In love with my bestfriend

goodfornothing · Aug 25, 2008

im inlove with my bestfriend when ever we are together we allways have alot of fun. the funny thing is that everyone thought we where already together thats how close we are with each other,

but now to my question , is it possible to turn a friend into something more ?

and whats the diffrence between seducing ur friend and seducing someone ur in the friendzone with , as i read its to diffrent things this is real friendship that we got being in the "lets just be friends" is not. so please help me out here

Mavrick · Aug 25, 2008

It's very simple: Stop acting like a friend. Start acting in the way you want the relationship to go.

Another thing to think about. You're not in love, you're infatuated. There is no such thing as being "in love".

Ok, go and do. Good luck, bro.

goodfornothing · Aug 25, 2008

so what exactly do u want me to do , if i want to have a relationship should i be more flirty and give more kino ? need some more info mate

Igetit! · Aug 25, 2008

How long have the 2 of you been friends?

goodfornothing · Aug 25, 2008

for about a year now but our friendship realy hit of big time this summer spent almost everyday with her we was spending the summer working in another location and she did not know anybody there and me neither (if u dont count our families) . she usualy lives in another city , but now she told me she gona move down here to my city to study some to get away for awile .

so next year i got my shot, gona visit her soon too in her hometown.

i know she can grow feelings for me and she might have them already, i talked about stuffs with this girl that i have told no one else same with her sercrets she told me.

Igetit! · Aug 25, 2008

I believe in being honest with people even when it is something that they don't won't to hear. You are not going to like what I say,but it's the truth anyway. Imo,you have a zero percent chance with this girl. It's already over as far as being something romantic between the two of you. In fact,it's been over for a while,you just haven't noticed it yet. If you had only known her for maybe 2,3,or 4 weeks,then I would say that it would be possible to turn this thing around. But having known her for close to a year,spending almost everyday with her,and the two of you telling each other so-called "secrets" that no one else knows about each other? Man,this is classic friendzone,friendzone at it most core/basic level. The relationship has already been established as platonic. I hate to say this,but,from the way you describe things,you come off as more like one of her "girlfriends" than a potential love interest. Look back at some of your past relationships. Did any of them start off like this? I know they didn't. Some people say that you can get out of the friendzone. Maybe that's true,but it is hard,hard work. It's so hard to do that really,it just isn't worth it. I know that you didn't like what I said,but I'm telling you the truth. If you don't believe me,ask some of the other members here. They will tell you the same thing.

trd323 · Aug 25, 2008

Igetit! said:
I believe in being honest with people even when it is something that they don't won't to hear. You are not going to like what I say,but it's the truth anyway. Imo,you have a zero percent chance with this girl. It's already over as far as being something romantic between the two of you. In fact,it's been over for a while,you just haven't noticed it yet. If you had only known her for maybe 2,3,or 4 weeks,then I would say that it would be possible to turn this thing around. But having known her for close to a year,spending almost everyday with her,and the two of you telling each other so-called "secrets" that no one else knows about each other? Man,this is classic friendzone,friendzone at it most core/basic level. The relationship has already been established as platonic. I hate to say this,but,from the way you describe things,you come off as more like one of her "girlfriends" than a potential love interest. Look back at some of your past relationships. Did any of them start off like this? I know they didn't. Some people say that you can get out of the friendzone. Maybe that's true,but it is hard,hard work. It's so hard to do that really,it just isn't worth it. I know that you didn't like what I said,but I'm telling you the truth. If you don't believe me,ask some of the other members here. They will tell you the same thing.

I know you can turn friends into lovers. It has been done for centuries. What do you think your dad did, his dad, and his dad. I can guarantee you that your mom was friends with your dad before they got together. I will admit that most of my family met their wives through being friends first, I asked.

this is the reason that I think "pick-up" fcuks with peoples instincts than help them. Do you really think that there is no one on this planet that was friends first then lovers. I think if you asked couples how they met; I can for certain say that 70% will say that they met through a friend and became friends first.

What should you do?

First, really understand what you are feeling and go from there. If you feel that you two would make a real good couple and genuinely like or the word you used is LOVE this girl . then I say go for it and let her know. I personally think you should have let her know a long time ago.

Before you do that, take her out on "date" activities. take her on a long walk in the park or beach. But try to act like a couple and if it feels like its not weird and awkward then I say talk about it.

YOU ARE A MAN!!!! YOU DO WHAT YOU FEEL AND IF IT ENDS BADLY THEN THATS A LESSON TO LEARN, BUT YOU NEED TO ACT INSTEAD OF THINK.

gOOD LUCK. KEEP US UPDATED

Warrior74 · Aug 25, 2008

tough call. my gut says you can't do it.

How old are you?

I will say at least try this...start doing kino on her. Do some push pull, date other girls and let her know about it. Play the game man, just be prepared to loose her if it all goes south, don't grovel if she rejects your advances, in fact walk away if she does.

SharinganUser · Aug 25, 2008

It's been a year, I have a strong feeling that even if you were told exactly what to do, you either wouldn't do it, or you'd screw it up and blame it on us. The only thing I can really say is that you should just go for it next time the opportunity comes up

Ambition Now · Aug 25, 2008

Ive been where you are now... i think its much better for you to keep her as a friend and try solve your oneitis problem by picking up other women, thats what i did after my friend started dating/fvcking other guys and i was really hurt with that...
At the end of the story you will only see her as a friend and a good company and not as a potential lover anymore.
You dont need to cut contact with her or anything like that, just set your priority on picking other women.

SharinganUser · Aug 25, 2008

AN, I've always been intrigued by the "Date Other women" advice. The reciever of the advice usually can't get with one woman, yet is expected to date many women??

Ambition Now · Aug 25, 2008

SharinganUser said:
AN, I've always been intrigued by the "Date Other women" advice. The reciever of the advice usually can't get with one woman, yet is expected to date many women??

I think the objective of "date other women advice" is not just about picking 1000´s of women instead of the one he is infatuated with, it is about to learn and put in practice the things he dont know about dating (probably the cause of he not picking his friend) to be more prepared when a situation like these comes again.
Its about trying to see things from another perspective and have more options in the future.

Warrior74 · Aug 25, 2008

SharinganUser said:
AN, I've always been intrigued by the "Date Other women" advice. The reciever of the advice usually can't get with one woman, yet is expected to date many women??

He needs the practice. He can't get other women or he won't? I think its a matter of won't. He needs to get out and try and to see what else is out there instead of having oneitis over one girl. If nothing else at least the pursuit of other women will distract him from his current affliction.

typical · Aug 25, 2008

First question, how old are you bro ?

Second, have you had any previous experience with girls ?

Third, are you aware of any boyfriends she may of had in the time you have been friends with her ?

Fourth, do you spend most of your spare time with her and vice versa ?

Lastly, have you or her talked about your feelings towards each other at any time ?

From what I can tell she thinks of you as more of "one of the girls" then some one she'd date.

DJDamage · Aug 25, 2008

goodfornothing said:
im inlove with my bestfriend when ever we are together we allways have alot of fun. the funny thing is that everyone thought we where already together thats how close we are with each other,

IN LOVE (you are infatuated not in love, you also have a serious case of oneitis)

WITH MY BEST FRIEND (A girl is your best friend?? I suspect that you are like a girlfriend to her)

EVERYONE THOUGHTS THAT WE ARE ALREADY TOGETHER (who is everybody??? strangers you meet on the street?? it doesn't matter what everyone thinks but it does what she thinks).

goodfornothing said:
but now to my question , is it possible to turn a friend into something more ?

Anything is possible if you got game but I suspect you don't, otherwise you wouldn't have gotten yourself knee deep inside the friendzone.

goodfornothing said:
and whats the diffrence between seducing ur friend and seducing someone ur in the friendzone with

By remaining mysterious and a challenge to her throughout the friendship is the key. It is this reason alone why you can't really be close friends with a chick you like because you stop being a mysterious and a challenge to her. You are already giving her your undivided attention and support so why should she even want to sleep with you??

You seem like the classic "Nice guy" which is bad when you are dealing with women who have no quams about walking all over you because you let them. I fear that this is not going to end well for you and despite your attempt to 'cheat' your current situation, it won't come to fruition. You are going to have a pretty ugly wake up call soon, so embrace yourself.

Igetit! · Aug 25, 2008

trd323 said:
I know you can turn friends into lovers. It has been done for centuries. What do you think your dad did, his dad, and his dad. I can guarantee you that your mom was friends with your dad before they got together. I will admit that most of my family met their wives through being friends first, I asked.

this is the reason that I think "pick-up" fcuks with peoples instincts than help them. Do you really think that there is no one on this planet that was friends first then lovers. I think if you asked couples how they met; I can for certain say that 70% will say that they met through a friend and became friends first.

Trd323, I didn't say that you can't turn a friend into lover. I said that it is hard to do,and I mean EXTREMELY hard. And the longer you have been friends with the girl,the harder it becomes. I'm sure that out of the billions of people who have ever lived on this planet,and out of the 6.5 billion who are currently here,yeah,I'm sure some guy somewhere pulled it off.
The problem with making the switch is that you are trying to get the girl to see you in a different way,when from the very beginning,from the first time you talk to the girl,every word,every gesture,every conversation you have had and continue to have with her has been on a friend level. If he tries to date her,and she says,"I think we should just be friends",can you blame her?
This is all she has ever known of him,and all of the sudden,out of the blue,he wants to switch things up? Not gonna happen. Plus,he said that the two of them have told each other "secrets and stuff" about each other that no one else knows about the two of them. You think she is going to be comfortable dating someone who knows "secrets" and things about herself that no one else knows? If he tries to date this girl,she's going to freak out. It would be like dating a psychologist,some one who has probed your mind. In a friend context,this is ok,but dating just invites a WHOLE FLOOD of different feelings,emotions, and behaviors into the mix. It's simply too much. Look,women are some crazy creatures sometimes. I've asked a woman out before,and she said yes. She said yes,and we DIDN'T go out.
I've asked a woman out before,and she said no. She said no,and then we DID go out. Imo,if he had asked her out from the very beginning,and she had rejected him,he would still have a better chance at dating her than trying to date her from the friendzone. But hey,if you know of some way to turn this around,enlighten us,both him and me. I have room to grow just like everbody else.

typical · Aug 25, 2008

Igetit! said:
Trd323, I didn't say that you can't turn a friend into lover. I said that it is hard to do,and I mean EXTREMELY hard. And the longer you have been friends with the girl,the harder it becomes. I'm sure that out of the billions of people who have ever lived on this planet,and out of the 6.5 billion who are currently here,yeah,I'm sure some guy somewhere pulled it off.
The problem with making the switch is that you are trying to get the girl to see you in a different way,when from the very beginning,from the first time you talk to the girl,every word,every gesture,every conversation you have had and continue to have with her has been on a friend level. If he tries to date her,and she says,"I think we should just be friends",can you blame her?
This is all she has ever known of him,and all of the sudden,out of the blue,he wants to switch things up? Not gonna happen. Plus,he said that the two of them have told each other "secrets and stuff" about each other that no one else knows about each other. You think she is going to be comfortable dating someone who knows "secrets" and things about herself that no one else knows? If he tries to date this girl,she's going to freak out. It would be like dating a psychologist,some one who has probed your mind. In a friend context,this is ok,but dating just invites a WHOLE FLOOD of different feelings,emotions, and behaviors into the mix. It's simply too much. Look,women are some crazy creatures sometimes. I've asked a woman out before,and she said yes. She said yes,and we DIDN'T go out.
I've asked a woman out before,and she said no. She said no,and then we DID go out. Imo,if he had asked her out from the very beginning,and she had rejected him,he would still have a better chance at dating her than trying to date her from the friendzone. But hey,if you know of some way to turn this around,enlighten us,both him and me. I have room to grow just like everbody else.

For crying out loud mate you have some good points there but bloody hell use paragraphs its easier to read.

EDIT : LOL the quote is easier to read LOL

goodfornothing · Aug 26, 2008

typical said:
First question, how old are you bro ?

Second, have you had any previous experience with girls ?

Third, are you aware of any boyfriends she may of had in the time you have been friends with her ?

Fourth, do you spend most of your spare time with her and vice versa ?

Lastly, have you or her talked about your feelings towards each other at any time ?

From what I can tell she thinks of you as more of "one of the girls" then some one she'd date.

1.im 19

2.yes but not in a boyfriend girlfriend kinda way :S

3.no boyfriends as far as i can see she even told me she never been inlove and shes not the girl that ****s around or anything.

4. yes we did spend alot of time together we cant do it now becuse she lives in another city but we still talks on the phone like once every second week, but this summer we spend almost everyday together.

5.yes when we first meet i feel inlove with her pretty quick , and after 3 weeks i could not keep it inside of me anymore so i told her :/ and she said lets jsut be friends but that was 1 year ago.

i broke up contact with her 2 months after i got "lets just be friends" and stayed out of reach for 3 months

DJ#7436 · Aug 26, 2008

Its been said like 5 times in this thread....date other girls. It will clarify if she is all you had her cracked up to be and you'll be able to see her reaction to you dating other women. You'll be able to determine whether there is any real interest in you.

If you can't date other women, go through the bible....its self-improvement time.

DJ#7436

goodfoot · Aug 26, 2008

I just want to say you shouldn't even try unless you are prepared to lose the friendship if it doesn't work.

In love with my bestfriend

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