I just realized that I fear intimacy.

So my school's homecoming was this past weekend, and i went with a group of friends. Three of my friends had dates, and the other three along with myself didn't. At homecoming there was a lot of grinding and touching and kissing, and stuff that I really wasn't expecting. I also wasn't expecting any girl to ask me to dance, however, i ended up being asked 3 times. The afc in me ended up saying "no" all three times. I even got texted the next morning asking me why i wouldn't dance with them, and I honestly couldn't think of a reason other than the fact that it just felt uncomfortable to me. All three of the girls were in my opinion attractive, and it's not like i'm not sexually attracted to them, because i am.

You know those moments where you know you messed up? Where you just rerun the day in your mind trying to figure out where you could have fix'd thing? Well i had one of those days today, and I just kept searching, and searching, and then I just remembered that I've never actually had an official gf. Most people who meet me automatically think i'm some sort of man-***** too because i'm really outgoing and pretty popular, but I've actually never had a gf if you don't count early middle school and elementary school, which i don't. I know i could have had one before, but I've never actually liked the girl that liked me, and I'm not going to do something just to do it either. I've come to the conclusion that I've never had a girlfriend because i can't establish intimacy. I actually automatically friendzone certain girls who have interest in me, and i always come up with some excuse not to go after them. I'm not gay, and I'm really interested in girls, and sexually attracted and that whole deal, but I just can't develop intimacy with someone. I'm afraid of it, and i don't know why

Your not comfortable with yourself. Somehow you haven't come to grips with the fact that your not some freak, you don't have "loser" tattooed on your forehead and there are women out there who find you attractive..

Clearly you have some self esteem issues that need some addressing before you proceed on your journey.

I think that's partially true, but a lot of the time I just don't want to be THAT guy. A lot of my friends are considered players and man-*****s and stuff, but I refuse to be that way. Sometimes i do ask myself, 'Why would she like me?' but that's rare. I just don't like dealing with adult things like intimacy, relationships, trust. I'm really just afraid of growing up, so I try to stay a kid as long as i can, but that time has almost ran out

I've rejected girls a lot, but that was because I didn't know how to deal with intimacy. I didn't understand it. That was when I was like 14-16

Jokerlsk said:

I think that's partially true, but a lot of the time I just don't want to be THAT guy. A lot of my friends are considered players and man-*****s and stuff, but I refuse to be that way. Sometimes i do ask myself, 'Why would she like me?' but that's rare. I just don't like dealing with adult things like intimacy, relationships, trust. I'm really just afraid of growing up, so I try to stay a kid as long as i can, but that time has almost ran out

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Dude.. You don't make any sense..
Who cares why she likes you? She does.. So its most likely a by product of being you. However, I do sympathize with you in the aspect that you are one of those people who over thinks things way to much, a terrible habit that limits you, and I also am trying to break.

I do overthink things, but i sometimes feel like some things aren't just for me. I honestly can say that i don't want a relationship, and for some reason i never have. Sure, yeah, sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have legitimate feelings for another person, but I'm always left thinking about everything in a perfect world. I just think that if i ever did get into a relationship it would be a let down.

As I'm typing this, a girl is texting me, practically begging me to take her out over our upcoming break, and I just don't want to. You are right though cola, I do overthink things, and while it may limit me in some aspects, it's something I would never want to 'break.' It's a quality that I think defines me, and makes me who I am. I don't see the point in trying to change who you are if it isn't detrimental to who you want to be, and I can honestly say that I am who i want to be.

Jokerlsk said:

I do overthink things, but i sometimes feel like some things aren't just for me. I honestly can say that i don't want a relationship, and for some reason i never have. Sure, yeah, sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have legitimate feelings for another person, but I'm always left thinking about everything in a perfect world. I just think that if i ever did get into a relationship it would be a let down.

As I'm typing this, a girl is texting me, practically begging me to take her out over our upcoming break, and I just don't want to. You are right though cola, I do overthink things, and while it may limit me in some aspects, it's something I would never want to 'break.' It's a quality that I think defines me, and makes me who I am. I don't see the point in trying to change who you are if it isn't detrimental to who you want to be, and I can honestly say that I am who i want to be.

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If your anything like I, over thinking is far from a quality. In fact, I could sit, and think of how fvcked up the world and life is, and quite easily think myself into a stupor, or depression. Self acceptance is key, if for whatever reason you don't want to do something, than don't do it and let it be. Reasons why are of no matter, you just don't and you know you don't so stop thinking its something wrong with you and live a happy life, because lord knows this sh!t hole we inhabit is getting worst and you need to enjoy life while you can..

Jokerlsk said:

I do overthink things, but i sometimes feel like some things aren't just for me. I honestly can say that i don't want a relationship, and for some reason i never have.

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Now I'm confused.

I'm going to have to agree with Cola. What you're writing here doesn't make any sense.



You say you don't want a relationship. That's fine,nothing wrong with that,but which is it? You don't want a relationship,or are you afraid of the intimacy of being in one?

Jokerisk said:

Sure, yeah, sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have legitimate feelings for another person...I just think that if i ever did get into a relationship it would be a let down.

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You say if you were to get into a relationship,you think it would be a letdown.

Well,that's fear alright.

Jokerisk said:

As I'm typing this, a girl is texting me, practically begging me to take her out over our upcoming break, and I just don't want to.

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Why???

Jokerisk said:

You are right though cola, I do overthink things, and while it may limit me in some aspects, it's something I would never want to 'break.' It's a quality that I think defines me, and makes me who I am. I don't see the point in trying to change who you are if it isn't detrimental to who you want to be, and I can honestly say that I am who i want to be.

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Now here's the part that throws me off.



You say

I don't see the point in trying to change who you are if it isn't detrimental to who you want to be,and I can honestly say that I am who i want to be.

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Well if there's no point in trying to change,and you can honestly say you are who you want to be,uhh...what was the point of this thread?




What,were you like,"Hey what's up guys. I'm making this thread to let everyone know that I'm afraid of intimacy. I don't want to change,don't see the point in it since it's not detrimental to anything. Plus,I already am who I want to be. Later guys!"?




You say that you are who you want to be. If that's true,then cool man.



What I don't understand is that you say you are who you want to be,but then you make threads like....



I realize that I'm pretty much an A$$hole


why am I a bad person?

Being called a jerk

I'm too much of a jerk



Now here's an interesting one...


Am I the person I want to be?



To me,what you're going through is just normal adolescence,just a part of transitioning from childhood to being an adult.



And this "fear of intimacy" is really just fear of the unknown.



You've never had a relationship before. You don't know what it's like.



Since you don't know what it's like,how can you fear it?


You can't. You're fearing what you don't know.


Well rest assured. I can make the unknown known to you.


If you get in a relationship,YOU WILL GET HURT.


And that's a PROMISE.



I didn't say you'd get cheated on,I said you'd get hurt.



If you get involved with women,YOU WILL GET REJECTED.


Sorry man,but sooner or later you'll have to grow up and realize that relationships can bring as much pain as they can pleasure.



You don't want to get hurt? No problem man,I can tell you eaxctly what to do.


Stay single...for life.


There,you'll never have to worry about rejection,getting cheated on,or being hurt by women. You'll have a different pain to deal with.



The pain of loneliness.



So one way or another,you'll feel some pain at some time in your life.


With or without women.


Sucks,huh?


But that's life man.