I need a man's opinion on something...

Hooked up with my ex again a couple weeks ago because we were getting along great and maybe going to get back together. He told me he had ended things with the girl he was sleeping with after he and I broke up. So we hung out, things happened...we've all been there. (background: he and I together over a year, not really comitted because he was a comittmentphobe..which is why it all really ended and we've been split for the last 6 months)

Anyway, so we finally hooked up again and I had a feeling (trust your intuition always!) and got it out of him (by saying I'd ask her myself if he didnt tell me) that he was infact still sleeping with her, and I'm pretty sure he did us both in the same day! ****in scum! (you'll all say good for him..but whatever, it's nasty.)

Anyway, the question is this... I met her once and actually liked her (before I knew she was sleeping with my ex...they're not dating though, have just been sleeping together.) And I KNOW she doesnt know about me being back in the picture for that brief period of time...but I sure bet she'd love to know. I want to tell her, not to hurt her or spite him or get him back..but because she is the one who told me about he and her the first time when he lied to me about it. (we were all out in a mutual group, she thought something was still going on with me and ex so she asked, then told me she was with him.)

So anyway, I know I dont owe this girl anything...and I know he wasnt dating either of us but he was lying to us both about not being with anyone else, and not using condoms!!!! (my fault and her fault, I KNOW!!! Yes I have gone to get checked and Im fine and wont do that again.)

He used all the typical lines like "if I didnt care about you I wouldnt talk to you everyday" and "I have fun with you and I have fun with her, Im torn." Also begged and pleaded to stay friends because he didnt want it to end up this way and didnt mean to hurt me. Pfft. whatever.

My friends have said "no, dont tell her it will hurt her and its just to spite him, she wont believe you anyway and you will be the "psycho." I do have texts and msn convos for proof if she wanted...

But what do you guys think..tell or let it go? (I have cut all ties with him and we no longer speak.) It just drives me crazy that he is still sleeping with her and getting away with whatever else he is doing. He thinks he is the ****in man and I want to deflate that ****in ego of his.

How do I handle this as a "Donjuanita?" Ignore him and it and move on, or kick him in the nuts by telling her?

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i say that you just move on and not go out of your way to tell her.
i mean , if she looks you up and asks you, be honest.
if not, your friends are right, it will look like you are trying to sabotage them and she won't believe it.
she will find out in due time, whether he is worth her time or not.
you already know , good for you.

you don't need that sort of drama in your life

What a guy. He's doing what most guys here wish they could do. Job well done, but I'm not all for the part about not being truthful.

If you're going to dump his ass, you might as well tell his other woman. That way you have no choice, but to move on. So, make it easier. Sounds like you're both allowing it to happen to yourselves. You've got a loser mentality by even worrying about this guy. Give me your number and you can come down, and I'll show you a good time. You'll forget all about him.

Anyway, good luck with that!

SunnyD said:

Hooked up with my ex again a couple weeks ago

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I was unable to finish your annoying drivel without falling asleep, so I took the liberty of Quoting the most important part of your post.

The answer is....USE YOUR COMMON SENSE...ex's are ex's for a reason.

Tell her then work on killing the AFC inside yourself so you don't get used by a guy like this again.

Going back to an ex that has done you wrong is having a deep need to get that ego validation back that they want you.

A person with full self love, self respect and self esteem well...all those things override any ego need to get back together with someone who has so thoroughly disrespected them.

So work on yourself Sunny and never let a man do this to you again or rather allow a man to do this to you again.

You don't need some guy to love you and validate you.

You need to do this yourself for yourself.

Good luck kiddo.

This type of work is never easy.

KontrollerX said:

Tell her then work on killing the AFC inside yourself so you don't get used by a guy like this again.

Going back to an ex that has done you wrong is having a deep need to get that ego validation back that they want you.

A person with full self love, self respect and self esteem well...all those things override any ego need to get back together with someone who has so thoroughly disrespected them.

So work on yourself Sunny and never let a man do this to you again or rather allow a man to do this to you again.

You don't need some guy to love you and validate you.

You need to do this yourself for yourself.

Good luck kiddo.

This type of work is never easy.

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Thanks I appreciate that, you too Penkitten.

SunnyD said:

How do I handle this as a "Donjuanita?" Ignore him and it and move on, or kick him in the nuts by telling her?

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We could tell you to move on but you probably won't do it because you cannot stand the fact that he his having sex with another girl and not you. Girls are competitive and always want something they can't have.

He's getting a good deal too. Since his confidence is high because he is sleeping with you and her, he is not going to stop. That's one of the reasons why guys cheat when they are in relationships. They know they are having sex with one girl so their confidence builds, and they try and go get other girls too.

DonJuan11 said:

We could tell you to move on but you probably won't do it because you cannot stand the fact that he his having sex with another girl and not you. Girls are competitive and always want something they can't have.

He's getting a good deal too. Since his confidence is high because he is sleeping with you and her, he is not going to stop. That's one of the reasons why guys cheat when they are in relationships. They know they are having sex with one girl so their confidence builds, and they try and go get other girls too.

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He's NOT sexing us both...I called it off and cut contact as soon as I found out.

And I don't want him, she can have him. My only rule has ever been "if you're sleeping with other people, don't sleep with me." I didnt ask for a title, didnt demand his time, didnt ask questions. (Until I started to figure it out.) In which case, he lied to my face time and time again.."no there isn't anyone else..I would tell you."

It's a respect thing to let the people you're sleeping with KNOW that you are sleeping with our other people. I value my health thanks. I know that sounds ****ed up because I didnt use domes with him...but he was a damn good liar and I was with him over a year and trusted him.

I'd say please your man better so he doesn't feel the need to go find other women.

splinterkb said:

I'd say please your man better so he doesn't feel the need to go find other women.

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I WAS the other woman...moron.

SunnyD said:

I WAS the other woman...moron.

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Did you nag him to death about being with her? If you did, that's why he's with her and not you.

What I said was.. YOU need to do a better job of pleasing him so he doesn't need to go out and find someone that will...moron.

splinterkb said:

What I said was.. YOU need to do a better job of pleasing him so he doesn't need to go out and find someone that will...moron.

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I highly doubt that was the problem otherwise he wouldnt still be calling me every Sat. night to come over. Still with her or not. But thanks for the input. Clearly he's just a player like most guys here and wants all the pvssy he can get.

tick37 said:

Did you nag him to death about being with her? If you did, that's why he's with her and not you.

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I didnt "nag" him but I asked until he admitted it..because I knew.

You said he lied to you about breaking it off with the other girl.. and was still with her. So how do you doubt that just because he calls you for some weekend ass every weekend that he still isn't with the other girl?

splinter, i dont think sunny cares who he is with now, because she is done.
i think she basically wanted to know if she should tell the other woman or not.

penkitten said:

splinter, i dont think sunny cares who he is with now, because she is done.
i think she basically wanted to know if she should tell the other woman or not.

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Thank you...atleast a woman gets what I'm saying..haha.

Sometimes to become better human beings we need to be taught a lesson when we do something wrong.

The unfortunate thing about all this is even if you tell her Sunny she may not be willing to teach this guy the lesson he deserves by leaving him.

Her reasons could range from an AFC form of love, to using this guy for sex to any number of things.

So if you decide to tell her you'll have to keep in mind that he may not learn his lesson by losing two chicks after all.

I guess in that scenario the only satisfaction you might be able to get is at least she is aware of his liar status and is not fooled into thinking he is a good and honest man when he is not.

So if you were to tell her for revenge purposes it may not get the desired outcome depending on what you want to happen from telling her but if you are telling her because you think she is a cool chick that has a right to know what she's dealing with then hey that reason doesn't require much more satisfaction than that.

Plus if he eventually tosses her to the side after your warnings by her are ignored she will suffer greatly for not listening to you about him.

I see what you're saying. I think you should honestly just forget about the whole thing and move on. I'm sure it hurt when you found out, so theres no point in dragging yourself through even more. Even if the guy is a douchebag, just be a bigger person and just find someone better.