2 years...

I'm not sure where I'm going with this but I just had to get something off my chest that I'm embarrassed to admit. About two years ago I met this girl through a friend and when I met her I thought she was the most gorgeous girl I'd ever seen. She lives out of town so whenever she comes into town we've hung out and it's always the same thing, I flirt...she seems to flirt but I get nothing....or she flirts, and I fail to close the deal.

What really frustrates me even more is that I still like this girl after all this time. When one of my friends mentions her my heart jumps and sometimes when I'm driving the thought of her comes up. Whenever I go out I'm always looking for that girl that can "replace" her.

Thankfully I'm working on other things in my life and starting to seriously go out to meet other girls, planning to travel, just seriously started working out after an injury that kept me from doing that and am doing things to expand my comfort zone.

So I don't know. A friend of this girl who I haven't seen in a month asked me about her tonight when we were out and just talking about her made me feel awful...hence why I made this thread. It seems like no matter how much I try to convince myself this girl isn't worth my time that super strong feeling for wanting this girl is still there. I hardly ever call her(she calls me), I think I've quit "chasing" her and have made it a point not to bring her up when talking to friends but everyone asks about her. Some friends insist I tell her how I feel and I respond with "she already knows" unless she's dumb as a rock.

I know this is going to be one of those threads I look back at and laugh in a couple months but maybe some of the responses will be a slap in the face I need to get me going in the direction I should be going. I remember talking to a guy I worked with about 7 years ago who told me he was in love with a certain girl for 10 years and he was actually waiting for her to fall in love with him. Instantly I knew something was wrong with that and vowed to never be that guy.

To be honest I haven't had sex with a girl that I thought that was just as hot or hotter than this girl I'm talking about so that would probably help. Actually I know that will really help me out. So thanks for reading this and if you have any advice or tips that would be great. As for the path that I'm on I know I'll be fine and will get to where I want with my relationships with women.

Next time you see her, flirt with her, touch her then go for a kiss. Make a move. Do something. Don't use words. Don't tell her how you feel - that's chick flix crap.

Jitterbug said:

Next time you see her, flirt with her, touch her then go for a kiss. Make a move. Do something. Don't use words. Don't tell her how you feel - that's chick flix crap.

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She did come into town a little over a month ago and stayed at my place for a night since she asked me to be her date in a wedding we were both in and I pretty much did what I could to flirt heavy, touch, tease and even got the point to tell her point blank she should spend the night in my bed instead of the couch at my place. The next day before she left she was acting cold and distant so I just did my thing until she left. I haven't talked to her since and have never told her how I feel so I played my cards as best as I could.

Now our mutual friend told me tonight that she asked about me and if I had called her and I told her I didn't. I plan to leave it at that and continue my workout plan and make it a point to go out every weekend and practice meeting girls which I have been neglecting both over the past year.

So that's where I see it at this moment. I almost did not submit this thread but maybe someone else is in a similar situation or has been and knows how to best overcome it.

I either want to seriously date this girl or find a girl that gives me the same "wow" feelings she does. I feel like I've already answered my own questions about this situation but maybe there is something I'm missing.




By the way we have this stupid commercial over here selling a cell phone service called "Jitterbug" and now I can't get that song out of my head after seeing your username....lol.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yLiJRSprv3I <- not sure of you got your username from this.

Hahah nah I'm a swing dancer. This is what my username means: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jitterbug

She did come into town a little over a month ago and stayed at my place for a night since she asked me to be her date in a wedding we were both in and I pretty much did what I could to flirt heavy, touch, tease and even got the point to tell her point blank she should spend the night in my bed instead of the couch at my place. The next day before she left she was acting cold and distant so I just did my thing until she left. I haven't talked to her since and have never told her how I feel so I played my cards as best as I could.

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Well that's a clear No from her, although your move might've been too direct for her liking, hence the cold attitude the next day. Did she respond to your flirting at all?

Now our mutual friend told me tonight that she asked about me and if I had called her and I told her I didn't.

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Don't read into this as if she's actually interested in you. Women love to have a guy who's so desperately into them. It makes them feel like a celebrity (which btw is the reason why they're so obsessed with celebrities and buy those stupid magazines). She could simply be checking on you to see if you're still her fan.

The only way to get over it is to put yourself out there. It's gonna be a long process (depending on how much you're really into this girl) but trust me you'll meet better ones.

I have never been that much into a chick but there was this one girl who worked in the company next to mine who I thought was the most beautiful I've ever seen. I tried some clumsy moves but got nowhere, and thought that well, she's way out of my league and I'd never get a chance with a girl like that.

Two years later, after a significant physical transformation (keep up with that workout plan, mate) & dating a lot of women, I met this girl again (had totally forgotten about her at that stage) and thought "WTF? This is the chick I thought was out of my league?" If only I could go back in time and gave my old self a b!tch-slap. I was at best indifferent about her then and she, seeing the new me, was very interested.

Jitterbug said:

Hahah nah I'm a swing dancer. This is what my username means: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jitterbug



Well that's a clear No from her, although your move might've been too direct for her liking, hence the cold attitude the next day. Did she respond to your flirting at all?

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I see, so it's not about that phone...haha

As for her behavior it was a clear "no" from her but I'm glad I tried. If I went back in time I wouldn't have done anything different. We did go to a bar with a bunch of friends that evening and she was responding well to flirting but in the end it obviously didn't work. I tried not to take her coldness personally but I haven't called her since she left my place.

Don't read into this as if she's actually interested in you. Women love to have a guy who's so desperately into them. It makes them feel like a celebrity (which btw is the reason why they're so obsessed with celebrities and buy those stupid magazines). She could simply be checking on you to see if you're still her fan.

The only way to get over it is to put yourself out there. It's gonna be a long process (depending on how much you're really into this girl) but trust me you'll meet better ones.

I have never been that much into a chick but there was this one girl who worked in the company next to mine who I thought was the most beautiful I've ever seen. I tried some clumsy moves but got nowhere, and thought that well, she's way out of my league and I'd never get a chance with a girl like that.

Two years later, after a significant physical transformation (keep up with that workout plan, mate) & dating a lot of women, I met this girl again (had totally forgotten about her at that stage) and thought "WTF? This is the chick I thought was out of my league?" If only I could go back in time and gave my old self a b!tch-slap. I was at best indifferent about her then and she, seeing the new me, was very interested.

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That's interesting to know. I've gotten to the point where I take what she says with a grain of salt. She told me she wants to travel with me and other stuff and I keep talking thinking "yeah, yeah....I'll know it when I see it." That next day after this girl pretty much told me "no" I took a step back, looked at myself and thought of ways to make myself more attractive. I developed a workout plan which I'm following now and it's going very well. It's tough but any way I can get motivation is pushing me to get into shape.

Starting a week ago I decided to start going out every weekend on my own or with friends if they decide to show up and become more socially adept. Interestingly enough I got laid by a girl who wasn't so hot but it happened.

Also like I said I'm planning to travel in a couple months to a foreign country I've been afraid to visit and have been reading some books I haven't gotten around to yet and that's helping.

What you said about seeing that girl later and not being too interested in her seems to apply to why I joined this site. I had a girlfriend, we broke up. I dated some other girls and when I saw her again I was glad she broke up with me. There are other women out there and I saw them last weekend and saw some tonight again so I'll keep sticking to my plan, refuse to become a victim about it and if this girl comes around I'll be cool as I always have been.

I've never consciously whined to this girl about anything or told her how I feel so maybe that's why she keeps in touch. Other than that I know only good things can come from this so whatever happens happens. I'll continue that workout plan and move forward to better myself in the way I see fit.

She was cold to you because when she slept in your bed she WANTED YOU TO TOUCH her.

What the hell, she is probably like why won't he touch me? Here I am!

You are a MAN, man. Why are you trying to be feminine and have the chick chase YOU? Call her up, ask her out, and take it from there. It is obvious you like her, and she likes you. Stop playing games and stop playing the female's role. I mean what, do you want HER to wear the pants in the relationship, or something?? You can't have a relationship with two women! Even lesbians have an "alpha" man's role partner.

Good grief!

I think Iqqi just gave you the best advice you're gonna get. You're not being aggressive enough.

iqqi said:

She was cold to you because when she slept in your bed she WANTED YOU TO TOUCH her.

What the hell, she is probably like why won't he touch me? Here I am!

You are a MAN, man. Why are you trying to be feminine and have the chick chase YOU? Call her up, ask her out, and take it from there. It is obvious you like her, and she likes you. Stop playing games and stop playing the female's role. I mean what, do you want HER to wear the pants in the relationship, or something?? You can't have a relationship with two women! Even lesbians have an "alpha" man's role partner.

Good grief!

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She did not sleep in my bed. I pretty much told her to forget about sleeping on the couch and come sleep with me that night and she insisted on sleeping on the couch. I'm not sure how I could have been more aggressive as grabbing her pillow and blanket off the couch and saying "come sleep with me" and her grabbing them back and saying "I'm sleeping on the couch."

Oh, I thought she DID sleep in your bed. In that case nevermind what I said about that part. Who knows why she was acting cold, I agree with you, I'd wonder about her true feelings too, in that case.

iqqi said:

Oh, I thought she DID sleep in your bed. In that case nevermind what I said about that part. Who knows why she was acting cold, I agree with you, I'd wonder about her true feelings too, in that case.

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Yeah I don't know what the hell is going on with her. I did tell her to "fvck off" in a way about a year ago by deleting her from my MySpace (yeah, myspace) and her friend told me she freaked out about that. One of my female friends that gives me great advice on women tells me to leave her alone and continue going to the gym hence why I hardly contact her anymore. Plus last time I called she took about 2 weeks to call back. It looks like we have a case of a beautiful girl who has too many god damn issues about something I don't know about....and to top it off I still want her BADLY. So the cycle continues where she contacts me, I fall for her more, something doesn't work out and I plan to move on. Then someone mentions her or she contacts me and I'm back into wanting her again.

I think getting a girl to replace her is the answer but with along with that I need to work on myself by going to the gym, working on my life and learning to meet other girls that make me go "wow." I saw some last night when out with friends but they all seemed to be with a boyfriend of some type. Plus I seem to do much better going out alone since I can bar hop like I want instead of sitting there talking to my friends. Plus most of my friends at this point are either married or in a relationship but that shouldn't be a problem.

I started this thread off stating "I'm not sure where I'm going with this" but I think I just want to make sure my current plan of action to deal with this situation is the right one. From the responses so far it looks like I'm doing OK. Like I said in a few months I know I'll probably look back at this thread and laugh since I'll have some things handled in my life that I don't at the moment.

I think youre doing fine.

Asking her to come sleep in your bed after a wedding is a pretty overt move, and if she was truly into you that way I think she would have taken it. Personally, if it was me and she insisted on the couch after knowing her that long, I would take it as a sign to move on to other women.

Keep hitting the gym and going out on the weekends--things will open up for you. If you still cant get her out of your head then ask her the fvck out. Be direct and to the point. If she she wants you she WILL TAKE IT.

I think you saw that this was a mild case of oneitis and you took the right steps.

Colossus said:

I think youre doing fine.

Asking her to come sleep in your bed after a wedding is a pretty overt move, and if she was truly into you that way I think she would have taken it. Personally, if it was me and she insisted on the couch after knowing her that long, I would take it as a sign to move on to other women.

Keep hitting the gym and going out on the weekends--things will open up for you. If you still cant get her out of your head then ask her the fvck out. Be direct and to the point. If she she wants you she WILL TAKE IT.

I think you saw that this was a mild case of oneitis and you took the right steps.

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Thanks for the reality check. I'll keep up with my workout routine and going out on the weekends which I know will help out. As for being forward I'll admit I was a bit drunk but I knew exactly what I was doing without apologies.

I also have to keep in mind that these past 2 years haven't been a waste. I've changed a lot of things about myself for the better and have been motivated to do certain things that I probably wouldn't have done before. Also met more girls in those two years than I have before then and it's been fun. It's also time to meet girls that I really want and I think that will come sooner than I think.

iqqi said:

She was cold to you because when she slept in your bed she WANTED YOU TO TOUCH her.

What the hell, she is probably like why won't he touch me? Here I am!

You are a MAN, man. Why are you trying to be feminine and have the chick chase YOU? Call her up, ask her out, and take it from there. It is obvious you like her, and she likes you. Stop playing games and stop playing the female's role. I mean what, do you want HER to wear the pants in the relationship, or something?? You can't have a relationship with two women! Even lesbians have an "alpha" man's role partner.

Good grief!

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Hey ICKY- where did you get that good advice from?