Snowdog's tips on improving your social skills with women
As some of you might know, I have a journal here for a couple of years now. Although I'm not quite where I want to be, I have made a huge leap forward in the right direction. I'm far more outgoing, positive, charming etc Then before and I approach every girl I want to without feeling awkward.
Many of these things became possible for me after I discovered some important things. Like I said, I'm doing this journal for over two years now. Yet, around 95% of the changes I mentioned before happened the last 3 months. The time before that, hardly anything changed in me.
I want to share these keys with you guys, that opened doors for me. The doors of change. These are the most important things that helped me so far. I listed them in order of importance.
1. Fight your demons first
You didn't saw that one coming didn't you? This is the single most important thing there is, and I haven’t seen it mentioned here, or in any book on the subject ever.
I had a bit of a troubled childhood, which caused me to be extremely insecure in everything. I found this site, I read literately over a dozen of books on the subject, but it just didn't really help. There was something in me that kept holding me back.
I went to a psychologist, and talked about my problem. I discovered I hadn't coped with a lot of stuff I'd been through. Every time I went there and talked about my childhood trouble it was like ten pounds were lifted from my shoulders afterwards. I had no idea what kept my mind so busy and I even remembered a lot of stuff I had deliberately forgotten.
The more I accepted about all of it, the more 'space' in my head was freed up. It's like cleaning up your hard drive. You throw away files, so you have space for new things.
Three months or so ago, we reached a point where I completely accepted my past and was able to leave it behind without regrets or remorse. Only since that moment, I've been able to improve myself on the girl subject. I tried before, but there simply wasn't space in my head.
This is the single biggest thing that allowed me to really get more successful with the girls.
Find out why you’re troubled and deal with that first. You signed up on this site for a reason. Now, I’m not saying everyone here needs to go find a shrink, although I’m pretty sure there are a lot of guys here that could benefit from it as well. There is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact it takes major balls to admit to yourself you have a problem.
Just look a little deeper then you’re used to. Insecurity comes from somewhere; there is always a reason for it. No one is born insecure.
2. Be authentic
In short: be yourself. I'm sure some guys won't agree with what I say here, but this is I believe the best way. The guys that are naturally good with women don't pretend they're someone else either.
If you're yourself and not being successful with women, you're doing something wrong. So, what do you do? You pretend like you're someone else?
NO, YOU DUMBASS
You got to improve yourself.
Girls have a radar. In fact everyone has one. It will detect if someone is fake, or real. Believe me, I've tried many lines and routines these PUA's use and have success with, and not one single one of them worked for me. Why? It was because I'm not Mystery or Tyler Durden. It may work for them, but not for me. And that's also a mistake a lot of guys seem to make. They read about how these tricks and routines worked like magic for these PUA guys.
You got to "find yourself". Get to know yourself. Rely on your strengths and improve your weaknesses. Learn to appreciate yourself. You need to be comfortable in your own skin before can you even think of getting success with girls.
I use myself as an example again. Before I found myself confidence those three months ago, I was trying and trying. I did read and approach a LOT, and never got ANYWHERE. I repelled them and they all rejected me in the hardest, coldest ways you can't even imagine. No matter what I tried, it was like I had a hat made of dogsh*t on my head.
Then I found myself. I didn't really read anymore new stuff. The only thing I really did was updating my journal every now and then. From that moment on, it just started to go automatically. Which brings me to the next point:
3. Let it go
Also a tip I see a lot here and it's also a big one. I used to obsess about this whole girl thing. The more I wanted it, the further it went out of reach. It’s easier said than done, and I still make this mistake every now and then.
When I used to go out I made it my mission to go home with a girl or at least get a number. If I failed, it ruined my night. Now, I just go out to have fun, and see what happens. Mind you, if I see a hottie that I want to approach, I just do it. When it doesn’t work out, I just go back to my friends and I’m not affected by it at all. In fact, it actually makes me feel good, because I approached that girl in the first place.
Girls are still an important thing in my life, but they’re not the most important thing. I focus on my school and hobbies, and in the mean time I have contact with a lot of girls automatically.
If you obsess about girls, you won’t succeed, it’s that simple.
Also, don’t expect anything from the conversations you have. Just walk up to her, start a little chat, and just see where it ends. If you go in there with “I gotta get her number” in your head, the last thing you will get is her number. Instead, try something like this “That looks like a nice girl. Let’s have a chat and see if she’s fun”. If she is, you can always go for the number.
The absolute worst thing that can happen when you approach a girl is that she rejects you. Who gives a sh*t, really. Isn’t that much less bad then not approaching her at all? That feeling is ten times worse. So do it, man! Every rejection is a learning moment, and the more rejections you’ll get, the better you’ll get at it (getting rejected and approaching). Analyze your mistakes and work on them. It’s fun if you allow it to be. Laugh at all the ways you get rejected and don’t take it too seriously. Don’t get depressed about it because you just approached a girl, and that alone is cool.
4. Get out there
It has been said many times in many threads before, but the only way is to get out there and talk with lots of women. Make a chat while waiting for the bus, when you're doing your groceries, at the gym etc...
You won't get any results if you don't do this. It'll make you more relaxed around women, and you'll eventually learn how to respond in certain situations. It's a new thing you got to learn, and you learn by doing. Talk to hot ones, mediocre ones, fat ones, old ones, young ones, it doesn’t matter. You will learn that women communicate in a whole different way than you do with your buddies.
Stop making up f*cking excuses for yourself and get away from your porn sites if you visit those a lot. It doesn’t get you anywhere. Rubbing one off behind your computer is the easy way to satisfy your needs. If you do it every now and then it doesn’t matter, but don’t let it replace your drive towards real girls.
Don’t let yourself down if you get rejected. Just look at it positive. Hey, at least you tried. It would really had sucked if you didn’t do anything in the first place. Give yourself a pat on the shoulder for every little thing you achieved. Even if it’s holding eye contact or smiling at a girl. If that’s new and hard for you, you got to give yourself props for it.
Don’t be afraid to approach them, every girl loves attention. Even if she looks like she doesn’t want to, just do it. Most of the time they’ll warm up to you instantly.
It’s hard at first, but it’ll get easier and a lot of fun eventually!
5. Read, but not too much
There is plenty of useful information on getting girls around here. But that's also the a part of a mistake a lot of guys make. They read, read, read, read and learn all this stuff and never get out there.
You don't have to read the entire DJ bible or the entire book of Pook. I say learn the basics, but don't get into it too much. And with basics I mean stuff like "don't put her on a pedestal", and "don't be afraid to accept your manhood". The obvious things.
It's easy to get caught up in all this wonderful (although some stuff on here is bullsh*t in my opinion) information on here. Learn the basics, and then just get out there!.
6. Smile and have fun
Title says it all. A positive attitude will get you really far. Girls find a guy who is happy attractive.
Reason one, it’s because it shows confidence. You’re confident enough to put yourself in a vulnerable position by smiling. You put yourself in a place where you openly show you’re happy, and when you do that, people can shoot you down easily on that.
Reason two, it just looks better on you. You all find a beautiful smile on a girl also attractive don’t you? So just smile, especially if you have eye contact with them. You’ll be surprised how much they like it.
Reason three, Life’s too short to be serious all the time. Really, why would you not smile unless you have a reason? Let those gothic and alto chumps be mad at the world for you.
The Beach Boys, they got the right idea.
As some of you might know, I have a journal here for a couple of years now. Although I'm not quite where I want to be, I have made a huge leap forward in the right direction. I'm far more outgoing, positive, charming etc Then before and I approach every girl I want to without feeling awkward.
Many of these things became possible for me after I discovered some important things. Like I said, I'm doing this journal for over two years now. Yet, around 95% of the changes I mentioned before happened the last 3 months. The time before that, hardly anything changed in me.
I want to share these keys with you guys, that opened doors for me. The doors of change. These are the most important things that helped me so far. I listed them in order of importance.
1. Fight your demons first
You didn't saw that one coming didn't you? This is the single most important thing there is, and I haven’t seen it mentioned here, or in any book on the subject ever.
I had a bit of a troubled childhood, which caused me to be extremely insecure in everything. I found this site, I read literately over a dozen of books on the subject, but it just didn't really help. There was something in me that kept holding me back.
I went to a psychologist, and talked about my problem. I discovered I hadn't coped with a lot of stuff I'd been through. Every time I went there and talked about my childhood trouble it was like ten pounds were lifted from my shoulders afterwards. I had no idea what kept my mind so busy and I even remembered a lot of stuff I had deliberately forgotten.
The more I accepted about all of it, the more 'space' in my head was freed up. It's like cleaning up your hard drive. You throw away files, so you have space for new things.
Three months or so ago, we reached a point where I completely accepted my past and was able to leave it behind without regrets or remorse. Only since that moment, I've been able to improve myself on the girl subject. I tried before, but there simply wasn't space in my head.
This is the single biggest thing that allowed me to really get more successful with the girls.
Find out why you’re troubled and deal with that first. You signed up on this site for a reason. Now, I’m not saying everyone here needs to go find a shrink, although I’m pretty sure there are a lot of guys here that could benefit from it as well. There is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact it takes major balls to admit to yourself you have a problem.
Just look a little deeper then you’re used to. Insecurity comes from somewhere; there is always a reason for it. No one is born insecure.
2. Be authentic
- Memorizing lines won't get you anywhere.
- Acting like you're Mystery won't get you anywhere
- Saying the same things your favourite PUA says won't get you anywhere
- Acting like a player while you're not won't get you anywhere
In short: be yourself. I'm sure some guys won't agree with what I say here, but this is I believe the best way. The guys that are naturally good with women don't pretend they're someone else either.
If you're yourself and not being successful with women, you're doing something wrong. So, what do you do? You pretend like you're someone else?
NO, YOU DUMBASS
You got to improve yourself.
Girls have a radar. In fact everyone has one. It will detect if someone is fake, or real. Believe me, I've tried many lines and routines these PUA's use and have success with, and not one single one of them worked for me. Why? It was because I'm not Mystery or Tyler Durden. It may work for them, but not for me. And that's also a mistake a lot of guys seem to make. They read about how these tricks and routines worked like magic for these PUA guys.
You got to "find yourself". Get to know yourself. Rely on your strengths and improve your weaknesses. Learn to appreciate yourself. You need to be comfortable in your own skin before can you even think of getting success with girls.
I use myself as an example again. Before I found myself confidence those three months ago, I was trying and trying. I did read and approach a LOT, and never got ANYWHERE. I repelled them and they all rejected me in the hardest, coldest ways you can't even imagine. No matter what I tried, it was like I had a hat made of dogsh*t on my head.
Then I found myself. I didn't really read anymore new stuff. The only thing I really did was updating my journal every now and then. From that moment on, it just started to go automatically. Which brings me to the next point:
3. Let it go
Also a tip I see a lot here and it's also a big one. I used to obsess about this whole girl thing. The more I wanted it, the further it went out of reach. It’s easier said than done, and I still make this mistake every now and then.
When I used to go out I made it my mission to go home with a girl or at least get a number. If I failed, it ruined my night. Now, I just go out to have fun, and see what happens. Mind you, if I see a hottie that I want to approach, I just do it. When it doesn’t work out, I just go back to my friends and I’m not affected by it at all. In fact, it actually makes me feel good, because I approached that girl in the first place.
Girls are still an important thing in my life, but they’re not the most important thing. I focus on my school and hobbies, and in the mean time I have contact with a lot of girls automatically.
If you obsess about girls, you won’t succeed, it’s that simple.
Also, don’t expect anything from the conversations you have. Just walk up to her, start a little chat, and just see where it ends. If you go in there with “I gotta get her number” in your head, the last thing you will get is her number. Instead, try something like this “That looks like a nice girl. Let’s have a chat and see if she’s fun”. If she is, you can always go for the number.
The absolute worst thing that can happen when you approach a girl is that she rejects you. Who gives a sh*t, really. Isn’t that much less bad then not approaching her at all? That feeling is ten times worse. So do it, man! Every rejection is a learning moment, and the more rejections you’ll get, the better you’ll get at it (getting rejected and approaching). Analyze your mistakes and work on them. It’s fun if you allow it to be. Laugh at all the ways you get rejected and don’t take it too seriously. Don’t get depressed about it because you just approached a girl, and that alone is cool.
4. Get out there
It has been said many times in many threads before, but the only way is to get out there and talk with lots of women. Make a chat while waiting for the bus, when you're doing your groceries, at the gym etc...
You won't get any results if you don't do this. It'll make you more relaxed around women, and you'll eventually learn how to respond in certain situations. It's a new thing you got to learn, and you learn by doing. Talk to hot ones, mediocre ones, fat ones, old ones, young ones, it doesn’t matter. You will learn that women communicate in a whole different way than you do with your buddies.
Stop making up f*cking excuses for yourself and get away from your porn sites if you visit those a lot. It doesn’t get you anywhere. Rubbing one off behind your computer is the easy way to satisfy your needs. If you do it every now and then it doesn’t matter, but don’t let it replace your drive towards real girls.
Don’t let yourself down if you get rejected. Just look at it positive. Hey, at least you tried. It would really had sucked if you didn’t do anything in the first place. Give yourself a pat on the shoulder for every little thing you achieved. Even if it’s holding eye contact or smiling at a girl. If that’s new and hard for you, you got to give yourself props for it.
Don’t be afraid to approach them, every girl loves attention. Even if she looks like she doesn’t want to, just do it. Most of the time they’ll warm up to you instantly.
It’s hard at first, but it’ll get easier and a lot of fun eventually!
5. Read, but not too much
There is plenty of useful information on getting girls around here. But that's also the a part of a mistake a lot of guys make. They read, read, read, read and learn all this stuff and never get out there.
You don't have to read the entire DJ bible or the entire book of Pook. I say learn the basics, but don't get into it too much. And with basics I mean stuff like "don't put her on a pedestal", and "don't be afraid to accept your manhood". The obvious things.
It's easy to get caught up in all this wonderful (although some stuff on here is bullsh*t in my opinion) information on here. Learn the basics, and then just get out there!.
6. Smile and have fun
Title says it all. A positive attitude will get you really far. Girls find a guy who is happy attractive.
Reason one, it’s because it shows confidence. You’re confident enough to put yourself in a vulnerable position by smiling. You put yourself in a place where you openly show you’re happy, and when you do that, people can shoot you down easily on that.
Reason two, it just looks better on you. You all find a beautiful smile on a girl also attractive don’t you? So just smile, especially if you have eye contact with them. You’ll be surprised how much they like it.
Reason three, Life’s too short to be serious all the time. Really, why would you not smile unless you have a reason? Let those gothic and alto chumps be mad at the world for you.
The Beach Boys, they got the right idea.
