HUGE case of flirting with guy right in front of me

My gf and I were at the supermarket yesterday where she runs into this guy from her yoga class. She sees him from a distance and starts quickly (almost wildly) waving to get his attention. When the guy comes over her face lights up with this big smile. They make talk about some conversation they had on Saturday about her new car, forgetting her yoga mat, yadda, yadda. I know the guy; tall, good looking, tan, lot's of $$, doesn't work because he made good $$ in the housing market way back. I was friendly and cordial throughout the display. The conversation lasted a few minutes. I guess it was her reaction to him that REALLY surprised me. NO huge issues between her and I lately. Things are cool.

A few minutes later, we were doing our own shopping when I couldn't find where she was with the cart, then I see her talking to him AGAIN while he's checking out; our cart four aisles down unattended.

I went about my business and didn't say a thing during or after, but I was noticeably quiet because I was FUMING inside. I know how girls flirt and I felt this was a blatant display (not going to state all details here). Kind of out of character for her because this is the first time something like this has happened since we're been dating (about two years).

We came back to my house and she seemed to be overly playful and affectionate as she could sense I was P.O.'ed or mad about something. The incident was never mentioned for the rest of the day.

I'll allow a slight chance I misinterpreted things (10-20%) but I've been around long enough and KNOW when a woman shows interest in another guy and goes into major flirt mode.

I've always lived by Doc Love's basic principles of CONFIDENCE--CONTROL (I really had to employ with this issue)--CHALLENGE. Basically, I kept my mouth shut about the whole thing as too not look needy, inferior, etc. But, I'm a man and have pride: This REALLY PISSED ME OFF.

Any suggestions or recommendations on how to handle now or in the future appreciated.

Best,

Dash

Looks like this is an isolated situation, not the market flirting, but the situation with this particular guy. Now, that seems to be the guy she is interested in at this particular time, besides you. He'd be the next in line if you were to break up, or if he was very agressive and pursue her.

How old is she, he?

Did she introduce you guys to eachother? You say you know him already.

Does she refer to you as her boyfriend to him?

double post

buddy, the last half dozen threads or so that you have started have been about this chick:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/search.php?searchid=1169450

and they range from disrespect, to getting close to men at work, to having an ex husband in the picture.

I do my research before replying, and I gotta ask you the same thing i'd ask anyone in this situation:

why do you have a girlfriend? Why do you need one? What is the benefit to you for dating her exclusively for 2 years? Are you just doing what is the right thing to do, which is to commit to just ONE girl so that her feeeeeelings aren't hurt?? (while in the meantime, she will deem herself useless in the long run).

please answer those.

I also see you are an older Don Juan, and maybe you think it is time to settle down, but you need to remember, that it is a HORRIBLE idea to settle down with a woman JUST FOR THE SAKE OF SETTLING DOWN (aka committing to one woman JUST because you are now in your 40's). The only time that it is right to commit and settle down with one girl, is because THAT IS THE ONE WOMAN WHO TRUMPS ALL GIRLS AND YOU TRULY BELIEVE THAT YOU WOULD BE HAPPIEST BY SPENDING THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH THIS WOMAN


so, do you not have enough game to NOT be exclusive with this hor (she is, most women like her are, i've read your threads in the past) and still keep her for what she is good for (which is sex)???


DO NOT BE IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP WITH A WOMAN WHO DOES NOT MAKE YOU 100% HAPPY. PERIOD. OR ELSE YOU WILL LEARN THE HARD WAY.

There was no need to introduce me to him because she knows I know him (though not well) from the gym and I'm 99.9% sure he knows I'm with her.

She's 32, I'm 43, he's maybe 46-47 (but a Pierce Brosnan-type).

They see each other each Saturday at a yoga class. She's never talked about him or brought him up in prior conversations.

Note to self - Start taking yoga classes.. LOL

In addition to posting about the same girl repeatedly, you tend to overanalyze the situation in every thread. You don't have a true relationship with this girl; you have a calculating, tactical, adversarial one, motivated only by your desire to "catch" her. I ask you, what good is "catching" her if you don't do anything about it?

My take is that you are overreacting. Did she give this guy a BJ in front of you or did she have a conversation with him? If it's the latter, so what? She ultimately went home with YOU, didn't she?

The problem you had with this encounter was that you perceived him as a threat to you--you wouldn't have been worried if it was her 60 year old neighbor she was talking to. Here's the reality: Your girlfriend is ALWAYS going to find other guys attractive, just as you will always find other GIRLS attractive. That doesn't mean she'll cheat, or even put herself in the position of cheating. That part comes down to her character.

If you wanted to handle the situation properly, you should've introduced yourself to him and got into the conversation, instead of standing by idly, looking jealous. Just because you kept your mouth shut about the incident later doesn't mean she didn't pick up on your insecurity. You can't fake non-neediness, because so many nonverbal cues give it away.

I normally wouldn't give this advice, but throw that Doc Love book away. It's setting you up for failure here, because you're overthinking everything and symptom-checking your relationship like a hypochondriac on WebMD. We both know you're not going to pull the trigger and break up with this girl at this point, so you may as well just try to salvage this into a normal relationship and start enjoying her company.

What you really need here to fix the situation is true inner confidence, and you won't get that from a book. You need to go out and make your mark on the world, and stop worrying about girls. Dedicate yourself to your passions and focus your energy on being the best man you can be, if only to get your mind off of this stupid relationship drama. If you develop true inner confidence, you won't have your ego invested in this relationship--and that alone is enough to make her view you as exceptionally attractive.

"Any suggestions or recommendations on how to handle now or in the future appreciated."

Sure.

Enjoy her while at the same time looking for a new girl on the side to replace her with.

Once you deem the new branch to be secure and better than the old discard your current girl for the new and better.

Situations of massive disrespect that provoke enough suspicion that brings a man to a forum like this posting for advice on what to do are situations in which the relationship is becoming a sinking ship.

Any sane person on a sinking ship then begins looking for a life raft because staying with the ship means certain death.

So go find a life raft.

Broken relationships cannot be fixed.

You can't counsel someone back into desiring their partner.

And your girl clearly desires this yoga buddy of her's and wants his c0ck on her tonsils and in truth its probably already been there, you of course just don't know about it, thats their little secret tee hee.

So yeah go get you something on the side and once you decide its better and stable swing to that other branch.

As for what you do to hopefully prevent this sh!t in the future?

Its all about frame control my man.

In the very beginning of the relationship you and the girl need to go over your do's and don'ts in the relationship.

What is disrespectful behavior and what isn't etc.

That way little episodes of your girl being all over some guy's jock in public while you seeth with rage inside do not happen and if they do you go pay for your groceries or whatever the fvck and walk right out of that g0ddamned store alone.

She can find her own ride home and probably will right on that other guy's c0ck but its nothing for you to be concerned about any longer as when a chick begins massive outright disrespect like this the riding another guy's c0ck has already been going on for quite some time so never feel bad about walking away when you sense massive disrespect as massive disrespect almost always comes with massive horrible behavior that you haven't seen.

P.S: Keep on listening to Doc Love and also check out some of Anti Dump's Machine in the DJ Bible.

anybody else notice that guys who post threads like this NEVER listen to the advice given to them?

they never choose to avoid making a mistake by listening to advice that is 100% pure fact, and instead they do what they already know they shouldn't do, but still do it because the AFC inside them simply will not let them make the right decision.

In the end, they all choose to learn their lessons the hard way.

That makes me wonder why we give advice to these chumps in the first place, if it is a 100% gaurantee that they will not listen to it, and continue to do the wrong thing, which in the end leads them to a painful lesson

The Logical Player said:

anybody else notice that guys who post threads like this NEVER listen to the advice given to them?

they never choose to avoid making a mistake by listening to advice that is 100% pure fact, and instead they do what they already know they shouldn't do, but still do it because the AFC inside them simply will not let them make the right decision.

In the end, they all choose to learn their lessons the hard way.

That makes me wonder why we give advice to these chumps in the first place, if it is a 100% gaurantee that they will not listen to it, and continue to do the wrong thing, which in the end leads them to a painful lesson

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I agree 100%

Simple solution, It is time to move on.She is simply not the woman for you. A woman who was into you, wouldn't treat you that way.

Is it just me or does everybody's advice seem terrible?

The consensus "She's disrespecting you, move on, it's over." What is with the defeatist attitude?

How about some helpful advice where Dash Riprock can try and save the relationship?

When things get tough you shouldn't just quit.

Maxtro said:

Is it just me or does everybody's advice seem terrible?

The consensus "She's disrespecting you, move on, it's over." What is with the defeatist attitude?

How about some helpful advice where Dash Riprock can try and save the relationship?

When things get tough you shouldn't just quit.

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when you arent a desperate little man (like you are Maxtro), then you should not be in a relationship that requires SAVING - go re-read everything I have said in this thread if you want to see this from a smart logical viewpoint of a player of women, and don't you dare post another super AFC thing on this thread again Maxtro, you and I both know you have no experience on this to even have a comment about it.

Maxtro said:

Is it just me or does everybody's advice seem terrible?

The consensus "She's disrespecting you, move on, it's over." What is with the defeatist attitude?

How about some helpful advice where Dash Riprock can try and save the relationship?

When things get tough you shouldn't just quit.

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This is an obvious case of Low Interest Level. Time to move on to someone with High Interest Level

To quote your own sig,

Maxtro said:

The best way to get over somebody, is to get on somebody else.

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"When things get tough you shouldn't just quit."

When it comes to certain issues like a married couple finding eachother drifting apart over financial difficulties or a partner gets a horrible illness and they find eachother drifting apart over that whether married or just boyfriend and girlfriend or even a situation where one or both people in a couple are working too much to make money in this bad economy...in these kind of situations I could see where you are coming from and even agree with you to an extent Maxtro...but when a woman exhibits MASSIVE attraction and THROWS herself all over another man in public which is a huge act of disrespect and indicating she does not respect you enough to remain subdued then that tells a tale that she's just not that attracted to you or invested in you enough anymore to the point that she feels she must be on her best behavior in order to keep you.

She's in the shopping around just looking stage at this point if not the already cheating behind your back stage.

So basically what I'm saying is a couple whether they are married or not should only continue trying to make their relationship work and look for solutions to make it work if the problems that are causing both of them to drift apart are not at all motivated by one or both people starting to desire to go fvck other people.

As when it is that kind of problem its only solved by a breakup.

Expensive counseling or the people involved trying to make it work despite their desire for something else is like putting a band aid on gangrene and expecting it to heal.

riding another guy's c0ck has already been going on for quite some time so never feel bad about walking away when you sense massive disrespect as massive disrespect almost always comes with massive horrible behavior that you haven't seen.

Yet. While it is a respectable trait to have, if you are someone who usually gives people the benefit of the doubt, do so only in matters less important than your own self-respect, happiness, and mental health. Emotion clouds your judgments, and blinds your eyes to what is going on right in front of you. Even if she is not sleeping with him, her disrespect is betrayal enough.

Don't look back months from now and wonder why you couldn't see what was going on right under your nose, it's one of the sh!ttiest feelings in the world.

Besides, when a relationship degrades like this, the only chance she will respect (maybe love) you again is if you walk away.

The Logical Player said:

when you arent a desperate little man (like you are Maxtro), then you should not be in a relationship that requires SAVING - go re-read everything I have said in this thread if you want to see this from a smart logical viewpoint of a player of women, and don't you dare post another super AFC thing on this thread again Maxtro, you and I both know you have no experience on this to even have a comment about it.

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Dude watch the insults. They aren't called for. I know I have no experience in this field and that is why I'm asking questions. If you think questions aren't allowed then you have your own issues.

Also nothing I said can be called AFC. None of my words were wussy.

princelydeeds said:

This is an obvious case of Low Interest Level. Time to move on to someone with High Interest Level

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OK I wasn't aware that what she was doing is a sign of low interest level.

KontrollerX said:

"When things get tough you shouldn't just quit."

When it comes to certain issues like a married couple finding eachother drifting apart over financial difficulties or a partner gets a horrible illness and they find eachother drifting apart over that whether married or just boyfriend and girlfriend or even a situation where one or both people in a couple are working too much to make money in this bad economy...in these kind of situations I could see where you are coming from and even agree with you to an extent Maxtro...but when a woman exhibits MASSIVE attraction and THROWS herself all over another man in public which is a huge act of disrespect and indicating she does not respect you enough to remain subdued then that tells a tale that she's just not that attracted to you or invested in you enough anymore to the point that she feels she must be on her best behavior in order to keep you.

She's in the shopping around just looking stage at this point if not the already cheating behind your back stage.

So basically what I'm saying is a couple whether they are married or not should only continue trying to make their relationship work and look for solutions to make it work if the problems that are causing both of them to drift apart are not at all motivated by one or both people starting to desire to go fvck other people.

As when it is that kind of problem its only solved by a breakup.

Expensive counseling or the people involved trying to make it work despite their desire for something else is like putting a band aid on gangrene and expecting it to heal.

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I did recognize that her actions were a big sign of disrespect for Dash. I did not see the reasons why she was doing it. So in essence she feels complacent and feels that she can do what ever she wants?

BTW the whole reason why I'm even posting in this thread is because someday I might actually find myself in a relationship. And there is a chance this type of situation may happen to me.

It's simply learning from others people's experiences.

Damn. It's one thing to realize that we all will be attracted to other people and even be a little flirtatious at times, but to do it right in front of your face? I think it says a lot more about you than it does her, as in she didn't even hesitate because she figures you're wrapped around her little pinky.

I wouldn't put up with that at all, but I also wouldn't say anything or behave like it upset me, I'd just move on like there's nothing wrong, gradually she'll get the hint.

MrLuvr said:

Note to self - Start taking yoga classes.. LOL

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Not to hijack this thread or anything, but YOGA classes are FILLED with chicks, and if you learn to speak the language of metaphysics, you are IN.

And it's healthy, too.

It's funny how women never really turn it off, eh?

Dash, I'd be annoyed too, and naturally would also suspect she has low interest in me. But at the same time, like Jeffst also alluded to, she is still with YOU, right? I think that speaks volumes, regardless of what she did. The end result speaks for itself. But another thing to consider too, is that the situation between them also isn't totally clear either. He could also not want a relationship with her, which can also be another reason she hasn't bailed on you. I would talk to her about it, but in a confident way that doesn't make you appear weak. And if it happens again, after you've explained to her how you feel about it, then I'd kick her to the curb. If she's going to do it again, she obviously doesn't care about you or care about being in a relationship with you.