I need "chemistry" in order to have sex with a girl

Splendidostring · Jan 24, 2009

Hi guys,

As I wrote in the title, I'm the kind of guy who needs to feel something in retard to a girl in order to get to sex.

I tried two times to have one night stands. Both times, I left before getting any, both girls just made me feel cold. So, I take off. I only liked feeling I had them where I wanted them to be.

I also realize it's been a while since I met a girl that made me feel "anything" : indifference, attraction, hate, or any kind of positive/ negative emotion.

So, I guess my question is : Do you often meet woman who have an immediate effect on you ? Might be physical or emotional, whatever.

horaholic · Jan 24, 2009

As I wrote in the title, I'm the kind of guy who needs to feel something in retard to a girl in order to get to sex.

You like retarded girls? What?

Seriously, though, I sort of feel you. I can have sex if I dont feel anything, but I usually cant cvm with a ONS. Of course, Im usually drunk when this happens. I dont know if this is emotional, or physical or what. It usually takes me two or three times fvcking any girl, before I can bust my nut.

Splendidostring · Jan 24, 2009

Hey

Haha, typo ..it was meant to be "regard"

Yeah, I can relate to what you say. In my case what I like is the thrill of the chase more then the action itself. There's no greater feeling (according to me) then feeling like someone's is into you. But then I often realize I feel nothing toward the girl.

I'm actually trying to change my focus on girls I approach. For some reasons I can't explain I seem to attract girls with problems, last relation I had was a girl who went ballistic one night, getting all the knifes she could and trying to cut herself up with it. She was fooling around but it was still pretty much ****ed-up.
Called the police the day after to send her to the hospital. She broke up with me the day after, lol.

I want to meet different girls who might make me feel something I never felt before.

spainlover · Jan 24, 2009

Dude, are u still in love with a past girl? daim. dats ur problem.

Splendidostring · Jan 24, 2009

Hola

Hmm, good question there.

As far as I'm concerned I don't *think* i'm still loving a past honey.
Still, I'll admit I have tendancies to think about my past experiences so it might be true.

Landon · Jan 25, 2009

true

Man im with you on this one.....If i am not emotionally attracted to a girl, as well as physically....its hard for me too....i also think the thrill of the chase....but who doesnt like that

izza · Jan 25, 2009

Good for you for having high standards. Despite what some on this board might say, "getting the girl" is not success.

Success is getting at least one girl you really like, in way that you like, in a context that overall is good for you. Doesn't have to mean an exclusive relationship comes out of it. I'm pretty disturbed though that these girls you're getting don't make you feel anything. Whoa, that's not a good sign that these girls are right for you in a situation that's good for you.

Pretty much every day I meet people that I'm almost immediately in love with - doesn't have to be sexual, I just love people. I only keep people around who rock my world and constantly surprise me.

I'm still going to need lots more wisdom with sexuality - but I do know that the girls I like right now are unique, strong, hilarious, different, kind, and thoughtful people. In short, they're awesome for me right now.

Question: are you being too superficial in your qualifications? I recommend seeing the beauty in every person - not just those society tells you to find beautiful - and to allow who people are, not their looks, to floor you.

Splendidostring · Jan 25, 2009

Hey guys

Good posts up that what I can see, thanks for your answers

To answer your question Izza, I honestly don't think I am surperficial, though as of every humans beings I have tendancies to judge (couldn't say I never do).

I had my share of bad time in life (as everyone do) and I learned to respect myself and others. I used to be a cold ******* with most people because that's what I was inside. About a year ago I started going to see a shrink and started making effort on myself, working on improving my life, never gave up since that day.

By nature I am a really outgoing person and I like to chat with anyone. As a matter of fact I do really enjoy it. Nothing that I enjoy better then being in a public place like a bar and meeting new people, enjoying a nice chit-chat and so on.

I do really try to see the best in people that I meet.

1 thing I need to say is that I'm in a new town and I don't really know anyone in here. Met a girl and had sex with her once, but when she told me she is sleeping with 7 other guys who can call her at any time for a booty-call, I called it off and went to the doctor to get a check.

I just started school in cegep (I'm in QC, it's a step between high school and university) and I plan on meeting new people. Up to far, my class look like a bunch of zombies, tried to talk to a few people but conversation didn't really go far, I'll have to work on that and see how things go.

I guess, I'm just in a position where I'm almost alone most of the time working on school things and I'd just like to meet new people!

izza · Jan 25, 2009

I'm so glad to hear that you value people based on who they are, not whether or not they meet society's artificial ideas about beauty.

On m'a dit que le CEGEP on a pas trop de travail, et les gens font la fête presque tout le temps. Je suis un peu jaloux de ne l'avoir pas fait. I lived in Montréal for a little while - what a nice town!

By the way, there's nothing wrong with a girl who's sleeping with 7 other guys. A lot of girls like that - though not all - know a lot about sex and how to stay safe. In any case, be sure to give her props for her honesty and the courage it takes to sleep with a lot of guys in our society. We have some pretty mean, sexist names for girls like that "slut", "pétasse", loose woman, etc. It takes courage and self-knowledge for a woman to do as she pleases sexually. Be safe, get checked out, but also compliment her on her liberalness.

Know what I mean?

Good fo you for being outgoing! Studies show that extroversion is a huge indicator of happiness - most extroverted people are very happy. So keep it up!

Izza

EastWind · Jan 25, 2009

Someone - I think it was Pook - wrote a line about this that I completely agree with: "Real men aren't looking for what other people think is pretty enough, real men are looking for a companion."

My last girlfriend might have been called homely by some people - but she was a gem. Always looking after me and other people. Loved animals and children. When I'd come to her place exhausted after a bad day, she'd be all concerned, tell me to sit down and relax while she made tea.

Beauty is common. Character is not.

Splendidostring · Jan 25, 2009

Hey

Hiya back Izza,

Thanks for the good comment, always appreciated. I do really enjoy being on sosuave, it's fun to share and receive informations with other people.

I understand your point, a girl can sleep with several guys, for all I'm concerned, it's her choice and it's okay. I won't call a girl a slut because she likes to have different choice. Where she lost me though was when I discovered she had no self-esteem. She DIDN'T sleep with all these people because she wanted good sex. She often said to me she would go to this specific guy place WHEN he wanted it etc etc. What I felt at this moment was a wave of pity toward her. She never said anything for herself, had no opinions. She would always say "yes" to what I said. I never told her this though and never tried to be her friend. I just let her go.

Maybe my impression was wrong but I still stand by it.
That was the true reason behind it.

Later,

Splendidostring · Jan 25, 2009

Hey

Hey Eastwind,

Interesting post.

I'll admit that I'm looking for someone who can truly fit with my personality. I'm looking for the 1. I know It takes time, but I'm confident 1 day I'll find the other match of my puzzle piece.

In regard to your post, I'll also say that's it's not the number of woman that you slept with that makes you a "dj". It's finding the good one and being able to keep her and you happy on a daily basis. That's what matters.

The rest is just about filling our ego.

Poonani Maker · Jan 25, 2009

I can fvck a girl I have no feelings for no problem, but I know, the woman, I am looking for, for a lifetime. I know what to look for. I know what makes me happy, and that is, a woman who makes me a better man.

Drewskie · Jan 25, 2009

Sheet, and here I though I was the only one. as much as I tell myself I want to meet and hit many different girls, when i do get them to that point, it's like I regret the whole thing. The last few girls I hooked up with did nothing for me, they were hot, but it didn't matter. Even kissing them just made me kinda bored really quick. As much as I hate to say it, I think I may be one of the guys that actually needs "chemistry" with a girl. But just in case, I'll try with a few more random broads.

Splendidostring · Jan 25, 2009

Hey

I find curious to read that you say you're the type that "seems to like or need chemistry". You nearly make it sound like it's weird (no pun intended).

I think we all do, every human being needs "to connect" with others. I sure know I do.

It's ok to hook up with several girls, it's a learning experience, it's all normal, I do it myself and learned my limits/interests in the process.

I reached the point where I'm able to get what I want with girls (if she is interested of course, I do get rejected).

I wrote down a post recently in regard to a girl I've know for a long time and always was interested (always felt like she was too). I was looking with a LTR with that girl and made plans, set up dates, etc etc. I had a nice attitude toward it, not clingy, needy or anything, just interested. When I discovered she got a boyfriend, I felt like I learned that getting a LTR (what I'm looking for now) is a really different road from one night stands or ****-friend relationship. I felt like I was entering a new world. The point is that dating is learning process and also a personal process where you learned new things about your inner self.

AAAgent · Jan 26, 2009

don't worry man, nothings wrong with you. i have the same problem, i just have no desire or want to fvck girls that don't fit my criteria. i realized i won't go out of my way or into any extra effort to bed them. However if they seduce me and they are bangable i might give them a shot but i will not put in any effort.

izza · Jan 28, 2009

Splendidostring said:
Hiya back Izza,

Thanks for the good comment, always appreciated. I do really enjoy being on sosuave, it's fun to share and receive informations with other people.

I understand your point, a girl can sleep with several guys, for all I'm concerned, it's her choice and it's okay. I won't call a girl a slut because she likes to have different choice. Where she lost me though was when I discovered she had no self-esteem. She DIDN'T sleep with all these people because she wanted good sex. She often said to me she would go to this specific guy place WHEN he wanted it etc etc. What I felt at this moment was a wave of pity toward her. She never said anything for herself, had no opinions. She would always say "yes" to what I said. I never told her this though and never tried to be her friend. I just let her go.

Maybe my impression was wrong but I still stand by it.
That was the true reason behind it.

Later,

Great! I'm glad to hear you're so secure in yourself, that her sleeping around doesn't bother you.

I guess I'm a little confused why you were attracted to her in the first place if her personality was mush. There are a lot of girls out there who want to find self-esteem in guys liking them, in guys esteeming them. Some will pretty much say yes to anything to a guy.

Were you attracted to her based on her looks? Based on her personality at all?

Girls like this need somebody, sometime, to tell them to stand up for themselves. You can do that for her. But also, she doesn't sound on your level.

Are you francophone too?

Izza

AAAgent · Jan 28, 2009

if she does have severe self esteem problems as you have stated, just dump her. unless you really want to be ****ing a girl that's also ****ing more guys than you have fingers then that's your choice.

I gave up playing captain save a ho after the BPD relationship i went through. I already have my life/future to worry about, i don't need another one. If it is going to be another its going to be my kids.

Splendidostring · Jan 28, 2009

Hiya back

Yeah Izza,

I'm a frenchie

Hmm, I think the reason why I was attracted to her was because I WANTED her before mainly. As if I was "righting a wrong" with her. As I think I wrote it before, I had a chance before with her (in 2000) and I didn't take it. All signs were there but I couldn't proceed. On another level, I'd say the girl still has an effect on me. I can't quite explain it rationally but there's a few things I can say :

-We never had any kind of deep or interesting conversation (which is a must for me, I like to be with someone with ideas and opinions otherwise it bores me out).
-I do feel a huge sexual wave when I'm with her, I *think* she can feel it too.
-She's a man eater, definitely ...I realize that now. She REALLY enjoys being with men and LOTS of them. It's okay but I can't stand that, I'm not a follower, I lead. (that's my attitude).

Bottom line : I still talk to her from time to time (I use her as a ressource for school since she studied in my own field.

Splendidostring · Jan 28, 2009

Hey AAAgent

Hey dude,

Well, it's just as you said ...if I want problems I can find them with her but
I'm not interested. I made clear with her she's out of my league. She canceled the date 2 times in a row with cheezy excuses. I realized I was losing my time at this point and told her I was moving on. That's it. Her loss.

I don't want to compromise myself with a girl, respecting myself is a priority for me. It's not always easy but it's the best thing we can do.

On a different topic, I went to have a haircut last week and I asked the girl out right when she finished (She said she didn't know what she was doing tonight so I asked her out, it felt natural to say it). She gave me her business card, wrote her name and a smile beside it. I DO really HATE being rejected but this time, I felt something different, I felt like I DID try something with her and even though I'm only going be a client, I took my chance! Funny rejection story

I need "chemistry" in order to have sex with a girl

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