Great Girl. She's pregnant

Mature DJs.

This gf of mine is pregnant with my kid. She's a great girl, soft-spoken, always doing things for me, taking care of the household and always listening to me. Kinda rare huh? Well she's asian. A very nice chick whom love kids a lot.

The thing is. She's pregnant with my child. We are only together for 2 months. She Only had a LTR before me.

I'm intending to keep the child, but another thought came by me to go for an abortion. Main reason being.. we are only together for 2 months. My thinking is always the case that I will only marry a girl only if she shows consistency of high interest in me for at least 1-2years.

I'm 27 and she's 25. Both asians,

Well guys. will you keep the child if you are in my situation? I really do not want to rush for a family and take my time. Yet I don't want to hurt her heart. She's definately going to be really really sad if i ask her to abort the child.

Help...

you obviously are going to get mixed answers to this question,but of course only you can decide what you want to do...

but even have said that. you really dont have much of a say anyway.

what does you and her relationshiop have to do with being a father? you dont have to be with her to father the child. but again, only you can decide on what you want to do (even though it doesnt matter)

BUT if it WERE up to you..

i myself wouldnt have a child simply to NOT HURT the other person

i wouldnt NOT have the child just because i only been with my gf for two months. especially when things are supposedly good..

HOWEVER.. none of this matters, if she wants to keep the child, then thats the decision you have to deal with

Two months is not enough time to determine if you want to have a family with a woman.

I'd say push for an abortion.

Luveno said:

Two months is not enough time to determine if you want to have a family with a woman.

I'd say push for an abortion.

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..but enough time to get her pregs??

..and enough time to decide if this baby should live??

look, im not pro abortion or the ladder.

all i am saying is the REASONS that you gave to have the abortion are irrelevant. who cares if you two only been together two months or shed be mad if you asked for one.

being a father only invovles you, not a couple

IMO step up to the plate, but its not my life NOR do any of us have a say including you

Personally I'd push for the abortion route but I've never ever wanted kids so I might be the wrong person to ask about this but hey since you asked us all for our opinions I gave mine.

Also having a kid is a financial and emotional drain and is not just something you can take a break from.

If your dream has always been to be a daddy go for it and let her have the kid.

If you want a good life though with a pile of money and freedom push hard for the abortion.

It really is that simple.

Worry about your life with whatever decision you make.

Don't be concerned about hurting this chick's feelings.

The issue is about you and whether you are ready and even want to handle all of what being a father entails.

Being a father is one of life's greatest joys. I wouldn't trade it for anything. **** what you heard. When it's your seed, you'll find the money, find the energy, do what ever it takes to take care of your own. Remember, somebody did it for you.

Yes kids cost money. But guess what? Poor people have kids every day and survive. So do rich people. They don't cost that damn much.

Kids can be emotionally draining. But they can be emotionally rewarding beyond measure. When you teach your kid to ride a bike, or when you see them do things you used to do as a kid. When they make good grades or hit the baseball. When they tell you that you're the best dad ever and you know they totally believe it, it's awsome.

You are 27 years old....if you are already on your way to a good life and pile of money a kid is not gonna stop you, its just gonna give you more motivation. The only thing that can stop you is you.

Just because you have a kid doesn't mean you have to get married or stay with this woman for ever. She knows you both didn't plan on having a child. But if you do keep the child, be a part of the child's life, the mother will respect you for that and you'll respect yourself.

Anyway.....its up to you. If you are pro choice or pro life, do what you feel is right for you. Be true to yourself. Just don't be suprised if she doesn't agree with you. Do you think she will?

Just one Dad's opinion.

I don't think this situation has anything to do with the baby. I think it's about being unsure about spending an extended period of time with the mother. Also, there's probably cultural traditions at stake here too. The solution may not be as simple (i.e. Westernized) as termination.

Dear Velvet,
Francisco and Warrior have it right....this is a human life....Asian ladies are so different,you and the family are everything to them....The stereotypical Asian woman after your money and your passport does exist but is quite transparent,in my experience they are faithful,loyal and sounds quaint obedient,and that coming from an Anglo who has to cross a cultural chasm to relate to them...My partner is a Chinese Lady,I mix with her friends they are a breath of fresh air,I for one will never go back to Caucasian Women...

DjVelvet said:

I'm intending to keep the child, but another thought came by me to go for an abortion.

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The propensity to kill one's own offspring is very anti-evolutionary.

I have two kids, and I wouldn't trade anything in the world for them.

If you guys have the baby the only that's going to hurt you is the thought of you once thinking abortion.

Im not an abortion fan.

The child growing inside your woman is also YOURS. Just because she carries him/her doesnt make it any less yours. Is your offspring a disposable inconvienience?

Read the above again and sleep on it.

I know what I would do.

But I cannot and will not share it with you. Here is why

1)I don’t want you to be influenced by my answer
2)We are from different cultures so the social/cultural/moral/values issue might be completely different
3)We live in different continents so the legal aspects of things are completely different and for that matter the medical issue too

It is a serious decision. One that you have to make on your own. NOBODY in here can give you advice on what to do. It is impossible.

Latinoman said:

I know what I would do.

But I cannot and will not share it with you. Here is why

1)I don’t want you to be influenced by my answer
2)We are from different cultures so the social/cultural/moral/values issue might be completely different
3)We live in different continents so the legal aspects of things are completely different and for that matter the medical issue too

It is a serious decision. One that you have to make on your own. NOBODY in here can give you advice on what to do. It is impossible.

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Well ****. Here I was hoping for advise as well- I'm in the exact same situation (except we're not Asian). Complicating this is the fact that I'm in Med. school and absolutely hate it.

Aenigma said:

Well ****. Here I was hoping for advise as well- I'm in the exact same situation (except we're not Asian). Complicating this is the fact that I'm in Med. school and absolutely hate it.

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yah..its not like this isn't an advice forum. Nice cop out Latinoman...that could work for every single thread in the MM forum eh? lol.

There's a certain degree of responsibility that you'll have to measure yourself up to in this. My take is that you don't abort the child and you take responsibility for it. Do you marry her? Possibly, but I don't see why you couldn't still stay with your 1-2 year policy in the interim and then decide.

Now, that said, it's vitally important that you look at how you came to be in this situation. If for no other reason then for sake of example for the rest of the guys here. Women become pregnant because the want to be. Always operate from this assumption. There are far too many ways to prevent pregnancy for this not to be the case. In addition to this YOU allowed it to happen by not taking steps to control the birth yourself.

My point of view:

There are no guarantees in life... what both a man and a woman need to ask themselves is: "Do I have the commitment to raise this child ALONE, with no help from anybody, ever?" Because that is what a person needs to be honest about before a pregnancy - - or when they ARE pregnant if it is an unplanned pregnancy.

People can Houdini on you, divorce, and/or die - and you are left alone with that child for the rest of your life. You need to look deep inside and ask yourself if you honestly have what it takes to commit to a child and then decide and communicate with eachother accordingly.

(And if you're wondering what it takes? Everything you have within your self - and then some more...)

Single parent is a big Nono in my culture. That's the only difference in our culture i supposed.

My main main question to all mature men here is,

Have you guys encountered relationships in which couples marry one another with only 2 months of dating and yet had a long lasting relationship (I'm talking about almost forever here). I always believe in marriage to the death.

I don't want to suffer a divorce here (have seen painful divorce of friends). I'm very confident that this is a GREAT girl I'm talking about. Although 2 months is too new to rate, but i've heard from her female friends long time ago (back then we all are just friends) that she is a very good girl, i mean.. simple and family-loving girl whom strong family values.

Of course her actions are consistent with the above good attibutes. So far, I cannot even find a single bad trait about her character.

Most of all. I have high interest in her. She have even higher interest in me.

She don't take drugs, don't smoke, don't drink, don't club and dedicate her time at home. No history (to my best knowledge) of cheating. She had an ex-bf of 6-years whom beg her back (he treats her badly, and finally after 6 years, she dumped her), and she stands very firm on her decision, not shaken by his plead. Good upbringing.

Although my decision is more or less set, I will like to hear more from experienced guys here.

I pray for the best for all married men and fathers.

DjVelvet said:

My main main question to all mature men here is,

Have you guys encountered relationships in which couples marry one another with only 2 months of dating and yet had a long lasting relationship (I'm talking about almost forever here). I always believe in marriage to the death.

I don't want to suffer a divorce here (have seen painful divorce of friends). I'm very confident that this is a GREAT girl I'm talking about.

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Yes, I have encountered such a couple. They are my parents and have been together now for 56 years, 5 children and 7 grand-children.

As far as a divorce goes you don't know what the future holds. If you're sure about this one I say "go for it". She will be the mother of your child. Cheers!


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Rollo Tomassi said:

There's a certain degree of responsibility that you'll have to measure yourself up to in this. My take is that you don't abort the child and you take responsibility for it. Do you marry her? Possibly, but I don't see why you couldn't still stay with your 1-2 year policy in the interim and then decide.

Now, that said, it's vitally important that you look at how you came to be in this situation. If for no other reason then for sake of example for the rest of the guys here. Women become pregnant because the want to be. Always operate from this assumption. There are far too many ways to prevent pregnancy for this not to be the case. In addition to this YOU allowed it to happen by not taking steps to control the birth yourself.

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She wasn't on birth control when I met her, and we were just sloppy. Neither one of us insisted on condoms from the beginning. I used one the second time we ****ed but it tore during use and after that I didn't bother.

I did insist on pullout method though, and was doing pretty well on it until we hit her period where we both said "ah well, whats the harm of busting in you if you're on your period?" Well, for some odd reason, we figured her period would last a whole week- and we figured the week before her period was probably pretty safe too. So I was busting in her for an entire 2 weeks- and neither one of us saw a problem with this. BRILLIANT. Blame it on phermones, the reptiallian brain, sub-conscious mind or whatever else you will- but the fact of the matter is netiher one of us cared at the time.

So I think she wanted to get pregnant? She has a very high opinion of herself, so its unlikely, in my mind, that she consciously did so just to shakle me in- she has no shortage of suitors. She also comes from a weathly family- so its not like she needs me for the money. I think its possible that her subconscious may have decided that I was an excellent source of genetic material for mating and urged her to get preganant however. (I am a tall good looking genius with a wonderful personality afterall )

One thing I would like to share is that even though she's preganant and planning on marrying her, I do know that I have to keep my act together and stay the masculine man she looks up to if I want to stay with her. A gorgeous girl will have no problems turning you into a case of "proactive cuckoldry" (as RT would say) if she falls out of love with you, or if you turn into a wimp or loser (the latter is often the cause of the former). there's no shortage of losers who will jump at the opportunity to raise your child just so they can be with an attractive and intelligent woman (and this even makes some sense from the perspective of evolutionary biology as well).