weird, yet strangely honest sounding answer. Apparently she was ignoring me, as well as some of her other best friends on purpose. She said every now and then she ignores the people closest to her to give herself change. She's also starting a new semester at school and is trying to relax before that. Since she told me, I told her I understood, and then ended the phone call.

I texted her when we hung up, and didnt hear back from her until maybe twelve hours later. Now, this has been happening basically all week, until yesterday I didnt text her at all. Every day for over a month we'd say good morning to each other, with the exception of yesterday when I didn't text her. She texted me last night however, and we talked for a bit, and everything seemed normal.

And of course I texted her this morning and have failed to get a reply back.

One thing to mention, her best friend commented on her FB about how she needs to make time for her, citing how they havent talked in days. So at least this **** she's going through seems to be legit, and not just about me.

My thing is, I really like this girl, we really get along well (with exception of this bull****) but this is killing me. I've done my best to repress all my needy emotions and not say anything amateur or needy in hopes of making her feel bad, but I'm at the point now where I need some light at the end of the tunnel.

So I'm really looking for suggestions on how to play this game. (Btw, if I ever find a girl who doesn't play games, I won't either, but that day hasn't come yet, so I attribute it to being a part of life lol) The thing is she told me if someone ignores her, she HATES it and will do everything she can to show them that. Thing is, she's been ignoring, however, she will MAKE SURE she at least makes contact with me daily, so there hasnt been one day without conversation, it's jsut been abstemious to the nth degree.

So do I ignore her until she texts me again, then text back for a bit till she quits (or I fall asleep first lol)

Or just ignore her EVEN when she texts me first. I.e. go a day without talking to her at all, and completely cut her off for a day or two.

The best way I can explain this is I have one-itis. I've gone out with and fvcked other girls since we started talking, but it's all been pointless compared to her. I KNOW I don't need her, I just want her very very badly.

Oh btw, I'm coming back to the west coast in a couple weeks, and she's cognizant of this...so I'm thinking she may be a little nervous because she's going to have to make a decision obviously. Ehh, lol

So any help is appreciated guys. Seriously!

Thanks!

Have you slept with this women?

Just want to add, the part about her not cheating?! Not sure how that works when she is getting routed by her BF whilst chatting to you.

I really hope you have at least gone past first base with this chick. This chick isn't unique for starters she is cheating or willing to cheat on her current BF, what makes you any better then him?!

Never ever date a girl who branch swings from one coc* to another. Just dont do it. The chances of her swinging to some other coc* when she is dating you is extreamly high. The scenario the BF is in, will with almost 95% certainty be you in a years time of dating her if that.

Haha. I need serious help with this one guys.

underoath777

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