I'm like the devil that way...

One of the mistakes that I think a lot of people make, and I know I have certainly been guilty of, is to assume that your motivation for doing something will also be the same for everyone else. In the past this has led me to misunderstand others, and be dumbfounded at what is often considered ‘normal’ behavior.

Of those things I have misunderstood, sex has been probably one of the biggest ones, and it has taken me a long time to unravel it. Yes, I do mean AFC behavior too, but this time I’d like to talk about something more than that.

Since puberty I’ve always known something was off when it came to my sexuality. It’s taken a long time to accept that my difference is just different and not necessarily bad. I suspect that there are others who are like me, but have never really had the words to express themselves. I know it’s taken a long time for me to find the words, and I’ve never really seen others express the opinion I’m about to make.

To many of you, some of what I am about to say will seem ‘obvious’, but like I said I have often made the mistake of thinking other people have the same motives as myself.

From the time I was young enough to fantasize about girls my fantasies were (apparently) very different from the other males around me. When I imagined the sex act, I was imagining myself not just ‘possessing’ the girl’s vagina, but possessing her person as well. I don’t mean controlling or dominating the girl, rather I mean a kind of ‘surrender’ on the woman’s part: a surrender of the ‘sprit’ and not just of the flesh.

It’s the kind of emotional intensity that requires the whole person being involved. I’ve wanted to penetrate the mind as well as the vagina, overwhelming the woman by making not just her body move, but her ‘soul’ move as well. Weather my desire has taken the form of sweet tender kisses, or pinning her to the bed in submission, the goal was the same: I wanted to sink my teeth in and suck the marrow from the bone. Yielding the body isn’t enough; she must yield her ‘spirit’ as well. I’m kind of like the devil that way…

As most of you already know, I am in a severe minority position. It took me years to realize that, shocker, other people neither wanted nor needed that kind of passion. I don’t just mean other men not understanding where I’m coming from; I mean women as well having no desire for such a thing. From what I can tell most people are just happy to mutually masturbate one another with their sex organs.

Because I have yet to meet a woman who wants the same as I do, sex has been… bland. It’s been over two years since the last time, and frankly I don’t miss it.

So why the hell am I posting this? To see if there are any other men out there who know what I’m talking about and what their experiences have been.

Honestly, I expect to hear crickets chirping.

Huuuurh.

I've tried for 2 years to re experience that passion that you're describing. Taking her all in and making her yours. At times I tried to recreate, unfortunately with strangers; that intense intimacy you speak of.

I love sex. I love every part of a woman and I absolutely LOVE to have fun with her. Anyone can kiss and pet and feel a need to scratch that itch they get when it comes to getting your rocks off.

The mistake I've been making is not getting close enough to a woman to experience that again. Sex is fun, yes. There are so many levels to get from sex to great sex to earth shattering mind melding sex.

It's a two way street for me, Luthor. On one hand if i get along with a girl, and through the "screening process" I find that she doesn't have issues and we're both very physically attracted to each other, then sure, we'll do it.

*shrugs* That's nature. Nature, coupled with mature conviction (conviction in guru1000's terms) is a recipe for a pleasant time.

Something deeper lies beneath. I had a long distance fling with a girl for a short time and after we had 2 amazing days together in her town, we never called each other again.

The attraction was definitely there. First night we went out we got physical, but no sex. The next night we did it. It's a wonderful experience to have when you KNOW that a girl gets wet for you not just because of who you are, but physically HOW you are. She gets off just looking at you.

I absolutely could have had a much deeper sexual experience with this girl, but that would also involve me getting to know her on all fronts as well. She lived far, and I wasn't ready (still ain't!) to let someone in. I'm pretty sure she felt the same way. Oh, plus she lived too far. LTRs are NCD. (no can do)

However when I did have that spiritual connection the sex was how you described it, Luthor.


"We fucked completely in sync" is how she put it.

Luthor Rex said:

Since puberty I’ve always known something was off when it came to my sexuality. It’s taken a long time to accept that my difference is just different and not necessarily bad. I suspect that there are others who are like me, but have never really had the words to express themselves. I know it’s taken a long time for me to find the words, and I’ve never really seen others express the opinion I’m about to make.

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I got to be honest for a second....reading that part, I thought you were coming out...

Anyway, little humor aside. I see where you're coming from. Your idea of dominance comes from a realm of understanding and respect. You are probably not the kind to perform in hardcore, **** porn. Because those type of pornography devalue the spirit of the woman and only focus on the physical of the woman.

Why is it that sex with a hooker is different than sex with someone you love? It's because the hooker is dead inside, spiritually and emotionally, when she is in that bed with you. Your lover, on the other hand, has unleashed not only that sexual beast inside her, but has also connected with you on other levels.

I always say, if you want to keep a woman around for a long time, one of the things that is absolutely necessary is mind-blowing, passionate sex. Without sex, what stops you two from just being friends? You can have all the good times, deep conversations, support, etc. with a friend just as you can with your girlfriend, right? What separates the two is with the latter, you can penetrate her body, mind, and soul.

Let's keep in mind the fact though that lot of guys tend to develop one-itis from this type of sex. The key is, and this is very hard to do, to realize that you don't control her emotions towards you. You can only influence them. The only emotions you are in control of are yours and yours alone.

Great post, btw.

I'm at a point where sex with most women is nothing more than getting each other of. Actually more like me getting HER off.

I think I got spoiled with my last LTR. She was sexy as hell, the sex was mind blowing, and we clicked on every level. It was "harmony".

Ever since then it has been a series of unfulfilling encounters with women who don't do much for me, especially in "that" sense. The sex has ranged from ok to slightly better than ok, but something was always missing.

My situation might be different than yours, but I know where you are coming from.

The Bat said:

I always say, if you want to keep a woman around for a long time, one of the things that is absolutely necessary is mind-blowing, passionate sex. Without sex, what stops you two from just being friends? You can have all the good times, deep conversations, support, etc. with a friend just as you can with your girlfriend, right? What separates the two is with the latter, you can penetrate her body, mind, and soul.

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I agree, it's VERY important to connect sexually. The best relationships I have ever had were with women who rocked my world in the sack.

But I do think it's important to note that great sex ALONE won't keep a woman around. I found that out firsthand. For men it might be a stronger adhesive, but for women sex is a byproduct of other emotions, and if those emotions aren't fulfilled, no amount of hot, steamy monkey sex is gonna keep her around.

STR8UP said:

I'm at a point where sex with most women is nothing more than getting each other of. Actually more like me getting HER off.

I think I got spoiled with my last LTR. She was sexy as hell, the sex was mind blowing, and we clicked on every level. It was "harmony".

Ever since then it has been a series of unfulfilling encounters with women who don't do much for me, especially in "that" sense. The sex has ranged from ok to slightly better than ok, but something was always missing.

My situation might be different than yours, but I know where you are coming from.

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There is a reason I prefer relationships. With relationships...sex gets a LOT better.

With FWB...I lose interest after a few encounters.

Look at us, a bunch of mature romantics.

Luthor I also thought you were "coming out" too. I didn't want to say anything though! lulz

Thanks for the replies.

I think 'coming out' as a homosexual would have a been a lot easier than coming out as mildly-romantic. Actually, I only used the word 'romantic' because I don't have a better word for it. "Complexity" maybe?

In my next post I'll come-out regarding my Nancy Drew fettish...

STR8UP said:

we clicked on every level. It was "harmony".

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I think "harmony" is a good word. The kind of harmony that would let me show up at the girl's house one night to make sweet, sweet love to her as her 'good boyfriend'; and show up the next night on my motorcycle and be her 'bad boyfriend'. It's not the technique, it's the emotional intensity.

The Bat said:

Why is it that sex with a hooker is different than sex with someone you love? It's because the hooker is dead inside, spiritually and emotionally, when she is in that bed with you. Your lover, on the other hand, has unleashed not only that sexual beast inside her, but has also connected with you on other levels.

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I think that's a good way to put it.

STR8UP said:

I'm at a point where sex with most women is nothing more than getting each other of. Actually more like me getting HER off.

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Next time you're just doing it to get the girl off, I dare you to let her be on top and once she's going at it, whip out a magazine and start reading it. But make it a totally non-erotic magazine... see what the girl does... :crackup: