Ugly situation

hi guys,

got a situation.

been with my GF for over 4 years now, still very much in love. have big plans together
and also live together. i am from Boston.

lately she has been talking about this guy at work slightly older guy. i seen him around and
didnt take much notice of him. bit short and well build. he recently broke up with his gf and
has been battling some wierd depression since. he also told my missus that he likes her but
knows she is out with me.
anyway i have noticed that my GF has been spending a lot of time chatting to him, both
online and catching up for work drinks and even went away on a trip with his friends together
(believe me I was pissed off). she was away for 3 days and came back later on like
everything was cool. after this i told her to stay away from him since then and she agreed!
i told her that he has a crush on her.

ok moving on...

i thought all was innocent till i found some chat conversations between him and my missus on her
PC.
the chats started off as playful but progressed into him saying how he is looking forward to
going away on a trip with my missus for 1 week to Rome (my missus is Italian).
she told me that she and her aunty is going together, NO ONE else is coming. so she lied to me.

seems like she is going on this trip with him and wants to keep it secret, not sure if her aunt is
definatly going to Rome.

the last straw broke when i saw their chat talking about having sex and how they both enjoyed it!
so she is clearly cheating on me with this shmuck! he also confessed to her having more women
on the side and she is OK with that and he seems to be the one who wants to end this affair,
but she still says she wants to "keep in touch" with him. she said she wants to go away for an ight
again!

i am furious and upset, but still will not do anything to her because i love her and i am not
a jealous type. but to me this relationship is over.

i am 100% made up to end this relationship. the problem is she lives with me and her pomeranian dog.

she is going away to Italy in May and I want to make sure she no longer lives in my apartment
(i own it outright) prior she goes away. she has a lot of things like a car, lots of furniture,
TV, a dog and many clothes. i want all her crap out of my house.

so my question is: HOW DO I CONFRONT HER??? I have that guys number, i wanted to call him
and say "hey dude this is (the GF's BF) she told me what happened on that trip away with you,
she told me how one thing led to another, how u guys fooled around and ended up sleeping together,
and she is pretty much heavy into you. now i love her and respect her feelings and decisions,

but i want to know one thing from u, man to man, are u wanting to pursue a relationship with her,
or was this just a casual thing?"

then ill let him talk. if he does great, if he hides then... i have the chats to prove she is a *****.

then once i finish chatting to him. i want to confront my GF. i want to print out all those 8 chats.
and have it with me. then i want to basically ask her if she really wants me to know something about that guy.

(i have asked her about him many times before and denied FURRIOUSLY) actually when she is wrong, she always denies.
its in her slutty nature.

If she keeps denying, ill show her the chats printed, and then say "its over"... walk out and let her chase me
to give me some gay ass explanation.

ultimately i then want to drill into her that she has plenty of time to move out of my apartment,
before she goes to Rome. i dont want any of her **** to stay ta my place.

then once she moves out, cut all contact with her and try and lead my life again, maybe meet
a new girl or two and try and start dating again.

sorry for my writing, i am really upset and hurt and not thinking very well.

i loved this girl. i cheated on her over 3 years ago but have got her to forgive me since then.

Any advice on how to bring it up to her?

This is what you do - you don't confront anybody, and May is too far out so there's no time to lose:

Take all of her stuff and place it in bags / cardboard boxes. Leave it outside your door and tell her to come pick it up. That's it.

When she comes by hand over her dog. She can hire movers to come pick up the furniture (after scheduling with you of course). Change the locks and kick her out.

I have done it 2 times before - just took all of her crap, placed it in boxes drove to her house and dumped it there (or her parent's house). In your case it seems that you might need a van - that's why I suggest the hallway or just scheduling a pickup, otherwise you throw everything outside. Be tough and don't budge - that's the hardest part since she's going to cry and tell you that she's sorry etc (or freak out - depending on your girl). You stick to your plan.

Don't over-analyze - just do it. Don't give her an explanation, she will know why you did it.

Please let me know how it goes - kick her out ASAP - will await your post with confirmation.

Dear Lollita luvr,
Take Zulus advice and also change your locks,or add a new dead lock.

Get away from her as soon as you can. It's all over but the crying.


Cheers!

This is why you don't shack up with the first girl that comes along.

If you had spent any time at all playing the field before jumping into a live-in relationship, you would've known right away that the "getting drinks after work" was a bad, BAD sign. I know this because that's how I was gaming this girl I worked with who also had a live-in boyfriend. (she thought it wasn't "cheating" as long as I didn't get her pants off )

You also would've seen it as OBVIOUS that if she's going on three-day trips with him and his friends, WITHOUT you, that she was cheating on you. You said you were pissed...what, did you "take her back"? Did you believe her cute little bullsh*t story?? Geezus, man. You're letting her walk ALL over you!!

Kick her out. You don't have to explain SH!T. Just tell her, "I know you're cheating on me, I've taken it for too long. You've got 2 weeks to get all of your stuff out of my house. If it's not gone by then, your stuff's going to a storage lock-up, your dog's going to the kennel, and the locks are getting changed. I don't care if you have to cancel your trip to Italy with Fabio or whoever, make the arrangements, or I will."

You'll get the blame-game. You'll get the sob-story. She'll try everything she can to make things work in her favor or make you seem like the bad guy. The only bad thing you did is put up with her cheating ass for that long. STICK BY YOUR GUNS when you do this. If she manages to get you to give her any slack on this, she will continue to cuckold you for the rest of your life.

Don't bother with him. "He stole my girl" is not a valid defense against assault charges in court...you just don't want the hassle. It doesn't matter who she cheated with. The point is she cheated. Kick the b!tch to the curb.


THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T MOVE IN WITH WOMEN YOU'RE DATING!!

What IS it with men in this century?? Why is moving in with someone you're NOT EVEN MARRIED TO so damned popular?? It is, hands-down, THE worst thing you can do with a woman. The only thing worse than letting your girlfriend move in is moving in with your girlfriend...then SHE can kick YOU out.

Here is my .02 cents. When she comes home tonight, tell her that things are not working out, and you would like her to move out. DO not do anything crazy just tell her that she has 2 weeks to find a new place to live and you would appreicate her sleeping on the couch. Goto HOME Depot and get a lock for your room. Place all valuables in there and lock your door whenever you leave. At this point Damage control is key, you do not want her to
A. Break all yout Stuff
B. Steal any of your stuff
C. Have her loser midget boyfriend break/steal your stuff.

Do not get into it, do not cave into her crying etc, tell her she has got to leave.

Screw her...

I was going to post into this, but I think that I might just sit here for a few minutes and shake my head in disbelief.

Thanks guys for all the replies.

I am not a newbie to the game... I have been with a lot of women, have had many longterm relationships... just chose to move in with her as it was convienient at the time...

Anyway I agree, I will ask her to leave within the next week, two max. Ill print out all the chats she had online and throw it in her face in case she does not get why I am breaking up with her and shuving her out the door.

I have even come across some chats where that guy has asked her to move in with him to live. I guess he will have to take her dog too now apart from her other stuff. She will need a truck to get all her things and I wont be helping.

The most upsetting thing is that I have asked her literally 10s of times to come clean and tell me what really happened between her and that guy... she never did. She simply said NOTHING, we are just friends.

I also busted them sitting in a car together late at night near this bar that I go rarely... and AGAIn a month later them two alone in a bar when she was meant to be out with her girlfriends...

So thats too much proof against her.

And you guys are right, she was the first and last girl that I will ever live with again... wife yes, GF never.


PS cant kick her out now as I have a very important week lined up ahead business wise... I cant let this affect me, my spirit or my judgements as I can feel that I will lose any cool that I have had left. This **** is like a cancer... you let a girl too close and she ends up raping you.

Lollita_Luvr said:

The most upsetting thing is that I have asked her literally 10s of times to come clean and tell me what really happened between her and that guy... she never did. She simply said NOTHING, we are just friends.

I also busted them sitting in a car together late at night near this bar that I go rarely... and AGAIn a month later them two alone in a bar when she was meant to be out with her girlfriends...

Click to expand...

How much "proof" did you need ? Sheesh !
You needed to bust her when you discovered that he and she were chatting online and they were having drinks together. THAT was cheating..it started long before the zippers were zipping.

jophil28 said:

How much "proof" did you need ? Sheesh !
You needed to bust her when you discovered that he and she were chatting online and they were having drinks together. THAT was cheating..it started long before the zippers were zipping.

Click to expand...

I know.

I just didnt see anything until she told me that that guy said he likes her... and at the time, I thought she was being honest and told me that hes after her. Meaning that she is not interested in him.


So no use in confronting this guy right, or giving him the black eye? Kick her out and let him look after her.

Start afresh and get on with my life?

Lollita_Luvr said:

I know.

I just didnt see anything until she told me that that guy said he likes her... and at the time, I thought she was being honest and told me that hes after her. Meaning that she is not interested in him.


So no use in confronting this guy right, or giving him the black eye? Kick her out and let him look after her.

Start afresh and get on with my life?

Click to expand...

Your argument is with her, not so much with him.

I really think that you need to switch on your early warning radar next time.

jophil28 said:

Your argument is with her, not so much with him.

I really think that you need to switch on your early warning radar next time.

Click to expand...

It was on...the klaxons were screaming in his face. He just chose to ignore them.

djzulu said:

This is what you do - you don't confront anybody, and May is too far out so there's no time to lose:

Take all of her stuff and place it in bags / cardboard boxes. Leave it outside your door and tell her to come pick it up. That's it.

When she comes by hand over her dog. She can hire movers to come pick up the furniture (after scheduling with you of course). Change the locks and kick her out.

I have done it 2 times before - just took all of her crap, placed it in boxes drove to her house and dumped it there (or her parent's house). In your case it seems that you might need a van - that's why I suggest the hallway or just scheduling a pickup, otherwise you throw everything outside. Be tough and don't budge - that's the hardest part since she's going to cry and tell you that she's sorry etc (or freak out - depending on your girl). You stick to your plan.

Don't over-analyze - just do it. Don't give her an explanation, she will know why you did it.

Please let me know how it goes - kick her out ASAP - will await your post with confirmation.

Click to expand...

Doing anything else but the above is only cushioning the fall for her. Don't think any longer about the situation by letting doubts creep into your head. Like if you talk it out and tell her to leave maybe she will scream and beg and you will feel like a man in control. No. 10 years from now you will look back and wish you did what Zulu said, so why not just do it now? Do it and you are in for a treat with her reaction. Do it during a time when she's not around. Then ignore her. Don't let her talk about anything with you until at least 5 days pass.

Good luck and I will be popping corn also awaiting your post with confirmation.

Edit: I'll send you $50 on paypal to help with the moving/movers costs and inconvenience if you do what Zulu said.

It just seems like you've taken so lomng to get to this point. You've been blinded by "love" - and hopefully you've learned from it.

Don't postpone it - not even for work. just rip it off like a band aid and move on.

The longer you leave it, the more time she will have to sow doubts into your mind - the softer your resolve will become.

You know she's a slvt - so kick her out tonight.

Just an update:

She is being quiet nice lately and I have been treating her well too just to see how she will act. I dont want to start treating her bad right now incase she picks anything up.

Now I have a few questions for guys who are used to long term relationships.

I have cheated on her over 3 years ago, 6 months into our relationship. She ended up finding out about it and confronting me... I denied and kept denying, until she pushed so hard that I cracked (she already spoke with the girl I cheated with anyway then).

After that we decided to keep the relationship going and it generally went well, took about a year or so for her to get my full trust back.

She has always told me that she and her sister has never cheated on BFs before and that if she ever wanted to, she would call the BF and say "its over" before doing anything. But based on the chats that I saw between her and that guy, I am not convinced now after reading that betwene them online.

However regarding their sex chat (him and her saying how good it was etc at that trip)... the guy must have thought that I was pretending to be my GF during the entire chat because at the end of the chat, he said "see ya later Lollita_Luvr, gotta go". BUT my GF was indeed writing the replies to him so it must have happened because she is typing it back to him. he also emailed her right after that to show the chat to her claiming that I may have been using her computer to type that.

I have not seen her response to him as yet.

So I guess still cheating.

But my ultimate question is, WHY doesnt she just leave me to go with him??
I read an email where she said that if she was free then she would not hesitate to move in with him, this was about 4 months ago, before the whole sex thing. Also her entire family lives in Italy so she has basically no one but friends here.

When I first busted them together in the car and in the bar, afterwards I told her "Look if u really like this guy and want to be with him, why dont u go with him, I am not keeping you, this is your life and I dont control you."

I said this many times however each time she refused and said "no i dont want to be with him we are just friends".

So is she feeling too slutty and because she told me she never cheats, then she feels bad about saying she did cheat. Or maybe she enjoys spending time with him doing whatever but does not see him as a BF/husband material as he cheats himself?

Also after me giving her so many chances to come clean (we did lovely things for Valentines day and recent anniversary and her birthday) where I literally poured my soul into her and told her how and why I cheated on her 4 years ago and how I will regret it forever, and then I told her that she can tell me if she ever did anything with that guy, why doesnt she come clean??

I guess she will deny it forever, even if I show her those chats printed??

if she just a chronic, lousy liar and in a complete state of denial now and forever?

I really want to print out those chats and show it to her cos that is the most solid proof I have without calling that guy and confronting him.

Dude face it, you know shes cheating but you dont really want to get rid of her or your too much of a ***** to say anything.

The other guys are right, you need to have kicked her the minute you found out, jeez.

it sounds like you are a good provider, and that is why she is staying around.

she is using you for the convenience and comfort, and getting her kicks elsewhere.

hover411 said:

it sounds like you are a good provider, and that is why she is staying around.

she is using you for the convenience and comfort, and getting her kicks elsewhere.

Click to expand...

I was thinking that too. She is a uni student studying art and doesn't have much money. She quit working part time a while ago to concentrate on her degree.

Its funny cos she has mentioned that that guy makes a crap load of money I guess she still does not see him as a provider though.

So when I do kick her out, will this send shock waves through her mind thinking that now she is on her own unless that guy takes pity on her and puts her up in his place?

Our sex is great, been shagging every night for a while now, its funny though, will I be able to shag her once I boot her out say a few months down the track after she calms down and relaxes? Sounds like she is not looking for a serious LTR atm anyway. (people change)

Lollita_Luvr said:

I really want to print out those chats and show it to her cos that is the most solid proof I have without calling that guy and confronting him.

Click to expand...

You seem a bit preoccupied with the notion you have something to prove to her. Like she's gonna magically crack and start bawling and begging for forgiveness for doing you so wrong (even though you recently reminded her of your infidelity so technically it's just payback in her mind).

Then what? I can't help but to think you'd fall for that BS in a second. Dude, this chick is poison. She doesn't leave you because she likes the security and familiarity you offer, while at the same time sneaking around and banging another dude. She has her cake and is eating it, too.

Do yourself a huge favor and get this chick out of your life ASA- muthufvckin-P. Don't be the guy who asks for advice on such a clear cut matter and not take it. Good luck homie.

Grow a set and end this already, stop evaluating everything, going over every detail just do it already.

Lesson for everyone here if you cheat and get caught things are never the same ever, no matter what you think...