Destroy Oneitus NOW - A How To Guide

Destroy Oneitus NOW – A How to Guide

It has come to my attention that oneitus is the number one problem with almost every guy that comes here. It is a problem for AFCs and even some seasoned DJs alike. Here I will explain it in detail and tell you how to prevent in a way that actually works. I’m not just going to tell you it’s bad and to think that you’re the prize. I will teach you how to get rid of it permanently. How do I know how? Because I have defeated it myself. Oneitus is a thing of the past.

What is oneitus?

Oneitus is a disease that slowly creeps up on you at takes over your mind. Symptoms include desperation, neediness, frequent masturbation and in extreme cases depression. It destroys your game and results in you not getting girls. The cause? The cause is of course just a girl.

We have all had it at some time or another. For many of us it is what brought us here. I remember having this disease severely about 4 times, sometimes lasting years. Whenever I shook it came back with the help of a different girl. Unfortunately oneitus isn’t recognised as a disease by most people. In fact in a lot of cases it isn’t diagnosed because it is considered ‘normal’.

What isn’t it?

Is isn’t love. It isn’t real. It isn’t useful or good for anything.

Oneitus turns you into a needy, desperate emo little boy. This is perhaps the least attractive thing you can do. You don’t have a chance of getting the girl unless she is already attracted to you. So if you need a reason to get over it how about starting with the fact that it completely kills your chances with the girl you feel so strongly about? If you come across as desperate the girl gets the impression you can’t get another girl to save your life. Unattractive. You become very dependent on the outcome. You want to take something from her. You want to take value from her instead of give it. Very unattractive. You probably get nervous and inside your head around her, you aren’t yourself. See a pattern yet?

So how do we get it in the first place?

Oneitus can start creeping in as soon as you meet someone. It can begin with a simple thought like ‘hey she is cute’ or even more severely with ‘wow’. It is key to note that despite whatever you think you have onitus for, it is caused by her looks. Maybe you think she looks averaged but there is just something more to her. This is wrong. It may be the way she walks, her radiance when she is talking or even something that is purely in her head. It is just attraction, lust for her body that you can turn into something more if you don’t understand it. Even if you are good friends I can assure you that you aren’t attracted to her personality, at least not in that way.

Here is something that I will quote from Pook that I have quoted before and will probably quote again. Reading this was the single most defining moment that helped me overcome oneitus.

Lesson Fourteen

The young man had one problem left. He would be very successful with women, from one night stands, from casual dating, from relationships, and so on. Yet, every now and then, he got that feeling of something BURSTING through his chest like a creature popping out from Alien.

The woman would talk to him, “Blah blah blah.” He felt it inside, a very sweet but gooeish feeling. She would go on, “Blah yappity blah blah” and he felt the sickly warm feeling spread throughout his body. What was happening to him? “Yappity yap blah blah, yapitty, blah yap!” the girl continued as he felt the FEELINGS spread throughout his body, paralyzing him, like a poison. “Yah blah blah yah,” she went on, oblivious as he was collapsing from this sickness.

The next day, he had this OVERWHELIMG urge to send her flowers, chocolate, and bad poetry. It was too much, and he gave in, and saying, “You are my life. I love nothing else so well as you. I will do ANYTHING for you.”

Then she said, “I think we should just be friends…”

Oh, that AFC disease rose up again in him! How does one smash it forever? He smiled, and realized:

Always have a back-up chick!

“But Pook! Perhaps this guy was falling in love!”

“No. It was a False Love. Come and see.”

Pook led the youth inside Every Man’s Heart. Inside the cavernous room, each surrounding wall depicted television screens with a graphic.

“What is this place?”

“Every guy has a passion about different things. On that wall is his ‘car’ passion. We see many screens of different cars, all ones he loves. On that other wall there is his ‘food’ passion. We see screens of all his favorite foods. And if you come along here, you’ll find the Ambition Wall where screens show all the things he wants to do. Now look at the Women Wall.”

“Pook! There is only one picture on it!”

“Yes. Nature has designed us to love in a marriage way when there is only one picture on that wall.”

“I can understand that. But where is the problem?”

“The problem is that he is not married or engaged to her! So he is acting married to her when really they are ‘dating’ or ‘just friends’.”

“Oh dear…”

“Yes. When a guy decides to go dating and dates only ONE chick at a time, only one picture will appear on the wall. When there is only one, he is designed to think of her in a marriage way. So he starts becoming AFC with this girl he just talked to.”

“So say if a guy is socially unskilled and has only one friend that is a girl, only that girl’s picture will appear on the wall? And because of that, he will ‘fall in love’ with his friend?”

“Exactly! If there is only one f*ckbuddy, he will eventually want to ‘date’ the girl, want to become exclusive with her, and turn into a total AFC.”

“But if he has a back-up chick…”

“…then another girl is on the wall as well. He can’t act ‘married’ if there is more than one girl up there. Thus, he stops becoming a ‘latent AFC’.”

“But what if he has his interest in other things? Shouldn’t he date only one girl then?”

“No. Either go for MANY or go for NONE. If you go for ONE you will become an AFC. Most guys are too LAZY or too SCARED to go for multiple girls. So they remain AFCs and forever remain in the vicious cycle.”

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Oneitus can come from a lack of social contacts. Just being in contact with a lot of girls will help prevent it. You see if you are only friends with one girl you will start to fall for her. It won’t be intentional but it will happen. As a man it is natural to be drawn towards the opposite sex, the survival of our race depends on it. Ironically oneitus destroys you chances with whatever girl you have it for. The solution to this part of the problem is rather simple. Hang out with a lot of girls, be around them. It doesn’t matter if you are just friends with them. It will let you know there is more than one girl out there.

It’s more than that too. Like in the above quote you should have a bunch of girls on your ‘wall’. Even if you don’t have a lot of girls as friends just think of a bunch of girls that you see as ‘opportunities’. You don’t even have to know them. Here’s a quick exercise that helped me. Think of every girl that you know that you are attracted to. Don’t think about anything else but their looks. Lower your standards a bit, you aren’t looking for girlfriend material just girls you find attractive. You don’t even have to know them, just as long as you see them every now and then. Think hard. What about that girl? Sure she isn’t the best looking girl you know but you might give her a chance! I did this and very quickly got past 40. And I live in a small town! Doing this makes you wake up and realize there are actually attractive girls out there. Now pick some favourites. Put them up on your wall.

Ok now even if you are surrounded by beautiful women you could still potentially get oneitus. If you start thinking that ‘she’s special’ and ‘she’s different’ warning lights should be going off. Realize that you are drifting into the world of imagination. Think how well you know her. Lots of guys get oneitus for girls they don’t know, sometimes even girls they haven’t talked to! Hey I’ve been there. Think how stupid that is. You don’t even know her. Yet you tell yourself she is special... How the hell do you know!? What is actually happening is you are projecting traits onto her. What you don’t know you are filling in the gaps with what you want, not who she actually is. This is dangerous territory. You aren’t falling with her, you are just projecting that image of your dream girl you have deep in yourself onto her. You are falling for an image, a figment of your imagination.

Of course all this can seem very convincing. That image can give you real feelings. If you haven’t had much experience with girls before you are going to misinterpret those feelings for other things.

The biggest mistake of all... fantasizing! This is where it all starts. You see a nice girl so later you start imaging how it would be if you were with her. Maybe you are just talking to her, maybe you two are on a date, maybe it involves some rope and a whip. Just me? Oh... Well this is awkward. Anyway.

It has been proved that the human nervous system can't tell the difference of a real experience from a vividly imagined one. Maybe you have heard about the test they did where they got groups to practise having basketball shots versus imagining having the shots for the same amount of time each day. The groups showed almost equal amounts of improvement. The same thing happens with girls, only it is more dangerous because it makes you feel. If you are imagining yourself with a girl you will have the same feelings as if the events actually happened. You will remember it to. This will translate to when you see the real person. You will start to have those same feelings. Nervousness, sweaty palms, butterflies? It might seem romantic... if you actually had the girl.

The big glaring problem is this is all one sided! You have these memories and feelings of you two being together that are completely in your own head. She might not even know who you are, yet you are infatuated with her. You can see where this leads. At this point you just look creepy. Maybe at this point you are even wondering if you should confess you feelings for her. Perhaps you were like me, you were too scared to so you didn’t do anything for a year.

When people have oneitus one of the most common complaints is “I just can’t stop thinking of her!”. This plays into what I mentioned above and just starts a vicious cycle. Even just by saying that you are feeding it. By thinking you can’t stop thinking of her you are thinking of her. It seems like the way to solve it is by thinking more until you come up with a solution. This doesn’t work. The best thing to do is just stop thinking about it. This might seem hard but it’s not. Distract yourself, go do something, anything that doesn’t involve thinking about the girl. I don’t even care if it’s something like playing a video game. Lots of people give advice about following your passions and keeping yourself busy. One of the benefits of this is that you won’t find oneitus occurring. You will simply be too busy and occupied to worry about it. It will be a lot worse if you can’t find anything to get your mind away from it, or if you dwell on it. I really don’t know what more to say about this, just go and do it!

One more thing that may help lead to oneitus is mindset and self-image. I really don’t think this is a big factor in it like most other guys preach. The stuff I’ve already covered is the main deal. However a positive image for yourself and a healthy source of self-esteem is vital. I really think that’s too big to cover in one thread. A healthy mindset doesn’t come from ‘improving yourself’, it comes from accepting you as you are.

Keep doing all these things and eventually it will become habit. Sort of like how getting oneitus might have became a habit for you. Soon you just start looking at lots of girls noticing their beauty. You don’t get so down about it not working out with one girl because there’s that other girl you know who is kind of cute. You know that you don’t know anything about that hot girl apart from her looks so you don’t judge her until you get to know her better.

Ok and here’s a bonus for you to help oneitus starting initially:

Instead of falling for a girl or calling her hot in your mind set a role for yourself. I like to use “Hey, she’s cute, I’m going to go talk to her to see if she’s cool and maybe we can be friends” before going to talk to a girl. At a party I might think “She looks nice, but I’m just here to have fun, I’m going to go introduce myself so I can see if she is fun too”. You will be amazed how well this works instead of walking up there with the role of “I’m hitting on you, I want you” without you even knowing it. We all know that just being friends doesn’t work but don’t be afraid to go up there to a hot girl looking for a friend, it’s different to what every other guy does. Something else that works great is using assuming roles. Go up to a girl with the mindset that you two are old friends, or how about you two are boyfriend and girlfriend, hey why not assume you have already slept with her? Powerful stuff!

Hope that helped.

amazing post.

Excellent post SJ, some great, practicle advice on there for people to read!

SinJester said:

Destroy Oneitus NOW – A How to Guide


Just being in contact with a lot of girls will help prevent it.

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Just being in contact with a lot of girls WILL prevent it.

Great post. Good explanation of oneitis and how to beat it!

SinJester, sounds like you are trying to get rid of your own "oneitis" by creating an advice post meant for yourself, talking to yourself and not generally to the benefit of the public.

Usually when a breakup happens (the actual one) it doesn't phase me because I've usually made up my mind to detach mentally weeks/months ahead of time. Even if a girl broke up with me in a surprise attack out of nowhere, I just forget about the next moment. I do what most other healthy people do: take care of myself first before I get back on the dating scene again. But then again, this is me, your personality might be more affected.

SinJester, sounds like you are trying to get rid of your own "oneitis" by creating an advice post meant for yourself, talking to yourself and not generally to the benefit of the public.

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No I don't get oneitus anymore. If I get something resembling it I get over it very quickly. This is probably one of the first articles I've wrote for the benafit of others rather than myself.

Cheers for the comments. I only try to post advice on what I know because I know that I'm not a complete DJ in all areas. I'm planning a bit more to the aticle later than I forgot to add.

Very good post.

It´s probably the worst thing that can happen to AFC´s who have found this site and think they are going to change overnight and pick up HB with no problem.

Then the HB comes along that you like and are sure you have loads in common with and that you´ll probably get married and that know you´ve found how to be DJ you can protect your heart. You think you´ve made a journey but you havn´t all you´ve done is patch up a little hole in you´re life which was that you didn´t have a woman.

It blinds your reality. The cases of oneitis i´ve had only lead me to believe i don´t actually know the woman after i´ve go over it.

If you can´t learn to live life by yourself then your not ready to share your life with a woman.

Right on

Darles Chickens said:

If you can´t learn to live life by yourself then your not ready to share your life with a woman.

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awesome, totally awesome post!!!

Imo the best way to destroy Oneitus is the mighty rule

GFTOW - Go fuck ten other women

Ill read the thread later

Wow came to me when I needed it the most! Preparing to break up w/ gf so yeah!

But I think I've realized after a couple cases of it is that when I start falling for a girl, I think that she's "the one" and there's no one else out there. If she is "the one" how come I've met several? Maybe I'm a natural born polygamist

Kidding

Great advice, and advice that this forum actually needs.