I asked my gf what she thought of cubic zirconium..

My current gf and I have been together a little over a year now and the thought of marriage has crossed my mind. We were talking earlier today and I asked her if she'd marry a guy who gave her a cubic zirconium ring. Not that this is what I'd want to do, I was just interested in her reaction. She seemed kind of shocked and said it was a stupid question. Then she said absolutely not. This, and a few other conversations we've had are sounding like big red flags to me. What do you guys think?

A little more background info, she's ultra conservative so the whole ring giving "tradition" (or whatever) is a big deal to her. Which I'm fine with. What I was trying to figure out is if it's the actual symbol of the ring she cares about, or if she just wants something big and flashy to show her friends, which is a load of sh!t in my opinion.

When material things mean more to a woman than love or a woman equates expensive material objects with love these are GIANT red flags.

Do not EVER marry this woman.

You dodged a bullet.

Specifically you dodged a selfish goldigger.

And I know the AFC's can make all the excuses they want of oh she's been programmed to think this way by upbringing etc, etc its not her fault yadda yadda yadda but the thing is even if all that is true all of this is her baggage which you are not obligated to carry and it is not going to bring benefit or a happy marriage to your life so again I say...

Do not marry this girl.

EVER.

"which is a load of sh!t in my opinion."

Yeah see you're not even on the same wavelength on how you view the world.

This whole situation is a disaster just waiting to happen.

I mean I know opposites attract and all that but come on.

This sort of thing is needless frustration guys put themselves through simply to not be alone rather than getting out there and finding a girl whose views literally jive with theirs rather than what a guy is willing to tolerate to not be lonely.

I have to chime in with a different POV on this......

The issue here is that SOCIETY in general is so ingrained in the whole routine that almost any woman is going to feel like a cheap ass ho if she accepts a marriage proposal from a man who gives her a fake diamond.

Don't shoot the messenger....that's just how the western world operates.

Think about it. Even if all of her friends husbands got them fake diamonds and passed them off as real, your girl wouldn't be able to contain her embarassment at the thought that SHE is wearing costume jewelry.

And it really isn't her fault. It's the whole expectation women in general have today. She wouldn't be able to accept the fact even if she was cool with it cause in the back of her mind it would eat at her that "you didn't think enough of her to buck up and buy the rock".

It's sickening, i know it is, but it's part of the game. Women complain about men "objectifying them and such, then they turn around and place some arbitrary value on themselves and each other based upon the value of the ring on their finger.

Yet another one of the reasons why I'm in absolutely no hurry to get married.

a ring has no symbolization besides being collateral for women.

KontrollerX said:

When material things mean more to a woman than love or a woman equates expensive material objects with love these are GIANT red flags.

Do not EVER marry this woman.

You dodged a bullet.

Specifically you dodged a selfish goldigger.

And I know the AFC's can make all the excuses they want of oh she's been programmed to think this way by upbringing etc, etc its not her fault yadda yadda yadda but the thing is even if all that is true all of this is her baggage which you are not obligated to carry and it is not going to bring benefit or a happy marriage to your life so again I say...

Do not marry this girl.

EVER.

"which is a load of sh!t in my opinion."

Yeah see you're not even on the same wavelength on how you view the world.

This whole situation is a disaster just waiting to happen.

I mean I know opposites attract and all that but come on.

This sort of thing is needless frustration guys put themselves through simply to not be alone rather than getting out there and finding a girl whose views literally jive with theirs rather than what a guy is willing to tolerate to not be lonely.

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I agree with a lot of what you're saying, but she's definitely not a gold digger. She is almost done with nursing school and will have plenty of her own money soon. I think the real issue is like I said, shes super old fashioned and her parents and friends would think I'm a deadbeat if I didn't buy her a really nice ring. I'm not a deadbeat, I'm doing just fine. I just don't like the idea of spending stupid amounts of money on what is essentially a shiny rock. I'd rather put a down payment on a house or something. I think I tried to overlook these differences for a long time, but I'm not so sure i should anymore.

justin84 said:

... she's definitely not a gold digger. ... shes super old fashioned ...

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Old-fashioned eh? In the old days, most women used to unashamedly marry for money & status.

Yeah but I think you get my point. She's doesn't need me for money.

justin84 said:

Yeah but I think you get my point. She's doesn't need me for money.

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Sure?

Plenty of women give up their jobs (so-called "careers" in feminist speak) after they get married (and esp have kids) so their hubbies could take care of them.

In fact, my ex-boss' wife is exactly like your GF. She did nursing school, made decent money, is very old-fashioned (conservative Christian type). After she got married, she's been staying at home popping out one baby after another and hasn't been back to work, while hubby's been working his arse off to pay for mortage in a rich suburb and about to put the kids through private schools. He's 35 but he looks over 50 just in the last 3 years.

point taken

STR8UP has it right.

PS: Diamonds are a scam. Do some research. Until recently, one company controlled 80% of the market. Ever heard of "a diamond is forever"? That's to keep prices up so that there is less of a second-hand market for diamonds because women don't want a ring or rock someone else already had. I could go on and on about this, but diamonds are a joke.

Just get her a cubic zirc, and don't say one way or another what it really is. If she thinks it';s a diamond -it's a diamond.

If you're getting married, you're going to have to get used to being deceptive.

You've probably blown it with this girl, though. Next time, just get the zirc, clam up and smile.

Fk getting married.

Seems to me like your testing your girl. You have been with her for a year and are considering marriage, why are you still testing her?

Let me spell this out to you.

If you don't want to get her an outrageously expensive ring because you feel the whole diamond/expensive ring thing is a load of cr*p (rightly so, IMO), AND you don't feel like just buying her a cheaper variant without you telling her because you would like your marriage to be based on honesty and openness (in short: being a MATURE relationship), and SHE makes a big fuss over you not buying her an expensive TRINKET (because that's what it is), then you should be GLAD that your woman showed herself to be a shallow GOLDDIGGER just in time to call off the wedding!

Society standards or not. Get another woman if she insists on getting her trinket. What KontrollerX said:

KontrollerX said:

This sort of thing is needless frustration guys put themselves through simply to not be alone rather than getting out there and finding a girl whose views literally jive with theirs rather than what a guy is willing to tolerate to not be lonely.

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I couldn't agree more! Get a woman you literally JIVE with. Someone who also feels expensive rings are a load of cr*p.



Little anecdote.

My brother married a South-Korean woman a few months ago. In that culture, being a "provider" and showing social and financial status is a big do. It's more like Western culture was 50-100 years ago, so to say. Hung up on appearance and status.

It's customary for men to buy their woman an outrageously expensive ring for their wedding. It shows his love... *puke*. (Yes, quite an AFC mentality. That's what society everywhere that reinforces such beliefs usually has been).

So, my brother's then-girlfriend wanted a big stone too, of course. All her friends were oh-so curious what he was going to get her!

Uh-uh. Not my brother. He simply said no. He wanted to get something more demure and less expensive. He'd rather spends his (soon-to-be theirs) money on more practical things. Like a house, or savings as they had plans to live in New Zealand. His soon-to-be wife then suddenly got misgivings about the marriage. Call that the "being raised with certain beliefs" at work.

After she had had some time to brew, she realized indeed that is was folly to let things hinge on getting a big stone or not. She actually now considered it a waste of money they'd better spent on their future together. A house, savings... not some money sink like a TRINKET. Good girl. She proved her value and compatibility with my brother's beliefs with that.


Get yourself another, more compatible woman, if she must have her rock. Don't budge because "it's just a stone, a one time amount to spend, and she would really like it".

Do you also see the little boy/girl in the candy/toy store, whining: "MOMMY!!!! I REALLY WANT THAT CANDY/TOY!!!"? Can you?

Let me reverse it for you, to say to HER: "It's just a stone, why is it so important? It doesn't mean I don't care for you as much if I don't get you one. Does it degrade your care for me if I don't?"

Yeah, diamonds are forever. It still looks nice and shiney on her ROTTING CORPSE.

I think that says it all.

I dunno I think that if I was a woman I would not want CZ, but I would also not want my man to go into debt to get me an expensive ring. I would buy her one I can afford and if it was tiny promise a large one upon you getting more established.

Now why you asked her that is beyond me. She is thinking is he thinking of asking me to Marry him? I would not fool with a girls emotions, you just changed the relationship..

My ex turned me on the dark side of the diamond industry. It involves death, child slavery, civil war funding etc. She told me if we ever got engaged, she wanted a pearl instead. Educate your girl on the truth of the diamond industry, and she may change her tune about diamonds. Play the activist role, and say you refuse to support such an evil industry.

Here are some links:

http://catastrophemap.com/diamond.html
http://dashes.com/anil/2003/01/diamonds-are-fo.html
http://ask.metafilter.com/32960/why-diamonds-are-bad
http://www.ecosalon.com/blood-diamonds-conflict-diamonds-and-problems-with-diamonds/

#Blood diamonds have resulted in over 4 million deaths in Angola, Sierra Leone, Liberia and the Ivory Coast. One shiny rock, 4 million lives.

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# obsession with diamonds as a middle class sexual artifact is only about 70 years old. This bizarre humammal behavior is primarily limited to the U.S. and Japan.
# In Africa in particular, diamonds finance the war and genocide that has wracked the central continent for 30 years. There is evidence that al-Qaeda uses diamonds to finance their activities and for money-laundering purposes.
# The "scarcity" of diamonds is artificially manipulated
# As for the lasting value of diamonds, try selling yours.
# In Botswana, Bushmen have been evicted from their lands in favor of diamond mining interests
# Diamonds currently fund conflict in Cote d’Ivoire and in the eastern DRC and continue to be used by al-Qaeda to finance terror.
# Over half of the world's diamonds are processed in India where many of the cutters and polishers are bonded child laborers.
# Diamond mining is extremely destructive to the environment
# Diamond mining is extremely destructive to diamond miners

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A shrill harpie of a wife, so overbearing that she's prone to criticizing her husband's turkey carving, yet so inept that she can't carve the turkey herself because it's a man's job. A henpecked, spineless cad of a husband, so hapless that he accepts her orders to portion the poultry but then holds onto the resentment of her criticisms of his effort. A relationship so broken and twisted that his purchase of a blood-tainted rock from a monopolist cartel would appease her superficiality enough to get her to relent from her sniping at his performance of a trivial act. And this seems like a bargain because this man is so emotionally worthless that he couldn't just say, "Hey, if you want me to carve the turkey, you should probably be less critical of how I do it.

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Want your materialistic, easily-misled wife to stop being such a frigid *****? Buy her a diamond! Did your husband decide to increase your consumer debt in order to buy you a pair of earrings that were mined at gunpoint by children in Africa? Reward him with grudging sex and a temporary cessation of your relentless nagging!

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P.S. You're Welcome!

I don't know what to say about the diamonds.

Surely there is some way of buying a 'clean' diamond at a much marked up price, kind of like buying American made.




But I really don't understand all the marriage-bashing in this thread. I would be quite content being married to the right girl.

Buying a clean diamond will not cost any more. The problem is finding one. The DeBeers Company basically has a monopoly on the entire diamond industry in the world (80% I believe). They do this, to keep prices astronomically high, and make everyone think diamonds are rarer than they are. This is part of the corruption. There is no way to tell the difference between a 'blood' diamond and a clean one, unless you go to Canada. Russia mines diamonds too, but Debeers buys them all up, so they get mixed with the blood diamonds.

Canada has been in the diamond industry lately, so if you want a clean one, get one from there. They are also making some kind of synthetic diamond that is supposedly every bit as good as a real one, but less expensive. Of course, most females dont want one of these. (go figure)

I don't get the whole fuss abut diamonds

My girlfriends wants them too, but not expensive ones. so i got her a very cheap 80 dollar diamond ring. she loves it

I personally would want something less Cliche, like a sapphire or an emerald.

My female friend says the same thing. she likes variety, not cliche. her Fiancee got her a sapphire.

Diamonds are just boring to me