Wake up DJs!

I've been around here now for about 4 months. I know there are many people here who have known this board much longer, but I still think that after those 4 months I can say that something is wrong about this board.

Wrong?

Yes wrong. I hear people complaining, that the golden age is gone. I hear people complaining about the discussion forum and that it is on a very low level. I hear people complaining...

When I scroll through the Tips section, there is always one motive: Self Improvement. Rejoice, we have found the holy grail of DJing! Or have we?

I'll tell you what is wrong. This board is like a DJ, who is getting older and becoming more experienced. BUT, the new people coming here are not. They are at Stage 1, or stage "AFC"

I know that there is the DJ-Bible. It teaches you. As long as you read it, you are going to try out the things in it. But as soon as you are done, you switch to the tips forum. For the aspiring DJ, every day is a challange and an adventure and he needs regular encouragement.

But what does he find in the tips section? Self-Improvement! The tips section is basically telling the aspriring DJ that he should forget about women and start improving in his life. I know, this sounds good and true and logical, yet it's logic that has driven us here, isn't it? Whereas Self-Improvement certainly IS the holy grail for the DJ in his quest to become a master DJ, it is POISON for the aspiring DJ who isn't socially secure yet and doesn't get women.

It's like telling a drug addict to just forget about the drug and focus on other parts of his life. Nearly impossible.

We heard it all: Women should be a sideline of your life.

True.

Let me quote from the book of Shuma Gora here:


"...the Master has finally learned the major
truth of this stage over that of stage
three: The right attitude.

This attitude is elusive, because it goes
against our nature as men. Society and
genetics has instilled within each of us a
burning desire for sex, but a Master Don
Juan is able to conqueor that primal urge
and control it. A master knows that there
are other things in life besides women;
he values quality over quantity."


The Master DJ does not just know by having studied the DJ Bible... In some point of his career, he REALIZED that women aren't the primary objective of his quest.

First comes the quest for women. THEN the realization. AND THEN self Improvement.

AD became legendary not because of his posts about self-improvement, but for his dating advice.

Pook was already famous BEFORE he started talking about self-improvement. He said before that you should stop placing your happiness on a girlfriend. This is true. But don't stop focusing on improving with girls.

On how many fronts should an aspiring DJ fight? Not too many, because otherwise he will be overwhelmed and lost. You go for the women first. When you have enough of them you will realize that you don't need them as much anymore. Then you can start with self improvement.



This will do so much for you. Improving your lovelife will force you out of your cocoon. It makes you a more social person and teaches you social skills that will serve you troughout life. As your confidence rises, you will be able to finally walk the path of self improvement effectively and without being interrupted by worrying about women again.

You know, self improvement... Self improvement just works effectively when you are already out of your cocoon. Just trying out new hobbies like drawing, playing music and stuff like this isn't going to turn you into a DJ. It's our quest for women that drove us here. It's the fullfillment of this quest, that turns us into DJs. It's self improvement that turns us from DJs into master DJs.


So start improving socially by applying what is in the bible. And do the DJBC!!!
This is going to give you all the skill and confidence that you need to improve in other aspects of your life.

I bet you, if every AFC on this site would start out by doing the boot camp, gaining the social skills and becoming successful with women, there would be a much more positive outlook on this board. There should be two tips forums. One "traditional" one about dating and one that is like the one now, mostly about self improvement and spiritual topics that take the whole thing some steps further.


So get over there and join:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=143503

At the end, I want to ask the current master DJs something: Did you really go through this all? Are you able to approach without problems? Are you able to casual date 3 girls at a time and have a number pool of 20? If yes, go on talking about self-improvement, those posts are usually gold, but remember that every DJ starts by getting succesful with women and learning how to be the life of the party and getting the confident mindset. If not... well, your issue then...

See, the problem occurs when AFCs choose the extreme of these two: self-improvement and spinning plates. You got to crawl before you can walk. However, a typical AFC will try to either spin plates or self-improve. At the end, they will come back in full circle because they don't succeed at either.

Their plate spinning behavior turns into one-itis as soon as one of those plates becomes an option for him. He says to himself, "well i've dated plenty of girls and this one is the most suitable so she HAS to be the ONE and i'm going to love her until the death." Two months later, a thread is posted about the breakup and it's subsequent catastrophic consequences.

On the other hand, the self-improving AFC become a cynic and a pessimist. He, dare I say, becomes quite selfish and gains a false sense of superiority. He says to himself, "i'm better than everybody because i worked on myself and now nobody deserves to be with somebody as awesome as me". Two months later, a thread is posted about how everyone around him despises/loathes him, and he walks down the path of self-destruction. Self-improvement is masturbation. (credit Fight Club)

I find that changing mental state, attitudes, and recognition of self-worth and self-value is far more important. More to come later, I have to run for now.

To finish up my thoughts, the whole point of self-improvement is to work on your physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual self.

By working on your physical self, you develop a positive sense of body image. You feel a sense of accomplishment because you went out there, busted your ass, and got great results. Women tend to pick up on guys who feel good about their bodies and this in turn, attracts them because women are naturally attracted to a secure man. You'll get lot more eye contacts and "turning heads" once you develop a fantastic looking body which YOU are PROUD of.

By working on your intellectual, you develop a strong knowledge base that incorporates multiple perspectives. You can work your way through a difficult situation, whatever this situation may be. You won't end up feeling "lost" in the process because you don't know any better how to deal with the problems in front of you. Women are attracted to a smart man. Because a smart man knows that he can get himself out of any rut. A smart man knows that there are only obstacles in life, and not walls, that you need to jump to get where you want to go.

By working on your emotional state, you become stronger overall. You won't break down in a crisis. You won't pity yourself. You will be able to get yourself back up on your feet. You won't resort to quick fixes like alcohol or drugs. You will know that there is no exit strategy out of any emotional situation. The only exit strategy is to learn from your mistakes, and move forward. Because the next time you are faced with the same emotional situation, you will know how to handle it properly in a strong and confident manner. "Boys don't cry" because there is no need to...it is not productive, won't get anything accomplished except receiving pity from others. You can't tell me that women are not attracted to a solid emotional pillar of a man.

So, to summarize, self-improvement trumps any and all need to succeed with women. BECAUSE if you can work on your self with the knowledge that women are attracted to a secure, smart, and strong man and not some cheap pick up lines or techniques.

I don't think you are proposing resorting to cheap tricks and techniques to succeed with women, but you are placing too much importance on the issue of approaching women to build self-confidence. Because what ends up happening is that you never truly kill the inner AFC all the while you're spending time approaching. You can approach all you want but as soon as you jump into a relationship, you are lost because you go back to your old self. You don't know how to take charge and maintain power in the relationship. AFC-ism is not measured only by failure with women. I forget who said it here, but they said, "An AFC can still get laid but can never get rid of the inner AFC". I'm paraphrasing the quote but you get the gist of it.

Good tip overall though. :rock:

love your work, mate!

good thread, kudos man

Hi The Bat,

those are some really good points you made. You can be sure that I DO NOT rely on cheap techniques to get women. I think that self-improvement is THE way to go.

However, you need to break out of your social cocoon first. It's like you said, just self-improvement is going to make this cocoon even stronger. Just spinning plates is another thing. But I do not suggest to keep spinning plates untill you've got one girl and then fall completely for her. You should start spinning plates and then go on your journey towards self improvement.

The problem about self-improvement is, that it can be used as an excuse for not approaching anymore. You cannot do everything at the same time, so the aspiring DJ might think: Alright, let's do some self improvement, later on we'll see if I can do some approaches. This doesn't help anyone here.

So what I really suggest is to host the BC on a regular basis, like 4 times a year or something. It should be a normal procedure do do the BC when you first come here. From there, you should be able to take the whole selfimprovement thing.

Thats a good point about the BC Al Moh. And I totally agree - we need more organisation.

I remember a newbie posting on the discussion about wanting to find a mentor to teach him about 'djing'. After a short wait, Karma Sutra took the job. Perhaps a 'buddy system' could be an option as well.
Whether people sign up to be 'mentors' or 'apprentices' and then they are randomly or systematically joined, watever...

Whether people sign up to be 'mentors' or 'apprentices' and then they are randomly or systematically joined, watever...
didnt get this, sorry.... apprentices chooses masters or vice versa. this is going to be a hella confusing!
i dont know but on a forum, creating an organisation is very hard, ya know.

we have a buddy system already!

well to the OP, i would keep it short and sweet, A DJ is not made in a day of course. So, what an AFC got to do is first destroy the negative aspects and then construct the positive aspects. i think when we are talking of a DJ, we are forgetting one thing: a DJ is a the best version of a Player.

If anyone wants to improve himself, he sure is welcome to do that. but a DJ is a chick magnet. he goes for girls, girls flock to him, its always two ways..... so he is not the sleezy kind nor the average needy kind. i really dont know how to advise an AFC on how to be a DJ... but I think its ur interest in improving ur life as a whole is what DJ does. a DJ is born as a male and he is happy with his life as a whole. then he is a DJ, why would he just improve himself? to attract girls? he doesnt need that. he is doing it for himself, because he likes it. Teh only defination I can give of a DJ is who is always true to himself and also knows how to behave with girls. simple.

so for someone who is trying to be one, just go and keep on gaining experience wiht girls not because u r not getting as much as ur playa' buddy is getting but because u like being with girls, u just love the woman kind! and when it comes to ur life, if u have any drawbacks or weakness or minus point, let it go and work on making ur life the best it can be and taht makes u happy from inside!

no theories, nothing. we must understand two things: what makes us happy and what makes women happy....

correct me guys...

There really isn't much to correct^^ I agree, a DJ is the best version of a player. And much more. Like I said, we cannot define a DJ, he shouldn't be defined!

I don't know what "kind of DJ" you are going to be. But there is a common foundation. A DJ is ALWAYS socially skilled. He is a man who is ready to act, to overcome obstacles, to break out, to make a difference.

If you do the BC you have all of this. Many of those discussion board questions are going to vanish, because you proved yourself, you know how to act arround other people. This is why I am stressing this point so much.

Let's just do it.

Yeah, your probably right schttrj. Having a mentor appointed to you is screwed up.

When do you propose BC's take place? Start of January, April, July, and October? Whenever people want - and we just advertise the fact more?


And, just on that, I got about halfway through the BC when I did it. Had to stop because of school commitments at the time. Maybe I should pick it back up halfway through, or is their an advanced BC?

Like I always say you need both.

Improving your social skills and skills with women is self-improvement after all.

If you just focus on self-improvement away from people you will be a cool guy with bad social skills, if you just approach you will end up shallow and unfufilled. Look at the stories of all the top PUAs out there.

Self-improvement wont get you laid. However it is definately important. People say it's such a big deal because, like you say, they have been through chasing girls and know where that leads. So you could be right.

For me I just wish all this 'living in the moment' and spiritual stuff was around when I started.

True, social skills are definitely a part of self improvement. But I'll stick to first doing the BC because you can't do everything at the same time and this should be done first.

BC is going to start on the 22th of May.

Thread: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=143503

Al Moh. said:

I'll tell you what is wrong. This board is like a DJ, who is getting older and becoming more experienced. BUT, the new people coming here are not. They are at Stage 1, or stage "AFC"

...

Click to expand...

I havent been here long and I can see this is whats happening, I've had success with women in the past and present. Sometimes maybe working as a natural DJ. I lost my way for a while mainly cause I've been focused on other things, but feel like I'm getting my mojo back. I have learned more form the reading here (Bible and Tips). I'm wondering if the BC is for me. It seems like it may for someone who is an aspiring DJ or has never been a DJ before.

It's made for an aspiring DJ, still, it's not going to hurt to do it if you are already successful with women. It's another experience after all and that's what we are here for, don't you think?

I get the most IOIs and the most attention from the ladies when I'm not focused on them at all.

I do agree that people who come here are primarily focused on "getting girls/laid, etc". What we want the new guys to understand though, is that you get girls by:

1. getting a firm understanding of how to attract the opposite sex
2. Forget girls and work on your life as a whole.

The problem with guys who come here, and why they are AFCs is BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO LIFE, or very little life experience. Most guys who don't get laid have no spirit, little confidence, and poor self-image.

The core of a man's spirit comes from new experiences. That's why we tell guys to just go live the life they want to live. Girls will pick up on your aura when you live a life rich in experience.

The world is a mirror, my friend. AFCs don't get the attention they deserve from women because they don't give the attention they deserve to themselves.

I was looking for a quick fix when I first came here. Looking for a magic sentence that would get girls interested but it soon became clear that you're outer game is the same as your inner game.

You'll notice that alot of PUA's find it difficult to have an LTR. Thats because eventually they'll be found out when they can't keep up the canned material and the acting for long.

No harm in learning some techniques etc but if you're going to spend time learning about women and techniqes on how to get them it's best to concentrate mainly on the self improvement route.

If you feel great about yourself you'll attract women be being your(better)self rather than trying to seduce them.

That's all true but I found that without conquering your shyness and social insecurity, no self-improvement in the world is going to get women attracted to you. You might feel very good about yourself, but if you still cannot approach, it's not worth much.

Al Moh. said:

no self-improvement in the world is going to get women attracted to you. You might feel very good about yourself, but if you still cannot approach, it's not worth much.

Click to expand...

I've never done an approach and I've never had a problem with getting women.

Al Moh. said:

That's all true but I found that without conquering your shyness and social insecurity, no self-improvement in the world is going to get women attracted to you. You might feel very good about yourself, but if you still cannot approach, it's not worth much.

Click to expand...

Self-improvement in itself conquers shyness and social insecurity. It's about feeling good about yourself.