People relax when I give out my business cards after approaching...

...and I think it's because I answer the question "what is this dude coming with?" I don't get it. I think maybe when I approach I'm just too serious or something, or appear intimidating. People I approach tend to tense up and have their guards on.

I see this happens lots of times with cold approaching.

This is something that I have observed and I'm trying to fix the mechanics on this a bit. Do business cards help me break the shyness of approaching, and also help relax the people I am approaching by providing a non-threatening premise of approaching? Most styles of approaching appears you are looking for some lame excuse to chat someone up and hope you don't get blown out. You may have an opener, but it's like, they wonder what is this guy coming up with next?

It's just mind boggling the way they relax, it's like they make a sigh of relief when I give out the cards, it's like "oh, this is it - you are from XYZ Realty..." and they are happy it's appearing I'm going after their business rather than hitting on them. Is that just my perception of it, or do the business cards take out the 'threat' that people feel with cold approaches by providing a solid premise for making that approach?

I'd never give out my business card, but that's just because I usually don't want the girl I'm running game on to have the ability to call my boss if I say something that ticks her off. Plus, it switches the frame to business, which I've found isn't the best way to show interest.

I've used a business card while running game once, and that was only because I got called into something at work while I was talking to a cute person that was just around on other matters. I scribbled my cell # on the back of one of my business cards and told her to call me sometime to talk more.

Whatever works for you, though.

#41 said:

Plus, it switches the frame to business, which I've found isn't the best way to show interest.

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That's exactly the point though, I mean you are disarming her by making your intentions ambigious and that is what is making them relax - because that sort of softens the approach.

I'm commenting on how they just look very relaxed when I flash the cards over to them in contrast to how apprehension and confused they look on my initial approach to them with a "what is this guy coming with?" look.

The business card appears to be either a softener or something like that as it changes the frame to a non-threatening one. I don't know how else to seem less threatening on approaches.

#41 said:

I've used a business card while running game once, and that was only because I got called into something at work while I was talking to a cute person that was just around on other matters. I scribbled my cell # on the back of one of my business cards and told her to call me sometime to talk more.

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How did that go?

Luke Skywalker said:

That's exactly the point though, I mean you are disarming her by making your intentions ambigious and that is what is making them relax - because that sort of softens the approach.

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I don't know if it's that or just that it gives you a good point to begin a conversation from that isn't awkward, canned, or strange. It probably makes YOU feel more comfortable to do it, so the situation isn't filled with weirdness for her.

I don't know that I like it, personally, though -- you eventually have to transition from "this is my business card" to "lets get down to business," and I can see that coming off badly if it's not done smoothly.

Your mileage may vary, though.

How did that go?

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She called 2 days later, we're going out for coffee on Tuesday.

#41 said:

I don't know that I like it, personally, though -- you eventually have to transition from "this is my business card" to "lets get down to business," and I can see that coming off badly if it's not done smoothly.

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I think the point is more what the girl is thinking in her mind about myself (i.e. her level of interest, or there is a chemistry, etc....). The concept of course is to do whatever gives you confidence to approach comfortably -- the weakness is if I get trapped in my own business frame. All I have to get is her number, and if she looks like she's excited that I approached her, really appears to open up to me after I 'broke the ice with my business card' or is giving some sexual vibes, then I think a transition would be easy.

Furthermore, I think if you are doing an opener like this with a strong sexual intent or romantic intent and it's showing in your tone, eyes and body language with just the 'content' being business -- then I think the message of interest would be very clear. I think it's hard to hide intent if the body language and manner you are approaching seems to scream interest.

Giving out business cards again as a deliberate effort to connect with women. I should be giving out cards to anyone anyway.

I usually have a low-energy approach, hand out a card, and say "if you want to buy or sell Real-Estate, please call me", usually something appears awry about it afterwards.

I'm trying the following improvements in the future:
1) Experiment with a high-pitched "Hey girl, what's up?" approach before giving out the card.

2) Shut the heck up after giving the card rather than saying "duh, I'm giving out this card because I'm in Real-Estate, if you want to buy or sell please call me".

These adjustments appears simple enough to follow. Best connections are with older women and this ploy doesn't work as well with yonger sexier women. However I'm going to use this as training wheels. Usually I feel a need to account to someone as to why I'm approaching them so I won't feel crazy for doing something out of the ordinary.

visit a pua forum if you want to micromanage approach styles

It sounds like you might be on to something. If it's new and untried then keep going and see how it works IMO. Experimentation is good.

"if you want to buy or sell Real-Estate, please call me"

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Kinda sounds like you're doing them a favor or hooking them up with a sweet inside deal or something like that, you think? Might be good.

Using it on the young *****es that obviously don't have that kind of money, I'd probably try it sarcastically. As in "So I work in real estate, if you're ever looking to buy a hotel or something let me know and I'll hook you up, you can be the next Paris Hilton" said with an enthusiastic grin. (Yes that is a retarded thing to say, would probably get a reaction though.)

MisterMcGee said:

visit a pua forum if you want to micromanage approach styles

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Such as what? Fastseduction dot com? Know any others?

I've looked at "FastSeduction" again, and some of these approach techniques are so hilarious, it's almost like something out of "Just for Gags" or something, just to get a reaction on women and watch them laugh at some of the wierd approaching techniques that are out there --- sounds like I'm going to have allot of fun.

I'm going to memorise all of them and devote myself to approaching women. Now that I have a serious girl on my tail that may settle me down, I better get really serious with this now that my single - carefree days may be numbered.

Furyguy said:

Kinda sounds like you're doing them a favor or hooking them up with a sweet inside deal or something like that, you think? Might be good.

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That's a good concept. I could say something to that effect. Say I got some AMAZING deals -- give me a call and I'll show you.

Again, the tone has to reflect enthuiasm and energy right from the beginning. That's the main challenge as my energy is a bit lacking.

But that's okay for starters, as long as I'm doing the approaches for now I can't be too hard on myself.

Furyguy said:

Using it on the young *****es that obviously don't have that kind of money, I'd probably try it sarcastically. As in "So I work in real estate, if you're ever looking to buy a hotel or something let me know and I'll hook you up, you can be the next Paris Hilton" said with an enthusiastic grin. (Yes that is a retarded thing to say, would probably get a reaction though.)

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I know, this is all good. I don't know if I should just work on my "tone", I need an energetic upbeat tone when I'm talking to people. The energy level and conveying that energy appears to be the main challenging point.

I'm not sure how I'll work it. I have some CD's from Seduce & Conquer with Payton kane that goes into how you can work on your "voice" projection. Basically, he teaches you need an upbeat sort of tone or you'll come across as creepy no matter what you say if you have a more quiet-anxious type of tone.

His CD's even suggest "Hey girl, what's up?" and look like you are cool when you do this has a lot more milage than any weak energy tone.

i didnt bother to read past the first post of this thread but what people here dont realize: these BS cold approaches with canned openers are not natural and are just plain creepy. turn everything into something funny..crack a joke..you see a girl reading some weird magazine in the book store, tell her she totally looks like a girl who would read that weird s hit and shell be like "what??? what gives you that impression???"

Luke Skywalker said:

Say I got some AMAZING deals -- give me a call and I'll show you.

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I saw this thread, held back from posting, but it's time for action.

Don't give out business cards. You want to get their number,not the other way around.

You don't want women to think you are hitting on them when you approach (usually), but a business card totally changes the frame.

Look at your quote above. You are here to have sex with them, not sell them something. What ahve they done to deserve an "amazing deal"? Nothing.

"Call and I'll show you." That, combined with the business card and the discussion about business will mean that the only reason they will call you is if they need your business. You aren't here to be business partners. You will be thrown into the friendzone, or the "creepy guy who tried to buy sex by offering discounts zone".

Thanks for your input into this thread. It's good to see some people believe on me on here.

I still think it's HOW you say something than WHAT you say. You can say the best funny line, but if you say it in the wrong TONE of voice then you'll come across as creepy even if it is the perfect opener. I'm sure there are better openers than this and know a whole bunch of them from other sites, but if I'm going to come across with that "nervous and anxious" vibe and with a low-energy hesitant tone, then I know whatever opener I use will come across as creepy until that's handled.

They say it's 60% body language, 30% tone, and 10% content. Basically, if I get the first 90% right, then the 10% can be a BS canned opener, or it can be 'whatever', and it should still work.

To have the right body language, I think I have to get comfortable with approaches first and see it as no big deal, sort of laugh at it. Other than that, I believe my body frame and posture may be on that transmit nervousness. You can see by the extent I'm analyzing on here that I'm more into my head than in the moment. I've thought in the past about chiropractor and massage to try and resolve those body frame issues but have held back. I'm currently just going to the gym and working out.

In terms of tone, that's something I have to look into and practise. That should be adjusted by micro-managing this type of approach.

I'm guessing that the relaxing and sighs of relief you get after giving your business card is all the sexual tension leaving the interaction. So I wouldn't do it.

WhtRbt said:

I'm guessing that the relaxing and sighs of relief you get after giving your business card is all the sexual tension leaving the interaction. So I wouldn't do it.

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How do you figure? The book HTSWW (How to Succeed with Women) suggests that a woman's greatest fear is that I'm going to physically attack them or hurt them. To them, I may as well just want to stalk them, grope them up, or take out a knife or gun instead of a card. This is how I feel sometimes when I approach a girl with a serious face. (have to learn to smile more)

My number one fear of approaching is that I put people on the spot when I do and they don't know what I'm coming with. I feel they are just on the defensive with high guards. With the busienss card, they know you are not a threat to them, and are doing something you are supposed to be always doing.

You have social proof that you are a REALTOR, that means other people know you and you have a social reference, and that makes them feel more comfortable than if you are just a total random stranger that could be a rapist as far as they know.

So, I believe when you give out a card, you are already giving clear intentions that you are not going to do that -- after all, you are a REALTOR that gives out cards to everyone, and REALTOR's aren't any physical threat to anyone.

delete post

"OMG! It's that creepy dude. I think he's going to ask me out... Noooo..."

*Business Card*

"Sigh, oh. Whew! Was worried for a moment..."

Alle_Gory said:

"OMG! It's that creepy dude. I think he's going to ask me out... Noooo..."

*Business Card*

"Sigh, oh. Whew! Was worried for a moment..."

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exactly

Luke Skywalker said:

How do you figure? The book HTSWW (How to Succeed with Women) suggests that a woman's greatest fear is that I'm going to physically attack them or hurt them. To them, I may as well just want to stalk them, grope them up, or take out a knife or gun instead of a card. This is how I feel sometimes when I approach a girl with a serious face. (have to learn to smile more)

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Man I bought that book a looong time ago,like maybe 7 or 8 years ago. Back at that point in time,that book helped me more than any other book,reading material,or any other person ever did. I think I still have it,although it's probably all covered in dust and cobwebs,LOL. I think you have it right in your original post: people relax when you hand out your card because they know why it is you're talking to them. If you were just to approach a girl saying hi,what's your name,where are you from,how old are you,where do you go to school,etc,she might answer these questions,but in her mind she'd probably be saying to herself,"Ok,why is this guy talking to me? Why is he asking all these questions?". So her having these questions in her mind and wondering about your intentions will cause her to feel uneasy.

Luke Skywalker said:

My number one fear of approaching is that I put people on the spot when I do and they don't know what I'm coming with. I feel they are just on the defensive with high guards. With the busienss card, they know you are not a threat to them, and are doing something you are supposed to be always doing.

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This is a legitimate concern you have. I mean think about it,if you were out somewhere minding your own business,then all of the sudden,out of the blue,someone just came up to you asking you a bunch of personal questions,wouldn't you get defensive? Wouldn't you get suspicious? Wouldn't you wonder what it is this person wants from you? I know I would. I agree that handing out your card may help them to relax and put them at ease,but it's also misleading. You give your card out to a girl,then she'll relax. Then,if you ask her out on a date, you run the risk of thinking that you giving her the card was just a sham. She'll feel deceived. But hey,I'm not tell you not to do it. It's a good idea if you're able to transition seamlessly from talking about insurance to dating.

Luke skywalker said:

So, I believe when you give out a card, you are already giving clear intentions that you are not going to do that -- after all, you are a REALTOR that gives out cards to everyone, and REALTOR's aren't any physical threat to anyone.

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You'll have to forgive me if I don't completely understand the intent of this thread,but are you saying that giving out your business cards is a good way to show people that you're a Realtor,or that it's a good way to be able to approach girls without raising their defenses? Because if it's the latter,then once you give a girl your card,how do you switch from talking about being a realtor to asking her out without activating her defenses?

I ask that because to me,you don't need to hand out cards. You just have to be aware of your surroundings and give off from yourself the emotional state you want the girl to have. Or to put it in english:If you want her to relax,then you approach her relaxed. You want her to open up,then you approach her being open yourself. The BEST THING to do to get a woman to relax with you is simply to talk....A LOT. She'll feel more UNcomfortable if you approach her,and just stand there quiet than if you lead in the conversation.

However,I realize that people are where they are. If you're not at that level yet and you feel the need to hand out your card to people,then by all means,do so.

I think it's a cop-out. You're afraid of rejection. Leave the business cards at home unless you plan on promoting your business. If you plan to do pick-up, leave them at home.