Women have the same problems as you

A lot of guys find their way to this site because they have a particular problem with women or overriding issue that keeps them from getting girls. With me, it was being jaded over my divorce. After several years on this site, I have read a plethora of reasons about why a particular guy can't get a girl. They include being the wrong age, short, broke, skinny, social anxiety, lack of confidence, lack of experience, poor self-image, jaded against the female gender, emotional baggage from previous relationships, wrong race or religion, jealous and insecure, single parent...the list is endless. It seems every guy who wants a girl and strikes out has one overriding issue that he blames it on. This is the story of almost a decade of sosuave threads.

But you know what? Women are exactly the same way. The more of them I meet and hear about their relationship issues, the more that I see that the female gender is not different in regard to having problems. Women obsess over silly insignificant traits that they think condemn them to failure with men. But when we look at a hot girl, we have no idea of knowing what's going on in her head.

Right now, somewhere someplace, there is a guy who is drooling over a HB9, but is too afraid to talk to her because he is convinced that he is a midget freak due to being 5'8" tall...and that same girl at that same moment will be obsessing over her gigantic size 9 clown-shoe feet that of course will doom her to eternal celibacy, as is being proven again tonight because no guys want to talk to her. The girl will go home alone, eat ice cream and cry, and the guy will go home alone and start an Internet message board thread about how women are b!tches who only want tall guys.

Whatever your problems are that make you think you are doomed to failure with the other gender, not only do other guys have the same problems, women have them too. For every desperately horny guy who wants to get laid there is a desperately horny woman who wants the same thing. For every guy with a porn collection, there is a woman with a vibrator collection.

When we look at a hot woman as guys, we tend to see a piece of ass that we don't have yet. If we don't succeed with her, we blame it on our own problems. But any woman out there is going to have her own set of issues that you can't see on the outside. Women have essentially the same problems as men.

wow good way to think about it

A good post, Bible_Belt, but I can't help feel that there's a massive contradiction in this post and other posts I've read on this site.

This post asserts that women have the same problems as us; that they go home along just as much as us because we're too scared to ask them out, that they obsess over irrelevancies like whether their feet are too big just as much as us, that they think no one would ever want them just like us.

Other posts assert that attractive females are in fact different. They get asked out all and complimented all the time, so we've got to be different to stand out from the hordes of AFCs. They can walk into a bar and pull just about any man they want, so we have to not appear desperate or needy. So much so that they even pretend to be *****es (the infamous ***** shield) to attempt to scare off the AFCs even before they start!

On one hand we're getting taught that women are just like us with the same problems as us. On the other hand we're getting taught that women are constantly pestered with the same old lame type of guys just wanting to get into her pants.

I'm confused.

women are constantly pestered with the same old lame type of guys just wanting to get into her pants.


Yes, especially the attractive ones. And they want sex, but will turn those guys down. It does not make sense in a logical way, but that is just female emotion. Women want to get laid, but more specifically than that, they want the set of feelings that come from a successful seduction. Even though you both want to fvck, you can't just say "hey, you're hot, let's fvck." That does not push the emotional buttons that she needs pushed.

As always, what matters is how she feels. Women want to feel sexy, pretty, desirable, and lucky to have you interested in her. The whole point of learning the game with women as far as I see it is that we both want the same thing. When you learn to make them feel the right way, then both of you can get what you want. Part of the reason that a woman needs you to make her feel these ways is to get over her own securities about herself. A successful seduction will navigate around those insecurities about herself or be able to play off of them. Either way, you have to see them first, or at least know that women have similar problems and negative mindsets as our own.

great post...
about time someone spoke up

Agreed women have the same issues as we do - how did we all get this way? Man wants women and women wants man, but both sexes have so many hang ups they cannot connect. How many lonely, frustrated men and women are there out there? Millions ? a Billion? No wonder the porn and vibrator market is so big.

But how do we break this vicious circle?

Bible, I've gotta disagree that women have it just as rough. You're right that women oftentimes themselves have a hard time finding guys, because they don't get a set of feelings from these guys that push their emotional buttons for a successful seduction, but, I disagree that it's just as rough out there for women as it is for men. There are more DJ's out there than you think. This board seems to promote the idea that there's only a very small percentage of DJ's/Players out there, which I can't agree with. DJ's/Players probably don't compose half of the male population, but I do think there's definitely more than 10%. I think there's plenty out there, which is why women don't seem to appear as unhappy and sexually frustrated as a lot of guys. Eventhough a woman may go home manless for the night, she's still "getting it" a lot more than the unhappy, sexually frustrated men, which makes her a whole lot happier than these men.

Bible, I also see a lot of what we'd call AFC's out there doing fairly well with hotties. We see it in marriages, relationships, f*ck buddy situations, etc. It puts me at a loss for words. It seems these same guys are doing better than me, and I'm nothing like them..lol.

Excellent post, I would like to add something else as well. Men tend to forget that not all women are gorgeous or beautiful; there are still the likes of HB2's to 6's, and they fantasize just as much about men like men would fantasize about women. And men think that the HB9's have it easy because they can simply choose whoever they want. I know one of my homegirls who goes clubbing regularly and she always tells me she is sexually assaulted on a daily basis. Frustrated men they reject would say something like "All right you look like a hoe anyways" or like "fvck you anyways" some sh1t like that. They have to put up through a lot of sh1t.

War Against Betaism said:

Excellent post, I would like to add something else as well. Men tend to forget that not all women are gorgeous or beautiful; there are still the likes of HB2's to 6's, and they fantasize just as much about men like men would fantasize about women.

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We're not talking about the hb 2's-6's..we're talking about those higher on the looks scale. Of course the hb 2's and 6's are gonna be the way you describe. I can assure you though, that the hotties don't have it as rough, by a long shot.

I think you've misread the point Bible was making. I didn't pickup on his saying attractive chicks have it just as rough as frustrated guys. The point of the post is to remind us that women in general have their own set of issues, insecurities and problems. Thanks for the reminder Bible.

GREAT POST BIBLE!

It's good to see people who are believing their real life experiences not what they just read on a message board. And of course sharing it.

Other posts assert that attractive females are in fact different. They get asked out all and complimented all the time, so we've got to be different to stand out from the hordes of AFCs. They can walk into a bar and pull just about any man they want, so we have to not appear desperate or needy. So much so that they even pretend to be *****es (the infamous ***** shield) to attempt to scare off the AFCs even before they start!

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Most of that is just a scarcity mentality installed by marketing so you would buy seduction products. It's a good model for newbies but it is ultimately flawed. Almost no guys have the balls to just approach a girl and be up front, honest and authentic. PUAs share the same limiting belief that AFCs do - the belief that we have to impress a women. The only difference is that PUAs have much better tools for doing this, while the AFCs are bragging about their cars or trying to be friends first. All you have to do to be different is to 'be yourself'. If you walk up to her without the need to impress her and just have a normal conversation you will be way ahead of a lot of other guys. Hard to believe I know, but think about it and look for it in your own life.

To anyone who says that Bible Belt is wrong, do you honestly have any female friends? It is extremely rare that I meet a girl who is confident with the way she looks. I know so many gorgeous girls that truly think they are ugly it's ridiculous. Girls really do have as many (if not more) issues as us.

Most girls don't get approached by 100s of guys a day like Mystery or whoever will have you believe. Ever heard of a thing called approach anxiety? Well if EVERYONE has so much trouble with this then how can these girls be getting approached all the time. Sure, attractive girls do get a lot more attention. Normally the attention just comes in the form of a drunk guy making a pass and touching her inappropriately, or guys staring at her tits all night. Imagine what you would feel like if you were a chick and almost every guy you talked to wasn't being himself because he was trying to hide his desire for your body. Or worse you can't walk through a club without getting touched in places you don't want to be by guys who have had too much to drink.

Women do indeed tend to be very insecure, but I don't think women have it anywhere near as rough as guys in today's society, at least in this area.
The average woman can get sex far more easily than the average man in my view.

I'd say more along the lines of "for every 5 horny guys desperately wanting sex there's 1 woman wanting the same thing."

Male or female, we are both humans. We are both prone to ego, emotions and physical disabilities.

Look at it this way, a lot of threads on sosuave tell us about how women are emotional creatures while men are not. Are we so sure about that? More than half the threads on here corresponds to emotions and not on a rational and logical level. To be human is to feel and have emotions. The greatest men of our time were able to use their emotions are a catalyst to do their great work.

Indeed! It is true that while you obsess about your height, she might obsess about her breast! You might be too short, but she might be too flat. While it does inflate her ego to have guys hitting on her, it doesn't change the fact that while she looks around, and all her friends and the magazines show her C-D cup women, and she has A cups, she will be bound to feel an amount of insecurities. That is the same for men who are shown guys who are ripped, muscular, have a V shaped body, and are tall.

Bible_belt put it right! Keep it coming brother!!!

edger said:

We're not talking about the hb 2's-6's..we're talking about those higher on the looks scale. Of course the hb 2's and 6's are gonna be the way you describe. I can assure you though, that the hotties don't have it as rough, by a long shot.

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Yeah I know, it was something that I just wanted to add.

We're not talking about the hb 2's-6's..we're talking about those higher on the looks scale. Of course the hb 2's and 6's are gonna be the way you describe. I can assure you though, that the hotties don't have it as rough, by a long shot.

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So you guys think hot girls don't any problems or issues in life at all? I can hardly begin to comprehend that.

Yea sometimes it can be really hard, cause at least we can do something about it and take action. Alot of women just wait around for a man, they rarely become the aggressor.

For a long time man has become bewildered by a woman's behavior. We categorize them as being overly emotional and insecure. When we become Don Juan's we learn the virtue of patience, taking a step back, leaning off the accelerator a little bit, and allowing the woman to fix her own emotional problems and insecurities. It works for us and we learn the cardinal rule that we have no obligations to a woman's problem, but it does not hurt to listen (if they are your girlfriend that is).

The problem lies in not being able to verbalize what you emotionally feel and are insecure about. So, even to a woman a Nice Guy/AFC is a paradox, because his actions speak quite different from his words, even though he means it with the purest of intent. Ever have a well meaning friend do something to help you but turn out disastrous? They say the path to hell is paved with good intentions. Those good intentions could be translated to a path to hell is paved with good intentions not able to be verbally described, made clear, so actions can be taken.

For example, at first many Nice Guys/AFCs feel they have anxiety due to fear of rejection. They think that rejection is the ultimate cause to why they do not take the chance with the beauty. Later on when they discover themselves, and more of a sense of what it is to be inherently human is that they are truly afraid of the success. They think who do I bring her around if all my friends are losers? What do I talk about after we are on the date? What kind of exciting things can I do to make her think I am this great adventurous guy? All of these examples have to do with after the fact, after the success of the approach, and very little to do with the rejection.

I say if a man is able to write clearly what is it that he truly feels then he has truly empowered himself. He has removed the ambiguities out of his life and resolved a truly real emotions. This is a step towards Don Juanhood. It is the same for woman, because a lot of them verbalize complete gibberish when they are trying to explain an emotional or security flaw.

Are the sexes truly different? I don't actually think so. For every forum there is men talking about their problems with women, their are equal amount of forums online and offline where women are speaking about their problems with men. It isn't necessarily problem between the sexes, but what is true of human kind is that there are always problems within any relationship, whatever the context may be. We would like to think our relationships with our guy buddies are different from the ones we have with the chicks, but we are fooling ourselves. This is only represented in the media through looking as men as neanderthals, walking around without a clue of whats occurring in the world. Lets just say I have seen a lot of guys cry at the movies equal to that of the girls, and these guys were not necessarily "in touch" with their emotions as the world would like you to be mislead. It is almost as if when a man cries, he must be "in touch" with his emotions, therefore feminine in nature. What it is to cry is what it is to be human, not male or female (although guys would love to believe that they don't love to cry and let out all the heat bottle inside... of course because we a "MEN" he..he..he..!)

There are equal pitfalls for men and women because we fall under the category of: human. Creating a kind of barrier and war between the sexes just allows for a combative edge, because it is usually thought that where there is competition then people will rise above; things get better. This is untrue, and your full circle of Don Juanhood will show you that.

Excellent thread guys!

Hm, who removed the link to the DJ Bible? I can't even find the relevant post for this.

Anyway, here is the jist - what you've found is the foundation on which everything of even moderate quality in this forum is built. It should not be a new revelation.

Desired women are common, desired guys are not. It takes mostly looks for a woman to be desired, but much more for a man. Therefore it's not the same for women - it's actually much harder for them to find what they are looking for.

And what they're looking for is not a boyscout willing to help them and listen to them - essentially they're looking for a man who has the guts to approach them, arouse them and f*ck them. And one who is actually confident about the whole thing and knows what he's doing.

The whole point of this site is to teach you to become that rare type of man and demonstrate it properly. What did you think we were doing here?

agreed with topic starter! most of my lesbian friends have exactly the same problems as most AFCs. (a big lol on that.) sometimes i have to give them advice on topic. and of course i won't let them know too much actually i think it's much worse on lesbians because the so-called 'correct' relationship dynamics are seriously out of place. they're all women after all.

Look, women aren't totally free of problems themselves in the dating scene (Dealing with flaky pricks who use them-although they seem to go for these very guys, among so many other things) but it can't be denied that woman have it much easier then guys in the dating scene. When women complain about their dating situations I can't really feel bad for them. The fact is a good looking woman at all times has 150 guys to chose from. Do guys have that? Hell no, not unless their some kind of celebrity or connected.

Many guys on this board for example will never have as many opportunities to get with the opposite sex as women will have. This is exactly the reason why there is no female equivalent of sosuave, they don't need one. All they have to do is look nice and sit around and some guy will come, take her out and pay for her stuff. If she decides he's still worth after all that, then he may even get a girlfriend. I hope this doesn't come across as negative, because I don't intend it to, but it's how I feel about the situation.