Experience and Courage
A lot of what I’m about to talk about I came to after watching Deep Inner Game. Some of it will be my own thought and ideas, but a lot of it comes from Dr. Paul, so hear me out as this was a huge realization for me. I write it here and share it because I think it could possibly help a lot of people. If you can get your hands on Deep Inner Game I would recommend it, although don’t go looking for a magic pill. We all know it doesn’t exist.
Docter Paul talks about how we all lean towards one of four archetypes. He draws a circle and puts a cross in it. The horizontal axis stands for you left and right brain, the left part of the line standing for you orderly brain, aka book smarts. The right side of your brain is your creative side, your intuition and probably your experience. The vertical line is split up into well-being up the top and confidence at the bottom. Well being is a feminine motherly energy, its caring, empathy. Confidence is a masculine fatherly energy, it is belief, action. A healthy person needs equal amounts of well being and confidence, or there is an imbalance. A genius needs equal amounts of left and right brain.
Here’s an image that will explain it much more clearly than I could hope to: http://www.kwml.com/graphics/welcome/chart.gif
It’s split into 4 quadrants, and each of us fits into one of these, at least slightly more than the others:
King: Well educated and caring.
Warrior: Orderly and assertive.
Lover: Caring and creative.
Magician: Artistic and intuitive.
I immediately related to this and straight away knew I am most definitely not a king. Sound good doesn’t it? King. Well actually I’m far more book smart than I am experienced, and care too much for other without enough action. I suddenly had thought... Is this what most people on sosuave are like? I think so. It basically describes an AFC doesn’t it, perhaps somewhat the stereotypical nerd? Too smart to attract a girl, too insecure to take action and instead attacks the problem analytically and it doesn’t get him anywhere. Even though the other 3 have their problems and there are probably some warriors, lover and magicians here, I think that girls are attracted to warriors and magicians because of their masculine energy, and girls are also attracted to artistic creative people like the lover. Are you a king? Did us kings get the wrong end of the stick? Maybe, but we can change that.
You see we come on here because we want to get better with women, but what do we do? We read and we read and we overanalyse. We think we are becoming super-pimps reading about all these secrets, but are we really? It is giving guys that already think too much more information. Imagine a guy who analyses and plans too much and give him the mystery method to practise, is this really helping him?
For me this just confirmed something that most people know. More than ANYTHING we need more EXPERIANCE. Sure reading has its place, but we need to get out there. It’s what we are lacking most. It’s what will really see us improve. We can read all we like but you get to a point where it is hindering not helping. If you are smart you like to do more smart things, when to really improve ourselves we would be better served doing something creative for our right brain. We have to always be moving into integration (the exact middle) in order to really improve ourselves, be mentally healthy and become the best we can be. That involves doing lots of things that constitute you opposite. Faking it doesn’t work, because it’s exactly what it sounds like, it’s fake. You are still the same on the inside. However don’t confuse faking with gradually integrating other characteristics into your personality, there is just no way to instantly jump from one to the other.
Ok so how exactly do we overcome our anxiety and get experience?
Courage.
What is courage?
Courage is simply making the right decision. That’s it. You can’t have courage, because it’s something you do. “But I’m scared, I always get approach anxiety!” What’s the solution? COURAGE. Just do it. Maybe you’ve heard it before. The thing is people think they need confidence before they can act. People who know what they are talking about will say that you get confidence by acting. For every courageous decision you make, every time you do the right thing, you directly get a boost of confidence back. Then next time you have to do it, it is easier. And it gets easier every time as you keep acting despite fear, exerting courage, and build up your confidence. The thing is somewhere you need to take the leap and say “I’m going to make a courageous decision”, or you will never find what you are looking for.
That’s it. Stop reading different articles, it’s not helping, it’s actually making things worse. I’m sure you’ve heard this before but I never really believed or got it until I heard Dr. Pauls theory. Action creates confidence. The problem is some people stuff it up for themselves because they take action and then get rejected or something and beat themselves up about it. Who cares? You made a courageous decision and acted, that’s good, that’s great. Don’t you see how good that was? It should give you confidence regardless of the results. You seen you cannot control anyone’s actions however hard you try. You can get your game as good as you want but at the end of the day the decision is the other person’s. All you can control is yourself, so don’t base your confidence on other people’s reactions, base it on your own courage. There are thousands of variables, you’ve heard them all “maybe her cat died, maybe she’s having a bad say, she probably really has a boyfriend”. Do you want your confidence to depend on those? No, no one does. It truly does come from within, and you can’t create it until you believe that.
I’m a big fan of inner game, and it really helps, but no matter what you do you can’t substitute for experience. The thing is important that you know how to turn it into confidence, and use it properly. That requires ‘inner game’. Basically it can come down to not dwelling on rejection, bad feeling or negative thoughts. Dwell on what you do right, look at what you will do different next time but don’t feel bad that you didn’t do them. You have to fail to learn.
Your thoughts are not your feelings. Your feelings do not control your thoughts. Sure you might feel fearful, but is this stopping you from acting? No, you are stopping yourself because you feel the feeling. They are separate, you have to learn to act despite fear, and force yourself through it. It’s not that hard, people just over think it. Most people try and analyse it logically but this will usually result with them acting according to the feeling. You just do it. It get’s easier.
And sure there are some magicians out there that would really benefit from reading pickup material because they have heaps of experiences but don’t have the order to learn from them properly. But is that you? You know yourself. How many people on here really have the problem where they ‘are out in the field too much’? Unheard of. That’s why I think most people here are kings, or maybe lovers. In any case everyone has some area to improve it.
I know that basically the same messages have been posted before, but I think anything that can help people get out there is needed. The whole personality type thing is what hit it home for me. It’s just a different way at looking at needing experience. Perhaps it will influence someone more than another random guy saying ‘just grab your balls and do it’. Here’s a reason why. You know it deep down. You probably know everything you ever need to in order to be successful. You also probably have lots of reasons you have created in order to keep yourself from acting. Maybe you feel you need to read everything and become an expert before you take you first step, some truly flawed logic.
How do I know? I’ve done it all. I’ve kept myself from seeing the truth for so long, and only now have I realized. Now I’m slowly putting myself on the right path. Perhaps you have been the same, maybe you have even been past all this, I can’t know, only you know yourself.
PS: I am not making assumptions about everyone, I am just projecting myself, so if this helps than it's done it's job, if it hasn't than don't take offense. I know there are some older and more experianced members here.
A lot of what I’m about to talk about I came to after watching Deep Inner Game. Some of it will be my own thought and ideas, but a lot of it comes from Dr. Paul, so hear me out as this was a huge realization for me. I write it here and share it because I think it could possibly help a lot of people. If you can get your hands on Deep Inner Game I would recommend it, although don’t go looking for a magic pill. We all know it doesn’t exist.
Docter Paul talks about how we all lean towards one of four archetypes. He draws a circle and puts a cross in it. The horizontal axis stands for you left and right brain, the left part of the line standing for you orderly brain, aka book smarts. The right side of your brain is your creative side, your intuition and probably your experience. The vertical line is split up into well-being up the top and confidence at the bottom. Well being is a feminine motherly energy, its caring, empathy. Confidence is a masculine fatherly energy, it is belief, action. A healthy person needs equal amounts of well being and confidence, or there is an imbalance. A genius needs equal amounts of left and right brain.
Here’s an image that will explain it much more clearly than I could hope to: http://www.kwml.com/graphics/welcome/chart.gif
It’s split into 4 quadrants, and each of us fits into one of these, at least slightly more than the others:
King: Well educated and caring.
Warrior: Orderly and assertive.
Lover: Caring and creative.
Magician: Artistic and intuitive.
I immediately related to this and straight away knew I am most definitely not a king. Sound good doesn’t it? King. Well actually I’m far more book smart than I am experienced, and care too much for other without enough action. I suddenly had thought... Is this what most people on sosuave are like? I think so. It basically describes an AFC doesn’t it, perhaps somewhat the stereotypical nerd? Too smart to attract a girl, too insecure to take action and instead attacks the problem analytically and it doesn’t get him anywhere. Even though the other 3 have their problems and there are probably some warriors, lover and magicians here, I think that girls are attracted to warriors and magicians because of their masculine energy, and girls are also attracted to artistic creative people like the lover. Are you a king? Did us kings get the wrong end of the stick? Maybe, but we can change that.
You see we come on here because we want to get better with women, but what do we do? We read and we read and we overanalyse. We think we are becoming super-pimps reading about all these secrets, but are we really? It is giving guys that already think too much more information. Imagine a guy who analyses and plans too much and give him the mystery method to practise, is this really helping him?
For me this just confirmed something that most people know. More than ANYTHING we need more EXPERIANCE. Sure reading has its place, but we need to get out there. It’s what we are lacking most. It’s what will really see us improve. We can read all we like but you get to a point where it is hindering not helping. If you are smart you like to do more smart things, when to really improve ourselves we would be better served doing something creative for our right brain. We have to always be moving into integration (the exact middle) in order to really improve ourselves, be mentally healthy and become the best we can be. That involves doing lots of things that constitute you opposite. Faking it doesn’t work, because it’s exactly what it sounds like, it’s fake. You are still the same on the inside. However don’t confuse faking with gradually integrating other characteristics into your personality, there is just no way to instantly jump from one to the other.
Ok so how exactly do we overcome our anxiety and get experience?
Courage.
What is courage?
Courage is simply making the right decision. That’s it. You can’t have courage, because it’s something you do. “But I’m scared, I always get approach anxiety!” What’s the solution? COURAGE. Just do it. Maybe you’ve heard it before. The thing is people think they need confidence before they can act. People who know what they are talking about will say that you get confidence by acting. For every courageous decision you make, every time you do the right thing, you directly get a boost of confidence back. Then next time you have to do it, it is easier. And it gets easier every time as you keep acting despite fear, exerting courage, and build up your confidence. The thing is somewhere you need to take the leap and say “I’m going to make a courageous decision”, or you will never find what you are looking for.
That’s it. Stop reading different articles, it’s not helping, it’s actually making things worse. I’m sure you’ve heard this before but I never really believed or got it until I heard Dr. Pauls theory. Action creates confidence. The problem is some people stuff it up for themselves because they take action and then get rejected or something and beat themselves up about it. Who cares? You made a courageous decision and acted, that’s good, that’s great. Don’t you see how good that was? It should give you confidence regardless of the results. You seen you cannot control anyone’s actions however hard you try. You can get your game as good as you want but at the end of the day the decision is the other person’s. All you can control is yourself, so don’t base your confidence on other people’s reactions, base it on your own courage. There are thousands of variables, you’ve heard them all “maybe her cat died, maybe she’s having a bad say, she probably really has a boyfriend”. Do you want your confidence to depend on those? No, no one does. It truly does come from within, and you can’t create it until you believe that.
I’m a big fan of inner game, and it really helps, but no matter what you do you can’t substitute for experience. The thing is important that you know how to turn it into confidence, and use it properly. That requires ‘inner game’. Basically it can come down to not dwelling on rejection, bad feeling or negative thoughts. Dwell on what you do right, look at what you will do different next time but don’t feel bad that you didn’t do them. You have to fail to learn.
Your thoughts are not your feelings. Your feelings do not control your thoughts. Sure you might feel fearful, but is this stopping you from acting? No, you are stopping yourself because you feel the feeling. They are separate, you have to learn to act despite fear, and force yourself through it. It’s not that hard, people just over think it. Most people try and analyse it logically but this will usually result with them acting according to the feeling. You just do it. It get’s easier.
And sure there are some magicians out there that would really benefit from reading pickup material because they have heaps of experiences but don’t have the order to learn from them properly. But is that you? You know yourself. How many people on here really have the problem where they ‘are out in the field too much’? Unheard of. That’s why I think most people here are kings, or maybe lovers. In any case everyone has some area to improve it.
I know that basically the same messages have been posted before, but I think anything that can help people get out there is needed. The whole personality type thing is what hit it home for me. It’s just a different way at looking at needing experience. Perhaps it will influence someone more than another random guy saying ‘just grab your balls and do it’. Here’s a reason why. You know it deep down. You probably know everything you ever need to in order to be successful. You also probably have lots of reasons you have created in order to keep yourself from acting. Maybe you feel you need to read everything and become an expert before you take you first step, some truly flawed logic.
How do I know? I’ve done it all. I’ve kept myself from seeing the truth for so long, and only now have I realized. Now I’m slowly putting myself on the right path. Perhaps you have been the same, maybe you have even been past all this, I can’t know, only you know yourself.
PS: I am not making assumptions about everyone, I am just projecting myself, so if this helps than it's done it's job, if it hasn't than don't take offense. I know there are some older and more experianced members here.
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