Does she really need space?

guitaronfire411 · Jan 14, 2009

The other night, my girl walked in after a shower and I fingered her so well that it was obvious that she got her rocks off. She said at the time I should bring lubricant for the next time and, in a husky voice, notice how she is so incredibly tight because she doesn't have sex very often.

Fast forward to when we're both naked, and she claims that she doesn't want to ****. She then asks me, "Are you angry at me?" I said "No, why would I be? I'm awesome with taking it slow."

(She can be quite the ****teaser, but I have more patience than she does.)

I managed to leave my university class Monday night around 8PM and walked back to her dorm. She seemed annoyed that she couldn't reach me at 5:30PM because I was heading to my second class.

She claims that she is overwhelmed with work and assignments that she has to write for next week, and I'm too much of a distraction to keep around, even in the same building/campus. The previous night I pulled my **** out and she was staring at it when we talked --- and then I put it away. (unintentional chick-teasing) I was tired and didn't think I was revealing any disappointment, but she said, "Don't worry, I'll see you on Friday." I said, "What?" back to her because I wasn't really that disappointed.

My attitude when she told me was like, "Of course, darling, I fully understand. I have work to do as well so it's probably for the best."

I got my stuff together and she was like, "Do you have all of your stuff?" I said yes. This felt kind of odd at the time.

So I was suspicious but cool and sexy about it. She cooked me some food before I left, but I was left entirely out of the conversation between her and her roommate. (I was too tired at the time to care after 5 hours of classes and too little food.)

So she said that she felt bad asking me to leave and usually she's quite compassionate and sincere, so I believed her this time. She has never asked me to leave before but then again, we haven't been completely naked and rolling about on her bed before.

She went to a hockey game Tuesday night with her family who are only in town until Thursdayish, which she told me about a while ago. So I gave her a call tonight about three hours ago and got her message-machine. Knowing that she has caller-id, and that before she was saying that I didn't call her enough, I left a message asking how the hockey game went and how her work was coming along.

I checked and found out that she checked her account the same dating site that we met through two days ago, about 30 min.~1 hour after I left her dorm. which I find suspicious.

Should I be concerned or play it cool?

Btw, this is my first serious relationship at 25. (Yes, I know...)

Thanks in advance!

sodbuster · Jan 14, 2009

We need more info on her age,job etc. to give you a better read on her,BUT her being on a dating site? Casual sex only, you aren't in a relationship-you are her living dildo while she looks for something better

guitaronfire411 · Jan 14, 2009

I have met her university friends, her aunt and uncle, and most recently, I met her mom and brother last weekend with my parents.

She's 23 and also a student. She already has a degree and is going into social work after her current final term is done. (So she would have two degrees.)

She is always making me drinks and food, so that to me sounds like high interest. She brought up the idea before Xmas that she should buy me a gift and my parents a gift. I gave her better blankets without telling her about it. (She found out last Friday after my class when I saw her.) She also told me at 4AM the other night that most other guys, after being in a relationship with her for 3-5 months, would **** her and then dump her, which is why she didn't want to have sex before. I said then the only way for her to get better is to practice sex with me then. Then I got more food+drinks from her.

I have known her since mid-Octoberish and we've hung out about 10 ~ 15 times. The current bus strike is really killing my ability to go out with her around the city. She assumed that guys should bring up the relationship business the time I saw her before Xmas and then she "officially" said she was taken on Facebook with me. So we've been in this relationship officially for almost a month.

Let me know if there is anything else you need to know.

horaholic · Jan 15, 2009

You've hung out 10-15 times, over the course of a month, and haven't had sex, yet you call this a 'serious relationship?' And it sounds like you're judging your relationship status, by what she put on her facebook? This sounds weird to me.

You should tell her she needs to have sex sooner, so she doesnt waste so much time, if she's gonna get dumped right afterwards. That makes sense right? She wasted three to five months before having sex, to have the guy dumped her right afterward? It seems to me, she should put out in a week, and get the dumping over with asap, so she can move on with her life. Of course, that is logical, and females dont understand that.

Here's my question: Why would these dudes invest several months without sex, and dump her when she finally puts out? If a man will wait that long, he is after more than just sex. That's not logical for a man to do... unless something about having sex with her, or her behaviour right afterwards really turned them off. Any one else here with me on this? You might want to solve that mystery asap. Im sensing some mental instability here, but I could be wrong.

BTW, if a girl says she needs space, she wants to break up.

GuanYu · Jan 15, 2009

Personally I don't buy the "wait 3-5 months for sex then get dumped soon after" more than likely she's saying that to not make herself appear to be fast.

Maybe the problem is coming from you? Obviously you're not macking her well enough otherwise you would have gotten in the panties by now. You need to get her alone one night and tell her sweet nothings while taking off her clothes. It makes absolutely no sense for you to attempt to tease her by whipping your **** out. That'll just make her want to hold out longer to prove she doesn't need your sex.

Oh and for the record, being naked in bed and not doing the deed is a big no no. It implies that you wimped out. You may not feel or think that, but that's her interpretation. I think you're not doing something right that's why you haven't hit it yet.

Maybe try being more like a man ..more aggressive instead of submitting to what she wants. Rub her down get her horny, she may say no but you should keep going until she physically pushes you away or something. Women are strange like that, especially women that like being a **** tease.

guitaronfire411 · Jan 15, 2009

WTF is with this?

"<girl> sent you a message.

Subject: Not at Home

"I will not be at home on Friday morning so don't stop by.
<girl>""

GuanYu · Jan 15, 2009

I wouldn't reply if you haven't already. Sounds like something fishy. Maybe let her initiate the next convo and totally ignore her until she does.

MoveYourAss... · Jan 15, 2009

that would be the right time to go silent. No more contact from you. Enjoy your life with others. If she comes back to you after some time, ok.

I also don't believe the "couple of month" crap.

Maybe you acted too much of what you think relationship-like and that might have freaked her a bit.

Ah yes, and getting your dyck out, wiggeling around and then not doing anything with it... I don't know if this is really old-school teasing. I doubt it, though

Bible_Belt · Jan 15, 2009

I knew the answer was "yes" just by reading the thread title. If you have to ask, then yes she does.

Never let a woman drag out the act of putting out over months. If you don't get laid by the third date, look elsewhere.

If she was interested in you, then she wouldn't be back on the dating site. I would suggest that you get on there and find another girl yourself. Do not mention it to this girl of yours who does not want you very badly. Act like you keep forgetting about her. You should just forget about her, but you won't for a while, so just act like it now. Try to get another first date with a different girl...just like what she is doing to you. Don't tell her about it, either...just like she is not telling you.

horaholic · Jan 15, 2009

guitaronfire411 said:
WTF is with this?

"<girl> sent you a message.

Subject: Not at Home

"I will not be at home on Friday morning so don't stop by.
<girl>""

That is a bad sign, in my book. Did you have plans to stop by on Friday morning?

You dont just send someone a message like that. I would be pissed, and you should calmly call her right now and ask her to explain what that is supposed to mean. Its not what it says, so much as how she's saying it. It has a tone to it that says 'i dont want you around' or something. Be a man and call her out on this right now. It seems like you are afraid to tell her how you really feel about shyt, and I'll bet she can see right through it.

Example:

Fast forward to when we're both naked, and she claims that she doesn't want to ****. She then asks me, "Are you angry at me?" I said "No, why would I be? I'm awesome with taking it slow."

Yes, you have to be cool about it, but she knows damn well you're pissed, and respects you less if you lie about it. If you just met, this is understandable, and you do Mystery's Freeze Out method. You two have been at this a while, so its not really OK. The correct answer for you would have been "No, Im not angry, but Im a little frustrated. Do you blame me? If you dont want to, thats ok, but dont drive me all the way to the restaraunt, then tell me I cant eat. Its not fair."

Point is, you need to be a man and call her out, and dont be afraid to tell her how you feel. She might act pissed, but she will respect you in the long run. She might cook you food and stuff, but thats no reason to feel like 'she owes you.'

guitaronfire411 · Jan 15, 2009

Thanks horaholic, I followed your advice.

I phoned her up around 2~2:30AM and asked her "What is up with that message that you sent me? It sounded weird."

She said that she was tired and didn't feel like typing. She explained her whole day to me, but she should be free after her class to hangout Friday afternoon 2PM until 5:30PM. She suggested spending time with my mom and I at our house. (Then she said that she's hanging with her best friend --- who is physically incapable of doing anything sexual with her --- so I am not worried about that.)

She explained that her aunt/uncle is leaving her their house for the weekend and she has to take care of the kids. She has the car Friday morning and has to drop everyone (ie. aunt/uncle/kids) off at work or school. When I said that I get along awesomely with her cousin Nick, she said having me over there might not be cool to her relatives. Then, funnily enough, she asked if there was any way that I could get there on my own.

We talked about the lubricant from before and I said I might have it, might not. I also gave her a riddle that was seriously getting on her nerves -- I said it was something that will make you feel good, it's not alive, and it's not eatable. She kept asking if it was a puppy, etc. Great stuff. Never did tell her because I wanted her to be surprised for when we meet on Friday.

So it seems like her own lazy nature caused a possible problem -- or she is aware of administering this ****-test.

Btw, I got her aunt/uncle's phone # so I can reach her over the weekend.

Bible_Belt · Jan 15, 2009

You think she needs space...so you keep calling her and putting her on the spot to explain her behavior, tracking her down, inviting yourself along, making sure you know where she'll be all the time.

You are doing all the wrong things. Stop caring where she goes and what she does. Stop calling her. Go talk to different girls. Are you back on that dating site like she is? I hope so.

I was told this by a very attractive woman, who actually got her law school professor fired by having sex with him - as women go from man to man, they are like monkeys swinging from vine to vine; they never let go of the one behind them until they have a good grip on the one in front of them.

Which vine do you think you are?

izza · Jan 15, 2009

guitaronfire411 said:
The other night, my girl walked in after a shower and I fingered her so well that it was obvious that she got her rocks off. She said at the time I should bring lubricant for the next time and, in a husky voice, notice how she is so incredibly tight because she doesn't have sex very often.

Fast forward to when we're both naked, and she claims that she doesn't want to ****. She then asks me, "Are you angry at me?" I said "No, why would I be? I'm awesome with taking it slow."

(She can be quite the ****teaser, but I have more patience than she does.)

I managed to leave my university class Monday night around 8PM and walked back to her dorm. She seemed annoyed that she couldn't reach me at 5:30PM because I was heading to my second class.

She claims that she is overwhelmed with work and assignments that she has to write for next week, and I'm too much of a distraction to keep around, even in the same building/campus. The previous night I pulled my **** out and she was staring at it when we talked --- and then I put it away. (unintentional chick-teasing) I was tired and didn't think I was revealing any disappointment, but she said, "Don't worry, I'll see you on Friday." I said, "What?" back to her because I wasn't really that disappointed.

My attitude when she told me was like, "Of course, darling, I fully understand. I have work to do as well so it's probably for the best."

I got my stuff together and she was like, "Do you have all of your stuff?" I said yes. This felt kind of odd at the time.

So I was suspicious but cool and sexy about it. She cooked me some food before I left, but I was left entirely out of the conversation between her and her roommate. (I was too tired at the time to care after 5 hours of classes and too little food.)

So she said that she felt bad asking me to leave and usually she's quite compassionate and sincere, so I believed her this time. She has never asked me to leave before but then again, we haven't been completely naked and rolling about on her bed before.

She went to a hockey game Tuesday night with her family who are only in town until Thursdayish, which she told me about a while ago. So I gave her a call tonight about three hours ago and got her message-machine. Knowing that she has caller-id, and that before she was saying that I didn't call her enough, I left a message asking how the hockey game went and how her work was coming along.

I checked and found out that she checked her account the same dating site that we met through two days ago, about 30 min.~1 hour after I left her dorm. which I find suspicious.

Should I be concerned or play it cool?

Btw, this is my first serious relationship at 25. (Yes, I know...)

Thanks in advance!

I'm struck by how often you're saying the right thing... but feeling something different lol. Still, a lot of great things here.

One of the biggest fears a lot of women I know have is a guy who is dependent, who gets too gaga, too fast. So women are often trying to figure out how free they are to be their own person.

So a lot of your responses like "I'm awesome taking it slow" are pretty great.

Problem is, they don't seem to be honest. That's a problem. If there's something on your mind, you should just say it. But also, you should make sure that you are honestly, genuinely not an overly needy person. If she wants to date other people, that's GREAT. Dude, the best kind of relationships you can get into, especially being new at this stuff, is a non-exclusive arrangement with this girl. No problem developing feelings.

Get so secure in your game that you're happy if the girl finds another guy she likes too. Be happy for her. End any need to be possessive. It's just insecurity. Learn to share women, and learn to be shared. And soon enough you will be sharing girlfriends ... with other girlfriends ... at the same time.

Threesomes aside. I want you to rethink this whole teasing thing. In general, I would say stop. Make sex something you ask for openly and that pleases both of you immensely. Stop teasing. It is mean. Ask her to stop. It's ok if she changes her mind, and suddenly doesn't want to have sex. That's fine.

I believe teasing is a sign of sexual immaturity. People who know themselves well aren't that confusing. Ask her to stop if possible, and make it clear that while you encourage her to do and ask for what she wants, it does not turn you on to be teased. Unless it really actually turns you on.

In general, make sex something you talk about openly. Some people think that takes away some of the fun. I think that's BS, but others can chime in on this too. I'm not too experienced with many partners. But very experienced with good communication.

Finally, some interesting videos:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-423615301127215287&hl=en

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2967811999730951582&q=source:004488235041809468551&hl=en

Best,
Izza

guitaronfire411 · Jan 17, 2009

Thanks guys, here's the follow-up:

Experience is definitely the best teacher. There is always more to learn, but I am getting better. Hope this reply helps some of you guys out.

I was so wrapped up in our midnight nakedness that I didn't cue in that she wanted to be railed that night. How do I know? She then suddenly got distant the next day, saying that she had homework, etc. and I shouldn't stay over that night. I didn't clue in at the time at that being the case, but it was likely because I didn't escalate enough OR, as she revealed last night when we were eating out, that her ******* friend was wondering when I was going to dump her.

With all of my confidence and determination, I shot back, "What makes you think I'm not one of few guys that doesn't give up?"

So, after losing my PUA balls about a week and a half ago, I managed to turn that crap around last night when we chilled. We had a great time seeing Deviance on opening night (great movie; better than Valkyrie) with lots of kino. She escalated from there to her kinoing me with her feet. It's so hard to take a grim movie seriously when your girl is tickling you!

After that, she started to be more like her normal self, buying me chocolate both at the movie theatre to warm me up. On the way back, I dropped a PUA bomb: I told her about how disappointed I was that she no longer invited me overnight. The phrasing is crucial, but it went something like this: "I'm disappointed that I'm never staying over anymore." She then excused this weekend because of her cousins She then went and bought me chocolate (again) before dropping me off at 1AM. She then phoned me later @ 3AM, twice, as I didn't hear my cell the first time, letting me know that she was okay, and said I could come over for the night on Monday.

I'm bringing the massager, oils, condoms 'n lub. Should be hella fun.

DJVladdy · Jan 17, 2009

an old pimp named "The Original White Folks" said that the only "space" there is is the space between her thighs.. and when she tells you that she needs space it means "she needs someone to occupy her space - someone who is not you!"

TheRealSupreme · Jan 17, 2009

And so another wanna be player has lost his balls and gets trained like a dog by a woman who held the keys to the land of pvssy.

((sigh))

When will they ever learn?

Hung out 15 times and no sex. I don't blame her for looking online again for another sucker to rope in either.

I am so glad I got through the games women will play to stay in control.

Does she really need space?

guitaronfire411

Senior Don Juan

sodbuster

Master Don Juan

guitaronfire411

Senior Don Juan

horaholic

Master Don Juan

GuanYu

Senior Don Juan

guitaronfire411

Senior Don Juan

GuanYu

Senior Don Juan

MoveYourAss...

Senior Don Juan

Bible_Belt

Master Don Juan

horaholic

Master Don Juan

guitaronfire411

Senior Don Juan

Bible_Belt

Master Don Juan

izza

Master Don Juan

guitaronfire411

Senior Don Juan

DJVladdy

Master Don Juan

TheRealSupreme

Banned