Left Out in the Cold

Yeah so im sure everyone has been flaked on, and I could really use some advice on what to do.

Background info: Im in Highschool, I posted this here because i figured that some of the older dj's would have more experience with this. I go to an all boy's school, and am still fighting my AFC tendencies..little..by little...(its a battle).

So there is this girl, I guess we have been dating for about a month, we started meeting up before i found this site. Anyway things had been going pretty well, after finding this site things really picked up. I even got my first kiss with her, (I dont count the peck i got from my 8th grade girlfriend).

So we originally had plans for Monday, but a few hours before we were supposed to meet up she canceled on me saying "it was her dad's birthday". How she could forget this and not say anyhting before was beyond me, and annoyed me. Anyway she tried to move the date to yesterday, but i said no i wanted to meet up today at 3ish. I said this because my ride (sister) is very unreliable. Anyway, I arrive at the metro after my sister drops me off and its 3:20. I had previously sent her a text around 2 telling her that I was going to get there at 3:20. I didn't get a reply but i thought nothing of it. Long story short..I waited untill 4:15..and she didnt show up. I called her twice in that time frame to see what was up. Once to see where she was, and the other to tell her not to bother coming.

She then calls me..around 5 saying "sorry, I lost my phone." At this point I was on my way home, pissed and freezing after waiting for her. Here is how the convo went.

Her: Hey..
Me:...
Her: Im sorry i left my phone somewhere and I couldnt find it.
Me: Yeah, Well im gonna go. Bye.

Not sure if that semmed more "ass-hole" but whatever i was pissed. So now my new years is ruined as i was planning on spending it with her.(Had nothing else planned) I feel like she should be the one intiating contact at this point.
So i logged on my facebook (i hate it), but i like to keep in contact with grade school friends, and her status was "party time". This has infuriated me to no end, its like she blew me off on purpose. I was really starting to like her, i guess i had a case of "one itis." Thing is it was going well even with my AFC tendencies. :cuss:

Would you guys say "next her" or just kill contact, which is what im trying to do right now.

How should i reply if she intiates contact?

Anyways im off to a New Years party at my friends house, so we'll see how that goes, hopefully ill meet some new people. (social life has really picked up after reading on this site)

lol dont worry dude. Your reality is what you make of it. There'll be plenty more girls waiting ahead for you. If you need any help in the future, just let me know.

Allurre said:

lol dont worry dude. Your reality is what you make of it. There'll be plenty more girls waiting ahead for you. If you need any help in the future, just let me know.

Click to expand...

thanks for at least replying..Yeah ill just have to move on, it just kinda sucks i didnt think HS girls flaked at all, at least if you already made plans.

Assert yourself

Here's what I say, my young friend. First off, be more mindful of how you communicate. Quite literally, in the sense of should I text or should I call when I'm communicating, and when and for what reasons. It might not occur to you, but seemingly insignificant sh1t like sending her a confirmation text right before your date sends her a big stinking red flag that you are insecure about the date.

When making plans, make them verbally. Ideally make them in person, but over the phone is the next best option--and NEVER make plans through texts or online unless ABSOLUTELY necessary, which is rarely if ever the case. After making the verbal plan, consider it settled and don't think about it twice. The plans have been made, so all you have to worry about is showing up when and where you agreed. And DON'T give any reminders. Weed out the flakes, my boy. If she's not there, don't over think it, just move on. You fulfilled your end of the bargain, she didnt. If she wants to make things right, that sh1t is on her shoulders and not your concern.

Keep on stacking those honeys, one of them will eventually give you reason to invest a little more time in her than the rest. It will have to be good reason, though. And always be spinning a few plates at once, my boy.

Another thing, don't worry so much about "did i come off as an *******". Dude, you have absolutely no reason to make any apologies for feeling the way you feel in any given circumstance. As a self-respecting human being you can't allow someone else to dictate the legitimacy of your feelings. If you come off as an ******* after someone burns you, as it should be. Communicate your feelings with assertion and stand by the conviction that you dont waste your time with flakes. Your time is more valuable than that, so if someone jerks you around, tell them to go fvck themselves and for chrissakes dont make any apologies for feeling that way.

If this girl wants to make amends at this point, the ball is in her court, but leave it there and forget about it. Just keep on ballin man.

Sam Butcher

"I got 99 problems but a b1tch aint one." Jay Z

cw92 said:

So we originally had plans for Monday, but a few hours before we were supposed to meet up she canceled on me saying "it was her dad's birthday".

Click to expand...

Something's fishy about this. She agreed to hang out with you on Monday,which happened to be her father's birthday,then a couple of hours before the meeting time,she cancels,and tells you the reason why is because it's her dad's birthday,like this is something she just found out at the last minute. This is bogus,man. It's easy to tell when a girl starts to feed you a line because logically,it won't make any sense.

cw92 said:

Anyway, I arrive at the metro after my sister drops me off and its 3:20. I had previously sent her a text around 2 telling her that I was going to get there at 3:20.

Click to expand...

I wouldn't have sent her a text telling her what time you were going to arrive at the date. It makes you seem too anxious,too needy for her attention. If the two of you had already agreed on a time,then you should have just arrived there when you were supposed to,and trust her to do the same. And if she didn't get there when she was supposed to,then you'll deal with that when the time comes.

cw92 said:

Long story short..I waited untill 4:15..and she didnt show up. I called her twice in that time frame to see what was up. Once to see where she was, and the other to tell her not to bother coming.

Click to expand...

Alright,here are a couple of mistakes I see:
1:The date was at 3:00pm,but you waited around for her until after 4 o'clock.
No way in a million years I would have done this. If the date's at 3,then you get there like 5 minutes early,and wait 20 to 25 minutes max,then you get up and leave,and you DON'T CALL HER TO SEE WHAT HAPPENED OR WHERE SHE IS. I've said this before,so I'll say it again: if a woman can have a job,and show up to work everyday on time with no problem,then she can show up at a date on time as well. If she's going to be late to work and she has enough sense to call her employer to let them know what's going on,then she should have the same respect to call you if for some reason she's going to be late for your date. A woman showing up to work everyday on time with no problem,but when it comes to dating,all of the sudden she has a thousand excuses about why she couldn't meet up with you or why she couldn't call you to let you know why she couldn't make it? Nope,not being it.

cw92 said:

She then calls me..around 5 saying "sorry, I lost my phone."

Click to expand...

So first,it was her dad's birthday,then next,she "lost her phone". Wow.

cw92 said:

This has infuriated me to no end, its like she blew me off on purpose.

Click to expand...

Oh,so you're finally starting to catch on? I was wondering what else would this girl have to pull on you for you to finally "get it".

cw92 said:

Thing is it was going well even with my AFC tendencies.

Click to expand...

Now this is where you're wrong. You thought that things were fine despite you AFC tendencies,but my guess is that all this foolishness from this girl was because of your AFCness. You might have thought you were being AFC and somehow getting away with it,but actually all the damage was just building up,and her behavior toward you was the fruit/outcome of your AFCness.

cw92 said:

Would you guys say "next her" or just kill contact, which is what im trying to do right now.

Click to expand...

You can kill the contact if you want for a while,but whenever the two of you start communicating again,if you just go back to your original "AFC" behavior with her,then she'll just go back to her "excuse giving/flakey" behavior as well.

cw92 said:

How should i reply if she intiates contact?

Click to expand...

You should reply in a way that gives her the impression that your life is so filled with friends,family,hobbies,and other interest,that the thought of her almost never crosses your mind. Like your so happy and complete with yourself,that her presence or absence in your life would make no difference whatsoever.

Next that bvtch.

I just thought I would update this, in case anyone was curious about what happened.

First off a big thanks to everyone in this thread, especially Igetit!, who broke it down.

Anyway, I killed contact, (i was a bit depressed)

About 2 days later or so, she called me apologizing for blowing me off..etc, and how we should get together, so she could "make it up to me". I was a bit skeptical, and she said she was free on friday of that week. I told her i couldnt make it because i was hanging out with someone. (i wasnt busy) She asked again, so I figured she must be interested or at least feeling sorry about it. We ended up seeing some movie, and i put my arm around her...and then she proceeded to give me a bj. Now ive only ever kissed one girl in my life, and it was her, and after not seeing her for so long i was so suprised. Since then we have been on pretty good terms,

so yeah, thanks everyone you were a big help!