How to keep your girl on an emotional rollercoaster while in LTR?

I've been with my girlfriend for close to a year now. We never fight, have a few minor spats, but nothing that really gets either one of us pissed off. I don't know if that's good or bad, but I like it. I know I need to keep her up and down, but I really don't know how to do that with someone that I'm in a committed relationship with. I just want to keep the spark alive. Maybe I'm wrong and it doesn't need to be done in a ltr. Somebody help me out here.

Well, first and foremost NEVER stop improving yourself. Don't take anything or anybody for granted. Stay independent and keep your confidence high. If you do this, you will pass any sh1t tests she may subconsciously throw your way, and most of the time you'll pass them without even knowing it.

Keep things light and breezy unless you have to be serious. Don't take the actual words "keep her on an emotional rollercoaster" too literally. Just live your life and don't completely absorb yourself in her world and you will be fine. Don't think of it as having to keep her from leaving all the time, you'll get all paranoid.

BeyondCharm said:

I think somewhere along the lines the questioner of this thread became confused as to what being a DJ means. This entire program is about self-improvement and having a better quality life, relationships and serenity/peace of mind as a result. If you attempt to always get what "you want" and attempt to always "manipulate her to be on a rollercoaster" than you will ultimately fail because you cannot consistently force the world and others to produce the results you desire. You can however change the way you behave, act, speak and be true to yourself. The saying goes "To thyself be true."

You don't need to worry about keeping her on an emotional rollercoaster. You only need to focus on being true to who you are and as a result you will be happy because you will find yourself liking the person you are and as a result of that people will learn to like you for who you are as well.

People sitting at a poker table might be friends before they sit down but when their money is on the line they are subversive, deceptive and down right misleading in order to win the game. A relationship with a woman I think should not be like a poker game where one person wins and the other loses. Even if the chips are stacked in your favor and you can manipulate the game, one person eventually gets hurt and must walk away eventually. Keeping someone around is about being true to your own needs and accepting that some things and some people you cannot change but you can certainly accept them for the way they are. That might mean you don't stay in a relationship with them or it might mean you learn to be more tolerant and compassionate and selfless.

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I probably am confused. I spent years on here when I was younger, as you can see from my join date. I had a couple of horrible relationships that soured me on women.

I finally met this girl who seems to be my perfect match. I don't WANT to be anything other than myself, but I do worry that she will become complacent. I haven't seen any signs of this, but I've been back on this site at work, and I guess I let some worrisome thoughts creep into my head.

Dude... "keep her on an emotional rollercoaster"? If you're liking this girl enough to be in a relationship, quit the games.

Geez, all the guy is asking is what to do so his gf doesn't get sick of sitting on the couch watching tv every night together... not tips on how to live life passively.

blong, you keep the spark alive by being a man and following YOUR passions and desires. Women are followers and more or less just act like gumby and mold themselves to your life... assuming your life isn't boring. It's your life and she is along for the ride.

mrRuckus said:

Geez, all the guy is asking is what to do so his gf doesn't get sick of sitting on the couch watching tv every night together... not tips on how to live life passively.

blong, you keep the spark alive by being a man and following YOUR passions and desires. Women are followers and more or less just act like gumby and mold themselves to your life... assuming your life isn't boring. It's your life and she is along for the ride.

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Good answer.. especially the part about "women are followers..." ,true that.

A woman does not want to get bored. She needs to have emotional changes throughout her life to make her life interesting.

You should NOT be working to keep her 100% happy. Let her be pissed off, let her bawl her eyes out, just let her go through her emotions. She'll eventually get over the phase anyway, so why try to fix what will inevitably get better?

I personally like to throw out the occasional curve-ball. Try occasinally ignoring her when you walk by while she's on an emotional high and looking for a kiss. She'll go through an emotional dip and eventually confront you about it. Play dumb, apologize, and say you had something on your mind, and give her a kiss right there. Voila, she's back on the emotional high.

Stupid 5hit like this will make her life interesting. Notice that it's not deliberately starting an argument, nor is it being intentionally cruel. It's just a little way to keep her thinking about you, and that's what counts.

Yep, arguments aren't necessary for that emotional rollercoaster. Just keep your distance for a few days, or maybe be too busy to see her for a week. Her imagination will take care of the rest.

Any time you get her to say, "So what's up, what you thinking?" you're doing your job fine. No need for jealousy plots or being disagreeable.

BeyondCharm said:

I personally do not feel that my lady is simply "along for the ride." I feel that we are both passengers on the bus of life and we choose to sit alongside one another and enjoy the ride together.

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But yet women want you to make most of the decisions and can't make many on their own.

This along for the ride stuff sways in your favor. They follow you more than you'd ever follow them. Besides, women are fvcking crazy and no man in his right mind really wants a woman to lead him.

mrRuckus said:

But yet women want you to make most of the decisions and can't make many on their own.

This along for the ride stuff sways in your favor. They follow you more than you'd ever follow them. Besides, women are fvcking crazy and no man in his right mind really wants a woman to lead him.

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Golden nuggets in that, mrRuckus...

Women do want you to make MOST of the decisions, because they are usually incapable (or unwilling) to making rational ones alone...umless it involved hair, makeup, or girly gossipy shyte..Secondly, woman try to CONTROL everything but avoid being ACCOUNTABLE for anything . This is part of their "passenger" mentality .
They figure that if YOU make all the decisions and some of these do not work out then YOU are responsible. A woman will still try to manipulate and maneuver you into making the decison that suits her BUT she will always attempt to get YOU to make and announce the final decision.....Sneaky, aren't they ?

BeyondCharm said:

I personally do not feel that my lady is simply "along for the ride." I feel that we are both passengers on the bus of life and we choose to sit alongside one another and enjoy the ride together. Sometimes we choose to look out seperate windows, sometimes we choose to look out the same window and sometimes one of us decides to get off at a stop and the other decides to continue riding onward without us (breaking up). I choose to enjoy the moments I have on that ride with her. There is a great song in my opinion by Luther Vandross called "If only for one night" that speaks along these lines.

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THis is a nice sweet fantasy that you have here. Sadly it never works that way that you describe for very long.
You will find that sometime and soon, you will be manipulated by her into "taking the lead" . THis is one of womens' favorite "tests" - to establish a childlike dependence upon their man's dominance. I have heard many woman say " I want to be taken care of " ....IT matters little whether women are waitresses or brain surgeions, they want a man to BE a man in his actions. To provide and protect.
Your fantasy of the two of you sitting on a bus together is not going to last because it is predicated on the implicit beflief that she is capable and willing to be your equal and contribute equally in all matters. For a start, a woman will avoid accountability every time . SO who takes care of the bus when it hits that first pothole.. YOU do . You get all sweaty and dirty fixing the damage and she will want to sit under a tree and smile sweetly while she calls ger G/fs or fixes her makeup..

THis is just the way it is my man.

realsmoothie said:

Dude... "keep her on an emotional rollercoaster"? If you're liking this girl enough to be in a relationship, quit the games.

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:cheer:

We never fight, have a few minor spats, but nothing that really gets either one of us pissed off. I don't know if that's good or bad

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That's not good. How often are these spats? What are they about?

She keeps an account, unknown to you, of every argument.

Every spat drops her interest level a bit. It depletes her "love bank", as it were. This is why women eventually divorce or end relationships more often then men, and when they do, the guys are usually taken by surprise when they're dumped. The usual story you'll hear is that they didn't see it coming, it seems to them that it was "all of a sudden". But it actually was a while in the making. They didn't realize she was only acting as if everything was okay. She wasn't nagging anymore (nagging's a MAJOR sign that it's heading south) She was acting as if fine because she gave up on the relationship some time ago.

The dumped guys will also say things like, "Our relationship was pretty good. Sure, we had the occasional argument, but just like any other couple." They are mistaken. If their relationship was good, she'd wouldn't have dumped him, so his perception is different than hers. He thought she thought the relationship was good too, but he was wrong.

The danger is not that she'll become complacent, but that one day, her love for you will have been eroded by the minor spats. So that's why I've addressed this concern, just to cover it.

A woman does not want to get bored. She needs to have emotional changes throughout her life to make her life interesting.

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That's why they invented soap operas, chick flicks and romance novels, right?

But OP, it is true, never let a woman get bored with you. That doesn't mean you argue with her or have her on an emotional rollercoaster.

It's more about keeping her on her toes by being a challenge.

That means don't be predictable, or stay in a routine.

Recently heard a priest at a wedding talk about a church member who bought his wife a single rose on their first anniversary. two roses on their second anniversary. Three on the third, and so on, down through 50 years of marriage when he had 50 roses delivered on the 50th anniversary. The priest was using this as an example of the husband showing love and being sweet and romantic to his wife throughout the marriage...

... but I'm thinking that at some point, it's more likely the scenario was the wife's girl friend says to her, "So what are you and Harry doing for your 50th anniversary?" and the wife drones, "Well he'll probably just get me roses like he always does..."

Change things up. Surprise her. Take notes of what she likes, to surprise her with later on.

Date her.

Romance her once in a while.

Pursue your interests and passions foremost; stay on your path, your journey, your purpose in life.

Be masculine, so that she can be free to be feminine.

Respect her. No insults, name calling or slights.

Don't argue combatively. Seek win-wins, not merely compromises, because in compromises, one person always feels they lost.