Women and their male friends

ZhaoYun · Sep 29, 2008

my gf has a really good male friend. I think it's fair to say their even best friends. Known each other since grammar school, etc. It seems sometimes she spends more time with him than me, whether they go grab a bite together or are just hanging out with their mutual female friends.

I stay busy, so maybe that has something to do with it. I can't help that I keep a busy life. I love it.

I've met the guy. He's pretty cool, but way beyond AFC. He also has gay tendancies but claims he's straight. Also, we've all hung out together a few times and I noticed when my woman and I were kissing, fooling around he was getting a little jealous which leads me to believe what I already knew. He probably wants to bang her.

Anyway, I told my gf I don't care about them being friends - I'd never try to jeopardize that, etc but I did let her know I didn't think it was right for her to spend so much time with him. I clearly let her know I wasn't jealous to which she agreed and just felt that I wanted to spend more time with her. I also said she should help the guy find a girl and she said it was hard for him because he's not attractive/masculine enough.

Funny thing is when we were talking about this he texted her asking if we were with each other. Hilarious right! Afterwards, we had great sex and I'm guessing she understood where I was coming from.

Anyone think this was a dumb move to make?

Honestly, I think it was something that had to be done. I didn't display any jealousy, didn't give her ultimatums or anything. She always tells me when they hang out and stuff, but I have a hard ass mindset. Like I mentioned, they can be the best of friends, but he needs to stop being so clingy to my woman.(And I don't think I'll ever directly approach him unless something gets way out of hand. I don't see him as a threat at all)

Friend or not I just get tired of all the attention this guy gives my girl, ya know? This guy should just get his own chick, but it's hard for him because he's such a wuss.

pvf94 · Sep 29, 2008

He wants to bang your girlfriend.

No guy wants to hangout with some girl just as friends, it doesn't work. If she bent over on a couch and pulled her pants down and said fvck me, what do you think he would do?

Gay tendancies or whatever, I wouldn't play that sh!t. Tell her if she cheats on you or comes close to it your done. If she is worth anything at all she will be loyal to you because you are willing to walkaway if she disrespects you.

Personally if I am in a LTR and my girl is out with a guy, I go out with a girl. Or proclaim that I did....jealousy goes a long way, let her think you have no problem with it and just go hangout with some ladies.....hell you could even fake it. "Baby wanna do something tonight?" "Sorry, I can't im hangin out with lisa". This sends a clear message to her. If she doesn't like you doing it to her, she will stop doing it to you. And if it does not affect her, she is probably not worth your time.

ZhaoYun · Sep 29, 2008

I know he wants to bang her, what straight guy wouldn't. I just want to know if anyone thinks what I did was wrong or damaging even though I don't think it was.

Condensed version:

-I told her I didn't care about them being friends, just stop hanging out so much and help the f*cker get his own damn woman to which she agreed.

-Yes we're in an LTR and had a good sex session shortly after dropping the whole convo about this.

DonGorgon · Sep 29, 2008

Those are not her "friends" they are guys waiting to F or guys who have F'ed already waiting to F again or guys who are Fing...

Warrior74 said:
I'll tell you this...one of my best friends is an AW

We have been together a few times. He probably knows we've been together or at least senses it.
.

^^See...LOL

Clarky · Sep 30, 2008

I disagree with some of these comments. I have several female friends and can honestly say i do not want to fvck them. Not because the arn't attractive, god one is probably around a hb8. Female friends can be very very useful, the amount of parties i have been invited to through them and also the good things they say about you to their friends which then spread your rep.

But this guy definatley seems to be after her. The same thing happend to me with a guy at my girlfriends college. He sings the song by Mario 'You Should Let Me Love You' to her in psychology haha.

jdjd · Sep 30, 2008

Clarky said:
I disagree with some of these comments. I have several female friends and can honestly say i do not want to fvck them. Not because the arn't attractive, god one is probably around a hb8. Female friends can be very very useful, the amount of parties i have been invited to through them and also the good things they say about you to their friends which then spread your rep.

But this guy definatley seems to be after her. The same thing happend to me with a guy at my girlfriends college. He sings the song by Mario 'You Should Let Me Love You' to her in psychology haha.

ill have to agree w/ you on that about spreading rep and having HB 8+ female friends...but dont have too many tho...i limit mines...

Warrior74 · Sep 30, 2008

I'll tell you this...one of my best friends is an AW who is growing out of it somewhat...but all she has is guy friends, she's slept around fair bit. We have been together a few times. But she's still a really cool girl, she's a great friend and I can talk to her about anything. She's engaged now and she's actually committed to this guy (he's a good provider for her and her kid). And he knows I'm her best friend. He probably knows we've been together or at least senses it. But at the end of the day I respect their relationship and wouldn't set foot inside his territory. But he might not ever know that, he may be just as concerned as you are. If she's gonna cheat she can, if not with me with someone else. Nothing you can do about it. You have to worry about her...not the other guy. The other guy will get it if he can. Consider it Law 2 of the 48 Laws of power and use it to keep you on your relationship toes. (and by that I don't mean don't go all AFC on her).

DonGorgon · Sep 30, 2008

She is playing you...
YOU NEED TO GO GET A GOOD FEMALE "FRIEND" REAL QUICK AND SEE HOW UR GIRLFRIEND REACTS...

You are heading for one of those "i was drunk BOB was there and it just happened", stories...LOL

ZhaoYun · Sep 30, 2008

don't see how she's playing me when I've already banged her a lot of times and she wants to spend lots of time with me, I just keep busy.

I'm more interested in hearing how dudes handle situations like this. When your woman isn't interested in one of her male friends, but he has a hidden agenda.

ZhaoYun · Oct 1, 2008

vagrant · Oct 1, 2008

It's okay to show a little jealousy if your girl is really into you. It's just that you repeated so many times how you weren't jealous. My girl likes it that I get jealous sometimes because then she knows that I still care for her.

Anyways, your girl has girl (friends). She shouldn't be hanging out with one dude all the time especially when it's not even her boyfriend. I can't believe you're cool with that or it's only now that you're seeing it as a little bit too much.

Chris Rock's 1996 Special still gets me that women has male friends that are just there waiting to f*ck your girl. You've met him and he's eaten your food. You do something stupid and you just gave her a free d*ck ticket. And you never know when she's going to cash it in. :yes:

If he's gay then it's cool. But if he's a real guy like me and I'm attracted to your girl, then the only reason I hang out with her is because I want to bang her.

wjh · Oct 1, 2008

ZhaoYun said:
I'm more interested in hearing how dudes handle situations like this. When your woman isn't interested in one of her male friends, but he has a hidden agenda.

There's not much you can do. You can find women who don't have many (if any) male friends and that she focuses on you more than them.

All women to one degree or another, at least in my experience, will have male friends. You can't tell them no, but you don't have to be with them either.

I wouldn't be comfortable with a girl I'm dating always spending time with other male friends aka male-orbitor AFCs who are just waiting for their opportunity.

mrRuckus · Oct 4, 2008

I have a few female friends that i've fvcked that i wish i didn't and didn't know what i was thinking and if offered again i would say no... and actually have.

"what straight guy wouldn't?"
I have more criteria to fvcking girls than looks.

DJDamage · Oct 4, 2008

She has been his friend since elementry school and they haven't fvcked yet??!! well chances are that he so entrenched in the friendzone he would never get out. Friends from elementry school tend to remain stuck in the friendzone forever. Its those friends from highschool and beyond that are more of a threat.

She probably sees him as one of the girls, albeit he is a man which is better for her because she can get some real attention without sleeping with him.

ZhaoYun said:
I also said she should help the guy find a girl and she said it was hard for him because he's not attractive/masculine enough.

She would never truly help him out. Your girl is AW and if she helps him out then he would stop giving her attention and give it to another girl. He is like her pet and that's the way she likes it.

Based on the details you gave here, I wouldn't worry about this guy at all. In fact I wouldn't discourage her from seein him . See no Man on this planet can rightfuly balance being a great boyfriend while being attentive to every crazy emotional need his girlfriend seeks (that is anti-challenge). That is where the AFC friend role comes in. He takes care of her head and you take care of her pvssy. Which will make your girl/you happy, but it makes the AFC remains an AFC and he goes home to jerk off.

Trust me, I have been in your shoes and the AFC friend shoes so I know what is going on.

decades · Oct 4, 2008

you're bordering on being controlling. wanting to have her help him find a GF is actually codependent. When we get like that we are at a place that's not good. It means this is bothering you more than you let on. Follow your gut...but we seldom do....

surfdog · Oct 12, 2008

Heys guys..need some advice please!

I found out today that my gf and her guy friend had a bet about something..and that my gf won and she demanded the guy to take her to a 'dinner and a movie'

When I heard this I was pretty pissed off because we've been pretty busy and havn't been spending much time with each other. Like there has been a few times when I wanted to do something with her but she had her friends sleeping over etc. so she can't go out with me..so I let it go I didn't want to come off as too needy and plus I thought I'd give her some space.

What pisses me off is that she has time to go to a dinner and movie with some guy but doesn't have time for me?
I didn't react to it though, I acted like I didn't care because 'I am secure and I know that she on my team not his.'

We already have a date this friday because it's her bday so I said I'd take her out and have a good time...last time I saw her was last friday..I would like to see her abit more than once a week but she's always busy.

She doesn't want to fully commit yet so I thought I'd spin other plates and let her know about it(sometimes it's true..sometimes I make it up)..she doesn't like it. She wants us to be exclusive..No..she wants ME to be exclusive to her but she doesn't want to spend time with me?!?!

anyway that is not the point..the point is should I be worried about the guy friend who she's going to dinner and movie with?!?

The guy is an absolute a$$hole and I don't think that he respects me at all..like he'd come up and talk to my girl and pretend I wasn't there, take sips out of my girls drinks and kiss her etc.

I don't want to show any jealousy because that girls will ALWAYS have male friends but like the fact that she's so close to him does make me feel abit uncomfortable.
Am I overanalysing it?? and what is the best way to approach this?
Should I confront her about it? I don't want to confront her because I'd come off as needy and insecure..but if I don't confront her I'd be encouraging this type of behaviour and she'll continue to do it in the future and it is just gonna keep bothering me!

Sorry for so many questions..theres just so many things on my mind right now..

Thanks for reading.

DonJuan11 · Oct 12, 2008

ZhaoYun said:
my gf has a really good male friend. I think it's fair to say their even best friends. Known each other since grammar school, etc. It seems sometimes she spends more time with him than me, whether they go grab a bite together or are just hanging out with their mutual female friends.

I stay busy, so maybe that has something to do with it. I can't help that I keep a busy life. I love it.

I've met the guy. He's pretty cool, but way beyond AFC. He also has gay tendancies but claims he's straight. Also, we've all hung out together a few times and I noticed when my woman and I were kissing, fooling around he was getting a little jealous which leads me to believe what I already knew. He probably wants to bang her.

Why on earth are you kissing and fooling around with your woman in front on him? Are you trying to prove to him you have her and he doesn't? That's screams insecurity to everyone.

Friend or not I just get tired of all the attention this guy gives my girl, ya know? This guy should just get his own chick, but it's hard for him because he's such a wuss.

1) It's your fault for not entertaining your gf enough that she has to hang out with him all the time.

2) Why is your gf hanging out with him all the time if she knows it bothers you so much? If my gf told me she doesn't like it when I do something, I wouldn't keep on doing it if I really liked her. I would try to cut back.

guywhoneedshelp · Oct 12, 2008

Feel threatened by the male friend, but don't show it. Act like you don't care. Then spy on her (computer keylogger works great) and find out if anything is happening.

ZhaoYun · Oct 12, 2008

DonJuan11 said:
1) It's your fault for not entertaining your gf enough that she has to hang out with him all the time.

2) Why is your gf hanging out with him all the time if she knows it bothers you so much? If my gf told me she doesn't like it when I do something, I wouldn't keep on doing it if I really liked her. I would try to cut back.

She doesn't spend a great deal of time with him. When they do something together she always tells me. Recently she's been spending more time with her girls and hasn't really done much with her guy. She has cut back, but of course they still text and stuff which is fine. They're childhood friends.

This girl craves my attention so it's unlikely I'm not entertaining her enough. I'm just really busy so whenever I do have free time and she knows, she always wants to see me.

Things are going great now btw. I don't think I'll be spying on her though :crackup: that's not really my thing.

Warrior74 · Oct 12, 2008

surfdog said:
Heys guys..need some advice please!

I found out today that my gf and her guy friend had a bet about something..and that my gf won and she demanded the guy to take her to a 'dinner and a movie'

When I heard this I was pretty pissed off because we've been pretty busy and havn't been spending much time with each other. Like there has been a few times when I wanted to do something with her but she had her friends sleeping over etc. so she can't go out with me..so I let it go I didn't want to come off as too needy and plus I thought I'd give her some space.

What pisses me off is that she has time to go to a dinner and movie with some guy but doesn't have time for me?
I didn't react to it though, I acted like I didn't care because 'I am secure and I know that she on my team not his.'

We already have a date this friday because it's her bday so I said I'd take her out and have a good time...last time I saw her was last friday..I would like to see her abit more than once a week but she's always busy.

She doesn't want to fully commit yet so I thought I'd spin other plates and let her know about it(sometimes it's true..sometimes I make it up)..she doesn't like it. She wants us to be exclusive..No..she wants ME to be exclusive to her but she doesn't want to spend time with me?!?!

anyway that is not the point..the point is should I be worried about the guy friend who she's going to dinner and movie with?!?

The guy is an absolute a$$hole and I don't think that he respects me at all..like he'd come up and talk to my girl and pretend I wasn't there, take sips out of my girls drinks and kiss her etc.

I don't want to show any jealousy because that girls will ALWAYS have male friends but like the fact that she's so close to him does make me feel abit uncomfortable.
Am I overanalysing it?? and what is the best way to approach this?
Should I confront her about it? I don't want to confront her because I'd come off as needy and insecure..but if I don't confront her I'd be encouraging this type of behaviour and she'll continue to do it in the future and it is just gonna keep bothering me!

Sorry for so many questions..theres just so many things on my mind right now..

Thanks for reading.

That's not your girlfriend buddy, that's one of his plates. She won't commit because she's waiting on him to commit. Your there to make him jealous, but if it doesn't work...she'll choose you. In fact, the fact that you let him kiss her in front of you means that you will always be plan B. You are trying to make her jealous and it isn't working because she knows that you will stand by and take disrepect (kissing in front of you) so you have lost status in her eyes.

Now I may be completely wrong on how I read this...but good lord man. Grow a pair and move on. If she wants you she'll come to you, if she doesn't, then your out of a horrible situation and you know your anwser. Don't get emotional, just withdraw your attention, and go after those other plates for real.

Women and their male friends

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