How to change her from a friend to a girlfriend

Hi, new to the forum. Have read a bunch of stuff here but this is the first time I posted.

Here's my problem, have this girl that I've known for the better part of a decade. We used to be pretty close, we flirted and have been told that we should date. But we never dated, I used to be a wimp and could never get the backbone to do it. Anyway she moved away a few years ago and then moved to my city 6 months ago or so. I was dating this other girl at the time so I never asked her out.

Anyway, I stopped dating this other girl a few months after my friend moved here. I was going to ask my friend out after that but before I could she told me she had started seeing this guy. So I didn't bother asking her out (which was probably a mistake). It's been a few months since then and she's still seeing the same guy.

On the weekend we were out drinking and we started flirting (her bf wasn't there). We were dancing and eventually started getting dirty on the dancefloor. We almost went back to my place but I hit some obvious resistance (I wasn't really trying to game her, things just escalated naturally). I ended up taking her back to her place in a cab before going home. She calls me the next day saying she wanted to talk about what happened but I was busy and couldn't talk. Haven't talked to her yet (left a message saying if she wanted to talk I'm up for it).

But I realize that I still like her, and even though I'm fine with her dating someone else I'd rather her be with me. How can I do this? It likely she finds me attractive based on how she acted with me. Hell, I probably could have slept with her if I was actually gaming her (I was just having fun). I know she's gonna bring up what happened, so do I say something to her then? Thanks guys.

Btw, her bf isn't my friend, so I don't really care what he thinks. And I don't have oneitis for this girl (seems that is someone response to anyone having women trouble).

"In order to get the ONE girl, you need to be able to get ALL the girls."

Rofl RHOTO,,that was genious. Instant rep. points to you.

This thread needs a ? in the title. I was expecting an answer to the problem, not a question.

Rhoto said:

"In order to get the ONE girl, you need to be able to get ALL the girls."

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Thanks but not really that helpful. I know I shouldn't bother and just find someone else but I'd still like to try. Don't want to have any regrets, ya know?

HonestGuy, just by your selection of screen name, you remind me of the old me. The guy who got some girls but didn't get the ones he really wanted because he wore his heart on his sleeve, because he had to prove to them what an honest and upstanding guy he was. I am by no means advocating that being a dishonest douche is the way to get girls, my advice for every guy in your position is to work on your inner game. Build that foundation strong, frame everything else on top of it.

In your current situation, it sounds like you've done some things right. You have rapport with her from 10 years as acquaintances, she has interest in you. If she is hanging out with you, it must be because her current bf is not entirely in the right (all the things that can entail). Think of the things guys do that drive their girlfriends' interest to wane and cause the branch swinging to begin, evaluate what causes them to behave that way, then don't do what he is doing.
Here's the catch 22 of a situation like this-you have a good idea of who she is, you've known her 10 years, and if you have interest in her, then you must think well of her. But would you think well of her if she were your gf and was out drinking and going home with other guys? Thinking like this, that you are on the fence with her, will allow you to simply have a good time with her and cause her to begin qualifying herself to you (think:Unattachment to Outcome).

Good luck

Maxtro said:

This thread needs a ? in the title. I was expecting an answer to the problem, not a question.

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lmao, my bad, forgot the ?. Yeah, I guess you'd be looking for an answer for this, I've read your threads. The only thing is that you don't have a chance with the girl you like so an answer wouldn't help you.

Unbridled_Phoenix said:

HonestGuy, just by your selection of screen name, you remind me of the old me. The guy who got some girls but didn't get the ones he really wanted because he wore his heart on his sleeve, because he had to prove to them what an honest and upstanding guy he was. I am by no means advocating that being a dishonest douche is the way to get girls, my advice for every guy in your position is to work on your inner game. Build that foundation strong, frame everything else on top of it.

In your current situation, it sounds like you've done some things right. You have rapport with her from 10 years as acquaintances, she has interest in you. If she is hanging out with you, it must be because her current bf is not entirely in the right (all the things that can entail). Think of the things guys do that drive their girlfriends' interest to wane and cause the branch swinging to begin, evaluate what causes them to behave that way, then don't do what he is doing.
Here's the catch 22 of a situation like this-you have a good idea of who she is, you've known her 10 years, and if you have interest in her, then you must think well of her. But would you think well of her if she were your gf and was out drinking and going home with other guys? Thinking like this, that you are on the fence with her, will allow you to simply have a good time with her and cause her to begin qualifying herself to you (think:Unattachment to Outcome).

Good luck

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lol, my name was just something I came up with that's easy to remember, it's not a representative of me. You may be right about the other stuff (especially the unattachment to outcome)

Here's what sweetguymc did to change a girl from a friend to a gf. It's one of the smoothest moves I've ever heard of.

It was Valentines Day and my High School had a couple of kids who ran a little business to deliver Valentine's roses. Naturally, I chose to have one delivered to a girl I had my eye on for quite a while and had already asked her out once but was politely told "No, let's keep it at friends".

But hey I'm a persistent budding Don Juaner and one "No" doesn't throw me off the girl. So these kids they went up and delivered the rose, the card attached to the rose said, "For the message, please call..."

So that night she called, she knew it was me (because she had my number already) and she laughed and said, "Thanks for the rose but I'm waiting to hear the message" so I told her to walk over to the nearest mirror.

When she got there I told her to "Hold the rose up to her face and look in the mirror" so she did and then I said the following words as smoothly and as sexily as I could "That's right, girl. You show the rose what the meaning of 'true beauty' really is" and guys, she melted into a stunned silence and her very next words were "What are you doing tomorrow night?"

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HonestGuy said:

lmao, my bad, forgot the ?. Yeah, I guess you'd be looking for an answer for this, I've read your threads. The only thing is that you don't have a chance with the girl you like so an answer wouldn't help you.

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LOL you've done your research. BTW an answer would help but it's probably more difficult than turning oxygen into gold.

Anyways, learning from my mistakes. I think you should try to game her. Don't tell her how you feel but be extra flirty with her. If you see an opportunity, take it.

The best way to turn a friend into a girlfriend? Don't befriend women at all. Make them associates and establish enough rapport with them that make them attracted to you or someone they wouldn't mind hooking their friends up with. To completely turn women into "friends" is unproductive if your goal is to smash.

However if by chance you were stupid enough to make them a friend and finally muscle up the balls to go after them, then it'll take some time unless she's attracted to you in that way. Of course you'll have to stop all contact and if she misses talking to her "friend" she'll get up with you. Then you simply say "I've been busy, lets go out for a drink to catch up" then you have to put your game on blast. No di*king around just go for it.

HonestGuy said:

Hi, new to the forum. Have read a bunch of stuff here but this is the first time I posted.

Here's my problem, have this girl that I've known for the better part of a decade.

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TEN YEARS??? You've known this girl for 10 years? WOW. I think that's a record here on the forum. I've heard of 2 months,6 months,a year,and even 5 years,but you my friend,you take the cake. Well? I guess you already know what I'm going to say. Oneitis.:crackup:
Look,if you've been interested in,but never made your interest known to one singular,particular girl after knowing her for 10 years,dude,that's oneitis. And a SEVERE case at that.

HonestGuy said:

We used to be pretty close, we flirted and have been told that we should date. But we never dated, I used to be a wimp and could never get the backbone to do it.

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The fact that you've waited 10 years to finally ask her out in and of itself is enough to call this thing dead. You don't need anything else for this to be over with,AND YET,you have othr factors that ensure that you'll never date this girl. One of them is that when you originally met the girl,you were (according to your words) a "wimp". That means that the "YOU" she's grown to know and become accustom to is the "wimpy you". She's never seen the sexual/romantic side. And that side will creep her out and make her feel uncomfortable. That's why she wants to have this "talk" with you. Because when you two were dancing,you got "dirty"/sexual,and it made her feel uncomfortable. She wants the discomfort to go away,which means the you being romantic/sexual must go away. She wants things to go back to normal,or that is,she wants YOU to go back to normal,ie;friendly,ie:nonsexual.

HonestGuy said:

Anyway, I stopped dating this other girl a few months after my friend moved here. I was going to ask my friend out after that but before I could she told me she had started seeing this guy. So I didn't bother asking her out (which was probably a mistake). It's been a few months since then and she's still seeing the same guy.

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Oh,so she's already in a relationship. Oh....well....you can't date her now. Since she's already seeing someone,she's going to need someone to go and talk to when she has problems with her boyfriend. And who do you think that'll be?

HonestGuy said:

On the weekend we were out drinking and we started flirting (her bf wasn't there). We were dancing and eventually started getting dirty on the dancefloor. We almost went back to my place but I hit some obvious resistance (I wasn't really trying to game her, things just escalated naturally). I ended up taking her back to her place in a cab before going home. She calls me the next day saying she wanted to talk about what happened but I was busy and couldn't talk. Haven't talked to her yet (left a message saying if she wanted to talk I'm up for it).

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Yeah,like I said,this made her uncomfortable. Also,I think that she doesn't want you to get the wrong idea. And that idea being that there could ever be something sexual between the two of you.

HonestGuy said:

But I realize that I still like her, and even though I'm fine with her dating someone else I'd rather her be with me. How can I do this?

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How can you do this? You can't. If you haven't been able to date her in 10 years,then don't think you just going to up and do it all of the sudden. This forum is a wealth of information,not a magic wand. We can't pull a rabbit of a hat,and we can't pull a relationship out of a 10 year friendzone. Sometimes you just got to know when to let go,and after 10 years,ohhh,it's time.

HonestGuy said:

It likely she finds me attractive based on how she acted with me. Hell, I probably could have slept with her if I was actually gaming her (I was just having fun). I know she's gonna bring up what happened, so do I say something to her then?

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What do you mean based on the way she acted? I thought you said that you two were drinking. She was a little tipsy,and she did something that being sober,she would not have done. You call yourself "HonestGuy",so don't deceive yourself. Don't try to fool yourself into thinking what happened on the dancefloor was the beginning of a possible relationship. That's backwards. You don't get "dirty" then get a relationship. You get the relationship FIRST,through some sort of a coonection with the girl. Then you can get dirty. If you go with the dirt first,you get exactly what you got-frustration,confusion,awkwardness,hurt feeling,etc.

You say that you don't have oneitis. Fine then. Prove it. Move on and date someone you actually have a chance with. Don't spend another 10 years secretly wanting this girl.

Igetit! said:

TEN YEARS??? You've known this girl for 10 years? WOW. I think that's a record here on the forum. I've heard of 2 months,6 months,a year,and even 5 years,but you my friend,you take the cake. Well? I guess you already know what I'm going to say. Oneitis.
Look,if you've been interested in,but never made your interest known to one singular,particular girl after knowing her for 10 years,dude,that's oneitis. And a SEVERE case at that.

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you missed the part where I said that I didn't see her for 4 years. In that time I changed from that wimp. I was just dating someone when she came back so I didn't try anything with her. And I've only known her for 7 years.

Igetit! said:

Oh,so she's already in a relationship. Oh....well....you can't date her now. Since she's already seeing someone,she's going to need someone to go and talk to when she has problems with her boyfriend. And who do you think that'll be?

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that's why I said it was a mistake

Igetit! said:

You say that you don't have oneitis. Fine then. Prove it. Move on and date someone you actually have a chance with. Don't spend another 10 years secretly wanting this girl.

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Ok, so I'll give up now, just to prove to someone I've never met that I don't have oneitis.

Look, I'm not asking you to analyze my past. Yes I was an AFC, but that was years ago. I've changed since then, and was asking for tips. I'm pretty sure I could game this girl but not just to nail her.

Well if you're sure you're no longer a wimp and don't have oneitis, make a move on her just like any other girl you want to game, get it over & done with. It's that simple.

Jitterbug said:

Well if you're sure you're no longer a wimp, make a move on her, get it over & done with. It's that simple.

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yeah, but her bf is gonna be a problem. That's the main thing, it's what stopped her from coming home with me. That's what I needed help with.

You still don't understand. You said that when you met he originally you were a wimp,right? And later on,a few years later,you finally shed that image of yourself. What you don't get is that,you,the ORIGINAL YOU,the "wimp" is the first impression she got of you,and first impressions are lasting impressions. Even though you may no longer be wimpy,that's the impression she still has. More than likely,if you approach her now with this new version of yourself,she won't go for it,because it's not congruent with "original you" she met. Basically,she won't trust you,because she won't know which "you" is going to show up,this new guy or the wimp. You'd be better off approaching her as the wimp. At least then she'd feel more comfortable and trust you.

Look at the way she reacted to the two of you simply dancing dirty. She wants to have a "talk" about it. And that's just from dancing! And you want to get a intimate relationship with her? Come on HonestGuy,be honest.

You say that you're looking for tips to get her. I'm sure you'll be able to find them from someone here,but when it comes to the friendzone,my "tip" is simply to move on. I mean come on,it's been 10 years.

That's my tip. I'm not telling you to stop pursuing her. If you haven't stopped after 10 years,of course I don't expect my one little post on a anonymous forum to change your mind. Keep after it.

The boyfriend is a problem if you make it one. My suggestion is to simply pretend he doesn't exist. If she brings him up, briefly acknowledge it, then change the subject.

Igetit! said:

You still don't understand. You said that when you met he originally you were a wimp,right? And later on,a few years later,you finally shed that image of yourself. What you don't get is that,you,the ORIGINAL YOU,the "wimp" is the first impression she got of you,and first impressions are lasting impressions. Even though you may no longer be wimpy,that's the impression she still has. More than likely,if you approach her now with this new version of yourself,she won't go for it,because it's not congruent with "original you" she met. Basically,she won't trust you,because she won't know which "you" is going to show up,this new guy or the wimp. You'd be better off approaching her as the wimp. At least then she'd feel more comfortable and trust you.

Look at the way she reacted to the two of you simply dancing dirty. She wants to have a "talk" about it. And that's just from dancing! And you want to get a intimate relationship with her? Come on HonestGuy,be honest.

You say that you're looking for tips to get her. I'm sure you'll be able to find them from someone here,but when it comes to the friendzone,my "tip" is simply to move on. I mean come on,it's been 10 years.

That's my tip. I'm not telling you to stop pursuing her. If you haven't stopped after 10 years,of course I don't expect my one little post on a anonymous forum to change your mind. Keep after it.

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well, she's been pretty comfortable with the new me so far. It's not like I'm the only one who's changed in 4 years, she's changed too.

btw, I never really pursued her, I thought about asking her out in the past but didn't bother. I also haven't pursued her since she moved back, like I said I thought about asking her out but reconsidered when she started dating this new guy (didn't want to bother trying to compete with him).

But now that she wants to talk it means the outcome will either be really good or really bad. And also, since she's been back I've dated 4 different girls, so I don't have oneitis.

HonestGuy said:

well, she's been pretty comfortable with the new me so far. It's not like I'm the only one who's changed in 4 years, she's changed too.

btw, I never really pursued her, I thought about asking her out in the past but didn't bother. I also haven't pursued her since she moved back, like I said I thought about asking her out but reconsidered when she started dating this new guy (didn't want to bother trying to compete with him).

But now that she wants to talk it means the outcome will either be really good or really bad. And also, since she's been back I've dated 4 different girls, so I don't have oneitis.

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Alright,I'll tell you what. Like I said,I'm pretty certain you'll be able to find someone here who'll give you some type of info on how to go about getting this girl. So do a search,reread some of the replies you've gotten,and whatever info you feel is a good idea to use,you use it. And if it works,and you start dating this girl,I'll have my spoon and fork ready for a great heap of humble pie. I'll flat out admit that I was wrong....BUT,I'm not going to wait another 10 years for you to get it done..

Igetit! said:

Alright,I'll tell you what. Like I said,I'm pretty certain you'll be able to find someone here who'll give you some type of info on how to go about getting this girl. So do a search,reread some of the replies you've gotten,and whatever info you feel is a good idea to use,you use it. And if it works,and you start dating this girl,I'll have my spoon and fork ready for a great heap of humble pie. I'll flat out admit that I was wrong....BUT,I'm not going to wait another 10 years for you to get it done..

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lol, of course not. If something happens I'm fairly certain it will be soon. Obviously you can't help me (maybe you don't know how) but someone else might (not Maxtro though )