I have compltely utterly failed

Well I suck, I am very pissed off with intermittent bursts of laughter. I don't know if I'm more angry at myself of because who I am or that I let it happen or it's even bugging me.

Anyways the girl I've made several threads about including the most recent
Should I end my friendship with this girl? Ending up having sex and lost her virginity on Sunday, obviously it wasn't with me or I would have used a different title. I spent basically all of Friday and all of Saturday with her, even took her to a party at my house and had plenty of alcohol and she ends up fucking some dude the next day.

I'm trying to figure out why I am so hurt and upset by this. I was able to keep my cool while I was around her and her friend when she told me this but when I left I completely lost it. I know this shouldn't piss me off and it's only a sign of my insecurity. I didn't even think I liked her that much so why am I so mad? After spending all the time with her that I did, I feel betrayed. I'm such a loser.

I don't know what to do with her anymore. Now that she is having sex I really don't want to be her "girlfriend" who she talks to and spends time with. If I can have sex with her as well I think I'm pretty sure I'll be fine. If she doesn't want to be more than friends then I cannot see her anymore.

I absolutely hate the fact that I suck with girls so badly. I don't know what to or say to make sure this ends in my favor. Why am I always getting hurt by women?

Is there any possible way I can end up having sex with her?

i've been in so many situations like this before, spent two years of college this way.

its never bothered me that i've lost the girl, but more that my game is poor. i think if you can get to a point where your game is tight and you can control yourself, it won't matter what anyone else does, nothing will bother you.

being friendzoned is a huge problem for me, it sounds like it is for you too. i'd like some answers for this one too, it seems if your a decent, friendly guy, women will see you as just a friend.

Yeah, I know how that feels. Why would you want to have sex with her if she lost her virginity with someone else? I'd be offended and just forget about her if I wasn't her first and she just went with someone like slickaz.

Was it slickaz? Hello? That's right -- did you hear me, did you do this to Maxtro's girl? How could you?

Take it as a learning lesson and move on.

Begin working on becoming the full package. The man who conquers himself. It is really all inner work. If you get that handled, all other will take care of itself.

Cut her loose. Focus your efforts and attention somewhere else.

the only girl i mention on this site in my posts - the girl i work with at the cinema - pulled a ljbf-esque line on me. Of course I'm not an AFC, I don't give her much attention, I don't supplicate, and so forth. We don't even talk often at all, and we're most definitely not buds or anything - she didn't even ljbF me, she said "can we just stay like how we are?" which at that point I laughed inside and thought "I don't need this bs." I smiled and started talking to someone else.
She's just another girl, and she wasn't into me. I'm not being any different with her afterwards, still doing my own thing and being short with her like I always am, and I found out through a colleague that apparently she feels I'm not talking to her for some reason.

But guess what? She's gonna have to do better than that. She hasn't made my efforts worth my time so I'm moving on - there's nothing for me there.
Mind you, this is a girl who has never had a boyfriend before, so you could tell me "stick in there bro, it's just her defenses!", but there's only so much I'll put up with.
She communicated to me that she's not into me - if that's not the case, then she'll have to show me that she wants to go out sometime. Otherwise, I'm putting 2 and 2 together and getting on with life.

And you know what else? I was deathly afraid of getting into the friend zone. It is too easy to get into the friend zone at work or in similar environments - guys can only really make moves after the girl shows interest first in these situations, so I resorted to not approaching her, being short, not running 'game' on her, being physical every now and then, but all-in-all Not Being Friendly. And you know what? I got all the signs I expected - she approached, talked, got close, stuck around me, tried to get my attention, tried to get me to talk to her when I wasn't, and so forth. But I got the same result - a pseudo-ljbf.

Even if a girl shows you lots of signs that she wants your attention and company and wants to be around you, it doesn't mean anything if she isn't actually interested in you. And if she IS interested in you but gets flakey and makes things impossible for you, then have enough self respect to say to yourself "I did my part, now she can do hers if she wants to, but I'm not going to hold my breath."

My point is that sometimes you "fail" just because that's how sh!t went down. sometimes you can't really change the outcome - if she isn't into you, then it's doubtful any tricks or ganji crap will work. Don't weigh it on yourself or your abilities.
I mean, maybe I could've done better with this girl - maybe build rapport and trust without falling into the friend-zone - but she's just a silly young girl. Dating isn't something that happens miraculously - sometimes it's as simple as people hooking up and spending a month or two seeing each other. So if she's into you and you showed her you're into her in a manly way, then maybe she'll come around. But maybe she won't.
But it's not your fault.


Regarding this girl, the one thing that bothers me is that, even though she switched to not-interested mode when I asked her out, she turns back to 'everything's normal' mode afterwards, as if she doesn't get what's going on. Coyness has to be one of my new big pet peeves. If you ain't interested, and you know I am, then back off woman. I've already backed off (even though I'm always like that anyways), and she should get with the program.

randalll said:

i've been in so many situations like this before, spent two years of college this way.

its never bothered me that i've lost the girl, but more that my game is poor. i think if you can get to a point where your game is tight and you can control yourself, it won't matter what anyone else does, nothing will bother you.

being friendzoned is a huge problem for me, it sounds like it is for you too. i'd like some answers for this one too, it seems if your a decent, friendly guy, women will see you as just a friend.

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Yeah the fact that my game is poor is making me very angry. I know that if I was better I could have fucked her a long time ago. Hell if my game was good I could still do her.

I would love to get to the point where matters like this wouldn't bug me. And yes I am constantly being frienzoned.

Luke Skywalker said:

Yeah, I know how that feels. Why would you want to have sex with her if she lost her virginity with someone else? I'd be offended and just forget about her if I wasn't her first and she just went with someone like slickaz.

Was it slickaz? Hello? That's right -- did you hear me, did you do this to Maxtro's girl? How could you?

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Actually I still want to do her. It would have been more "special if I was her first. The odds of finding a virgin these days are quite rare. Right now I think I'm feeling intense jealousy. I have my stupid "nice guy" logic that I spent all this time with her I should have been the one to have sex with her.

AGBourne said:

Take it as a learning lesson and move on.

Begin working on becoming the full package. The man who conquers himself. It is really all inner work. If you get that handled, all other will take care of itself.

Cut her loose. Focus your efforts and attention somewhere else.

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What lesson can I learn from this? How about, that you must move quickly with women, or that women have no problem pretending that men are their girlfriends also that women really don't care how much time you spend with them.

Right now though, I do not want to cut her loose. I have invested way too much time and energy into her. I know it's possible to recover and get what I want from her I just don't know how to pull it off.

I am so fed up with screwing up with girls and ending up in the friendzone. I NEED to start having some sexsess. I know that if I was better with girls I wouldn't be having this problem and I could be happy knowing that she's having fun.

Ugh I'm so pissed off. I want to talk to her in person tonight but she has too much HW and wants to meet on Thursday. But I don't know if there is any point. I don't have any confidence in myself that anything good will come out of it. I also just don't want to wait. I'm angry now dammit! Though she has no idea if this affected me at all. I want to tell her how I feel but I know nothing good can come from it.

How the hell do I get rid of the anger. How do I make sure I don't get pissed off whenever I run into her? How do I stop this fucking cycle of disappointment from happening?

MisterMcGee, one thing you need to know about me is that I have been failing nonstop with women since the day I hit puberty. Only one girl has ever liked me enough to kiss me and we were only together for two weeks and she was a pig.

What I really don't get is why girls want to be around and be with guys they are not interested in. Why did she ask me to go with her to get her nose pierced and not the guy who fucked her? Why did she even go to the party at my house when the only person she knowns is me. Why did she let me put my hand on her legs, and have my arms around her waist and shoulder? What the hell is going through the bitches mind? Once again why am I so mad? I wouldn't be exclusive with her. There's another girl that I'd really like to do. I would love to be fucking both of them plus more girls.

I guess it's because of this. A slut is a girl who does everybody. A bitch is a girl who does everybody but you. I shouldn't care if she does other people, as long as I get to do her. But I havn't done her yet and odds are I won't to. And she'd be nothing more than another bitter memory. I'm so sick of having bitter memory's from girls

Maxtro said:

Actually I still want to do her. It would have been more "special if I was her first. The odds of finding a virgin these days are quite rare. Right now I think I'm feeling intense jealousy. I have my stupid "nice guy" logic that I spent all this time with her I should have been the one to have sex with her.

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I would be so offended if someone lost her virginity with someone else, as evidently so in the past, that even if they were the most attractive woman in the world and was nice to me, I would not respect her and feel betrayed. To me she would be a traitor. You spend so much time with her and she just went with another guy while you are frigging struggling to connect with her sexually? That sucks. It's like you are in the desert, and you have no water and you are thirsty, and are waiting for the last drop of water to come out of the bottle, then you see some guy taking a shower beside you...that just sucks.

You don't know if she's got STD's -- she better be tested now. She must have fell with a stud that's slept with 100 ladies and has all the STD's in the book. Who knows if she even has protected sex. I'd get her tested before going that far.

You already lost your virginity to a hor or some loose girl so it doesn't bother you that much I guess. If you had sex before, then you'll probably see sex is not that big of a deal. Whatever, right?

Well I feel better now. I just got of the phone with my Dad. He helped me to understand some things. I'm no longer pissed.

There would be no point in staying mad at her and ending our friendship because of this. I got hurt because I was attached but I'll get over it. I just need to keep improving and go after other girls. Maybe one day she'll get jeaolus and chase me.

Yeah I felt that she betrayed me. But I probably didn't do a good enough job letting her know I'm in to her. She told me she used protection. There is no point in worrying about extremes.

Anyways I'll see her Wed or Thurs and see what I can pull off.

Hey Maxtro, I was giving advices to you on your other thread because i have been where you are now...

Did you read my post about having oneitis with one of my best friends girl?

Thats it, it sucks!!! Anger, sadness, frustration, all this feelings come up when things like this happen.

Sure you have feelings for her, no problem to admit it to us or to yourself.

Now, just go focus on your life, life is all about self improvement and not about chasing sex or love from girls...

Your mission is to become the man you dream and want to be. It a long way, but really, is the only thing in life that you should be putting your energy.

If you want to succeed with girls, read all the info here and try to apply it on your daily life, to be a DJ (a real man) is not only about taking some girl's virginity, but its also being able to deal with all this negative feelings and keep on pushing yourself towards your goals no matter how you feel or what may happen in your life.

Your feelings for this girl will never go away if you dont allow it to go... MOVE ON.

Maxtro said:

Well I suck, I am very pissed off with intermittent bursts of laughter. I don't know if I'm more angry at myself of because who I am or that I let it happen or it's even bugging me.

Anyways the girl I've made several threads about including the most recent
Should I end my friendship with this girl? Ending up having sex and lost her virginity on Sunday, obviously it wasn't with me or I would have used a different title. I spent basically all of Friday and all of Saturday with her, even took her to a party at my house and had plenty of alcohol and she ends up fucking some dude the next day.

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Well,I've been through this before and I know how you feel....but I still have to put you on blast a little. When I went through this,I didn't have this forum to bounce things off of and learn from. You've been here 5 years man. This shouldn't have happened to you.

Maxtro said:

I'm trying to figure out why I am so hurt and upset by this.

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You're hurt and upset because you like her and you were interested in her,and some other guy got what you wanted. You're emotionally invested in her,but you haven't gotten a return on that investment,at least not the kind of return you were hoping for. If her sleeping with this other guy has made you angry,then hold on to something,because what I'm about to say is really going to sent to over the edge:I doubt her sleeping with this guy was a ONS,which means that she and this dude have probably been talking,vibing,and spending time together the whole time you've been interested in her.

Maxtro said:

I was able to keep my cool while I was around her and her friend when she told me this...

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You see this right here? This should never have happened. Your other thread was called,"Should I end my friendship with this girl?". Your friendship. That's why she told you about her and that other guy,because she sees you as a friend. And you can't blame her for this because that's all you've projected to her,because you were too afraid to reveal your true interest to her. It's like I said in your other thread,"there's no pause button on attraction". What? Did you expect her to stay single and celibate until you finally got the courage to ask her out? You snooze,you loose my friend.

Maxtro said:

but when I left I completely lost it.

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Uh....what does this mean? What do you mean by you lost it? Did you cry? Put your fist through a wall? You mean you lost it over some girl you're not even dating?

Maxtro said:

I don't know what to do with her anymore. Now that she is having sex I really don't want to be her "girlfriend" who she talks to and spends time with.

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Dude,you just don't get it. You say you don't want to be her "girlfriend" now that she's having sex. What difference does it make now? You been her girlfriend all this time,and now that she's sleeping with some guy,now all of the sudden,you don't want to continue the staus quo.

Maxtro said:

If I can have sex with her as well I think I'm pretty sure I'll be fine. If she doesn't want to be more than friends then I cannot see her anymore.

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This is not going to happen. You just a car with a tire stuck in a slippery,muddy hole. You can't get out. And the more you try,the more you press the gas,then more energy you waste,and the deeper you get into the rut. And you know that if you just start to not hang around her and avoid her,she's going to notice and wonder why.

Maxtro said:

I absolutely hate the fact that I suck with girls so badly. I don't know what to or say to make sure this ends in my favor. Why am I always getting hurt by women?

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Well,I don't know the answer to this,but I do know why this situation turned out like it did. One word:fear. You were too afraid to show your interest in her so instead,you tried to get her through the friend route,which never,ever works out. You only get stuck there. Now while you're stuck being her friend,some other guy come in,generated attraction with her,and now she's dating him.

Maxtro said:

Is there any possible way I can end up having sex with her?

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No,not with this girl. It's over with.

Maxtro said:

I spent basically all of Friday and all of Saturday with her, even took her to a party at my house and had plenty of alcohol and she ends up fucking some dude the next day.

I'm trying to figure out why I am so hurt and upset by this. I was able to keep my cool while I was around her and her friend when she told me this but when I left I completely lost it. I know this shouldn't piss me off and it's only a sign of my insecurity. I didn't even think I liked her that much so why am I so mad? After spending all the time with her that I did, I feel betrayed. I'm such a loser.

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You feel this way because you had too much invested. You feel like since you spent all this time with her and gave her free alcohol (and whatever else you did) that you should have been the one that got to be with her, and you're depressed because you see it as a reflection on yourself that she chose someone else to do this with instead of the person already there (you).

Did you ever try making a move at all? This stuff happens. Try not to get so caught up in the situation (easier said than done).

Well we had "the talk." She never knew I liked her, and that she is oblivious to those sort of things. She sees me more as just a friend. She thinks hooking up will make things awkward. Of course it couldn't possibly be more awkward then it is now.

Anyways I got my LBJF. I'm done.

Fission Mailed

maxtro stay friends with her and use her for going to to bars and such..also she can introduce you to some of her friends.

don't be a fool, a female friend is a great tool. I bet if I had a few of those I wouldn't be having problems getting laid

Maxtro said:

Well we had "the talk." She never knew I liked her, and that she is oblivious to those sort of things. She sees me more as just a friend. She thinks hooking up will make things awkward. Of course it couldn't possibly be more awkward then it is now.

Anyways I got my LBJF. I'm done.

Fission Mailed

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ugh you failed..now you won't be able to just stay friends with her.

Staying just friends would have eaten at my soul. I needed a solid answer. Anyways she still wants to be friends I don't know if I'm strong enough for that as I am.

I just need to make sure that the next girl I meet doesn't want to be my friend.

"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

Go live the dream.

Take out all of the emotional investments you put towards this girl--which is a lot... and spread it out with many females.

Hmm freedom? I've spent a lot of time and emotional investments into her. Much more then I should have. Now I have no choice to focus on other girls and I need to make sure that I don't put this much energy into one girl again.

I am surprised that she doesn't hate me or anything like that. So I learned that rejection isn't as harsh as I thought it would be.

Anyways I have nobody to blame but myself. That's what hurts the most. At least I can improve. It's going to be a long and hard journey but one that I need to take or I'll die.

Yeah man... rejection is never a personal thing.

Think of it this way: Everyone has their ideal needs and wants.

You showed her what you had to offer, but she needed something different, so she politely declined.

There's plenty of other females looking for what you have to offer.

Now that I think of it, I could have easily just said, "There's plenty of fish in the sea", but I wouldn't have sounded as philosophical.

Here's my real advice: You've been here for 5 years... you've read all of the material, and you know all of the "tricks". Take a break from the site... and just live. The material will come naturally now that you know what's right and what's wrong. You'll stop worrying about what you did wrong... you'll stop analyzing every little info. The main reason you're hesitating is because you're able to come to this site, type up your story, wait a few days for people to reply, and eventually come up with a plan. Cut out the things that are slowing you down, until they don't seem like obstacles slowing you down anymore. Then, come back and share the wealth.

Go be successful in whatever you do. Women are just a byproduct of success. Kill two birds with one stone.

Feeling sorry for yourself won't have females chasing you or even give you a second look.

Ugh was finally able to fall asleep around 12:00 and now I woke up at 2:30am. I'm just so mad at myself. When I realized that the other girl I like probably likes me even less then this one does I just lost all energy. Again I need to go out and find all new girls and start over. One would think that after 14 years of going after girls I would have had at least one success.

For who I am now, there is nobody looking for what I can offer. I need to somehow turn my sadness, anger, frustration and desperation into real motivation. I think this hurts so much because I'm not just seeing her reject me, I'm seeing every girl I've ever liked reject me all at once. A future of loneliness terrifies me. And yet the fear is almost paralyzing me so I can't act.

This site has been a double edged sword. I have learned a lot of stuff but that I have serious issues with myself makes the stuff I learned irrelevant. I should be a master at this stuff, I should have been easily been able to get what I want from her. She's just a stupid immature 18 year old and I'm a 27 year old "Master Don Juan." I have been here a long time and I can actually give great advice pretty often. But I simply can't apply it to myself.

I don't know where I'm going to go from here. I foolishly thought my path with her would lead to sex and I would get a much needed confidence boost. But now that boost will not come, I got the opposite effect. The last thing I needed was to have what little confidence I had drained from me.

How do I change my priorities to make sure women aren't number 1. Heck if somebody were to ask me what my top 10 goals are, 1-9 have something to do with women.

So now I know a few things about what I did wrong. I just hope the energy to put into new girls quickly becomes available.

Thanks for taking the time to write guys.

Edit: I've come to another realization. When I find out she had sex, I felt like she had cheated on me. But I thought that was stupid since we weren't even together. But then I just now realized, that in my mind it's like we've been dating since October. We did everything together except for actually making out and having sex as well as not doing anything in between. But there was a deep emotional connection. She was the closest thing I had to an actual relationship

Edit: Again. BTW it's now 4:43 and I'm still awake.

I just now realized that I was cheating, as in not playing by the rules of relationships. Instead of actually making my intentions fully known I was secretive for fear of rejection. If I wasn't hiding odds are we would have only gone on one or two dates. But because I went the friends route we ended up having like 12 of them. So now I'm wondering what is the difference between friends hanging out and people on a date? Did the fact I didn't try to kiss her make it not a date? Or was it also because none of us really knew the others intentions?

Because we never did anything physical I knew that we weren't dating but a part of me actually believed we were.

maxtro

i used to have the major hots for a girl who happeed to be one of my best friends...

everytime we got very close to getting it on, it felt akward and wrong.. she is one of my best friends... i knew going there would ruin everything..its a shame i valued her friendship so much bc fu$ing her would def be fun...

now i have no feelings for her.. she is still super hot which is perfect bc it means she has plenty of superhot friends as well.. on sat night im going out with her and her mates to get fu%ed up and party.....

also i have had good girl mates i have hooked into before and it ruins everything... especially if someone has feelings involved...

best piece of advise is to use her to get to her hot mates.. if that doesnt work then feed her full of coke to get her super horny and then make yr move