Am I the person I want to be?

In my absence from sosuave I did some soul searching. I realized a lot of my strengths, weaknesses, and fears. Last year, freshman year, I made a bad reputation with a lot of people. They either loved me or hated me, but I decided to make a change this year. Instead of being the ****y, smartass, jerk guy I've decided to go back to the way I once was. I went back to being the nice, smart, quiet guy. I'd say that this transformation has really helped me a long ways. People like me a lot more, and most importantly, I like myself a lot more. I got religion this year as well. I feel like it's improved me so much. I'm not the negative guy I was, and I'm just enjoying life. Everything is going by great, but I still have the same fears I've always had, and I don't understand why. I'm a great speaker, I'm in a lot of clubs, and president of half of them. I'm not afraid of human contact or presence, but I am afraid of failure. I think i've finally figured out why. When i was a little kid, elementary school age, my dad would beat my ass if i ever brought home a grade lower than a 90. Yes, even on hw, tests, quizzess, etc. I think this exposure gave me these fears, and how can I ever have a girl friend, or go on a date if I'm afraid to pop the question? Keep in mind, I didn't change myself for girls, or for other people. I just wanted to improve and finally reach the potential people have told me I have. I feel like I've finally found my potential, and I have big, even great dreams that I want to achieve, but i feel like the only way to fully reach self-satisfaction is for me to finally get a girl friend. Advice would be appreciated. Especially from someone who's gone through the same thing as me......

BTW, I'm a sophomore in hs

but i feel like the only way to fully reach self-satisfaction is for me to finally get a girl friend

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How did you arrive at this conclusion?
Based on what???

Jokerlsk said:

but i feel like the only way to fully reach self-satisfaction is for me to finally get a girl friend.

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Ha,ha,very funny. I get it. Your name is Jokerisk,so you decided to make a joke. Good one man,you made me laugh. That thing you said about reaching full satisfacton by getting a girlfriend was a joke,right man? It better be.
Dude,I can't believe you Jokerisk. What do you do when you log on here? Because obviously you don't read any acticles or listen to any of the advice given to you. Oh,I'm sorry,I'm sorry,I keep forgeting you're only 16.
I don't know how many times I've seen this. Guys thinking if they can just get a woman,then they'll be happy. It doesn't work that way man,you got it backwards. You don't get a woman,then become happy. You get happy FIRST,then you'll get a woman. Women are attracted to men who are fun,exciting,vibrant,alive. Not to guys who mope around with their heads hung down waiting on a woman to say yes when they ask them out. Man,if I didn't have to be at work in 45 minutes,I'd REALLY lay into you about that "getting a girlfriend to reach self-satisfaction" crap you just wrote.

You need the "big guns" of Interceptor and Kontroller X,both of them to wail some sense into you man. Yeah,you're only 16,but if you don't get this straightened out now,the next 25 to 30 years of your life will be nothing but heartache and pain. In fact,if you think you're down or depressed now about women,just wait until you actually get one. Then you're REALLY going to be in a world of hurt. I PROMISE YOU,I don't care how negative you may feel right now,if you actually get into a relationship while still believing you need a woman to reach "self" satisfaction,boy oh boy,you're going to wish you could go back to the way things are now.

Listen, I don't really think that came out right. I know what I said was wrong, but I'm not an idiot. I mean, you only have one life, so why not live it to the fullest. I want to have life-experiences, and I feel that actually getting a girl would give me another one. I doubt I'll get married because I don't want to. I want a kid but marriage is so overrated nowadays. People just get hitched to get hitched. They don't really love the person, they don't really even know eachother as well as they think. I live in a good, functional household, but you can feel the tension from every which direction. And in response to your statement, "The next 25-30 years of your life will be nothing but heartache and pain." I actually think that those will be the best years of my life. I like who I am, and I know what I want, which is why I don't want my fear of failure to stop me from attaining this. I hope you understand where I'm coming from. At the moment I'm living by this mantra, "You don't know how to live until you know how to die." I just think about today, and realize that if I knew I were going to die tomorrow I wouldn't be satisfied. This isn't just because I want to get a girl, but because I wouldn't have fulfilled all, or any of my dreams.

Ok...

Yeah, you guys are right. I'm too blessed to be stressed anyways.

dude you got me thinking...

I am a **** right now...I should try going back to being a nice guy and drop the jerk act. But I should also keep the confidence and level headedness I obtained from this being a jerk experience.