Why do women get so defensive?

So last night I told this girl at work that I wasn't grumpy anymore, cause she always said I was. I was like... There is this new girl who actually made me smile and made my day last week. I told her I asked this new girl to bring me some snacks, and sure enough 3 days later she goes... Here you go. Met her day one, talked to her day 2 and by day 5 had her bringing me food. She was like next week i'll bring you rice krispie treats. And odd deal cause she's got a boyfriend. lol

Anyway, when I told the other girl this (we have gone back and forth for months) as in just a convo, she totally went rude on me. My point to her was it's nice to see people out there who can actually be nice on occasion and think about other people besides themselves. I dont expect people to do anything for me really, but a nice thing like that can make your day sometimes.

So when I told her, she sent me this text and it said....

That's good... well i'm really lucky too cause I have (bfs name) huge dik to make me smile all day long.

I didn't respond back, but that was just downright rude and uncalled for.:kick:

She knew I liked her at one point, and she didn't want anything to do with me, so why in the hell would she say that? Why get jealous over another woman? She didn't budge, I moved on, and its like she's all sorts of pissed another girl is nice to me, talking to me, and makes me laugh, and that girl isn't her.

Almost like she was trying to take that happiness away from me and put me back in a miserable mood by saying what she did. Your not allowed to be happy or talk to another girl.

Just amazes me how women do what they do. Definitely someone I dont want to be friends with if she has to act like that. I just dont know why though.

It's because they are hiding something or just feel uncomfortable with what they are hearing.

Check out my thread on being defensive in the tips section

But if this woman decided to LJBF me months ago, then WTF is it to her anyway? It's like she thinks she's the only one out there I should be talking to. I seriously need to disown this woman.

Some would say if you get upset, she has won, cause that was her goal by saying what she did. I can see that, but at the same time too, I dont want to be friends with her. Someone that rude for no reason doesn't deserve to have my friendship.

She has this notion that she can say or do anything she wants, and then i'm the one that will apologize, and then we'll be all good again. I'm sick of her honestly.

I'd love to just not say anything like it didn't affect me, but it was really disrespectful, and I dont appreciate that BS. If you cant carry on a simple conversation without something like that being said, why waste the time?

Omen said:

But if this woman decided to LJBF me months ago, then WTF is it to her anyway? It's like she thinks she's the only one out there I should be talking to. I seriously need to disown this woman.

Some would say if you get upset, she has won, cause that was her goal by saying what she did. I can see that, but at the same time too, I dont want to be friends with her. Someone that rude for no reason doesn't deserve to have my friendship.

She has this notion that she can say or do anything she wants, and then i'm the one that will apologize, and then we'll be all good again. I'm sick of her honestly.

I'd love to just not say anything like it didn't affect me, but it was really disrespectful, and I dont appreciate that BS. If you cant carry on a simple conversation without something like that being said, why waste the time?

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She LJBF you but now her ego is hurt because she isn't important to you anymore. Somebody else has come along to take her position and she doesn't like it.

slaog said:

She LJBF you but now her ego is hurt because she isn't important to you anymore. Somebody else has come along to take her position and she doesn't like it.

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This was my main guess. She realized I mentioned a new woman, and not only that, that the new woman actually was nice, and made my day. I think this really pissed her off. I dont think she wants to see that. Sorry, but that's not my problem.

The thing is, what should I do with this girl? Pretend like I totally forgot what she said last night to me, and be my happy self like it never bothered me, or tell her how it is, and I dont want to be friends with her anymore after her nonsense. She wanted to be friends, but friends dont do that to one another. She took it too far.

It seems like it's a bind.

1. Say nothing, go on all happy and what not. This makes it so she thinks i'm cool and fine and we are friends. That or that it didn't affect me. If I say nothing, she'll wonder why i'm not yelling at her, cause obviously she did that to piss the hell out of me. It's like say what I want and get away with it.

2. Say something, and put her in her place. I also feel that if I DONT say anything she'll think she had a right to run her mouth to me like that, or that I dont have the guts to say get lost.

What's funny is that one day a month ago I told her we're not friends. She goes.... Yes we are, and that's how it is. I'm yours, your mine and there is no other way.

Like she was making the decision for me.

Omen said:

So when I told her, she sent me this text and it said....

That's good... well i'm really lucky too cause I have (bfs name) huge dik to make me smile all day long.
.

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LoL she tried making you feel bad but dont worry, shes jealous big time because another chick came in the picture and bumped her out.

In2theGame said:

LoL she tried making you feel bad but dont worry, shes jealous big time because another chick came in the picture and bumped her out.

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Even if she is, I still dont want to be friends with her. In fact I tried this long ago, and she refused NOT to be friends. Most girls you would think would be like... Fine, I dont want to be friends. But for some reason, she was like... No... We are friends and that's how it is.

So she's trying to keep what she calls a friendship when I try to get rid of it. I talk to another woman, and she runs her mouth like that, so my main thing is, I dont want to deal with her anymore.

I want to make it a point it's over period. As men, we shouldn't have to deal with that BS from women, and if I dont make it a point to say.. We're done, she'll keep at it.

I dont want to say she needs a dose of her own medicine, but dammit, someone needs to step up to this woman. She's very blunt and rude, and a it's all my way or no way kind of woman. She's very controlling which I have learned over many months. She'll manipulate what ever it is, so she comes out on top, or the good guy. Nothing is EVER her fault and everything has to go her way.

I just feel like I need to be the one to tell her otherwise.

Omen said:

I just feel like I need to be the one to tell her otherwise.

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exactly. The only potential problem that could happen is if you put her in her place, she might be attracted to you alot more.

But the more likely problem if you put her in her place using the wrong tactics, she could go ape**** crazy on him.

While you don't want her as your friend, would you prefer her to be your enemy?

Diplomacy is best suited to this problem.

Remember, it is not your responsibility to be her father. You want to 'put her in her place' mostly because she hurt your ego by being rude.

I think you are assigning way too much importance to her.

you got butthurt over her little comment. Just move on and ignore her, delete her number.

you dont have to maintain any kind of friendship with her. im assuming you havent spoke 2 her again since she was rude. so dont make any further contact with her and just leave it. if you ever see her again, keep it short, sweet and polite. problem sorted.

your right you dont deserve to be spoken to like that, but not giving her any attention or your time is a far stronger way of commicating what you will and wont tolerate than any words you can say to her. words just show she got to you, indifference is far more powerful. if she ever does challenge you on the fact you dont talk any more, then you can nicely lay it on her. otherwise, its onwards and upwards

first off its not about being butt hurt. its about this one being really rude all the time.

now as far as ignoring her, I work with her. last time I didn't talk to her months ago she called me a douchebag, a hole & every other word. today she came in and smiled & waved. she did this twice. then she just came in the break room. my guess was she was going to blab but other people were in here. this woman needs to go & needs to go now.

I think that reason she said that to you was because of one of two reasons.
Number 1:She probably took what you said about the other girl being nice to you the wrong way. You were telling her that because it was refreshing to you to see that there are still some nice people in the world. I mean come on,how often do you tell someone (especially a girl) to bring you something to eat and she just does it? Not very often. But I think she took it to mean that you have other women interested in you,and because she LJBF'ed you,you were trying to get her back.

Number 2:I think she said that because she was jealous. Look,we ALL know that women DO NOT talk like that,at least not to us(guys). If I had been you and she said that to me,I would have been so shocked,I probably would have dropped the phone. When you told her about the other girl,she got jealous,so she said what she said to you to try to make you jealous back. I know,I know,you saying,"Well,she LJBF'd me,so why should she care if another girl is interested in me or not? You're right,but that is logical. Women are emotonal.
Even though she rejected you,she still liked the attention. And now the attention that once belonged to her is now being given to another girl,so she's jealous. You know what I think you should do? I think you should continue to talk,act,and behave with her exactly as you have been doing,as if none of this had ever happened. She was trying to make you jealous,so if you respond to her with anger,she wins. If you say something rude back to her,she'll know that she got to you with that remark. If you ignore her/give her the silent treatment,she'll know it was because of the remark and she wins. Just continue being as warm,friendly,talkative,and open as you were before. If act just as normal as you have been acting,she'll probably wonder if you even got the text message that had that remark in it

Igetit! said:

I think that reason she said that to you was because of one of two reasons.
Number 1:She probably took what you said about the other girl being nice to you the wrong way. You were telling her that because it was refreshing to you to see that there are still some nice people in the world. I mean come on,how often do you tell someone (especially a girl) to bring you something to eat and she just does it? Not very often. But I think she took it to mean that you have other women interested in you,and because she LJBF'ed you,you were trying to get her back.

Number 2:I think she said that because she was jealous. Look,we ALL know that women DO NOT talk like that,at least not to us(guys). If I had been you and she said that to me,I would have been so shocked,I probably would have dropped the phone. When you told her about the other girl,she got jealous,so she said what she said to you to try to make you jealous back. I know,I know,you saying,"Well,she LJBF'd me,so why should she care if another girl is interested in me or not? You're right,but that is logical. Women are emotonal.
Even though she rejected you,she still liked the attention. And now the attention that once belonged to her is now being given to another girl,so she's jealous. You know what I think you should do? I think you should continue to talk,act,and behave with her exactly as you have been doing,as if none of this had ever happened. She was trying to make you jealous,so if you respond to her with anger,she wins. If you say something rude back to her,she'll know that she got to you with that remark. If you ignore her/give her the silent treatment,she'll know it was because of the remark and she wins. Just continue being as warm,friendly,talkative,and open as you were before. If act just as normal as you have been acting,she'll probably wonder if you even got the text message that had that remark in it

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I like all of these thoughts, and many I actually think. Now as far as did I get the text, she knows I did. In fact I was standing around, and earlier in the evening she came up to me and started laughing.

Now here is why I have to disagree with you on the last part. Everything else I think is right on. My reason wasn't to get back at her, but to just state that it's nice to see someone be nice. I think she was upset cause the nice person WASN'T her.

Now since i've been around her for many months and know enough about her, this is why I have to disagree with the be warm friendly, etc etc part. This will relay to her that it was all fine what she said.

She'll then think... Man I have him wrapped around my finger. I said what I said, and he is still nice to me, and talkative and warm, etc. So then she thinks she can say anything she wants, and i'll be all nice and warm.

To her it will be "he likes me so much I can get away with it all" (stupid boys)
Again she is very manipulative.

This is one of those women who NEEDS a guy to tell her how it is. She's probably used to doing the LJBF but then having guys still try to woo her over by being her friend. Her way or no way is how she sees things.

I had prime examples above.

1. When we got into it long ago, I gave her the silent treatment. But when I did, and moved on, she called me all sorts of names. I was a douchebag cause I gave her no attention. I was a jerk cause I never said hi. Things like that where she tries to make me feel bad.

2. The other example was when I said... You and I cant be friends. I said we are co-workers and that's it. Then she came back with... "no, we are friends. I'm yours, your mine and that's just how it is" So you see, she's trying to control that end as well.

The thing is that I need to be more firm and blunt. This woman needs to be told things no one else will tell her cause their too afraid. Too afraid the hot girl will go away, or that even if they get LJBF, that if they dont be friends with her, they wont have another chance.

Someone else mentioned one time about how YOU run your life and not a woman.

After a few more laughs tonight at me, I realized I have to tell her look.... You and I are not friends, and we never will be. That's how it is, and dont ever talk to me again.

I know, harsh some will say, but to her, having someone do the opposite of what every other chump would do is good for her. She needs to realize that the world does not revolve around her.

I have ran into a few women like this one. They get jealous of you getting female attention and want to constanly keep you in the friends zone and try to beta you.

They are of no use to you, they are basically toxic. The other replies basically covered this from every angle, but Omen I'm inclined to agree with you. You shouldn't be polite to this woman and pretend nothing happened. Well I'm not saying you shouldn't be polite or that you should go out of your way to tell her you're not her friend but you should ignore and avoid this person. If she asks you what up just tell her straightforward that you don't want to be friends or something along those lines.

ketostix said:

I have ran into a few women like this one. They get jealous of you getting female attention and want to constanly keep you in the friends zone and try to beta you.

They are of no use to you, they are basically toxic. The other replies basically covered this from every angle, but Omen I'm inclined to agree with you. You shouldn't be polite to this woman and pretend nothing happened. Well I'm not saying you shouldn't be polite or that you should go out of your way to tell her you're not her friend but you should ignore and avoid this person. If she asks you what up just tell her straightforward that you don't want to be friends or something along those lines.

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And this is how this one is. She is of no use, and toxic. Being polite to this particular one (i'm sure each person is different) only makes it seem as if your that puppy dog that will always be around. I wouldn't say going out of my way really, but i've tried the ignoring thing, and it didn't work.

When I decided long ago to ignore her and go about my business, I thought it was going to work. I did my own thing, and just had nothing to say to her. I was never mean, rude, or anything. I just plain didnt talk to her. There are many girls at work, and people in general I never talk too. Not cause I dont like them, but just cause I dont always talk to everyone.

Now this one makes it to where if I dont talk to HER, i'm the bad guy. I had gone days without talking to her, she came up to me and goes... Why are you such a dik to me?

And if I didnt do something for her that she was capable of doing herself at work i'd hear... Why are you an a** hole.

So while i'd love to do that ketostix...I know what is in store if I ignore and avoid her. She'll start name calling left and right.

She's one of those women that are so toxic, that you really have to dispose of her, and quickly. She'll turn all scenarios around, make them your fault, etc etc. If I ignored her, she'd say I started it by telling her it was nice to see a person being nice. She'll say... You did that to piss me off, so apologize. Then she'll go on to say if I dont apologize, then she wont talk to me. And in that female brain of hers, she'll go... Oh he'll apologize cause I know he wants to talk to me and cant help it, and would never disown me, cause I know he likes me.

So with that said... I have to dispose of the toxic waste later tonight

I've met many women in my life, but none as manipulative as this one. I've never handled one her caliber and never had too. No women has ever tried to be so controlling before, and hell she's not even my girlfriend.

But I see the controlling part in her boyfriend. The guy brings her food to work like on command. When she wants food, he comes up and brings it. Sometimes it's like 2-3x a week. She has him trained, so she thinks it will work with every other guy as well.

I hate doing what I have to do, but sometimes when an animal causes you too many problems, you have to put them down. lol

Women's ***** shields are just there to hide the needy girl on the inside. If you don't stand their *****yness or any defenses and you show them that **** wont be tolerated, you will have them eating out of your **** in no time. Its like magic when you first try it and see it working.

Love said:

Women's ***** shields are just there to hide the needy girl on the inside. If you don't stand their *****yness or any defenses and you show them that **** wont be tolerated, you will have them eating out of your **** in no time. Its like magic when you first try it and see it working.

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And that's just it. I dont want to tolerate it anymore. Its like when I mentioned about NOT being friends a month or so back, she said no we ARE.

It was like.... hold on, YOU dont make the decisions, I do. She was shocked when I said that, and she didnt know what to do. No guy has ever said that to me, and I want to be friends. No, she just wants to THINK we are friends. All she wants is the damn attention.

A woman like this is so used to everything going her way, that when it doesn't, she'll still try to make it go her way.

I'll tell her tonight face to face that we are not friends and wont be. She'll turn around call me names, or go... No we are. Then i'll have to make it blunt that i'm not joking.

One way or another, what ever I do, there will be an outcome close to the same. Ignore and say nothing... Get yelled at. Be nice...Thinks she has me eating out of her hands. Tell her to get lost... I'm either the bad guy, or she'll say were friends and I cant say otherwise.

Well, it happened last night, and the outcome was...i'm gonna say just about as bad as I expected it to be.

First off she said I was afraid to talk to her when I told her I would, and she said I always puss out and am scared of her. I was like look... I dont have the opportunity to talk to you one on one much. We dont have that luxury very often. And when we do, I usually get a few words in. Even at that we tried outside and one other girl heard what went on.

I was like... Let me be blunt. We aren't friends and wont ever be friends. All she could come up with for a second was... then stop texting me.

Then when she mentioned what I said, she goes... Why mention what you did about the girl bringing you crackers. I dont care, and your trying to make me jealous. At that moment her face had this expression of sadness. She looked like she was going to literally cry. I sat there, and stood my ground, and she goes...You're so full of sh*t, and you know you said that for that reason. I was like... i'm serious, I was mentioning how nice it was to see someone nice. You always say i'm grumpy and I was telling you I was happy. But you go and mention the boyfriend and that rude comment. I said.. Why do you do this stuff?

She then went on to tell me how much I was lying out my ass big time, and how she KNOWS I was trying to make her jealous.

Even though I wasn't, I saw proof in her facial expressions and eyes how upset she was. When she almost cried, I KNEW she was mad. She saw me carry on this conversation with the other girl part of last night, and I think it really pissed her off.

While I felt bad for a second that moment we argued, I also felt good in a sense, that I told her how it was, and that I wouldn't take her crap and be walked all over by her.

I wont see her again till Thursday, but I know it will be very awkward, and she knows I wont be talking to her unless I have something to say work related. I said... If I say anything to you from now on, it will be minimal at that, and only work related.

I'm not sure what will happen in the days to come, but what's done is done, and hopefully it's through. I think I was blunt enough to get my point made clearly.