I need serious inner game work, suggestions?

Saturday I attended a free seminar from the guys at http://www.innerconfidence.com/ I was able to figure out just about everything that I'm doing wrong and got going on in my head. Of course the guys are willing to help me; if I attended their 90 day "program" for $3,000 in the middle of April. I had thought about signing up since they really know their stuff, but it's simply too much money and too long from now.

So here is what I learned/confirmed. I'm not grounded. I over analyze everything, always in my head, never in my body in the moment. I was actually told by one of the presenters that; out of all the guys in the room I was in my head the most. I have weak presence and masculine energy. I get nervous very easily. Very focused on the outcome and not genuine with women. Don't know when and how to touch women. I could list more and go more in depth but that's enough for now.

No matter what I need to do something now. Does anybody know of any methods, programs, techniques or just about anything that can help me? I'm currently looking in to meditation to calm myself down. I also heard it can lower your heart rate which I need to do because I'm pretty sure that 86 bpm is too high for a healthy 27 year old. I've been going to the gym regularly for about 6 months so that's something I've got down. I've also heard that yoga is good for centering. I know there is more stuff I'm missing.

Inner game issues

Hey while all the learning you do, understanding about everything 'inner game' recognize that you ALREADY have every tool to be confident, to be out of your head. Don't forget confidence is not a personality trait, it is a belief about your ability to perform in a specific or general sector. It seems to me, and maybe I'm completely wrong is that you feel you have to DO and obtain a ton of things that are outside of you for you to get this part of your life handled and you don't. You were designed to be confident, the excel in life but yes, you're mind can be your best friend or your worst enemy. So for starters listen to the way you talk to yourself. You say there are all these things you need to work on; masculine energy, anxiety, etc. But I'm betting when you're out in the world, you're thinking about these negative "I don't haves" rather than positive "I do haves." And dude, everyone gets nervous sometimes. Everyone has low confidence sometimes. it's a part of life. Accept these things , embrace them and you'll see that they lost their power of you and disappear in an organic fashion. But don't a put an 'under construction' sign over your personality and life because this will only hinder you more. Accept the reality you're in. Accept your faults and learn to love them. When you can laugh at yourself and your insecurities, you start to really love and value what you have to offer. And everyone has so much to offer. But in terms of practical application for inner game work, I would spend every morning taking 5-10 minutes to think about all the good things in your life. This reframe can completely change the way you see the world. And you get in the habit of doing this and your brain bridges synapses and you become naturally optimistic. Thoughts create similar thoughts and no matter what you're thinking about at any given time, you're for the most part engaging in thought loops that have a similar theme. If you can make a positive, optimistic theme, you'll find that a lot of the inner game problems you THINK you're having aren't as big deal as you once thought. Another thing you can do and this really helped me in the past is to condition yourself to be confident and positive. Maybe you've heard of classic example of pavlov's dogs that salivated when they heard a bell. This of course happening because Pavlov associated a bell with food and the dogs started to salivating. Fortunately, we can take this concept and apply it to our own psychology. We can make usage of what are called Anchors which is basically the same as classical conditioning except rather than associate a stimulus with something simple like salivation, you associate it with a certain mental state. So for example, you walk through a doorway a countless amount of times a day. If you wanted to apply a confidence anchor -every time you walk through a door way, hold you head up, think of at least one thing you are good at. Think of one thing you are grateful for. Picture the perfect interaction with a women. And this may take like 30 seconds at first but as you continue to do and strengthen that anchor....you start to subconsciously gain the positive effects of walking through a doorway. And there are a ton of ways you can do this. But yea, just some ideas to think about. Hope this helps. You can email me if ya have any specific questions though you'll have to follow the link below to my site and get that info seeing self promotion is banned here(as it should be).

Cheers,
Brid****

It's about how you perceive the world and the people around you. Analytical people tend to think that there's a reason behind everything, especially if you are a psychologist or are playing detectives. This is undoubtedly one of my biggest progresses in my journey as I always thought that people had hidden meanings behind all of their actions. Some people do something just because they think it's fun. You are not responsible of what's going on in their head, so stop thinking about it.

Thanks for taking the time to do a thoughtful reply.

dthomas said:

Hey while all the learning you do, understanding about everything 'inner game' recognize that you ALREADY have every tool to be confident, to be out of your head. Don't forget confidence is not a personality trait, it is a belief about your ability to perform in a specific or general sector. It seems to me, and maybe I'm completely wrong is that you feel you have to DO and obtain a ton of things that are outside of you for you to get this part of your life handled and you don't.

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Here's the analyze part coming up. I agree with you completely about what confidence is. I've written many posts about that. My life story concerning women is one of the most pathetic on this board. I do not relish being top looser on SoSuave. I strongly feel that I need a girl(s) in my life for it to be complete. That is not the DJ way so I'm missing something else. Actually I don't really know how to address that last statement you said.

dthomas said:

You were designed to be confident, the excel in life but yes, you're mind can be your best friend or your worst enemy. So for starters listen to the way you talk to yourself. You say there are all these things you need to work on; masculine energy, anxiety, etc. But I'm betting when you're out in the world, you're thinking about these negative "I don't haves" rather than positive "I do haves." And dude, everyone gets nervous sometimes. Everyone has low confidence sometimes. it's a part of life.

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When I'm out in the world I actually I don't think about; masculine energy, anxiety, being grounded, nervousness etc. The only things on my mind is asking myself why girls don't like me, why I'm alone, how come I don't really fit in and why am I scared to talk to certain people at different times. I've heard the terms grounded and presence before, but that seminar was the first time I was able to link those terms to what I was actually doing. You are true that I don't notice the things I have enough. When I do try to focus on the I haves the I don't haves overpower the thought.

dthomas said:

Accept these things , embrace them and you'll see that they lost their power of you and disappear in an organic fashion. But don't a put an 'under construction' sign over your personality and life because this will only hinder you more. Accept the reality you're in. Accept your faults and learn to love them. When you can laugh at yourself and your insecurities, you start to really love and value what you have to offer. And everyone has so much to offer.

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I'm sorry but I can't agree with any of this. Accepting my don't haves and or faults and hoping they go away will not do a single thing for me. I DO NOT want to be the same person I am now, 5 years down the line. I joined this site almost 5 years ago and I've made very little progress because I didn't know what and how to fix what's wrong. When I look back at the girls "in" my life over these past 5 years it pisses me off because I know I could have had them if I was more in control and simply a better man.

Thanks for the suggestions but I don't think something like counting my blessings will really help. I always find fault in what I have in my life that is good. When I don't have what I really want it feels like I don't have enough. I know my life could be a thousand times worse and I'm grateful that my life is easy but I'm just not satisfied. I have heard of anchoring before and I'll look more into it. It will be another tool in my kit.

sharkybear,

I don't know if I'm thinking about what is going on in other peoples heads. I'm probably too deep in my own to think about them. My worry is that I'm afraid I don't have cool things to say so I don't really talk.

Maxtro said:

Saturday I attended a free seminar from the guys at http://www.innerconfidence.com/ I was able to figure out just about everything that I'm doing wrong and got going on in my head. Of course the guys are willing to help me; if I attended their 90 day "program" for $3,000 in the middle of April. I had thought about signing up since they really know their stuff, but it's simply too much money and too long from now.

So here is what I learned/confirmed. I'm not grounded. I over analyze everything, always in my head, never in my body in the moment. I was actually told by one of the presenters that; out of all the guys in the room I was in my head the most. I have weak presence and masculine energy. I get nervous very easily. Very focused on the outcome and not genuine with women. Don't know when and how to touch women. I could list more and go more in depth but that's enough for now.

No matter what I need to do something now. Does anybody know of any methods, programs, techniques or just about anything that can help me? I'm currently looking in to meditation to calm myself down. I also heard it can lower your heart rate which I need to do because I'm pretty sure that 86 bpm is too high for a healthy 27 year old. I've been going to the gym regularly for about 6 months so that's something I've got down. I've also heard that yoga is good for centering. I know there is more stuff I'm missing.

Click to expand...

Well you definitely have problems if you are seriously considering paying $3,000 for a 'program' to help your inner game.

But luckily for you, there is enough free information here - so much so that, in fact, it's pretty pointless ever paying for anything seduction related. Just do a search.

Smack said:

Well you definitely have problems if you are seriously considering paying $3,000 for a 'program' to help your inner game.

But luckily for you, there is enough free information here - so much so that, in fact, it's pretty pointless ever paying for anything seduction related. Just do a search.

Click to expand...

Thanks for ignoring 99% of my post :moon:

Their is a lot of info on this site but it's scattered around. Searches don't know what context of the word you are looking for. There is too much on here to read it all and hope you find what applies to you.

Maxtro said:

My life story concerning women is one of the most pathetic on this board. I do not relish being top looser on SoSuave.

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Dude,the title of this thread is dead on,couldn't be more accurate. If you really believe and consider yourself to be the "top looser" on this board,then you seriously,seriously need innergame work. I do not call guys who join up here to better themselves and dating lives "loosers". In fact,I don't call anyone here names....but if there were a so-called top looser here,you wouldn't even be almost considered to take the top spot. Have you ever heard of CapedCrusader08? Do a search. Check out his threads. I don't care how bad you think you are,you're not as hopeless as this guy.

Maxtro said:

I strongly feel that I need a girl(s) in my life for it to be complete.

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Yeah,and this is the problem. You said that you strongly feel that you need a girl(s) in your life for it to be complete. That,my friend is the problem. Flat out pure neediness. You don't need a girl for your life to be complete,you're ALREADY complete. You complete you. You were born/created WHOLE,with nothing missing,nothing broken. You thinking that you need a girl more than likely is what pushes/repells women away from you.
Whenever you meet/approach a girl,she can sense this "need" of yours,and she's turned off. It's the sun/blackhole concept I've been thinking of lately. The sun is giving. It gives light so we can see,energy to plants,warmth to both man and animal alike. A blackhole on the other hand takes. It sucks that life out of anything near it. You being needy is like being a blackhole. Instead of you giving warmth,and light to people around you,instead of people feeling like they're receiving something from you simply by being in your presense,you being needy makes them feel like you're trying to take something from them....just by you talking to them.

The way you talk to and interact with women makes them feel like you need something from them,something that you should already have in yourself.
A woman does NOT want to be a man's savior. She doesn't want to make you "complete". She wants you to already be complete. No woman wants a man who's walking around with some hole in him looking for someone to fill it. She doesn't want to be your life,she wants to be part of you life. If you're walking around all depressed,down in the dumps thinking you'll be happy once you get a woman,this frame of mind will keep you alone. You have to live and be alive NOW,not waiting until some girl comes along so you're have a reason to be happy.

Maxtro said:

That is not the DJ way so I'm missing something else.

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You're not "missing" anything. The only thing that's wrong is you thinking that something is wrong. Other than a lack of knowledge about how attraction works for women,and you not having confidence in yourself,you're good to go.

Maxtro said:

I joined this site almost 5 years ago and I've made very little progress because I didn't know what and how to fix what's wrong.

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Well,unless you want to go another 5 years with no progress,You need to indentify EXACTLY what your problems are. I guarantee you that there's no problem that you can come up with that this board and it's members won't be able to solve. Although the things you learn from the seminar are correct,the same material can be learned here for free.

In my opinion,you're problem is simple:It's a lack of knowledge. That's it.

This situation you find yourself in is not unique. Everybody at some point struggles with this. Don't worry,there is a way out of this maze.

Peace man.

Watch Blueprint Decoded from RSD. It helped me loads in this department

Igetit! said:

It's the sun/blackhole concept I've been thinking of lately. The sun is giving. It gives light so we can see,energy to plants,warmth to both man and animal alike. A blackhole on the other hand takes. It sucks that life out of anything near it. You being needy is like being a blackhole. Instead of you giving warmth,and light to people around you,instead of people feeling like they're receiving something from you simply by being in your presense,you being needy makes them feel like you're trying to take something from them....just by you talking to them.

A woman does NOT want to be a man's savior. She doesn't want to make you "complete". She wants you to already be complete. No woman wants a man who's walking around with some hole in him looking for someone to fill it. She doesn't want to be your life,she wants to be part of you life. .

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This is deep like a gold mine..

im trying to add rep to you for this, but i gotta spread it around apparantly!


OP: you cant get better advice than that

Your advice is sound but please don't insult other members. I don't want to bring anybody down.

Igetit! said:

You said that you strongly feel that you need a girl(s) in your life for it to be complete. That,my friend is the problem. Flat out pure neediness. You don't need a girl for your life to be complete,you're ALREADY complete. You complete you. You were born/created WHOLE,with nothing missing,nothing broken. You thinking that you need a girl more than likely is what pushes/repells women away from you.
Whenever you meet/approach a girl,she can sense this "need" of yours,and she's turned off. It's the sun/blackhole concept I've been thinking of lately. The sun is giving. It gives light so we can see,energy to plants,warmth to both man and animal alike. A blackhole on the other hand takes. It sucks that life out of anything near it. You being needy is like being a blackhole. Instead of you giving warmth,and light to people around you,instead of people feeling like they're receiving something from you simply by being in your presense,you being needy makes them feel like you're trying to take something from them....just by you talking to them.

The way you talk to and interact with women makes them feel like you need something from them,something that you should already have in yourself.
A woman does NOT want to be a man's savior. She doesn't want to make you "complete". She wants you to already be complete. No woman wants a man who's walking around with some hole in him looking for someone to fill it. She doesn't want to be your life,she wants to be part of you life. If you're walking around all depressed,down in the dumps thinking you'll be happy once you get a woman,this frame of mind will keep you alone. You have to live and be alive NOW,not waiting until some girl comes along so you're have a reason to be happy.You're not "missing" anything. The only thing that's wrong is you thinking that something is wrong. Other than a lack of knowledge about how attraction works for women,and you not having confidence in yourself,you're good to go.

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Great example. I've heard many related concepts. Men are towers and women are webs (something that needs a tower) women are kites and men are the person holding the string. One book I read says to give love to everybody and expect nothing in return. I don't want to be a hole sucking in energy.

But no matter what I've read and done I don't feel complete. I'm going to college well on my way to my future path. I have a decent on campus job that challenges and teaches me. I have a decent place of my own. Am not hurting for cash. The only things I feel I'm missing is a social life and women. Right now I don't know how to get either. I have a different thread on here about social life that I posted on here a few days ago. Also as I am getting older I'm beginning to get scared that I'll end up being the guy that never had a woman in his life.

Igetit! said:

Well,unless you want to go another 5 years with no progress,You need to indentify EXACTLY what your problems are. I guarantee you that there's no problem that you can come up with that this board and it's members won't be able to solve. Although the things you learn from the seminar are correct,the same material can be learned here for free.

In my opinion,you're problem is simple:It's a lack of knowledge. That's it.

This situation you find yourself in is not unique. Everybody at some point struggles with this. Don't worry,there is a way out of this maze.

Peace man.

Click to expand...

That's why I went to the workshop and why I'm also posting on here. I need to find out exactly what is holding me back and the best way to attack it. I've been reading material, trying to gather knowledge for the past five years. I need to focus and only use what is relevant.

Thanks

chinwaggler said:

Watch Blueprint Decoded from RSD. It helped me loads in this department

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I've seen half of the Blueprint Decoded and never got around to finishing it. I might as well. I also just picked up Hypnotica's Ultimate Inner Game DVD's and I'm going to give it a watch.

What is wrong with you? I think you are overwhelming yourself with all this nonsence. You are starting Salsa lessons, you are starting to get more social groups to meet more girls, and you have a black bi-sexual girl in your life that you were contemplating hitting it off with. So, where the heck does this fit in?

Here's what you do -- just follow your own goals in the previous thread that you wrote and see how that pans out. Pursue whatever goal you want with the Black girl. Apart from that -- you don't need to spend $ 3000 more on some other thing. You are already on the right tract.

You've used prostitutes before -- at least they are cheaper than that. Use one for a couple of hundred bucks and be $ 2800 richer and just follow your other goals. Come on, spending $ 3000 to learn to get laid with inner game stuff? You've got mediation, hypnosis, other relaxation stuff out there. There's nothing unique that they can peddle that's already out there for a much lower price.

<Or better yet, be like me, and just buy a fleshlight -- just $80 -- you'll be $ 2920 richer and you can use it anytime you want>

If you don't mind spending 30 bucks for 6 months
you can do like I did and join Supreme's site
and listen to 100's of pod casts that will help you with inner game
as well as outer game.

If you are interested just PM me and I'll
tell you what to do to get signed up.

Luke Skywalker said:

What is wrong with you? I think you are overwhelming yourself with all this nonsence. You are starting Salsa lessons, you are starting to get more social groups to meet more girls, and you have a black bi-sexual girl in your life that you were contemplating hitting it off with. So, where the heck does this fit in?

Here's what you do -- just follow your own goals in the previous thread that you wrote and see how that pans out. Pursue whatever goal you want with the Black girl. Apart from that -- you don't need to spend $ 3000 more on some other thing. You are already on the right tract.

You've used prostitutes before -- at least they are cheaper than that. Use one for a couple of hundred bucks and be $ 2800 richer and just follow your other goals. Come on, spending $ 3000 to learn to get laid with inner game stuff? You've got mediation, hypnosis, other relaxation stuff out there. There's nothing unique that they can peddle that's already out there for a much lower price.

<Or better yet, be like me, and just buy a fleshlight -- just $80 -- you'll be $ 2920 richer and you can use it anytime you want>

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Where did I say I'm going to do the workshop? Just because I thought about doing it doesn't mean I'm going to.

I'm still trying to figure out the whole social group thing. This is my second semester of a dance class and there are plenty of girls. But in all honesty there is actually very little time to talk with anybody. It's just quickly moving from girl to girl while I fumble through the dance steps. There isn't nearly enough time for real interaction. I am going to try and join more groups so I can meet more people. I shouldn't be spending the vast majority of my time alone.

As for the black girl I'm not going to bother with her. We don't work together any more so we see each other less often. My interests in her weren't genuine or maybe I was scared of escalating with her, who knows? I don't plan on contacting her anymore. The last situation we had contact was, I was trying to set up a "date" with her and it kept getting pushed back. On the day that we were supposed to go out, I just didn't call her. I had gotten to the point where the only thing I wanted to do was have sex with her. I was so focused on the outcome of bringing her back to my place and it just began to feel weird. For some reason something about our "relationship" really confuses me. Maybe it's because I don't have oneitis for her so it leaves me feeling lost. What's funny is that she has the same first name and last initial as a girl that I had the most severe case of oneitis on last year. Also she reminds me of the black girl that I had oneitis a few years ago. The girl I know now isn't nearly as hot as the other two. So that may be why I'm not that driven.

I do not want to spend money on this stuff. But I do want to get my life taken care of. My life can be so much better once I figure this stuff out. I don't plan on ever being with a prostitute again. It's been over 3 years since I did that. There is no way that paying for it every once in a while can compare with real girls. If I did have the money to blow, I would do the workshop because I would get much more use out of it then paying for sex. It's a long term reward vs short term. What's better; using 3,000 to get laid 12 times or using that money to learn how to get almost any girl I want when ever I want? But once again I rather pay as little or no money at all. I know there are lots of resources out there, that's why I made this thread.

In all honesty I could really use a mentor or something. Somebody who can help me through the process and help me fix my problems. Luke, you could probably use that as well.

Maxtro said:

Saturday I attended a free seminar from the guys at http://www.innerconfidence.com/ I was able to figure out just about everything that I'm doing wrong and got going on in my head. Of course the guys are willing to help me; if I attended their 90 day "program" for $3,000 in the middle of April. I had thought about signing up since they really know their stuff, but it's simply too much money and too long from now.

Click to expand...

In that case, go download and watch my "Intro to Seductive Reasoning 101" seminar - it's six hours long, and completely free.

You're somewhere in California, right? I'm going to be touring the US for the next few months, presenting my follow-up seminar, "Applied Seductive Reasoning 201" in San Francisco, San Diego, and Los Angeles later this month - but it REQUIRES having reviewed the '101' seminar as a prerequisite.

Grab the first seminar, watch it through at least once, AND TAKE NOTES!

There is nothing on the market which I know of that will more quickly jump-start your self-acceptance, self-appreciation, general sense of well-being, and appropriate love of women than SR101. And it's free to download, watch, and redistribute.

Maxtro said:

So here is what I learned/confirmed. I'm not grounded. I over analyze everything, always in my head, never in my body in the moment. I was actually told by one of the presenters that; out of all the guys in the room I was in my head the most. I have weak presence and masculine energy. I get nervous very easily. Very focused on the outcome and not genuine with women. Don't know when and how to touch women. I could list more and go more in depth but that's enough for now.

Click to expand...

Honestly, ALL of those issues you've listed you can be solve internally, without external coaching, once you have a better frame in which to consider yourself and your appreciation of women.

Maxtro said:

No matter what I need to do something now. Does anybody know of any methods, programs, techniques or just about anything that can help me? I'm currently looking in to meditation to calm myself down. I also heard it can lower your heart rate which I need to do because I'm pretty sure that 86 bpm is too high for a healthy 27 year old. I've been going to the gym regularly for about 6 months so that's something I've got down. I've also heard that yoga is good for centering. I know there is more stuff I'm missing.

Click to expand...

Ok, aside from my seminar, go grab this book: "NLP: The New Technology of Achievement". Self-hypnosis is very similar to meditation, and this particular book is brilliant for getting yourself over internally-identified mental blocks, phobias, and issues.

Please get in touch with me if I can be of more direct assistance - I understand where you're coming from, and I'm very hopeful you can get your issues under control yourself, JUST from watching SR101 a couple of times, and reading & applying the things from the NLP book!

Johnny Soporno
www.RecoveringPUAs.com

In my signature click confidence and it'll lead you to David X's relentless seminar. A pure natural, I really misjudged him the first time, thought he was a glorified jackass but he's IMO the best example what this board reflects; confidence and inner game.

your high bpm could be because you make use of to much coffee, tobacco and/or alcohol. Do you?
A chronic high heart rate will make you jumpy, anxious, tired and low-energy.

Johnny Soporno,

Thanks that's exactly what I was looking for. I'm goign to review your material when I get back from school. I am about 40-60 min away from L.A.

Thanks W.A.B I'll check out the link.

bornyesterday,

Thanks for addressing the heart rate point which I think may play a big factor in how I feel. I am often jumpy, anxious, and sometimes tired and low-energy. But I never drink coffee or alcohol. I may have a Starbucks or a drink once every 4 months. I have never smoked in my life or done any drugs. I don't really know what causes it. I'm not fat at all or in bad shape. And I work out often.

I cant think of anything further that could cause high bpm except high blood pressure, sleeping badly and mental stress (like living in your head, chronic anxiety and worry).

The last one is obvious but I would exhaust all the other possible causes first.
If the heart rate is really bothering you, go to the doctor and get some tests. It could be something medical.

If nothing is found its about improving the rest of your life, not just the physical part. If your life gets better and more secure your heart rate will relax as well. Cant do more then stating the obvious.

Maxtro said:

Thanks for ignoring 99% of my post :moon:

Their is a lot of info on this site but it's scattered around. Searches don't know what context of the word you are looking for. There is too much on here to read it all and hope you find what applies to you.

Click to expand...

Well you know what your problems are, why don't you actually try and fix them instead of whining about it here?

I just thought of something that can be usefull. A former friend of mine used autogenic training when he had problems with anxiety. Aside from the visualisation techniques it trains you to relax your entire body, control your breathing and heartrate. This can be achieved in a matter of a few weeks. I've got a copy of a workbook here. It's pretty good. If you can read dutch I can mail it to you.
Or you can ask for it with your your doctor.