Something MORE than Confidence...

Confidence.

You hear that word, and you instantly realise what it means. It's the central idea behind what this whole Don Juan thing is all about. It is the first thing you should learn, and is recited on this site as the single most important weapon at your disposal... and it is recited more than the catchiest of catch-phrases.

Sure, it makes sense. If you aren't confident in your own abilities and lack the self-esteem needed to pursue your goals then you're going to be completely screwed (but not literally!) when it comes to the "art" of dating and mating. You hear on this site that you should have the confidence in yourself, and then you will find that all the other pieces will fall in place - right?

Nope.

That probably comes as a shock to you, as you read this. "Confidence ISN'T the answer??? This guy is f*cking mad!!!" I hear you say - but it is the truth. Now don't get me wrong here, Confidence is something EVERY potential Don Juan NEEDS to have if he is to be successful, but the truth is that confidence is simply a stepping stone towards the ultimate quality a DJ can have - something that is nothing less than the single most useful tool at your disposal.

What I am talkin about is the thing that makes many so-called "Jerks" likable by attractive women, and leaves the poor Nice-Guys lost and alone. Haven't you ever met a guy who acted like a Jerk to women, but was simply impossible to hate? He was a smooth talker, he wasn't rude and crude, he attracted flocks of people to him at every word he said, and he could manipulate others to the point where they wanted to do him favours.

Have you guessed what I'm talking about yet?

C H A R I S M A

Yeah, this simple 8-letter word is the answer. This is a quality that requires a huge level of confidence in yourself to properly use and control, and that is the reason why Don Juans need confidence. Confidence alone WILL NOT instantly make you the ultimate seducer. You can be the world's most confident man, but believing in yourself won't get you very far these days with women.

You have to SHOW THEM that you are confident. You have to prove that you are the ultimate catch, the "great guy" you think you are. You do this using CHARISMA.

Charisma is defined as "The power to attract and influence people," and that is EXACTLY what you need to do here. Have you ever heard someone give an absolutely brilliant speech, or talked to someone who had you gripped on every word they said to you? You probably left them thinking how great they were and really influenced by what they had said. That was charisma at work. A charismatic individual will always have power over other individuals, and (importantly to us) the ability to attract whoever he chooses.

So, there's a chance that you are probably wondering by now "How the heck do I become Charismatic? How can I make myself the centre of attention, in a good way?"

Well, let's go over what charisma involves:

--> You show initiative, and will jump at every opportunity that is useful for you.

--> You can make others laugh. It can be anything from a snappy wit to making others choke on their own laughter, but either way - humour is a must-have.

--> You don't get easily offended and can take a joke, but will not stand for abuse from others.

--> You don't stand back when a conversation is happening - you ARE the conversation. Now, this can contradict the 70/30 ratio (DJ rule) you should use in any conversation - so remember that if you are going to talk, it should always be pumped with charisma. How much you talk is really up to you, just be sure to let others speak.

--> Open-ended questions are a MUST. But then, we already know that - right?

--> You do NOT hesitate when you see an opportunity to be witty (or whatever). You've all heard that saying around here "Hesitation is like masturbation. In the end you're just screwing yourself." - Thanks to whoever came up with that one BTW!!!

Now, to the important thing: HOW to become charismatic.

This comes mostly with confidence. Once you have a strong belief in yourself, you will find that charisma will flow along pretty smoothly. All you will need to do to help the charisma comin' along is to gain a good understanding of humour (read jokes, watch comedies, observe other charismatic people at work) and be able to hold a decent conversation with anyone. Show some initiative in your dealings with others - don't wait for them to start talking when you could easily strike up a conversation that could get you laid by the end of the evening.

Confidence makes strong people. But combine that with charisma, and it makes strong Leaders.

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When I see what I want, I'm gonna take it.
If I don't see a chance, I'll have to make it.
My need to succeed gives me the will to survive.
I'm gonna remain strong, and always feel alive!

Great insight NineBreaker. You are so right on that. A charasmatic man respects himself and others until they give him reason not to.

It is a huge part of being successful. Popular w/ people is a plus to the ladies. Charisma also is part of charm, if not the same. It allows you to be viewed in a positve manner by others. And it can sure help your cause w/ your ladies family and friends. Good post!

Charisma is what it's all about. If you don't have charisma, you're just a average joe.

That makes Charisma the next level after Confidence, no?

Excellent points, Nine Breaker!

This post is amazing!!! When l get time l will read him!

God, that was terrible

First of all. Great post!
very good topic to cover

recently I have been thinkin about confidence and how important it is all the time. Not just in pickin up women, but every real life situation.

Most people try to overcome their problems withought first recognizing who they are as a person. In my opinion this is the most important step in changin the way you think. Make sence though.... How do you change yourself if you don't know yourself...

When you recognize who you are, and become comfortable with that, then and only then will you be able to gain confidence.

Ok I'm sure you've heard a million times, build confidence/gain confidence, and you will get the women. Thas exactly right~!
But that is the answer, and not the solution. How do you get to the answer if you don't know the solution??

I am so glad nine posted this topic, because he gave me the word for what I knew I had but couldn't grasp. Charisma is not only a key nessecity in gettin women, but also the food that feeds your confidence.
It is also the power that constructs your path.

I feel I have quality's of charisma that are important in helping me sustain my confindence (ultimatly helping me in life)

As I read over your post nine I realized that when you tell what charisma involves:
These are mainly properties of a charismatic person.

At the end you tell how to become charismatic. I am ever soo curious. How do you (become)understand something you don't know how to apply? In other words my thoughts as to how too achieve this amazing quality are kindof unclear.

I was very excited in the begining of the post when I read: Charisma is defined as "The power to attract and influence people," This sounds like an astounding quality I'm sure everyone would die to learn.

I guess you really have to know what understanding is in order to sucessfully implant it. Here is what think:

Why were on understanding I might as well talk about a thought. What is a thought?
Its a collaboration of pictures and images taht completes and understanding.

Then again how do you uderstand something. Is it words or pictures we are trying to understand. Words are given meaning through pictures and pictures are given meaning through words, and thoughts are derived throught understanding or partial understanding.This can be hard to comtenplate.

Thought leads to confusion; confusion leads to understanding; understanding leads to words, pictures/images.

So your probably all confused now that I babled on. My conclusion of all this is that images of how to do things(such as achieve charisma) help us understand how to apply them.

Which is a problem in most posts Everyones understanding of information is reasonably different from another. The only way we can truly undertand this information is to give eachother images of how we see it.

Then and only then will we be able see through the text. Until then all are understandings can only be an assumption of what we think is being said.

So my question for you nine is if there is a way you can explain your understanding, so that we can know how to apply it.

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"Why complicate understanding when understanding is complicated enough"-
Wiz




[This message has been edited by Wizdom (edited 03-05-2002).]

Nice post. But I think Confidence and Charisma are brethren.

Personality (charisma) is but an expression of sexuality. The charismatic male is exhibitting female characteristics while the charismatic female is exhibiting male characteristics. The female charisma has a type of force and severity. The male charisma has an entrenching beauty. The charismatic person has both female and male characteristics within, usally duelling inside, creating a heat and light that all can see.

Charisma shouldn't be viewed as acts or effects. It is a narcissistic self-love, a blaze of light. Imagine a victorious athlete whose *glow* compels everyone to look at him. He becomes 'taller' and 'sturdier', a perfect bloom. This is the visible charisma.

Clothing, too, is expression. The really hot chicks are statueseque because their personality, to them, is thoroughly expressed in their 'hotness' and their clothing.

How do you become charismatic? I am unsure of how it develops in females. In males, the "Beautiful Personality", the charismatic male, is often the most beautiful.

Go ahead! Ask the women, "Hey you! Point to the guy with the most beautiful personality!"

Look! They are pointing towards some hunk. Now you will think, like I thought, women do not tell the difference between beautiful body and beautiful personality. But they do!

This Beautiful Personality, this visible charisma, I see it in Adonis. He enjoys and is quite addicted to having women's reactions to him (ex: jaw dropping, staring, etc.) Without a doubt, Adonis knew how to beautify himself. Usually this develops in males by recieving female attention at first and then, they desire more beautify themselves in whatever way.

Imagine one who is continually given gifts and attention; he begins to think of himself as a god. He is spoiled; this is the secret to his charisma.

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Pook
Anti-Dump, Big Don, ATNA, Adonis, Allen Thompson, and others- thanks a million.

Pook-

So you're saying that charisma is basically a byproduct of narcissism/coquettishness?
I'm not seeing where you're coming from on the assumption of feminine qualities bit - could you give another example?

Are you saying that Charisma is real, (what you really are), and not simply the ability to sweet talk a girl to get what you want? What is the difference between sweet talking and charisma?

Bear

On my way to the forum, I saw the link to the tip (http://www.sosuave.com/articles/posture.htm) on the main page. It shows the same points.

Let me quote:

*Ahem* Pook clears his voice.

But keep in mind that posture is not just a hardened visage of manliness. To the contrary, your ability to remain vulnerable and flexible is essential to success. The man that is rigid and unbending will break (as the Taoist saying about the reed in the wind.) Balance your firmness with a measure of emotional warmth.

Click to expand...

This 'warmth' is that feminine aspect.

Notice how we are advised to be ****y and funny? Usually it is from a form of self-love. We all know that loving yourself is a prerequisite to attract love. Charisma is merely one of the effects. I can't think of any time when someone is charismatic who despises himself.

KCFlyer

No difference. It is all a matter of self-love. Think of the car salesman. Sure he talks to get you to buy the car. But successful salesmen believe (somewhat) that they love the car (or at least act like it). They are enthusiastic about the car!

The sweet talkers do have a genuine self-love. It reflects onto the women. Why do you think jerks get girls? Yes, they do have a self-love for themselves which is disgusting since they are talentless. But the women do not see the talents; they reflect the self-love.

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Pook
Anti-Dump, Big Don, ATNA, Adonis, Allen Thompson, and others- thanks a million.

Bump.

Check out the chapter on the charismatic in the Art of Seduction by Robert Green (the 48 Laws of Power guy). It gives vulnerability as one of the key factors of the charismatic. The others are purpose (having a plan), mystery, eloquence, fervor (where you'd get that inner light), magnetism (poise and self-control with intense eyes),adventurousness, and uninhibitedness.

And yeah, the warmth as you described it (self-love, thus the ability to radiate the warmth in your demeanor) is essential. Nobody would follow someone who hasn't mastered himself. Just making sure no one gets the idea that anyone should deliberately cultivate a weakness.

I've been thinking a lot about charisma recently. I know this is where I really fall short.

I read some of the posts her, and Pook talks about male charisma being somewhat warm and feminine. Isn't this almost AFC-ish? Where is the balance between being a man and stadning up for what you believe in, and being warm and friendly? (I think the answer lies in being warm and friendly to everyone vs. being overly friendly to only one person.)

Where I fall short is that on a date I am concerned with a woman's opinions and warm and friendly, but in a group I'm a man's man, and tend to say things that offend women. (and this is a turn-off) Should sarcasm be avoided if you want to show charisma? I love sarcasm, but sometimes people can't tell when I'm joking and when I'm serious. What do you all think?

Bump

bump

Pook said:

Nice post. But I think Confidence and Charisma are brethren.

Personality (charisma) is but an expression of sexuality. The charismatic male is exhibitting female characteristics while the charismatic female is exhibiting male characteristics. The female charisma has a type of force and severity. The male charisma has an entrenching beauty. The charismatic person has both female and male characteristics within, usally duelling inside, creating a heat and light that all can see.

Charisma shouldn't be viewed as acts or effects. It is a narcissistic self-love, a blaze of light. Imagine a victorious athlete whose *glow* compels everyone to look at him. He becomes 'taller' and 'sturdier', a perfect bloom. This is the visible charisma.

Clothing, too, is expression. The really hot chicks are statueseque because their personality, to them, is thoroughly expressed in their 'hotness' and their clothing.

How do you become charismatic? I am unsure of how it develops in females. In males, the "Beautiful Personality", the charismatic male, is often the most beautiful.

Go ahead! Ask the women, "Hey you! Point to the guy with the most beautiful personality!"

Look! They are pointing towards some hunk. Now you will think, like I thought, women do not tell the difference between beautiful body and beautiful personality. But they do!

This Beautiful Personality, this visible charisma, I see it in Adonis. He enjoys and is quite addicted to having women's reactions to him (ex: jaw dropping, staring, etc.) Without a doubt, Adonis knew how to beautify himself. Usually this develops in males by recieving female attention at first and then, they desire more beautify themselves in whatever way.

Imagine one who is continually given gifts and attention; he begins to think of himself as a god. He is spoiled; this is the secret to his charisma.

------------------
Pook
Anti-Dump, Big Don, ATNA, Adonis, Allen Thompson, and others- thanks a million.

Click to expand...

This all sounds good, but is not necessarily true. Adonis doesnt always get the poontang. Thats why you see ugly ass dudes with Hott women. Women, by nature are insecure creatures. Lets say you have a 28 year old hottie and she has a 23 year old male, "Playa"type hitting on her, and flirting. Now this guy is younger, and a body beautiful. And he knows it, and she isnt the only hottie in his gunsights, and SHE knows it.

Does she want to get with him? Maybe, maybe her sexual desire for him will drive her mad. But when she does give up her ass to him, and he finishes with her, she is left with the hollow feeling that now, he is moving on to other, younger, and hotter women, and she has given it up for nothing.

So then, she has to deal with it, when SHE is the one calling him, and getting voicemail, while he is making a woman moan at 3am.

This same woman, at some point, will want a male ALL to herself. One she doesnt have to compete for, and one who can fullfill her basic needs.