V's life-changing self-improvement, Boot Camp et al Journal

"People are always blaming circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get ahead in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make them." George Bernard Shaw.

And with that, Monday 24th March is the start of me taking myself to where i want to be, regardless of who or what stands in my way. One must be unreasonable when it comes to their own lives, and i have been far too reasonable for far too long.

I have learnt that if you don't take control of your life, someone else -i.e., your family, the media, friends, society- will do it for you.

No longer am i going to stumble through life, a victim of the circumstances. I have been on this path for more than five years. In that time:

-My body shape is no longer what it used to be
-I never decided where i will go or when. Rather i left it to my housemates.
-Stumbled back into nice, friendly interactions in fear of offending strangers. This meant that others eventually started taking advantage of me, ordering me, showing me no respect. I was a tagger along, a follower, whose opinion and existence is not so important.
-Of course i couldn't go all the way with any girl. It has resorted to sleeping twice with hookers in two years.
-After graduating from university i find myself living, eating and working with my parents, and unemployed.

It was so different. I used to be a defintion of Don Juan before leaving it all behind for university. Then everything turned on its head as i 'played it safe' so desperate i was to make new friends.

I will start the Boot Camp tomorrow. Many people i am sure have started and failed to finish it. Probably the majority. There must be no hesitancy, only commitment, otherwise there is the chance to draw back. When i am faltering i will re-read this first post to remind myself why i am doing this.

The Boot Camp is to help me get more dates and more girls. Tomorrow will also be the start of another 7 week mission- reprogramming my mind and learning to run my brain rather than my brain running me:

-Week 1 will be to help me act and behave more like my authentic self rather than the fake, pretend one.
-Week 2 is about learning to controlling how i want to feel,
-week 3 is forcing my unconcious mind to think more positivley,
-week 4 is about recapping all these and also programming my dreams, values and ambitions as a priority in my mind,
-week 5 is about cutting stress and anxiety out of my head,
-week 6 is creating a millionaires mindset,
-week 7 is bringing more happiness in my world.
-Maybe by week 8 i might start creating a don juan mindset if neccessary. I will post an article on every week about each week i am in, explaining it all and the techniques used etc.

Thats not all... I have read through WMS and agree with the author that cramming doesn't help. So i will work on his golden info one chapter, one week at a time. The first chapter is destorying social phobias. If you haven't read it, go to jbspencer.com i think.

Finally, i'm 1 month already into my weight loss program, following THELOSEWEIGHTDIET.COM. I have lost a stone and a half (i started at 15 STONE), but that has gone up to a stone because of a holiday last week where i REALLY let myself go. My diet consists of cardio in the morning, biking to and from work, staying on my feet, and playing a match or Wii Boxing or Weights in the evening. I am considering taking up boxing or swimming in the evenings to really burn the calories. My food intake is fruit for breakfast, salad for lunch, and a good plate of food for dinner. Did i mention im a going to start being a serious Veggie tomorrow as well?

Im also going to start the DJ Bible........only joking.

"Hopefully (A) you guys with more experience will be willing to share yr experiences and tips, and (B) when I'm done it'll make an interesting sortofa progression from AFC to DJ for people thinking of doing it."

By the end of all this i will be:
-Down to my perfect BMI weight of 11 stone. Plus much nicer, chiselled body
-Dating, Sleeping and closing women left, right and centre,
-My mind will be conditioned to that of the most successful people in the world
-Senor Fingers will be so proud of the Social Butterfly i have become
-Employed, financially independent, eating WHAT I WANT and not the crap takeaways i am being forced to eat, and in my own apartment.

If people wanna join in feel free, would be much better having a running mate. But whether you drop out or want to reschedule won't have any effect on me.

This is gonna be fun. Let's do it.

Last weekend me and 10 of my uni mates went on holiday to a popular bachelors party country. We couldn't speak the language.

I learnt a lot that weekend. Two of the lads picked up two girls one night, met up with them again the next night and layed them. And the rest of us were going to brothels and paying for sex.

I learnt that to them picking up girls was a game. Say this when she says that. Do this when she does that. Get your confidence on and off.

They are really fit, athletic lads. They dressed better than most of us. But they also spent AGES styling their hair, using women's hair colouring products, hair straighteners, fake tan. I didn't agree with this, or the paragraph above.

They were also usually centre of attention. Always taking the lead. The others swarmed round them like moths to a light. These sort of people have an aura about them. I felt comfortable in their presence, but also like i was looking upto them. I've been in their position before.

Its a sense of looking down on others like they are a level below you. They need you more then you need them. In your mind you already believe you are better than them, and thats how it will inevitablly turn out. These are boring people, and you are the one having fun, the one they want to be around and look upto, envy. You highlight their day, maybe even existence. You are one of a kind. Special. Rare.

I remembered the feeling. The memories. But now what was i feeling worth? Unemployed. Spineless. Flabby.

The day i came back home i went through my wardrobe and took out clothes i didn't wear or wanted to wear, and clothes that were not going to be good enough for what i am about to become. Even clothes i always wear were going out if i knew i could get better.

The change has already begun. Let it come.

Yes let it come indeed...3 months later.

i've tried starting this damn thing a couple of times, but without reporting back to anything/anyone it just seems to fall to the side. So i'm starting to report here, not for you, not for sosuave, but for myself only.

Bootcamp is no magic pill, but its a change, and any movement in any direction is progression.

I've got a busy week coming up in terms of interviews as well. WK 1 EYE CONTACT, AUTHENTIC CONFIDENCE AND SELF-IMAGE.

End of WEEK 1

woooohooooo!!!!!!! Week One finished yesterday, but I have simply had no time to even visit this site in order to report my progress. I've had to call off my workout in the gym tonight in order to get this report down. Why? Because I've started this thing before and called it off too many time because I didn't report anything down- thus losing my motivation.

Anyway, what progress I have made this week! Had an interview on wednesday, after being unemployed for about 9 months, and got the job the next day. I start this wednesday! Already planning out my budget- what I am going to pay back off my debt, how much to put aside for my own apartment, my own laptop.

I am thinking of getting an xbox as well, but after reading WMS just now, I know it would not help the change I am trying bring about myself, and keep my initial problem of SPENDING time, not INVESTING IT. The only reason I would have a tv in my place would be for the xbox. TV honestly does bore me, and I would much rather be watching the sports at a local pub/bar every night and SOCIALIZING AT THE SAME TIME than sitting home alone infront of a television

I got in yesterday after a long day of soccer with new, different people, and the Wimbeldon final had just started. I watched the first few games before declaring I would much rather be INVESTING my time running and watching the final rather than sitting for the next 5 hours. So I went to the gym and watched it there. An important change that hopefully will become a habit.

I have had a pretty action packed week and met and talked to plenty of people. More importantly however, I did it trying my authentic confidence and being my authentic self- TRYING TO BE ME. Its still not a habit though, and sometimes I found mysself being that pretend, AFC Nice person again without realising it. I need to work on it in order to start being the REAL ME unconciously. Not trying to force it. Not putting it on. But simply being ME.

The real you is the one who says and does things regardless of what other people might think. Simply being YOU, not who you think the person in your presence wants you to be. Its tied in a lot with self esteem and security. The real me is the one when no one is watching. As my self esteem and security increases, I am adamant so will my authentic self/confidence SHINE THROUGH. Self esteem, security and confidence however takes time to build, and is linked a lot with my hapiness and dreams, so I am not too downhearted that I still find myself being fake now and then. But at least I am starting to make the change.

One of the most important steps to my self esteem is my fitness and weight loss. I have remained at 13.5 stoned for the last month now and cannot seem to budge off it. This last two weeks I have been doing a lot of morning cardio and running 3 miles + in the gym every evening (yesterday I ran 8 miles i.e. 60 minutes). I have noticed that my body is becoming a lot more toned and has lost weight, but my weight won't move. Its obvious now that its down to my diet. The sooner I get my own place, the sooner I will be more responsible for my own diet! And the fact that I will be out working this week as well I think will aid my goal.

But the most important thing I learned today was that my FOCUS is currently on weight loss (i.e. results). If i switch my focus on to healthy eating/living (i.e. change), the results will follow ya'll!

And so to the Boot camp. 50 eye contacts made but not as many hi's as I would have liked. I could genuinely tell who was going to look away, who was going to say hi, and who was going to duel with me before eye contact was even made. E.g. The old people always look away but usually say hi, the geeks and AFCs just looked away, and the HBs, jerks, confident guys, middle class dads (and even KIDS) I.E. people who dressed good and carried themselves well would almost certainly look you in the eye. Sometimes I looked away, sometimes I duelled. It didn't go as well as I would have liked and it is something I still need to imporve on in the coming weeks.

Heres the deal. If I was actually in conversation with some stranger, be it the HB9 receptionist, some HB8 stranger working in the shop, my new manager, my HB7 interviewer, a customer in the cafe etc I have NO problems looking them in the eye. NONE. Its the strangers who I walked past in the street or whom I have no reason to talk to- these are the girls and boys I have trouble with if they deul.

You should have seen this HB9 receptionist. Hot damn!!!! I walked upto her in my suit, put on a masculine voice and asked her what about whatever it was I need to know (yea yea V, I know I was pretending to be someone else when I should have been ME, but the journey has just begun!). I flirted a bit with her and even asked her name out of interest before leaving, and had no problem maintaining good eye contact.

tHIS HB7 in the gym is blatently interested in me, and catches me in the eye whenever one of us enters the gym. You know the glances, Its almost like shes asking me to talk to her. I know I should have talked to her by now, but I am struggling to even look her in the eye IF she ever holds it. She looks away as quickly as I do. And thats just the HB7. The other day this asian HB9 came in and had the best ass I've seen in these parts of town! What did I do? I COULD NOT EVEN BRING MY EYES TO EVEN SLIGHT CONTACT WITH HERS. I just couldn't do it. I have this trouble with most women I am attracted to and have no reason to approach/talk to. The other day a MILF came in to the cafe and I couldn't bring myself to look!

Boot Camp Week 2 demands I talk to 10 strangers. Violent V also demands EYE CONTACT/HI WITH 10 HB10/9/8/7's. This week I will also try to continue bringing out my authentic self, and also start impleneting techniques I have just read on how to control my mind, i.e. its internal representations, perception of people, overcoming fear, being more resourceful and less negative. I will continue my training, but the focus will now be on healthy eating/lifestyle rather than weight loss. Finally, I have to try and take in WMS points on alpha male vs omega male.

I will write up an article on being your AUTHENTIC REAL SELF, and another on HOW TO CONTROL YOUR MIND when I get the time, hopefully this weekend.

This time next week I hope to have made big PROGRESS.

End Of Week 2

This week I did no excercise gym work. For some reason the motivation was not there.

I did conversate with 10+ strangers, but did not conversate with any HBs. I also looked A LOT of Hot Girls in the eye, some thing which I needed to improve on following the first weeks performance. However, this was also far from perfect. I don't think I smiled once during these interactions.

Very quickly I am realising how badly 'fear of rejection' has taken a grip on my life and interaction with girls. I am not smiling at girls- most of whom I have noticed are actually locking eyes with me rather than vice versa- because I fear the rejection. The thought of them turning away in some sort of disgust grips my concious mind in the heat of the moment.

I look back in deep regret and sorrow at all the missed opportunities I've had with girls whom were there for the taking- be it a date, a kiss, even a shag. I would lose count if I was to try to count. Yes V, not a day passes by where I get looks from HBs who want me. I remember in clubs dancing with girls up close, and not even going in for a pull in fear. I recall one or two girls sitting towards me, legs WIDE open (in jeans of course). Even the AFC would have had no hesitation in advancing that opportuntiy.

Just this evening I was cycling home when I noticed the finest girl I had probably seen all weekend. She was walking on her own with her shopping. My heart, my SOUL was SCREAMING at me to approach her. To slow down beside her and talk to her. My body was urging me to get next to her and JUST TALK GOD-DAMN IT.

I could not. It was my mind. My head. Instead I did what i have done for the last 12 years. I just tensed up my body, straightened my back like I was super confident, and cycled past like I was a busy prince with no time to stop and chat (unless of course she actually stopped me). Im not going to talk to her, but at least I'll leave a great impression! How pathetic. She probably watched me ride into the distance and wished I'd stopped and talked to her.

There goes another date. Another opportunity to change. So I go into next week's lessons (which is to strike up conversations with HBs) with two things I mind.

Firstly, all girls just want is a great guy. Thats it. And I KNOW I am a great guy, in fact Im more than a great guy. This thought alone should knock them off that flippin pedestal I seem to place them on. I need to win the battle in my head before I win anything else.

Secondly, my focus is on CHANGE, not RESULTS. I should not care if she looks away in disgust or rejects my advances. I should care though, about the fact that I am actually approaching her, because this is something I have not really done properly in my entire life.

Actually I should go in with three thoughts. The third is all the regrets that cloud my head when I think of all the lost and blatent opportunities I did not act on because of FEAR and HESITATION.

This coming week I will also look to EMPOWER MY VOICE as is explained in WMS Chapter 4, and also start to implement positivity as part of my nature. To stop being negative and critical, and start being resourceful and taking every day and thing as it comes. I will also recap on what I've tried implementing the last few weeks, that is being my authentic self, being more Alpha than Omega, and continue to practice RUNNING MY BRAIN rather than MY BRAIN RUNNING ME. Finally I have set myself a target of running in the gym for 60 minutes EVERY WEEKDAY. My weight is not shifting, last week or this week, so I thinkg I need to push on to the next level.






The conversations themselves did not last anymore than a minute, and most were with workers in stores. Today I stopped and talked to my neighbours, something I haven't really done as much as I would have liked. I also practiced my skills on my friend today, keeping the conversation on him and trying ways to make help him expand it.

Of course though there were failures. I did not speak that much with my barber today. It sort of fell silent- i felt something was bugging him because hes normally chatty. Looking back now there were a lot of things I can think of which I feel I could have started a converstion about, but at the time it I was not as resourceful.

A few people seemed to be annoyed that I was trying to talk to them and I left it at that, when I know I should have been more persistent and annoying! Speaking personally, I remember times when I used to get annoyed but at the same time I know that if those people had persisted and touched on a subject I would have been interested in, I would have happily opened up to them. I say I remember because I am no longer like this, and happily welcome conversation when someone starts it!

Like I said, conversation wouldn't really last more than a minute. When the silence fell, I would usually take it as my cue to leave. The root to this is of course lack being resourceful. I will also this week work on persisting on conversations and creating more subjects to talk about.

While I may have EC'ed many HBs last week, that absence of a smile irritates me, and before I start conversating with girls this week, I will EC with them and SMILE.

ROLL ON WEEK 3...

I have a few minutes to report my progress today. The warm up is over and I am now starting to push myself outside my comfort zone, thus I need to keep record and myself motivated here frequently.

Today I started work, which means a LOAD of conversations with strangers. I had lunch with my new colleagues, and got to know them well, asking them questions. I also hanged out with people on their induction days, and managed to start conversations with many of them too.

Of course, there is room for improvement. There were silences and some of the conversations felt forced and like formal interviews. This is something which I need to improve on tomorrow- just be more light and fun.

Eye contact was made with loads of people. I greeted a lot of my new female colleagues with an informal handshake and a cheeky smile. Tomorrow I hope to talk to them.

I also talked to a HB today! I headed down towards reception and saw a fine girl sitting on the sofa by the door. i sat next to her and asked her if she was enjoying the inductions- she said she was there for an interview. I asked about her new role, and her last job, good luck, etc before my new manager appeared and cut the story short.

For all this single success, there was of course a number of flops.
-On the bus to work I had the opportunity to sit next to a HB who looked bored. I sat on the seat behind her next to a guy instead.........
-We also did some group exercise and me and some guys were paired with all the girls. I don't think I made a single contribution, and stayed on the side while the other guys carried the show.
-But I also would have talked to few more girls had I not been victim of the circumstances. This HB girl and her friend locked interested eyes on me whilst I was being shown around by my manager- obviously not the time to stop and chat.
-On the walk to the bus stop I was overtaken by a HB. I certainly would have talked to her had it not been for the fact that she was motoring away on her phone. I don't think any DJ would have interrupted her simply for a conversation.

I know I know, you must be thinking I am some sort of super geek loser. One convo and I am over the moon!! But i'm really not that pathetic. I'm actually pretty cool confident guy, its just that around girls I fancy I get a bit nervous and self-concious.

I was also concious of my voice, its tone and pitch, but as always there is room for improvement. I am also starting feel good about life, and learning to smile and adore every moment. Life really is so beautiful, yet so many people on the bus were stressed, negative and so self concious.....self absorbed.

Im going for my one hour run now. I am sure many boot camps have fallen at this or the next hurdle. Onwards and upwards!

I have been getting really discouraged since monday. I have not really been stepping out of my comfort zone and failed to talk to opportunities to talk to hot girls. Most of the time I am falling back into my old habit of making excuses and hesitating to the point of no action.

This hot girl sat next to me by the bus stop on tues, but she was with her mum. Thinking about it now, I should have talked to her, regardless of her mum being there. I would have intended it to be a nice friendly chat. I did however strike up a conversation with an old guy, and found out where he he worked etc.

Today was turning into a nightmare. On the bus to work a really nice girl came on and sat on her own. I don't know what others would make of it, but i felt bad for not sitting next to her and chatting. I made my excuses again- 'i'd look desperate', 'she just wants to be alone' etc. another hot girl came and i felt bad again.

Walking to work this hb8 walked slowly infront of me and i failed to talk. During the same walk, a hb6/7- a bit chubby- overtook me wiggling her ass. She stopped farther up and changed her shoes to highheels. I was really kicking myself for not striking up a conversation there. At reception I saw a hot girl sitting on the sofa waiting. I was sure she was in for an interview and qued at the vending machine while i tried building up courage so as to sit next to her and talk. When i was ready a manager approached her and sure enough, she went up for an interview.

I bumped into a girl at work i've had my eyes on, wile she waited for the elevator and all I could muster was a nervous 'hey'. :nervous: arrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On the way home I had more opportunites which i passed up. I was furious by the time i made my way to football training. i've been looking to change, but i'm not making the step. This about a change within, and its not going to happen if i keep doing what i've already done.

so after training, the most stunning girl i have seen the whole month walks on and sits close to me while me and the boys were getting changed. Every man, even on the pitch, turned. I did not hesitate this time and started talking to her. She was there to surprise her fiance by coming to watch him play. I continued to talk to her regardless, and left on a high note once i'd finished packing my kit. And you know what? it felt like i was talking to a normal human being, not some goddess.

I need to relax a little and start acting without hesitation. I'm not going to discourage myself anymore- change is hard, and it won't happen overnight. tomorrow is a new day!

Week 3 restart

The last week has not gone according to plan, and i have been unable to complete the week's assignment to a satsifactory level. I did talk to girls, but these were not cold approaches. They were more down to circumstances i found myself in where the only option was really to start a conversation.

Too many times i found myself lacking the courage to start a conversation, and the desire to make it a successful week. What i was telling myself (she wants a great guy, i.e. ME), was not working. But am i discouraged? No. I cannot allow myself to be. Engrained in my mind is the fact that change is hard and does not happen overnight. I have also gone too far to stop, and my desire to succeed this boot camp and indeed a change in my habits, is too strong.

Though they were not cold approaches, i have struck up more conversations with ladies this last week then i can ever remember. Is that not progress? To some it would be enough, but not for me. I am doing this bootcamp to CHANGE. It is long term change i am looking to bring about, and this weeks results have not satisfied my thirst.

I picture the day when i will simply approach HBs on the street off that bat without hesitation. So, this week, we start the task again. But this time cold approaches only. And i have two thoughts armed in my conscious when i see a HB.

1. CHANGE. Not results. Violent V has, for the past 10 years, never really cold approached a girl he finds attractive to start a conversation. The results this week are not important. The focus is to Change my habits.

2. To whom much is given, much is tested. To be where i want to be, to turn that ideal picture into a reality, i must earn it and work.

So this morning on the way to work, a very pretty asian girl with ass was walking along infront of me. We waited at the traffic lights side by side, but i could not bring myself to talk to her. I overtook her, but she wasn't far behind. I thought to myself that Violent V has been doing this for 10 years. So i slowed down and talked to her. Turns out shes new like me. Anyway, after the conversation, i was not happy with my speech delivery. I didn't talk loud or confident enough. I felt under pressure rather than at ease. My next cold approach tomorrow will take this into account.

I am actually struggling to find time to meet women at the moment. Work in the early morning and finishing late. But this is just blaming circumstances. I know to get ahead i must create the cirumstances i need. I've set myself a target of 3 cold approaches tomorrow.

Will report again.

I had three opportunities to talk to some HBs today.

As walked out of work, a HB said goodbye to her male friend and walked same direction in my proximity. We both passed this guy wearing green jeans and sporting green hair(!). I was going to turn around and say cheekily to her if i could maybe come into work dress liked that. But i hesitated. We stopped at the traffic lights, i looked round to talk to her, and realised she was wearing her headphones. So that pretty much killed it.

AS i joined the que to top up my card so as to hop onto a bus down the road, i noticed a good looking indian HB infront me. She turned round a few times. I decided I would ask her if she knew any good place to eat round here. But i hesitated. Eventually her turn came up at the cash point, and with that she scrammed.

I can't be bothered to write up the third one. Im actually getting bored of not doing what i say i am going to do on this page every night. But i refuse to be discouraged. I've learnt more from my failures today than i would have done had i talked to those girls. And that is the importance of hesitation.

I hesitate, think about it, and eventually fear/inaction gets the better of me. This does not just apply to cold approaches. I've been told at football/soccer training, that as a defender i hesitate too much instead of just attacking and winning the ball off the bat without thinking or regard of the consequences.

Come to think of it. hesitation has played a CRUCIAL role in my 10 years of cold approach inactivity/inability.

So tomorrow i will focus on changing this 10 year curse. Right off the bat i will try and talk to girls that catch my eye without allowing hesitation or fear of the consequences to cloud my consciuos. Acting instead of reacting. The other thing i am focusing on changing, is of course, actually cold approaching girls i am interested in.

My target is still 3; a target that will be a challenge, but just low enough not to discourage me from thinking i can't hit it.

I've been reading your journal and been following you pretty closely....your doing good and the first step is to CHANGE.

Good luck with what you do and you shouldnt put yourself down so much....so what if you dont talk to EVERY single girl there is always TOMORROW.

Good luck and I am looking forward to the next update.

In danger of fizzing out.

j0n024 thanks for the input it really motivates me knowing there are others following my journey, but this journal was in real danger of fizzing out.

The boot camp is really asking me to get out of my comfort zone, and i'm struggling. This week has been bad, to put it mildly. I am still hesitating to approach and talk to HBs, to the point where i gave up trying after wednesday, convincing myself i'll never change and am destined to live in fear. I actually hesitated reporting back on this journal because I felt ashamed i was not making any progress.

e.g. I was on the tube to Canary Wharf on Thursday evening. I saw a beautiful girl standing, so i went and stood next to her- there were loads of seats available. I am mean how obvious!? She waited for some conversation. But i just couldn't do it. It gets worse. I look across and blinked twice to convince myself I missed the HB2000 standing across from me on her own. This was the sort of chick rappers would put in their music videos. Our eyes found each other's. Thats as far as it got. My friend pointed out to me silently through out the journey that she was discreetly checking me out; and i did what i usually do- played it cool. So much for change.

I understand that i just need get past these first few hurdles and i'll surely start getting imune to the fear. But its damn hard few hurdles!

I'd rather have made a proper CHANGE at this stage than to go onto week 4 after a half-hearted effort at week 3. Thats not change, thats just focusing on the results.

IN terms of other parts of my life, I am making real progress. When i wrote my first post i was unemployed, in my parents home and overweight.
-I'm still overweight, but a lot trimmer, and am joining a new quality gym tomorrow with my friend.
-I am employed with a company who want me to decide for them what department/direction i want to take my career in a couple of years while I am their employee- be it accounting, legal, sales, even relocating overseas. I have already decided i plan to live in Paris and Italy for a year each, so if its with this company then fantastic.
-Finally, I can now afford to move out, and have been presented with a golden opportunity to move into an affordable flat in my favorite part of Central London. My own space to do my own thing, and hopefully it will coincide with week 8, by which time i will have somewhere to bring all these girls home to!
-I hope to start Salsa dancing in two weeks, and am ready to start my French and Spanish Language classess, as well as start my training for the London Marathon 2009.

So, i refuse to move on until i have achieved real change at this stage- week 3. Change being defined as just being able to approach HBs off the bat at randomn, combertably striking up conversation without any hesitation or calculation- and regardless of the results of the conversation.

Its frustrating that it is taking this long to cold approach and talk with HBs, but REAL CHANGE doesn't happen overnight. And besides, I am learning more from my failures than any success I might have had by now. However, standing still and not overcoming my fears is not progress either. I believe i have failed the last two weeks and need to try a different approach in order to see some change this coming week. Every morning and lunch time i will visualize and imagine the change and success I am looking to bring this week. I have also set myself a reward- If i can complete week 3, I will go ahead and rent the new flat in Central London that has so gripped my imagination.

ONWARDS AND UPWARDS!

Decent progress

As you may have heard, the weather in London today was ridiculous. I felt like a baking potato in the oven. Hot weather also means beautiful women.

I decided to take the elevator up to work after noticing a very nice indian girl waiting at the door. I stood next to her and started talking to her about the weather, and moved on to her department while we took the elevator up together. CHANGE. Normally i would just be silent and anti-social, but i felt really confident today. However, i again had problem with my speech. I spoke shy-like, nervously and like nice guy. I was non-threatening and immediately must have found myself into the friend zone. Something to improve on.

As i was about to get on the bus home, I locked eyes with some hot indian girl who got into the que to board the same bus. You could tell this girl was used to being told how beautiful she was by the way she seemed to dismiss all the interest the guys laid on her- including mine.

As I sat in very close proximity to her, I tried to think how to play my cards. Two guys walked along the bus at the same time and stared at her all the way before sitting behind her. They asked to read her newspaper, to which she dismissed them and said when she'd finished it.

The boys went quiet after that, and i got a phone call. I decided to play it patient. Once the boys left and she'd finished her paper, i cut the phone, and moved to the seat infront of her and asked for her paper. I took another phonecall, and eventually asked for her phone in order to write down a number my friend was giving me. I thanked her afterwards to which she replied in a submissive voice, and I got off at the next stop. So did she, but we went our opposite ways. Should i bump into her tomorrow i wil surely start that conversation.

This is progress for me. I am no longer keeping my distance from HBs I am attracted to. I am not shying away anymore. UNfortunately i am not really following through and starting a conversation, but lets just take it one step at a time V.

Two interesting observations that i feel i must point out.

-I was on the phone to this girl i know, and kept calling her babe and sexy. She's just a friend, and responds to me inkind with gorgeous and sweetheart. Anyway, when i started to address her with these sort of words, I swear half the women in the bus must have turned round and looked at me, including HB indian. I thought it was interesting how showing to other girls i am not in the friend zone, and am not afraid of being sexual with other women seemed to make them curious and undoubtedly interested.

-This idea in my head that every man seems to have no problem approaching women except me took a big dent today. I saw a lot of hot women, and a lot of hot guys walk past each other or sit close to each other on the bus. All the guys, including big hunks, topless men, men in suits, men with swagger, watched the girls with keen interest, yet did nothing about it. No convo, no approach, nothing. I felt on a number of occasions if i had been in there shoes i would have certainly started a conversation, or got a number.

It made me feel good because i know i am doing something about it; and eventually i will be approaching these women while these other guys, with all their muscles, hairstyles, fancy suits and designer clothes, will be watching me from a distance.......jealous.

ON the bus to work one HB and her girl mate got on, and came and sat in very close proximity to me (the bus was practically empty, so there were PLENTY of seats available). Am i looking too much into this stuff? Anyway i gave her the eyes of interest, to which she did not respond. She was yapping away with her friend and i did not bring myself to talk to them. Looking back now, i probably should have.

I've started noticing how the male population seems to be dominated by afcs scared of approaching attractive women. Even the guys who walk with that bop/swagger can only display their interest by simply STARING at the girls- as if they were some sort of beautiful, alien object.

Being attractive to women; being respected amongst men, means being masculine and embracing your sexuality.

The most attractive women are the ones who are the most in-tune with their sexuality and nature i.e. have the big hips and phat ass which they have no problems wiggling when walking down the street. Breast. Long lucious hair. They carry petite handbags, decorate themselves with their sun glasses, earings and make-ups, and wear clothes that reveal skin. I.E. They are feminine, embracing their sexuality. She is attractive to men, and looked up to and *****ed about by other women. Even moderate fatties embracing her sexuality in this way can be attractive. The majority of women- in the UK at least- are embracing their sexuality in this way

So whats the deal with men? Why are we so afraid of embracing our masculinity. Why are AFCs in the majority? Nearly every woman does not feel ashamed decorating herself in an attempt to seduce me. So why are we, me included, ashamed of doing what is natural to me i.e. approaching her, taking her number? Why am i not motivated to head to the gym and pump some weights? Build some muscle. Why do my parents get angry with me when i get skin on the sides when getting my haircut?

so its okay for women to dress in seductive, sexy clothes in the office, but if i, a man, approach them in my own seductive way i.e. as a sexual, testosteronised male, with obvious sexual advances, it is unacceptable and called sexual harrassment? I saw on the street today two owners with two dogs walk past each other. You can guess what happened- The male dog, unashamed and without hesitation, tried to be very sexual with the b!tch. I know we are civilised and all, but... has it come down to this? Repression?

Anyway, as i walked to the bus stop to go home i noticed a very nice girl sitting there. I sat next to her before taking a phonecall. I've found that I can really gee up my feel-good and confidence before approaching a girl wheni am talking on the phone next to her. She was listening to her Ipod but, after i finished, i did not hesitate to ask her which bus goes to stop X. She told me, and from there i started a conversation, asking her where she was heading and where she worked, and simply expanding before heading for my bus. I was very happy with my delivery. I was not afcish in my speech, and the conversation was not like some formal interview.

I've noticed that people, men and women, simply react to you. If your in a state of 'fun' around guys or girls, they too will go into fun-mode when around you. If you're really quiet, serious, afraid of offending, talk formally and like its an interview i.e. nic guy, then thats how others will behave around you. This is what i expect of women. But men? Shouldn't men be in whatever state they feel like regardless of who is in their company? Men shouldn't react should they? It only reaffirms my growing belief that the masculine population is dominated by afc's and nice guys.

I am now talking to more girls, no matter how long the conversations, then i can ever remember doing when sober. However, i still don't feel i am really cold approaching. These girls all just happen to be in my proximity and available to talk to. While its progress, itsnot radical change or getting me revolutionarily out of my comfort zone. I am not cold approaching hot girls who are walking past me, or whom are only in my radar for a couple of seconds, or upto a minute.

I am refusing to approach women who are on their phones/ipods i.e. the majority of HBs. What does one do when they come across a HB they want to approach, but find she is blabbing away on her phone, or completely lost in her music. Perhaps i should try and find out tomorrow?

bah! I missed countless opportunities today, but there was the big one. And guess what? It involved a hb, a bus stop, a mobile phone, and hesitant violent v. I spotted this blonde HB, who was getting mad looks from afcs, and desperate waves from drunks sitting on buses, walking to my destination.

I caught up with her as she got to the bus stop. She seemed to be wearing the uniform of an air hostess, which intrigued and interested me- and obviously other men. I was ready to talk to her, but couldn't cos she was chatting away on the phone. So i took a call to help pass the time. Once she got off the phone, and just as i was as well, this ugly girl comes and sits right next to her, thus obstructing my path. I could squeezed in between, but this would have looked wierd.

I remained on the phone while considering how to play this. And before I knew it she was on the phone again. My bus showed up, and i was on my merry, regretful way.

On the way to work i stopped at the traffic lights with another hb, with whom i could not bring myself to talk since there was another guy standing there with us.

I am blaming my circumstances for my hesitancy. I often ask myself the question, What would i do differently if i had NO FEAR? The answer is i would be ****y, confident, careless what anyone thought and have no problems approaching women on the phone, ipod, or with others around us- be it at the bust stop, traffic lights, or on the train.

So perhaps logic and will power is not enought to help me succeed. I am understanding now that imagination and habit are the keys to success. Simply saying 'Focus on Change, not results' is not getting me anywhere, i must visualize my success and paint these word in my imagination.

I am motivated to head to the gym tonight and chat to that hot Japanese girl i've spotted in there before. I am picturing my success. My changing of habits. My desire is strong, and thats what will determine my success.

Major Flop. I'm Getting Tired Of My Self Really.

I went into central today and could not believe the amount of hot girls around me. I tried to catch up with one, and looking back now, i probably could have if i really tried.

But heres the big one- which will probably haunt me forever. As i walked along Oxford street, a HB10 caught the side of my eye. I looked round, and she was better than a HB10. And she was looking straight into my eyes as she walked past. She looked away as soon as i caught her. I was stunned for a few seconds after that. I honestly did not know how to react, in the heat of the moment. She breezed past, and I naturally followed. I was not going to let this one get away. Surely not this one V.

This girl was attracting the eyes of every pedestrian on the street. Guys couldn't take their eyes off her. Women were looking back at her with faces worth a picture- disgust, s******ing, jealousy.

My mind raced with what i was about to do- or not do. Surely not this time. Surely your not going to let this one get away. She was checking you out. Shes on her own. Shes not got an ipod on. Shes not phoning anyone. Shes just walking ahead of you.

I decided I would ask her about what present i should get for my sister's birthday. And i waited for the perfect opportunity to walk alongside her and spit game. And waited. And waited. I had to move in fast before she did some turn into a store. I decided to act. And she turned down this empty street.

I kicked a nearby littered coke can into the crowd in anger and disgust. I could not believe it. I kept thinking of jon and what he would have been doing by now with her! I was so upset i did not care anymore about chatting to women.

As I waited for at the Marble Arch bus stop a hb 7, leaned on the same pole i was leaning on. I made a half-hearted effort to talk. She seemed disinterested from her first few words, and I turned around and ignored her from there on. On the bus home this hb7 spanish chick moved her bags to let me sit next to her. I sat but didn't care to start talking.

I'm pretty down at the moment, and will re-read some outrages field reports here in order to make me more positive. I will be away for the weekend- going to a new city to disco. I hope to make some progress at the clubs, but i know it will probably just end up another night with mrs. rosey palm.

You shouldnt put yourself down so much...I think THAT is what is to put it bluntly fvcking you over.

I've learned that if you just go out and are just looking for fun then you will feel more relaxed and you will be calm when you talk to women....for me the first cold approach is ALWAYS the hardest, my heart starts pumping , I get second thoughts, I start to sweat a little (Not alot but you know when you start to get hot) ....but once I open my first the subsequent approaches are easier.

You are making pretty good strides you just need to relax and know that "Hey I'm a male , I KNOW I am better then 89% of the males around here that are afraid to talk to women and I DONT NEED a women to MAKE me a MAN."

Good luck I will wait for the next updates.....just stay calm have confidence and look towards the next day cause you cant let something bad happen like a missed opportunity mess up your chances for the new day.

I hope other board members can find the time to read this post i am about to write and give me advice, because now is the time that i really need opinions.

Firstly Thank you jon. You are spot on. My problem is that i am not relaxed enough. I am tense, in doubt of myself and her attraction. Maybe its down to inexperience with women. Maybe its down to my desperaton. Maybe its down to society and its work on my thinking.

I went to the clubs this weekend, and talked to a few girls. Most of them seemed disinterested, but i ploughed on regardless to the point where it was just uncomfortable. I did mad flirt and kino with some drunk hb7.5-8, but never escalted it. I targeted this hb8 dancing on her own, before some nerd picked her up for the dance. I tried to intervene and and get her to dance with me, to which she didn't really resist, but didn't exactly show encouragement either. She ended up in the arms of that geek. Oh well, her loss. I certainly know i am better than that guy.

This weekend was a real eye opener for me. My parents had argued with me about my deisre to move out into a flat on my own. They are reluctant. My father went as far as saying i am at an age where i should be getting married, having a kid and living in a house and working for them! He said i must stay with them until i get married, at which point i should move out.

I went up and met 10 university friends, who are all living together in a new house. They are all my age- 22, and are having the time of their lives. They all work during the day, and have mad fun during evenings and weekends. Free from the control of their parents. Spending their money and time the way they want.

One of them has just moved in. He graduated with me last year and has been living in America for 7 months. He has got rid of all the unneccessary things in his life- clothes, tv, xboxes, dvds, etc and just lives with the bare essentials- a laptop, shirt and jeans, furniture and a toothbrush. He really showed me his popularity and comfort amongst girls these last few nights.

Two of my other mates are just as popular with the ladies. In fact i described them in my second post on this thread. Some sort of journaymen, they have just moved to Australia for a couple of months. Just after graduation last year they moved south of England, then north, and then moved in with my university mates all in a space of a couple of months. And now they are in Australia. Always on the move. Not settling in the state of security. They are in debt, little cash, yet they are LIVING LIFE and are girl magnets.

Another two have just dumped their two hb girlfriends and abandoned their secure relationships, saved money and gone travelling with some girl friends to China for 9 months.

Another lad who lives in the house has got with his second grilfriend in a space of a two months. He had originally moved in to a house of strangers and she was living there. With an assurance in his voice he said he knew he would go out with her the moment he saw her.

My point? Perhaps my whole thinking is wrong. I am now leading a life of security- a good paying job, parents home, nice car if i wanted one, and the opportunity of an arranged marriage and starting a family.

Yet Inside me burns a desire to abandon all this. To risk it all and LIVE while i am young. To have FUN. I feel lonely, bored and low on confidence. I want to Travel and work. Move in and out with friends all over the the country. Meet new people. Sleep with countless beautiful women. Date countless girls. Invest my time working out and getting fit. I have no desire to live or feel the way i am for the next year to five years. If not now, then when?

Perhaps i need to build my confidence, self-esteem and self value before i really start making the changes i was hoping bootcamp would make. Start making changes from within rather than from externally. Feel like a man, and comfortable with myself, regardless of my ability to get women. BootCamp will take me out of my comfort zone, but how long term will its effects be? How much would it really change me?

My feelings are that abandoning this security and LIVING LIFE will bring out the confidence and self-worth in me. Start acting and living without hesitation. Without this temptation of security and hesitation to risk. It makes my heart sing.

So the plans I set at the start of this thread i feel need to be updated, adapted and rewritten. From now on this thread will be what it was meant to be- a journal about my changing life, not some 8 week-crash-course-to-getting-laid that i have been approaching it as recently.

My focus is not now to see results after week 8. I will continue to try approaching and talking to women until I am at a stage where i am comfotable doing it for fun and without fear of rejection. There is no set deadline now. In order to to get this sort of stage I must go through 100s of REJECTIONS. So tomorrow is a new day to improve. And no longer will i start putting myself down every evening. I will get where i want be eventually, its just a matter of WHEN. You can't approach everybody.

I am joining a quality gym this week, where i am looking to work out three evenings a week. And i am looking to move out soon as well. On my own for now, but perhaps with a friend or two when the opportunity arises in the future. I will also re-evaluate what i my ambitions are tonight and set about achieving them. At the end of every month i am looking to set targets for improvement in my life, and set about achieving them by the end of that month.

All my unneccassery sh!t is getting sold and thrown out soon as well.

Before i finish, i am also looking to let the authentic real me shine through when amongst my friends and strangers. I CARE too much what others are thinking of me, and thus i am HESITANT, SHY, CAUTIOUS ETC. He who cares less, is ALWAYS IN CONTROL!!!!!!

The rest of this year is going to be CRAZY!

week 4 day one

okay today i went and saw another flat. Room is a decent size, Rent is low and bills inclusive, but it felt like the room was old and not very modern. I also visited the most amazing gym I have ever been into. This was the sort of gym where it would be a pleasure to go into and work out. There were no fatties in there- a sure sign that its a good gym the members are frequent users with beautiful bodies- cardio, weight loss classes, weights section, swimming pool sauna, you name it. The contract is twice what i had budgeted out for a gym, but i am seriously considering joining as soon as i move in to a new place.

On the bootcamp, i am beginning week 4- getting rejected. There is no deadline- i will go at my own pace and work on it until i find myself immune to hesitating starting a conversation and rejections. My unease in approaching women off the bat is still alive and kicking and this is down to my desperation i.e. my unfamiliarity in talking to beautiful women i like; and fear. i.e. My focus is all wrong! If i switch my focus on intentionally trying to get rejected, then i surely I will have less reason to fear approaching these girls.

I saw a couple of HBs today but did not approach, despite the fact that i was getting mad looks from a few. Tomorrow is a new day and my target is at leats one rejection a day.

whoop whoop today i joined my new gym and looked at another new flat. However, this one is to be shared with some unknown flatmates. Im not sure if thats what i want or not. I want my own place to crash, with my own fridge and bookcase etc. But i also don't want to find myself being very lonely. Eating, sleeping, gyming all by myself you know?

Some advice on this dilemma would be much appreciated.

This HB black american girl showed me round an alternative gym today, And i'm happy with the way i gamed her. Really confident, fun, cheeky. She was digging me. I kept telling myself i must ask for her number at the end. Once finished, i tried to extend the thanks/goodbye while plucking up the courage inside me to ask for it. In the end i didn't.

It was wierd because she was like waiting for me to ask i felt. It was almost like 'is that it? Come on boy, ask me! Im waiting!' We just looked at each other for a few seconds, and i just said 'thanks Dahlia'. She was hot.

And now for my thought of the day: the repression of sexuality in today's society. I saw this muslim woman at the bus stop today. She was wearing a hijab/scarf, yet had the make-up on, was carrying all the shopping bags, and held her gucci handbag out for everyone to see i.e. trying to be feminine. Then you have the girls who reveal excessive amounts of skin, pour make-up on their face, talk and sleep around with cute boys etc i.e. being extremely feminine. And they are looked down on by society as hoes.

And what of the men?! Our politicians are sexually dud. Any public fugure caught sleeping with women or in an orgy is condemned and villan-ified. Why? School and society mold you into an afc nice guy. Always polite and respectful, care what others say and think of you. Do as your told. Be punctual. Stop being your creative, rebelious self and start taking orders.

Don't go out, its a crazy world! they tell you. Stay indoors. In your box. Media and tv make you hate yourself and search for happiness externally. And fear, repress your sexual desires. Your natural wants. Your natural ability to seduce. You fear being social. You fear being sexual. And you now fear women. Your so thirsty for women that anything slightly feminine, slightly sexual has you desperate to fcuk it. Any hint of femininity, sexual has you turned on and ready to jerk off.

NICE GUY is not being masculine. Real confidence and happiness comes when you are following your dreams- getting where you want up be in life. Happiness is internal. And whats the most internal thing about you? I believe its your sexuality. Embrace your masculinity, your testosterone, and watch your happiness and confidence hit the roof.

hb9

I'll kick off with the gym. I ran, cycled, swam, and talked to some interesting guy in the suana. I know where i want to be in terms of my body, and while i'm not there yet, I will be at some point. The gym is on-route back from work so i have NO excuses for not going. Plus my motivation is VERY HIGH.

I've also decided not to move out for the time being, simply because it really would be suicide financially, and travelling to and from work back to central London would resemble commutting.

Finally, i have pretty much sorted out the details and look forward to running the London Marathon next year!



Today was a great day. I have noticed recently a new blonde girl on our floor- an easy hb9. This last day i've spotted her desk, and made some unneccessary strides past to catch her attention. In return, this girl seems to be taking the long way round to the stairs- i.e. walking past my desk.

This morning as i came round the corner, there she was by the coffee machine. Our first direct interaction- we locked eyes, i smiled and gave a confident, cheeky hello. I was in a ballsy, ****y mood anyway. As fate would have it, i found myself sitting next to her for my first training session. I didn't talk to her directly because this was a gruop discussion/seminar, but I did lead the group discussion and cracked a lot of jokes. Half way through the session i could not help but notice her sitting with her feet and knees towards me, legs wide open (she was wearing jeans). However, by the end i felt i lost the room, and all the women were talking about this hot guy who works with us as if i wasn't even there!

Not to be discouraged! She and I cracked some jokes on the elavator down about how many oranges i eat- i.e. she seems to have taken note that i have oranges on my desk all the time.

Later, as i packed up to leave i saw her taking the long route as usual to take the eleavtor down. Heres the difference between the Violent V today and the one a month or so ago. I swept my stuff in my bag and tried to catch up with her. She was some distance ahead of me, and i caught up with her when we stopped at the traffic lights. However, she was on the phone, and didn't seem to notice me/acknowledge my presence...

Not to be discouraged. I let her get ahead of me again- damn she is fine!- and when she was done on the phone, racing ahead, I shouted

'oi you, give me your money. Give me your number.'

She turned round laughing, 'oi you,' and slowed down. I'm happy with the conversation i carried. I told her i eat oranges because it gives me stamina if you know what i mean, knudging her shoulder. (I don't know if that was true!) I stuttered once or twice, but i found that i really didn't have to keep the conversation going. She just couldn't stop talking. lol. silly girl.

This is one very cool, hot girl. She actually made me laugh a few times. I had wanted to point out to her more than once that all the girls at work are mediocre. Firstly to suggest i finally had a girl worthy of me. But later to put her in that same category, to tease her or put it in her head that i don't see her on some pedestal. In the end i didn't make the point at all.

I go clunning in central London tomorrow night. And I'm looking forward to meeting this girl again on Monday. She is definetly girlfriend potential, but i have to say i would be just as happy to have her as a friend, possibly use her as a prop or just hang out. Shes the sort of girl you high-five and be real with. I think i will get to know this girl very well and for a very long time....