cell phone tango

I'm out of town, have been for about a week and my GF is back home. to make a long story short, I have not heard from here in a couple of days. I've called her. I called her earlier in the day tuesday and again later that night and she texed me telling me she is "initiating the one phone call rule", so I left it at that. she does have the baby and I know how I can get sometimes. but I did not hear from here yesterday either.

I'm probably just overreacting, but should I be alarmed? I have decided I am not going to call her until she calls me and even then I will probably screen the call and take a few day to myself while i"m out. I go back sunday night.

You shouldn't call her at all. In fact...
She should be calling you.
She should be wondering how you are.
She should be missing you.

So, yeah, don't call her until she calls you, and then let it go to VM if she does and call back the next day.
And if she doesn't call you at all, then you can think about that and factor it in with other clues to see how into you she is or isn't.

Huh? You're not exactly making a lot of calls. Very few, and very reasonable in fact. Why is she initiating some BS rule on you? If I have a GF, I want to be able to call her whenever I fvcking feel like it! I don't like using the phone that much so I hardly do it, but if I call and she tells me that she has such a rule, I'd start to review the relationship.

As a boy when my dad would go on week to two week long hunting trips my mother wanted him to call practically as much as he could.

On the other hand this one aunt of mine is one of those ultra high educated world travelling kind of women, no sh!t she literally goes all over the US and sometimes to third world sh!tholes to teach as well decent countries like Japan and Europe just because she can and she takes the approach that if my uncle her husband wants to call her up she lets him know he can whenever he gets around to it.

Its not really an issue of her giving him permission to call as in her ordering him around but rather its her letting my uncle know that he comes before her teaching activities and sight seeing culture studying activities she is doing in other countries. She'll literally drop just about everything if he absolutely needs to talk to her at least for a few short minutes if she's really busy.

My uncle also is a big time hunter and outdoorsman type and despite their highly active lifestyles my aunt and uncle are laid back people who nothing ever seems to phaze.

Also my aunt and uncle have two kids a boy and a girl who are my blood cousins.

Anyway I guess the point of these two stories is people with high interest generally don't make up bullsh!t one call rules and infact want to hear from their significant other as soon as possible and especially so if they have a kid together.

For example one of my slightly older cousins came over because I needed him to fix my sink since I don't know sh!t about that sort of thing and he and his wife are a young couple with three young kids and his wife was calling him practically every five minutes probably for a pile of reasons such as she needs at least morale support taking care and watching three children alone but also I'm sure she missed my cousin already due to still having extremely high interest since they are still such a reasonably young and new married couple. Both my cousin and his wife were part of the National Guard before getting involved with eachother so like my aunt my cousin's wife is and was a highly active person.

In this way both my aunt and cousin's wife are like your girlfriend in that they are extremely high quality active individuals with their sh!t together in life and yet neither of them make up bullsh!t one call rules with their men like your woman did to you.

Also even my mother who was mostly a non active house wife but who had extremely high interest in my father she too didn't make any bullsh!t one call rules.

So this doesn't seem to look all that good for you backbreaker but who knows maybe your woman is just stressed out and wants some peace and quiet to herself which must be hard to come by these days as you both have a kid to raise.

And people don't always get comfort from the same things in that my cousins wife and my mother both got comfort from talking to my father and my cousin when their kids were young but maybe your woman gets comfort while taking care of your kid when as few people call/bother/whatever while she's trying to do this.

we will see. we've been dating for almost 2 years now, she has some interest. and neither of us are huge phone people. she did say she was busy as well, i left that out. anyway, what will happen will happen either way. I'm going to try not to think about it for the next couple of days and just relax.

after pu tting some thought into it I think I answered my own question. I don't think she is cheating or anything like that, but i think she has reached a point where she is takign me for granted. I do like her alot and I am crazy about her, I tell her that, and maybe she has let that get to her head.

i've never been in a relationship this long and not to say I let my guard down, but I am not working the way I was when we first started dating. i never cheated on her but I made sure she understood that she could be replaced, and I 'm sure in the back of her mind she knows that I would not have trouble finding a date, but probably thinks that I will be too whipped to want to date anyone else.

just goes to show, you can't take a day off with these women.

backbreaker said:

I called her earlier in the day tuesday and again later that night and she texed me telling me she is "initiating the one phone call rule", so I left it at that. she does have the baby and I know how I can get sometimes. but I did not hear from here yesterday either.
.

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What kind of fukked up world have we created when a mother of a baby invokes some kind of "one phone call rule." with the child's father .
WTF is that rule ?
Did you agree to it, design it or even know about it ?
Jeez man, you are the kid's father, not some distant third uncle removed with a drinking problem who is making a pest of himself. ( JP shakes head in disbelief .)

BB you need to realise a few things..call me "old school" if you wish, BUT listen to me anyway.. YOU are a man and a FATHER and that makes YOU the head of the household. YOU are the most significant parent, not your G/f. THis kid is YOUR personal resonsibility, the kid is NOT your G/fs personal possession. You are the parent who will teach that child how to live in this world and use its abundance for his benefit. YOu will teach him about good and evil and whats right and wrong,. YOU will teach him about endurance and strength of character and planning and execution of power .
IT is all on YOU.
Now go home and take control of this situation like a good ole' fashioned Dad.

i could take that stance but It's not very practical. My GF is not that vindictive and if something was wrong with joe she would call me and I would be on the first flight back home. Nor was I calling to talk to him. he can't talk yet. he mumbles stuff from time to time, but he can't talk yet.

i was calling to talk to her. so taking any stance having to do with the baby is just as bad to me as her using the baby as justification for her to do what she pleases, if that makes any sense. in other words, I can't say "damnit I have a right to talk to my child" when at the same time getting mad at a woman that says "if you don't do this I am going to take the baby and leave". Both of us are using the child as leverage to get what we want.

like i said, what will be will be. but I do have to step my game back up, that much is apparant to me.

The important thing is congruency. A change in behavior is almost always a sign that SOMETHING is amiss.

As you said, if you've been together for two years you probably do want to make sure you aren't becoming complacent. It's sad, but there is no rest or retreat for a Man. You always have to stay on point.

yeah she's definitely luke warm on you and dropping hints. I would do a takeaway and see if she takes the bait. sounds like you guys are long distance? any way to change that?

dude, she LIVES with me. I'm in arkansas for business and there was no reason for her to come with me so she's at home until I get back.

I really like her, but if she doesn't want to be with me than she can leave, and I mean it. Doesn't mean I don't like her, on the contary, I like her a hell of alot. But I love myself and I"m not going though what I went though to originallly get me here again. I admit I have been a little too lax in the past couple of months and this could be a result of that. if she starts to play anything other than that she can go and that's that.

umm.. yeah. joe was throwing a temper tantrum which is why she said she was busy, then proceeded to throw her phone in the kitchen sink in the mist of his tantrum. she went and picked up a new phone today and we talked for a good while today. all is fine.

I edited this thread because this stupid 10 post rule and i had double posted anyway. that is a very very stupid rule that needs to be changed. I can't even delete my double post.

I called her earlier in the day tuesday and again later that night and she texted me telling me she is "initiating the one phone call rule"

we've been dating for almost 2 years now, she has some interest.

she LIVES with me

I like her a hell of alot

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Apparently, more then she likes you.

So she's on the bottom of the relationship seesaw keeping you stuck up in the air.

You know how to bring that power back, doncha? Jump off the seesaw.

This ain't just about making a phone call.

STR8UP said:

It's sad, but there is no rest or retreat for a Man. You always have to stay on point.

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I agree with this, and I don't want my post to sound like I don't. That said, I'd hope that my wife/live-in girlfriend, who's supposed to be my life-long partner, who's had my child, invested so much time in me, etc. could be trustworthy and a mature enough person to not abandon ship if things get rough. I mean, sh1t happens, men lose jobs, get down on confidence for whatever reason, accidents happen, etc. I want my wife to be there for me no matter what, even if I was disfigured.

I doubt I'd EVER, knowing what I know now, get into a serious time consuming relationship with someone if I had the least little doubt they'd turn on me if I made a human mistake that goes against "the rules of DJ". I mean, this phone call BS? What the h3ll's that about?

Now, with THAT being said, you have to live your life like a man, and we all know what that means. You can't veer too far from your principles. For instance, I don't have to "keep up my DJ guard" anymore, it just comes naturally.

 may I ask you this: why are you having a baby with a girl you "like" and are not married to? Just wondering about the logistics of it, and what advantages it serves you (other than you having to have to pay child support for 18 years when your relationship ends)

And the relationship WILL end, they all do if you think about it logically, and damn man, you don't even LOVE her and already bringing another life into this world? Again, what's your reasoning behind having a baby? (and it looks like you knocked her up before you were dating her for a year), have you ever heard of condoms?

Cmon dude, you are pretty much breaking all the rules here:

You are exclusive with a woman that you just "really like" - strike one

You are living with her while she is your one and only girlfriend - strike two

You had a baby with her, and will be paying child support your whole young life - strike three, YOU'RE OUT!!

Go listen to Tom Leykis, and smarten up

Rule of thumb... if you're getting involved in drama, you're losing. You should be pulling your girl out of her shallow and unproductive games, not getting sucked in.

Retreat & re-evaulate

Hello Backbreaker,
In general the situation you describe is two people who are very dependant on each other.....you seem a very helpful caring father and she is missing you very much.....She has young Joe to care for and sometimes things get very stressful....kids that age(the terrible twos)are particularly irksome and very frustrating,how do we vent frustration,aggression that's how,and you are the poor sod who cops it....The advice to be adversarial with her is stupid in the extreme....Believe me a few hours together when you get back,a little present and everything will be tickety boo.....Be thankful that she is not the typical female who wants constant phone contact that's my usual situation...and Backbreaker,a word of advice whether in business or personal relations,never get upset on the Phone,it is a most unsuitable medium for sorting out emotional problems.

backbreaker said:

I'm out of town, have been for about a week and my GF is back home. to make a long story short, I have not heard from here in a couple of days. I've called her. I called her earlier in the day tuesday and again later that night and she texed me telling me she is "initiating the one phone call rule", so I left it at that. she does have the baby and I know how I can get sometimes. but I did not hear from here yesterday either.

I'm probably just overreacting, but should I be alarmed? I have decided I am not going to call her until she calls me and even then I will probably screen the call and take a few day to myself while i"m out. I go back sunday night.

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Wow dude I know you and I have had a few differences in the past...but what she is doing is BS. One call rule? WTF? If my gf said that to me first I would laugh, then I would say ok your ONE call is over, then I would be wondering wtf is going on because there is something MAJORILY wrong either with her or the relationship to be saying that kind of sh1t.

IF i were you I would pull back NOW. Let her wonder just where you are and what you are doing.

For once I agree with you cordon.

That is unless she profusely apologizes to backbreaker when he gets back.

Sometimes women get into a b!tchy mood and forget themselves and then later apologize.

If that doesn't happen BB either has to step up his game or decide if he's going to pull one of the biggest nexts of his life or even simply try the old take away and see how that works.

WC2 said:

But over the years I've learned that women are just like this. They move like the wind. One day they blow in a positive direction, the next day a negative one. It's not always necessarily US and even if it is, it's impossible for any man to keep a woman 100% happy all the time.

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I disagree. Every time in the past, without exception, when a woman has changed her pattern with me, it was the beginning of the end. In the early days I didn't realize it in the beginning when she started to change, but in every one of these situations the relationship was over within short order.

My last couple of relationships I spotted it though. The last chick that I was seeing for more than a couple of months.....her pattern started to change, and sure enough, it was another guy. TWO MONTHS later she emails me to tell me what's up. I totally saw it coming from the first night when she was out of town and didn't return my text as she ALWAYS had in the past.

Women with PROPER interest will NOT sway with the wind when it comes to patterns of behavior like this.

okay here is an update.

we talked for about an hour and a half yesterday. There was more to it than I realized. I had called her on Monday and there was alot of stuff I needed done and I was telling her she needed to do this and she needed to do that. Someone cuts our yard and I told her she needs to stop and pay the guy that does that beucase he was supposed to come again yesterday and I had forgot to pay him before I left and I wanted to make sure the yard was going to be cut, and she needed to do some other personal things,. she didn't say a nything then, but basically what it boiled down to, is that she didn't apprciate me telling her bossing her around. I didn't feel I was bossing her around, but at the same time, I know her, and she's finicy like that when it comes to that.

anyway, I didn't even realize I was doing it, just have alot on my m ind and not being there when I had things that needed to be done.

So tuesday comes and she has let it built up and now she really doesn't want to talk which is why she didnt' pick up the phone. Later that night Joe (my son who she was busy with) threw a temper tantrom and threw her phone in the sink, she had to get another one, picked it up yesterday, hence why she hasn't called back. She says it was a temper tandtrom, but he is at that age where he likes to explore ****. I would not be suprised if he just grabed her p hone and tried to play with it and dropped it in the sink. he's not the temper tantrom type. yet.

anyway, we talked about it, and she pointed out what I did, didn't get mad, just pointed out she did not apprciate it and that she felt like I was being too much like a boss, which is something I do from time to time. I apologized if I hurt her feelings and she apologized for not picking up the phone, we talked, had a good time, all is well.

Yeah, we have never really had a knock down drag out fight, but we have had up's and downs. I trust her and she trusts me, in part becuase neither of us would have much of a problem replacing each other.

If anything, I've grown up with women in this relationsihp. when I came here I got the I can bang 3 different women a week part down, and pretty much who I wanted. But I have learned alot about women, how they think, and how to deal with them. you just can't jump ship at the sign of distress, which is why I said I was going to proceed with caution but it was alarming and not like her. she normally blows up my phone. which is cool. I know when to let her have her space, when she wants attention, when she is down and not in the mood to have a real conversation.

something was up.. she didn't like something I did, and I respect her for coming to me and being able to talka bout it like an adult. she didn't yell, she wasn't even mad or angry, but told me that hey, I don't like this, becuase I stuff it in and then I will go off and then we will fight or worse. I don't particually like her using my house as a showcase for her friends. I come home and all types of woman I dont' know are at my house, and they are nice people but I dont know them. And I tell her about that when it bothers me and she does a good job of respecting how I feel.

anyway, all seems to be fine.