A little help??

PTC · Apr 20, 2009

Just have a quick question for you guys. I've been coming here for yrs so I should know the answer to this but I wanted to get some opinions.
I've been dating this girrl for about 4 months now and everything is great,...so far! My question is my last GF of 2 yrs keeps sending me text messages every once in a while just to say hi and other random stuff. I know I shouldn't reply but I dodnt wanna be a dikhead either! I live in a small town and our kids(last GF) go to the same school and we have mutaul friends. Should I just be blunt and tell her not to text me anymore?? I know dumb question!!!!

Thanks in advance

speed dawg · Apr 20, 2009

Dude. Just don't reply to her. If you have to see her frequently as happens in a small town (I know, I've lived in one) and don't want to be a d1ck, just play it cool, text her back a couple of one word answers for every five texts she sends you. She'll get the hint.

PTC · Apr 20, 2009

Hughman said:
You have kids with her?
Just talk to her about the kids, appear like a dedicated father.

No,..no kids together.

KontrollerX · Apr 20, 2009

Can't you block her or get another phone and phone number she doesn't know about?

And if this is the borderline you're referring to don't feel bad at all about being a d!ck.

They would feel absolutely no remorse if they killed you or ruined your life so why feel remorse about acting like an assh0le to them?

And no you don't be a d!ck by telling them anything such as "not to text you" as all that does is fuel their need for drama and makes them respond to you even more.

The only way you hurt them and possibly eventually get them to leave you alone is to ignore them and when that fails you go to the cops and get a restraining order, change your number, email address and if you can't do that use the block features that you have on your phone or your email account to keep them away.

PTC · Apr 20, 2009

Its just that my current GF just got out of a marriage with a cheating husband and the funny thing is that these 2 girls used to be friends,..well kinda,...small ars town!!!

I just dont wanna jeopradize my relationship with my current GF. She is a good person,..well so far!! I feel like im fricken cheating by responding to my previous GF. I'm just gonna take speed dawg's advice.

KontrollerX · Apr 20, 2009

If you are talking about the borderline you need to make your current girlfriend aware of what a borderline is and that your ex is one and if your current girlfriend doesn't believe anything you tell her about the destructive deceitful nature of the condition and that your ex has it and will try and sabotage your relationship then your current relationship is already doomed to failure I'm sad to say.

PTC · Apr 20, 2009

KontrollerX said:
If you are talking about the borderline you need to make your current girlfriend aware of what a borderline is and that your ex is one and if your current girlfriend doesn't believe anything you tell her about the destructive deceitful nature of the condition and that your ex has it and will try and sabotage your relationship then your current relationship is already doomed to failure I'm sad to say.

Oh she knows all about her. She calls her "crazy" whenever she's brought up. Like I said they were somewhat friends thru other mutual friends if that makes any sense. And yes she knows what one is, we've had this discussion. Her ex-husband is one!! I've already had to file a criminal restraining order against him cuase he threatened my life!! But thats a whole different story...

jophil28 · Apr 20, 2009

PTC said:
I live in a small town and our kids(last GF) go to the same school and we have mutaul friends.

THis is one of those vague, ambiguous fears that lurk under our rational thought process.

What EXACTLY do you fear might happen if you cut her off totally ?

She is continuing to contact you for a reason..there is always a reason. Don't even bother to ask her why she is texting you because you will hear some mindless recycled chick BS..
SHe wants something from you ..it may be harmless and benign or it may be that she is trying to re-open the door, a little at a time..

However if she is a BPD f*ckhead, you have my sympathy.

decades · Apr 21, 2009

you're still crazy after all this time because even after all the advice you were given that you can't stay in contact with one of "them", that's exactly what you Decided to do, stay in contact with her. Now figure out why you chose to stay in contact with someone who messed you up big time and is Still messing you up, and you can get to a place where you can decide to let her go and actually do it. For Good. But you're not there yet!

PTC · Apr 21, 2009

persistent exaction said:
you're still crazy after all this time because even after all the advice you were given that you can't stay in contact with one of "them", that's exactly what you Decided to do, stay in contact with her. Now figure out why you chose to stay in contact with someone who messed you up big time and is Still messing you up, and you can get to a place where you can decide to let her go and actually do it. For Good. But you're not there yet!

No,...i'm thru with her. Its just that when u live somewhere where you always see them, you have mutual friends still, u still see their parents and their kids it's a little different. There's no way I would ever, EVER get back with her,...i DO know that. But your right, I shouldn't reply to her text messages anymore,...period.

Mr. Me · Apr 21, 2009

So if you happen to run across her out somewhere, you act civil, smile and say "hey! nice to see ya. Gotta run!" and go. And otherwise keep her out of your life. They had their shot, but they decided to end things, they're messed up, whatever... you don't need that sub-par treatment in your life from anyone. People that will drag you down. Hurt you. Fill your orbit with excellent people.

decades · Apr 23, 2009

PTC said:
No,...i'm thru with her. Its just that when u live somewhere where you always see them, you have mutual friends still, u still see their parents and their kids it's a little different. There's no way I would ever, EVER get back with her,...i DO know that. But your right, I shouldn't reply to her text messages anymore,...period.

you owe them nothing. you owe her nothing. you may think you are through with her but here you are starting threads about her. block her. or tell her Directly that her texts are not welcome. If you resist doing this get to the bottom of why you want to stay in contact, even if it's just by "text". The easy part is saying that you will never get back with her. the Hardest part is cutting all ties. you've done the easy part.

Kevin Feng · Apr 24, 2009

Just be honest with the girl, it's not fair to your new girl and she won't trust you as much if you don't tell off your ex-gf. But honestly, you're in a good position, lol, not a bad problem to be having.

Relationships in my opinion are built upon trust and communication and if you don't tell her off you'll be violating your trust with the enw girl, which will NOT help the relationship. If you tell your ex-girlfriend off, there's no harm done either, she should understand and if she doesn't she's being ridiculous and you should call her out on it and exemplify you "alpha-male-ness. In either case, you're seein this new girl anyway which you're doing because in some way shape or form, she's better tahn you're ex-girlfriend. Don't screw things up with the "better option"

PTC · Apr 28, 2009

Kevin Feng said:
Just be honest with the girl, it's not fair to your new girl and she won't trust you as much if you don't tell off your ex-gf. But honestly, you're in a good position, lol, not a bad problem to be having.

Relationships in my opinion are built upon trust and communication and if you don't tell her off you'll be violating your trust with the enw girl, which will NOT help the relationship. If you tell your ex-girlfriend off, there's no harm done either, she should understand and if she doesn't she's being ridiculous and you should call her out on it and exemplify you "alpha-male-ness. In either case, you're seein this new girl anyway which you're doing because in some way shape or form, she's better tahn you're ex-girlfriend. Don't screw things up with the "better option"

Good advice! thanks!

decades · Apr 28, 2009

Kevin Feng said:
Just be honest with the girl, it's not fair to your new girl and she won't trust you as much if you don't tell off your ex-gf. But honestly, you're in a good position, lol, not a bad problem to be having.

Relationships in my opinion are built upon trust and communication and if you don't tell her off you'll be violating your trust with the enw girl, which will NOT help the relationship. If you tell your ex-girlfriend off, there's no harm done either, she should understand and if she doesn't she's being ridiculous and you should call her out on it and exemplify you "alpha-male-ness. In either case, you're seein this new girl anyway which you're doing because in some way shape or form, she's better tahn you're ex-girlfriend. Don't screw things up with the "better option"

if you tell her off you are simply communicating to X gf that you still care. You will also stoke the emotions, set things up for HER response, and then you are back on the treadmill. OPs issue is that he needs to make a final break from X gf. Telling her off will not further that goal. In fact it will get him more involved. She doesn't care about getting told off. Any attention from him is good attention from her point of view.

A little help??

PTC

Don Juan

speed dawg

Master Don Juan

PTC

Don Juan

KontrollerX

Master Don Juan

PTC

Don Juan

KontrollerX

Master Don Juan

PTC

Don Juan

jophil28

Master Don Juan

decades

Master Don Juan

PTC

Don Juan

Mr. Me

Master Don Juan

decades

Master Don Juan

Kevin Feng

Senior Don Juan

PTC

Don Juan

decades

Master Don Juan