For those guys who are WBAFC (way beyond AFC)

Recently, there have been a lot of guys coming by the chat room that penkitten started who describe themselves as WBAFC. I wasn't even familiar with this term until about two weeks ago, but it's an acronym for "Way Beyond Average Frustrated Chump" or in extreme cases it can even mean "World's Biggest Average Frustrated Chump". Guys who fall into this category don't just experience frustration with women but with social interaction in general. These are the kinds of guys who admittedly have no (guy) friends and rarely leave the basement in their parents' house, unless it's for class or work. Most have never had physical contact with a girl and have really no chance of doing so in the near future because they can't even function in a social setting well enough to make platonic friends with guys or girls.

I've been helping a lot of these guys out in chat as best I can and so have other posters. But as I was leafing through the DJ Bible and some of the legendary threads, I realized there isn't much for these WBAFC's to refer to for advice on becoming simply a more social person. It can be understandably intimidating to read about tactics for approaching women if you can't even muster up the courage to say hello to the dude who sits next to you in your economics class.

So, since I had the night off of work tonight, and I have a past similar to a WBAFC's, I figured I'm in a pretty good disposition to help these guys and give them some advice on becoming a more social person who can make friends out of nearly every person they encounter. I also feel like maybe I've been a little too negative on here lately and haven't contributed much. So, here it goes.

About The Author

Before I get into the advice portion of this post, I think it'd be a good idea if I let the reader know a little bit about myself to give my advice a foundation.

When I was a teenager, I matured a lot differently than a normal guy does. For some reason, my voice dropped when I was about 12 and I had a voice as deep as a fully matured man when I was in middle school. My feet matured the same way. They grew to their completely normal adult size a lot earlier than they should have. When I was about 13, I wore a size 11 shoe - the same size I wear right now at the age of 25.

Sounds cool, right? Wrong. My growth spurt and a few other aspects of puberty were extremely delayed. Normally, a guy grows a little bit when he first starts puberty and then has a final growth spurt near the end. His voice deepens and body hair grows during the middle stages. But for some reason, my biological clock was completely different and I didn't have any sort of a growth spurt until I was near the final stages. As a result, I entered high school at 4'10" and didn't break 5'0" until probably my sophomore year. Truthfully, I looked like I was 11 or 12 until I was about a junior. The fact that I had crooked teeth and constantly wore braces and/or headgear didn't help my social standings, either.

As you can imagine, girls didn't take much notice of me. In fact, no one really noticed me. I had five or six solid friends that I made through playing travel soccer, but I only hung out with one or two of them on the weekends outside of team events. I didn't have a chance to make friends, either, because I never talked. Even when I was called on in class, I said as little as possible because I was too embarrassed of my voice.

You can only imagine how bad middle school and the first two and a half years of high school sucked for me. Occasionally, I would hang out with the few friends I had, but for the most part my weekends consisted of me eating Dorritos and playing Everquest in my parents' basement. I remember specifically the night of my winter formal dance my sophomore year. It was a turnabout dance, where the girls asked the guys to be their dates. No girls even really knew I existed, so I spent the evening going on a raid with my guild in Everquest. Looking back, that is one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.

Anyway, to make a long story short, I finally grew about halfway through my junior year. I got to be like 5'10" by the time I was a freshman in college. A lot of girls started to take notice of me, and I gradually learned how to be a social person. College ended up being a blast for me. I went out usually four or five nights a week and had groups of friends from every social circle on campus. I hooked up with probably 15-20 different girls - most of which were fvck buddies or plates that I spun. I went to a school of 38,000 people, but I was what you'd probably call a BMOC (Big Man on Campus). I'm not giving myself that distinction or bragging, I was just told that by a lot of my friends and girls I dated.

Continued in next post:

The Essential Art of Small Talk

So how did I go from the bottom of the barrel to the top? Honestly, the thing that helped me most was maturing and growing up. I know that won't help everyone, but if you're reading this and you're a late bloomer who is still in high school, know that you're just in a stage that will end a lot sooner than you think. And when you do finally mature, you'll feel like you're on top of the world because girls will eat you alive (they love baby faces).

But for those guys who are extremely shy and possibly suffering from social anxiety, you have to first get it out of your head that it is OK for you to be the person that you are. It is in fact not OK for you to be the person that you are, and you need to change. We live in a bullsh!t politically correct society that tells everyone they are OK the way they are, but if you are so introverted and shy that you don't talk and are incapable of handling yourself in a social setting, you have to change the person you are. It is acceptable to have an introverted side to your personality, but it is not acceptable to be completely introverted. The same can be said for people who are extroverted. It's good to be outgoing and extroverted but not to the point that you are incapable of being alone and outside of the presence of other people.

Once you've internalized that mindset, you can begin by making goals for yourself to fulfill each day in a social setting. Each night, you will set a goal for yourself to complete the next day, and with each goal you will take yourself out of your comfort zone more and more every day. Start with something small and work your way up. For example, your first goal can be walking into a convenience store, buying something to drink, and talking to the cashier. Force yourself to exchange pleasantries with the person behind the register just by saying something like "Have you guys been busy tonight?" or "Are you guys always this busy on Tuesday's?" I'm sure you get the point. If you can force yourself to do that, I guarantee you you're going to walk out of the store feeling extremely good about yourself because you accomplished a goal that took you out of your comfort zone.

Once you feel comfortable doing this, transition into forcing yourself to talk to the guy who sits by you in class or at work. If you're in class and about to take a big test, look at the dude (or even the girl if you feel ballsy) sitting next to you and say "Man, did you study?" Most people usually say they aren't prepared at all. It's just human nature I think. You should say the same even if you did study hard. From that point on, ask for clarification about something from the study material from the guy or the girl you're talking to. Say: "Do you remember, who was it who was the great French general who went on to be the King of Italy?" The person next to you should say Napoleon, unless they don't know their history very well. If you're too old to be in class, say something to the guy who sits next to you at work like "Man, I am not ready to be here today." He will agree with you. You then say, "How late are you here till today?"

Even if they don't answer to your liking, it doesn't matter because you are learning how to small talk. With each goal you accomplish, you are becoming a better small talker, and that is one of the keys to building a good social network and making complete strangers into friends. Anyone can learn to small talk. I used to never talk to anyone, and now I am one of the best smaller talkers I know.

A quick note: a good way to develop a rapport with one of your fellow males is to point a hot girl in your class or place of work. All red-blooded guys loving talking about hot girls. It's a good way to bond too.

Making Acquaintances Into Friends

These people who you small talk with in your work or classroom setting, small talk enough with them almost daily or exchange pleasantries when you see them, and eventually you'll develop a rapport to where your asking about each others' family, where your from originally, what sports you played in high school, etc. These questions seem menial, but they go a long way in getting to know someone. You'll find you have stuff in common as well, like "Oh, you're from Florida? My family is originally from there." Eventually, you'll know a lot about them and you'll feel like your friends with them. Then, on a Friday or Thursday after work or class, ask the guy (or girl even) what he or she is doing that weekend or that night. Say that you and some friends are probably heading out and ask them for their cell phone number. Though, if you small talk enough and do a good enough job of building rapport with your classmates or coworkers, there is a good chance they will ask you if you're up for getting a drink after work. This is especially true for coworkers.

Another great tip is to join a gym. You can get in shape, which is something you need to be doing anyway, but you can also get to know the guys who work out there. I'm friends with probably 80 percent of the guys who workout at my gym, and I've only been a member there for five months. Just ask one of the guys who you often see there for a spot. He'll give you one, unless he is a complete meat****. Get up from doing your set and engage in small talk with him. Say "Man, is it busy here tonight. I gotta start coming at midnight or something." You'll likely keep seeing this dude over and over again when you go to workout. Say Hello to him when you recognize him and engage in small talk with the dude. Once you get to know him a little bit, see what he and his friends are doing on the weekend.

Conclusion

Becoming a social person isn't nearly as hard as it seems at first. Really, the hardest part is leaving your parents' basement. And the benefits from gaining an extroverted side are unimaginable. This is going to sound ridiculous, but I think learning how develop friendly relationships with guys is a greater precursor to learning how to pick up women. It will teach you how to build rapport with strangers, which is essential for picking up women, and it will also help you develop a bigger social circle, which will get you introduced to many eligible females.

As you become more social, you're also going to notice that you are an extremely perceptive person. Eventually, you'll start to be able to know things about people before you ever even talk to them. From not talking and observing people for so long, you likely developed a good instinct or perception for reading people. I know my instincts for those kind of things are amazing. I can literally have a five-second conversation with an employee at a grocery store and I can tell if they like their job, if they're genuinely happy or if they're just being nice because their manager is around. Sometimes I can just walk by a complete stranger in a store, and I can tell the kind of person they are by how they're pushing their cart or how they're carrying themselves. I'll see a group of people I don't know talking with one another, and sometimes I can tell a lot about each person's past just by how they talk and interact. I can even occasionally walk into a bar and pick out the girls who are attracted to me or my friends just based upon how they are standing or positioning themselves.

All that sounds ridiculous, but it really is true. I feel like I have superpowers sometimes :crackup:

Anyway, I hope this helps some of you guys out.

Good stuff man. I skimmed over it at first and decided to go back for a reread.

I second that. Your advice is so true. I started being more social and friendly to everyone this year (I'm a senior in high school) and it's paid huge dividends. Although the people I hang out with on the weekends is basically the same, I have a much larger social circle.

good advice, the art of small talk is essential, so undervalued, ive made tons of friends using small talk like that

plus you don't want to overwhelm someone when you first meet them, keep it simple and make sure you stay on topic not talk about un-necessary bullsh1t, its also a great way to overcome your approach anxiety, this post is a must read for all under confident guys and people who have approach anxiety

Good job on your own transformation, very nice you came out of your *hole* so to speak.

what a great in depth read that was.
i love it when the threads are meat and potatoes.
thank you for getting inspired enough to post it, because it sure will help alot of people.

This does sound like me,to an extent. I desperatley want to change. Yet I can't,it's all mental,I know. Basically yeah,my job is sort of my social life,and has been for some time now. I am somewhat experienced in dating. I want to change,yet the action is not there. I am somewhat the guy who lives at home still.Im 22,and these problems have plauged me since I was 16. I am greatly concerned. College didn't really happen for me the way it did everone else,and I think that has caused me to be behind in many ways. This bothers me greatly. It is little social things,like noticing when a girl likes you/is attracted to you etc. I haven't even put in the effort i should have,im so shocked,and i keep doing it,why,i don't know.

It sounds like me too.to an extent-especially the first paragraph.Ive always been kinda introverted,I moved around alot cause my dad was in military so I went to like 6 diferent middle schools.You would think it would have the opposite effect, always meeting new ppl, but to me I hated being the new kid in class. I only talked to a few friends that I would meet. I kinda got over it in high school when I figured out what drugs and alcohol and pu**y was. But then I met a crazy chick, thought I was in love, blah blah, left her ,
found another LTR this one for 8 years. And now were done.In fact shes kicking me out next week. And Im back to square 1. This LTR completly screwed me up. My old wingmen friends are married now, no friends to go to bars with. And ive lost my social skills altogether. Im glad I found this place, you guys are great inspiration- thank you for taking time to make posts like these just to help ppl out.

So true.

At times, it will seem that talking to a stranger is one of the hardest things one can do. But when we do it, it's just so easy and simple; not mentioning that most people are quite friendly.

Very motivational stuff. I'm kind of in a bad spot right now and know it'll get better, but it truly is the toughest thing in life to change your entire lifestyle to one that's enjoyable. I am essentially a WBAFC 6 out of 7 days of the week, except somehow I managed to attract a very solid gf. But now it's been a year since I met her and the ego-boost of having a gf has mostly worn off and I'm back in the same place I was before...no close friends and no knowledge of how to have fun with people. Luckily I have aquired the ability to make small talk over the last couple of years, so I can generally get along with people to the point where they're "friends", but when it comes to properly hanging out with them, I'm clueless. If I do anything fun it's almost always the other person's idea and I just follow along, feeling out of my element the whole time. There doesn't seem to be a magic bullet for this aside from getting into the proper mindset and trudging onward, hopefully at a pace that will have me even with everyone else in a few years.

What would REALLY help me would be how-to guides for various elements of "hanging out". I'm at a loss for words to better describe this so let me give some examples.

• Proper behavior at a bar. Do you walk in and look for an empty table? Does it mean anything to sit at a booth vs a table? Is one person supposed to order everyone's drinks? If not, does everyone order at the same time? Beer vs shots.
• Making plans for the weekend. When do you do this? Should I wait till the day of to call someone up, or do it on wednesday? Should the plans be set in stone or is it ok to fall through on them 3 out of 4 times?
• Movies and TV. How do I go about figuring out what's acceptable and what's not. Sometimes I'll see previews for something I think would be great and I'll ask if anyone wants to see/watch it with me and I'll just get a response like "are you kidding, that's SO bad." Even the award winning movies. I could really use advice on becoming familiar with entertainement.

Again, thanks for the good post.

Sorry forgot to respond to this.

steve12b said:

What would REALLY help me would be how-to guides for various elements of "hanging out". I'm at a loss for words to better describe this so let me give some examples.

• Proper behavior at a bar. Do you walk in and look for an empty table? Does it mean anything to sit at a booth vs a table? Is one person supposed to order everyone's drinks? If not, does everyone order at the same time? Beer vs shots.

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• 
  
  I think you might be overthinking this a little. It doesn't really make a difference where you sit down at, unless you're looking to pickup girls or something like that. If that's the case, I think I'd have to refer you to countless other posts on this site.
  
  As far as ordering protocol goes, if someone orders a round of shots for the group, it's probably polite for you to do the same or get a drink for that person later on in the night. But normally, just order a drink for yourself and only buy a round if you feel like buying a round. You also shouldn't expect the people your with to get you a drink back or a buy shots for the group. It's only polite for them to do so and not really required or anything.
  
  If you or some friends slip and forget to get a round, it's not really all that big of a deal. It happens.
  
  

  [*]Making plans for the weekend. When do you do this? Should I wait till the day of to call someone up, or do it on wednesday? Should the plans be set in stone or is it ok to fall through on them 3 out of 4 times?

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  I guess this depends upon when you see a person.
  
  Say you have a class with someone on Mondays and Wednesdays. Obviously, you're gonna have to ask this person what they're doing on the weekend on a Wednesday.
  
  Though, in other circumstances, I would just wait until Thursday evening or Friday. But again, this isn't really all that big of a deal and I get the sense you might be overthinking.
  
  

  [*]Movies and TV. How do I go about figuring out what's acceptable and what's not. Sometimes I'll see previews for something I think would be great and I'll ask if anyone wants to see/watch it with me and I'll just get a response like "are you kidding, that's SO bad." Even the award winning movies. I could really use advice on becoming familiar with entertainement.

  Click to expand...

I have no idea about this. My advice to you is that you're into what you're into, and if someone doesn't like that then screw them. I always get made fun of for my tastes in movies/television shows. I have a huge problem with watching reality television shows, and all of my friends bust on me for it.

But a good rule of thumb for you might be, if you're going out to eat with one of your guy friends, it's probably best that there is a sporting event on or something. Otherwise, that is kind of weird (gay) for two dudes to go to a sit down restaurant and have a meal together. If you're going to a movie with guys friends, the flick probably needs to be in the action or comedy genres. If it stars Matthew Broderick, chances are you need to bring a girl with you to it.