Would you care about something so insignificant?

Hey.

I've been together with my gf for about 6 months. She just moved from her town to mine, to move in with me. Leaving behind family, friends, part-time job and changed her school (same acedemy, but different town). Everything is going great and I feel stronger about her every day. She has no friends here yet, so only drawback is that she's very dependent on me atm. I feel more isolated from my friends than i had planned, but it's only for a short period. Can't go out to the pub 3 times a week anymore.. That's fine.

Situation. She got a text last night while we were fixing things in our new apartment. She told me that it was a guy she had dated a few years back that also lived here now. He had seen on her facebook that she had moved here. She said she had answered yes to him on the facebook chat once when he suggested that they should meet for a cup of coffea someday, not really thinking it would happen.

She asked me if it would bother me if she accepted. They only dated a few weeks. They have kissed, but not had sex. He said that they were too different and she agreed so they stopped dating. That's their history.

I told her I don't mind that she meets with him, although I didn't see the purpose. I said that I would mind her starting to hang out with him though. She just laughed and said that won't happen.

Normally I don't care who she hangs with, but in this situation it kinda bothered me a bit. The fact that HE suggested that they should stop dating instead of her makes me think she might like him or atleast that she liked him back then. I'd probably like him i i were a girl He's master economics, globetrotter and a health and training freak They haven't spoken in 2 years except on chat.

I know she is crazy in love with me and that this guy represents no threat whatsoever, but deep inside i find the situation unpleasant.

Would you care if your gf met up with an old date?

On the other hand it would be rediculous NOT to take a cup of coffea with someone who you haven't seen in a long time and now happens to live in the same city, just because you are in a relationship..

I just don't see the purpose of their meet up. What's to talk about? They won't hang out anyways... Think i'm just annoyed that she decides to meet with him even though I said I didn't mind one bit

I wouldn't let my girl know it's all right to meet up with any old flings. How can you be for certain they didn't screw?

You're right ..their meeting serves no purpose. Since their dating supposedly didn't lead to anything further, what's the point of her hanging out with him or any guy for that matter when she has you?

Red Flag 1. Moving in with her.

Red Flag 2. Letting her meet up with old boyfriends. Never trust the coverstory bro. go with you gut.

"I know she is crazy in love with me and that this guy represents no threat whatsoever, but deep inside i find the situation unpleasant."

When you don't listen to your own primal instincts of danger don't be surprised when you get burned.

Also no I wouldn't allow something like this if I were the relationship type.

I'd set ground rules from the beginning which is known as framing here where the chick and I would go over our do's and don't in the relationship.

Setting the frame for your relationships in the very beginning is a preventative measure against annoying unnecessary worrying bullsh!t like this.

How you enforce the frame is you walk at the very first sign of deviation from it.

No three strikes and your out rule.

One major offense is committed ie a deviation from the frame we both agreed on and I'd be done.

Don't let her meet up with him. All you have to do is ask her how would she feel if you were meeting up with former dates you liked.


Also the fact that he rejected her is a real warning sign. Would she be so quick to meet up with a date that she LJBF'd? I don't think so.


She should know it's unacceptable to meet other men when she's in a relationship. No matter what the excuses. Also the guy must like her because he's been checking her out on facebook and her being in a relationship won't stop most guys.

Thanks guys.

So, I told her that I had changed my mind and that I didn't want her to meet him afterall. She said, "Ok, then I won't" immediately.

I told her again that I didn't see what the purpose was and that it was disrespectful to meet old dates no matter how innocent the circumstances. She said that she didn't mean to be disrespectful and that she asked me several times if I was ok with it. She really did try to make sure that I didn't mind, and I acted as if I didn't mind at all. I didn't want to set strict rules and tell her what she can and can't do like a little insecure *****. I try not to react or show any insecurity in situations like that. However, I wanted HER to realise on her own that it was unacceptable and disrespectful. This is the reason why I was annoyed.
I wouldn't even consider meeting and old flame while in a relationship with my gf. Not because i would think that something could happen, but because it's uninteresting and because I knew she would be upset about it.

The argument kinda got out of control and we ended up fighting. She doesn't like to reject or do anything unpopular towards anyone, so I called her out on that when I asked her how she would tell him that the meetup was cancelled. I don't know which excuse she used. If she told him that she wasn't allowed by me to meet him, then I would definately sound like a little ****..
I've gotten that msg from girls before and the bf always ends up looking like an insecure dork after i'm done talking to the girl about our little innocent situation.

All ended well though. I went out to the pub to meet the guys and had a few beers. Going home from work soon to find out which mood she is in today

"I wanted HER to realise on her own that it was unacceptable and disrespectful."

They'll never learn on their own, they need and desire men to lead them which is why the beginning frame of the relationship being set up by you and agreed upon by her is so important.

You did indeed take the hit and came off looking weak for this in your girl's eyes but thats the result of not setting the frame from the beginning in your favor.

So yeah this was a good learning experience for you to use in future relationships from now on.

Its understandable and even acceptable for her to be mad at you over this as you did seem cool with it but then went back on letting her go through with this but yeah this is again just you taking the hit for not knowing that you must frame every relationship you get into from the beginning in your favor.

The do's and don'ts you both lay out to eachother that you are cool with and agree with and if either side deviates from that its adios relationship.

So anyway you may have to put up with a little or a lot or resentment from your current girl over this but it should eventually pass.

She's going to give you crap because now its going to be that she has no friends and the only other person showing her any type of interest is that guy. She'll probably be angry at you because you went out with your friends and she had to wait on you. My suggestion is to take her out in the next couple of days and have a good time. She's going to want a lot of attention from you till she finds her own group of people so be a little understanding till then.