thewickedm
Don Juan
- Joined
- Oct 10, 2009
- Messages
- 68
- Reaction score
- 4
Nobody starts a relationship with someone without intending to be serious. Some are less serious than others – one night stands are definitely not as serious as a fling, which in turn is not as serious as a LTR, but there is definitely some seriousness in it as people enter a relationship with expectations of what they want to get out of it.
Many AFCs out there read about oneitis, and various ways of eliminating it, e.g sarge more girls, spin plates, don’t talk to her too often etc, and feel that they have overcome the problem because they no longer feel “that way” about this girl that they had developed oneitis for. This is true to a certain extent, because as you indulge in the “solutions” as found on some forums, you will find yourself free from the neediness for this girl that you are plagued with, until you find the next one to develop oneitis for, and the whole cycle repeats itself again endlessly.
This happens because our mindset is fundamentally flawed. While we gather together and shout “Don’t give her all your attention!” and “Always have a backup girl!” in our online locker rooms, we very often fail to realize that we develop oneitis because we place the focus of the relationship on the girl. This makes the relationship too serious, or in ******** terms – too suffocating. When we get into a relationship, our genes make us want to provide for the lady, to keep her safe, to be everything for her. But if you become everything for somebody else, you will lose everything that you are. A relationship is supposed to enhance your life, not define it.
On top of that, everybody needs their own space and time for personal growth. Many people fail to understand that and when the initial sparks of passion die down, they freak out and wonder what went wrong, for the lack of constant passion and attention that they had become used to is gone and they feel like they have become less Don Juan-ish. This triggers a downward spiral as the man tries everything he can to revive this spark that he rely on as a gauge of his manhood, causing the relationship to become too serious and in some cases, the man degenerates into a controlling and irrational creature, pushing the girl far away from him without realizing it or understanding what went wrong. Relax. Be patient. A relationship where both parties are overly passionate and neglect their own needs and wants feels great in the beginning, but is definitely doomed for a burnout when either or both party realize that they have lost themselves in the process. The very fact that a relationship can endure a transition from burning passion to normalcy is a good sign that it will last, contrary to the popular belief that the passion is gone.
Therefore, in order not to experience this vacuum internally when things return to normalcy, it is very important that we, as men, live our lives for ourselves, focusing the relationship on us. I like this post i read on Sosuave, where the author mentioned that in a relationship, there are 3 parties – YOU, her, and the relationship. True, the relationship needs effort from both parties to be maintained, but in order to truly make it a long lasting relationship, both men and women must continue to work on themselves, to go after the things they want in life and lead an enriching life. With that being said, take a look around you and breathe in deeply. Remember that YOU are the focus of your life, and women are just a part of your life. Balance and moderation is the key to lasting relationships.
Many AFCs out there read about oneitis, and various ways of eliminating it, e.g sarge more girls, spin plates, don’t talk to her too often etc, and feel that they have overcome the problem because they no longer feel “that way” about this girl that they had developed oneitis for. This is true to a certain extent, because as you indulge in the “solutions” as found on some forums, you will find yourself free from the neediness for this girl that you are plagued with, until you find the next one to develop oneitis for, and the whole cycle repeats itself again endlessly.
This happens because our mindset is fundamentally flawed. While we gather together and shout “Don’t give her all your attention!” and “Always have a backup girl!” in our online locker rooms, we very often fail to realize that we develop oneitis because we place the focus of the relationship on the girl. This makes the relationship too serious, or in ******** terms – too suffocating. When we get into a relationship, our genes make us want to provide for the lady, to keep her safe, to be everything for her. But if you become everything for somebody else, you will lose everything that you are. A relationship is supposed to enhance your life, not define it.
On top of that, everybody needs their own space and time for personal growth. Many people fail to understand that and when the initial sparks of passion die down, they freak out and wonder what went wrong, for the lack of constant passion and attention that they had become used to is gone and they feel like they have become less Don Juan-ish. This triggers a downward spiral as the man tries everything he can to revive this spark that he rely on as a gauge of his manhood, causing the relationship to become too serious and in some cases, the man degenerates into a controlling and irrational creature, pushing the girl far away from him without realizing it or understanding what went wrong. Relax. Be patient. A relationship where both parties are overly passionate and neglect their own needs and wants feels great in the beginning, but is definitely doomed for a burnout when either or both party realize that they have lost themselves in the process. The very fact that a relationship can endure a transition from burning passion to normalcy is a good sign that it will last, contrary to the popular belief that the passion is gone.
Therefore, in order not to experience this vacuum internally when things return to normalcy, it is very important that we, as men, live our lives for ourselves, focusing the relationship on us. I like this post i read on Sosuave, where the author mentioned that in a relationship, there are 3 parties – YOU, her, and the relationship. True, the relationship needs effort from both parties to be maintained, but in order to truly make it a long lasting relationship, both men and women must continue to work on themselves, to go after the things they want in life and lead an enriching life. With that being said, take a look around you and breathe in deeply. Remember that YOU are the focus of your life, and women are just a part of your life. Balance and moderation is the key to lasting relationships.
