Any Coward Can Do This (Part 5): Approaching is easier if you aim high

I think people should feel joy during the act of approaching or not do it at all.

My job, the entire purpose of the any coward can do this series, is to make approaching fun, so that people WANT to approach - not for the benefits later, but for the joy of approaching right now.

Last time I provided an experiment to provide personal evidence that it is not fear that stops us from approaching.

I don't think simple fear has ever stopped me from approaching a woman. She was never going to hurt me.

If it were fear, this "assassin's note" (from Part 1) would help you. I've tried this technique. For me, fear wasn't the problem. Fear isn't the problem.

In part 2, I showed how talking about sex and masturbation with friends and family is a great first step that makes approaching easy.

In part 3, I shared success stories dressing down to challenge myself, which, surprisingly, brought out the best in me. Dressing down made approaching easier by putting less on the line and requiring my extraordinary social skills to blossom in a low-pressure environment.

In part 4, I urged people to sign a contract: I will only approach when it's fun or easy!

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Part 5: Aim Higher: Picking up isn't hard

The biggest mistake I see guys making on this site - and I see this over and over again - is these guys just aim too low. When I say this is a mistake, I don't mean an ethical mistake, a religious mistake, or that guys are hurting themselves in some mystical way by aiming too low - though some would argue for that. What I mean is, guys are hurting their ability to get phone numbers, to get dates, to get laid, even to approach, by aiming too low.

If you hear a lot of guys on this forum talk about what they are looking for, usually it's sex. Let's start here. Free consensual sex - especially for decent looking people - isn't that hard to find. If you don't know this, you haven't walked down a normal street. There are so many horny chicks with a vagina needing validation as if it were a parking sticker at the movies.

I am not judging these women negatively at all. I think they're wonderful human beings. All I'm saying is, having sex with a hot chick isn't hard. It's not an accomplishment. It's not a sign of expertise or skill. Normal people do it all the time.

I've seen a lot of guys walk around this forum as if they know everything there is to know about picking up, all because they finally put their penis in a vagina. It's weird.

To have sex, as a goal, is aiming low. Talk to any pick up artist - really anybody who's had a lot of easy ***** - and 100% of them will tell you it's not worth a dime to them anymore. They don't even bother. Guys who deep down are afraid of women and other human beings aim for that. It's like trying to slam dunk on a 6-foot net.

Always play on a 10-foot net.

I don't know about you, but picking up chicks when I'm aiming for sex is really hard. I don't know why you'd want to even try. When I pick up chicks looking for a cool chick to spend time with (and yeah, I like doing certain things with cool chicks ), picking up is not hard. Look for cool chicks you click with. When you click with them, everything is downhill from there.

This brings me to another point. I hear all these guys talking about how hot some chick is and how intimidated they were. And then they talk about how, because she's hot and used to getting hit on by lots of guys, they have to treat her differently and neg her or do all sorts of other gimmicks to prove the worth they don't feel.

I mean, how is it that these guys, who put so many hours poring over their own behaviors, trying to figure out how to get chicks, haven't figured this out. How have they not figured out that the best way to level the playing field on hot chicks is to force them to have a personality too. Make personality a requirement. Aim higher. Aim for a chick who is really cool, and she will sense, she will know, right away, that all the makeup she did, and the way she did her hair, and the cut on her drool-a-licious dress isn't enough to sell her to you. When she realizes that her looks are only partially visible to you, she will know that you are also judging her by her behavior. Just by caring about her behavior, you are already different from most guys. More than that, you will scare her a little. You will scare her because she'll know that your attention isn't free and your admiration isn't the price of a good body and a good dress. You don't need to neg hit at all. You just need to make it clear that you are the king of your life, and you are looking for royal ladies and nothing less. Few people are actually the king of their lives. Rule your behavior and treat everyone with benevolence. You will know your worth right away. Find chicks who can live in your kingdom.

This isn't "you are the catch." How many guys do I hear on this forum, whining about how even though they were "acting like the catch" the chick wasn't convinced they were a catch at all? I can't believe how much blah blah blah I've heard about "not saying too much about yourself." Aim higher than mystifying chicks into dreaming that you're somebody else. "Feed them scraps" and "don't say too much." That is so middle school. Aim for a chick that when you talk about who you really are, they fvck you for it.

Why these games? Why are we waiting three days, why we being a mystery? What are we hiding from? Aim for a chick that will poke you when you play childish games. Aim for a chick who is above games and will go out with you whenever you get around to calling her. Who will be happy to hear from you after an hour and who isn't looking for Don Juan but is looking for you!

Again, because guys aim too low, they are mired in endless banal conversations. Oh, won't she just take the blah blah blah back to the blah blah factory? Or guys are stuck feeling like nothing they can say will impress her. These guys need to aim higher. They need to aim to conversations that are so friggin' interesting they could last for six hours. They need to aim for the time of their lives with EVERY interaction with a chick they're interested in.

Conversations are hard when you're trying to not reveal too much. Conversations are hard when you're trying to "be happy" or impress. They're exhausting. Conversations are easy when you aim for a chick that impresses you. Aim for a chick that amazes you with the things she says, and makes you laugh.

There are only two ways to show a chick how to impress you: 1.) Bring it out of her with questions. 2.) Bring it out of her by giving her an example through your behavior.

Stop thinking that in order to have an amazing conversation with someone, you need to keep coming up with great material. Even the best say this is EXHAUSTING and doesn't work. Watch improv comedians. Do they just keep talking and talking and telling stories? No. They talk to the audience, they ask questions. They find the show in the audience. They find amazing comedy in the audience. That is how to lead a good conversation. End the bad topics, start the ones that interest you. I am very open, kind, and funny when someone is boring me or not impressing me. Why should I waste my time feeling bored. If someone isn't impressing me, I tell them right away. There's no need, no need, for drama. "As much as I love differential calculus, I actually liked trigonometry better." They look shocked, then laugh, then I lead the conversation about good massage techniques.

Before I started doing this, I had the worst conversations. Now I put in zero effort and have the most amazing conversations. It's all about expecting great things and being comfortable in your shoes.

A good friend of mine is not a good looking fellow. He looks like a beast. I see him literally fighting off hot women. He just asks the right questions. And when it's his turn to talk, that b!tch is so fvcking interesting to listen to. It's hypnotizing. Then he snaps her out of it and asks her what her story is. Phone numbers are flying everywhere. Another guy he's going bald and he's the biggest dork I know. He has had so much sex just by asking big questions and being honest about how much he loves sex.

Sex not that hard to find.

Moral of the story: guys who don't expect great things, who don't ask for great things from complete strangers don't get them. Knock and the door will be opened for you. Ask chicks to amaze you, and lo and behold, they will. But first you have to ask yourself what amazes you. You have to know.

For me it's chicks who give me a new perspective on my life. So I talk about me and ask them to give me a new perspective lol. It's not that complicated.

I can't believe these guys who are so jaded and find most women boring. The truth is, it's not the women who are boring. Those guys are boring. They're boring and if you asked them how a chick's personality could possibly impress them, they don't even know where to start. The art of conversation is all about helping people amaze you. That's all it is. Most people can't intuitively amaze you, that doesn't mean they're not amazing. They just don't know what you're looking for. Guys that aim too low never help anyone amaze them. They don't know how. And that's why even a simple hook-up seems so damn hard.

Izza

Bravo.

I'm ditching the PUA stuff and going straight normal style do-we-click-or-not type convos. It will mean a high "failure" rate because I am eccentric and don't click with everybody. But I just cant keep up these connections with people that were never there in the first place. I hate magic tricks and Mystery makes me squirm with his lack of positive masculine vibes.

And not looking to hook up, but still approaching, is a hot tip. It translates to outcome independent thinking. The key, in my thinking at the Mo, is being social and just approaching a ton and building rapport. Stuff has clicked for me too many times sans Game for me to believe I need openers and routines and make-believe sh1t. Beyond the basic rules, the spark and connection either is there or it isnt.

Good post, but you diverged from your thesis of standards into conversation skills.

Nice.

You changed my perspective on approaching. All to often I find myself approaching for the action between the sheets. Your views on gauging a girl on brains isn't all too new, but its refreshing after coming out of the high school forums...Thanks for the breath of fresh air.

Technical1 said:

Bravo.

I'm ditching the PUA stuff and going straight normal style do-we-click-or-not type convos. It will mean a high "failure" rate because I am eccentric and don't click with everybody. But I just cant keep up these connections with people that were never there in the first place.

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What you're saying worked for me. I hope it helps.

In fact, for months, I never approached or upheld conversation with anybody. That's when I realized that having good friends and family is key to success with women. I had a great time with them and had a zero-pressure attitude about women. Then, one day, I just started approaching chicks spontaneously. I didn't even realize what I was doing - I was even horrified. That was a weird feeling. But I felt like it, so I just went with it. I have never resorted to a three second rule or anything. If I don't want to approach her within three seconds, well then, I won't.

Don't worry about the failure rate. Maybe you were failing or succeeding before, but you were playing on a 6-foot rim. I think focusing on a conversation you actually enjoy en soi is a huge step. You will start to know what success actually is. And you might be surprised how immediately the change in mental frame will help you succeed on a 10-foot rim.

I hate magic tricks and Mystery makes me squirm with his lack of positive masculine vibes.

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lol

And not looking to hook up, but still approaching, is a hot tip. It translates to outcome independent thinking.

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Really? I'm not outcome independent. But good for you if you're that way and it helps you. I get pissed when I have a bad conversation. That's why it's hard for me to call chicks sometimes, because I want every conversation to be awesome.

The difference is, I work hard to let things come in their proper order. I approach looking to hook up, but I have high standards so I don't even want to spend time with some girl unless I actually find *who she is* sexy. I approach looking to hook up but with higher standards than a sexy body.

The key, in my thinking at the Mo, is being social and just approaching a ton

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Whatever helps you. In my experience, you don't need to approach a ton. In fact, improving the relationships you already have with friends and family is a much better tool for improving overall social ability. When I started telling family about masturbation and sex, picking up chicks became so much easier. When I found friends who make me a better person and I have a blast with, I realized that picking up chicks isn't that hard. Building a history with someone, that is hard.

Stuff has clicked for me too many times sans Game for me to believe I need openers and routines and make-believe sh1t. Beyond the basic rules, the spark and connection either is there or it isnt.

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Nice! I agree with you man. Well put. I do work to be able to find that spark with more and more of humanity. It's like increasing the size of my family. But until then, good for you.
Izza

You changed my perspective on approaching. All to often I find myself approaching for the action between the sheets. Your views on gauging a girl on brains isn't all too new, but its refreshing after coming out of the high school forums...Thanks for the breath of fresh air.

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Thanks for the compliment. I have been working out and my thighs look super

I hear you man. It's pretty tough to learn to love talking to hot chicks in and of itself. I dunno why but it's really difficult. Anyway, I approach for action between the sheets. The point is to let things come in their proper order. Find a girl who is so much fun to be around, action between the sheets is like a natural extension of the fun you have. Focus on fun and sex is a snap.

SickAgain said:

Good post, but you diverged from your thesis of standards into conversation skills.

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Thank you for the kind words. When editing the post I felt like I diverged somewhere. I was looking for it but couldn't find it until you just pointed it out. Thanks for the feedback.

Always trimming the hedges,
Izza