This is a rather common issue that a lots of guys face and it obviously really sucks. So hopefully what I write will help you and a lot of other guys that face this problem, then we can direct them to this thread.
This is directed to the guys that have this happen from psychological factors (probably about 90% or more of the guys reading this) and not actual physical ones.
This all happens when you get in your head. Once you start thinking about it happening or if it just happens randomly, you'll then start to run different scenarios of what will happen if you can't keep it hard. All of these scenarios are obviously bad. Then you start panicking in your mind about it and your **** is soft, now its actually soft and you start panicking more and from this state there's no way in hell your keeping an erection.
To make it worse, getting sex in this day in age is more than a notion for a lot of guys. Its def something you can get, but the amount of work to get it can be a lot, especially if your just getting started on improving this area of your life. So this adds to the panic in your mind "Wow i put so much work into getting into this situation where i can have sex with this girl, and i really really want to have sex with this girl, hell I've been jacking off to sex all the time. Now i actually have the chance and I can't do it"
You worry that you may blow your chances or the girl may even get upset and think its her. You may think ok well i can always try again but then fear trying again cause its happened once already, who's to say it won't happen again.
This is a psychological issue and once you enter the spiral described above there's really no way you can save yourself. You can't think it away, you can't just choose to focus on something different. The mental state your in and the emotions being caused by it ARE the reason its not getting hard.
So whats the answer?
I believe there's only 3 real solutions for this problem. 1 being an in the moment solution and the other 2 being preventative(one long term and one short term).
1 (in the moment). The Woman has to "save you". The whole episode is being caused by your fear of ruining the moment/situation/chances/etc with her, that's whats causing the panic. So the woman has the power to save you from yourself if she know what to do. So for the women that are reading....
When you notice the guy having trouble keeping an erection and can tell he's starting to get in his head. Address him by his name and tell him to lay on his back, you have a surprise for him. Get him very comfortable and tell him to relax and close his eyes. Begin my making out with him. Then start kissing him all over his face, move down to his neck, spending a good amount of time sucking on it/kissing it. Move down to his chest and kiss it all over. At this point also move your hand on his penis and start stroking it. Kiss down his stomach and put his penis in your mouth for a quick 10seconds. Then move down to his legs and inner thighs and kiss those for awhile. While your doing this secretly open up a condom(if your using those) and have it ready. Go back to giving him a blow job and do it for a minute or 2 until you feel its rock hard. Place the condom on if your using them then hop on and begin riding him. From here on out his **** will be hard.
This is what a girl did for me when i was having trouble keeping it up. She obviously knew i was having the problem, but didn't acknowledge it. Instead she stopped me before i got to deep in my head and completely changed my focus. She made me very relaxed and put all her energy into pleasing my body. She moved slow, which paced me, and brought me out of my high speed panic. I was naturally aroused from the experience and basically forgot about not being able to keep it up. So i just lay back and enjoy the feelings and the blow job and then all the sudden some how my penis is condomed up and in her vagina and shes riding me. And i'm so horny at this point that everything is great.
This is obviously something most women don't know of or won't just do but this is a pure solution. So if your a women and read this now you know.
1. (preventative, the best solution, long term) Have a in depth conversation about sex. Let her tell you all her fantasies, you tell her yours. Let her tell you what pleases her, you tell her what pleases you. Find out what her fears are sexually, you tell her what yours are and obviously not being able to keep it up should be one of them. So then the convo moves naturally into the "if you see my xyz sexual fear taking place this is what you can do to help me..(tell her what you'd honestly want her do to in this situation or you can use my above solution if that would work for you)"
If you've had this in depth conversation with your partner where she knows what you like, how to please you, your sexual fantasies, your sexual fears and what to do if they happen and vice verse, you'll actually never have the "can't keep it up" problem happen, since you'll never feel pressure (which causes the panic, which causes the softness)because of the comfort you have. Not to mention your sex life will be out of control since you both know each other on a sexual level.
(This should be something your already working towards naturally. Being able to have a long in depth conversation about sex is an amazing thing. This is also something you just have , its not a pre sex conversation (although having it should get you both aroused and may lead to sex) "ok lets have our indepth sexual conversation!" Just be chill and have it sometime. )
3. (preventative ,short term) The only other solution is using a Viagra like drug. Even though this could be called a bandage fix, it def has its place. Having an in depth sexual conversation which is ideal, or even having a woman know how to "save" you from yourself when things are going down hill, which is amazing....can't always happen. Maybe your just trying to have a one night stand, maybe your just in town for a few days, maybe its after a party and you just end up with a chick but don't really know her on the level where you can have any in depth sexual conversation and shes not in the business of saving you if you have trouble but she'll invest in ruining you with gossip later. A pill has a huge amount of value in situations like this and similar. And who's to say that you and party girl couldn't hit it off later, but by not being able to perform in that situation you blew the chance of even being able to have the in depth sexual conversation with her.
So always have some Viagra or Cialis on you so that you can take some for situations like this. You don't even need a prescription, you if you really want some and ask enough people you'll be able to find someone to buy a few pills from.
Again just look at the pills as a means to solution 1 preventative . Like if your car breaks down ideally having everything repaired and up to date would prevent this, and it would be nice if you broke down at a repair shop, but that's not always going to happen. So you have to get a tow truck (viagra,cialis)to take you to the repair shop (solution 1 preventative). So as long as your striving towards the preventative solution your doing well, if your not you'll find yourself depending on pills way before your time.
***warning- I'm not a doctor so do your own research on these pills and find out the risks for your situation personally***
