State of Suspension

This is another interesting topic that hasn't really been discussed.....how a lot of women "take themselves out of the game" when they are very interested in someone else, even if the object of their affection isn't interested in THEM.

These women will DATE you, they might even fool around with you, but they are nearly incapable of any amount of interest level due to being in a "state of suspension" over their attraction to someone else.

As men, we tend to WAAAAY underestimate the power this holds over some women.

I can personally think of several cases of women I know who pine for one guy while killing time letting others entertain them, only throwing out enough scraps to keep the other guys around for attention and validation.

I'm sure all of us have been "that one guy" at some point in time, and I'm sure we have all been the victim of one of these women who are in a state of suspension who are only using us in the meantime.

So the question is, is there ANY WAY to spot these women to avoid unnecessary headaches? Of course the cardinal rule is "actions trump words", but are there any clues you can watch for? I encountered this recently myself and i can't think of anything this chick did that would have clued me in (aside from flaky behavior). It wasn't until her friend told me the real deal that I understood what was going on.

I suppose it all comes down to gaging interest level and using that knowledge to proceed accordingly, but I'm wondering if anyone had noticed anything specific to a woman who is hung up on another guy.

STR8UP said:

So the question is, is there ANY WAY to spot these women to avoid unnecessary headaches? Of course the cardinal rule is "actions trump words", but are there any clues you can watch for?

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You can always watch for small clues.

The big one is the cellphone. If you are the guy that is on the way out ( about to be dumped) while she currently checks out another bargain, she probably won't pick up the phone. Women love to talk on the cell even when they are around company but they know VERY WELL that it won't be a good idea to talk at this moment. If she stopped picking up your calls where she normally would, its a big clue.

You can look at many different clues but that would just drive you crazy. Its best just to spin plates and drop her in favour for another if you feel that she is not doing all she can to make you happy. This way everyone's go on their marry ways and nobody really gets hurt.

good post. i agree completely that this is a very common phenomena.

no matter what a man might do he can't raise her IL because really she's pining for someone else.

but, important in this, i believe anyway, is that its not actually 'the guy' that she's pining over. what she has done is taken all her romantic fantasies and attached them to some guy. really what she is smitten / oneitised by is her fantasy more than him.

i've had this happen to me where a woman im not interested in puts me up on some insane pedastal. and the only thing i can think is 'wtf?!' - im a good guy, but im also modest enough to know that i have my short comings.

i think the best signs to watch out for with regards to identifying a woman who potentially might be in this state over another guy, is

1) whether she seems disinterested in what you are saying at times
2) criticizes you
3) (this is the most important one) starts talking about why men behave the way they do. for example 'my friend likes this guy and he doesn't even acknowledge her. why do men do that?'

as shocking as it might seem, women will actually ask you (her date) questions in hopes of gaining insight into why another man isn't interested in her.

A "state of suspension" is really just a symptom that knowledgeable men in this particular community take notice of in order to positively diagnose a woman with a fresh case of ONEitis-----for another man.

I've actually been on the recieving end of this and I didn't realize it until I started putting all the pieces together.

Before I met this girl, two of my close friends liked her and the one that was single tried to hook up with her. He took her out to dinner etc.

I met her shortly after and the first thing she did was compliment my shoes (not that it mattered to me at that point). Later, one friend told me how even a week later she was still talking about my shoes (dead give away). The friend that was courting her said he tried to escalate things with her and everything came to a halt (unexpectedly). He said he left her a message saying he wanted to get to know her better (which I know wasn't a good idea) and she simply said it was "sweet", that's it.

When she was asked about some other guy she was probably seeing her answer was very short ("he's ok"), like she didn't want to acknowledge another guy when I was present.

If you are the "other" guy on the side you'll definitely get the feeling like you aren't a priority, because basically, you aren't. The only tell tale sign that's consistent is "flaky" behavior. You will get used as an in between, a place holder for the time being. If she feels like there's a chance she can get with her oneitis she probably won't contact you for a while.

This is why I only go after HIGH IL women.

You reach a certain point in life, when you don't CHASE. They either open the door or I close it. There will be some women I may overlook because of this no nonsense approach. I frankly don't care. At the end of the day, I have an army of plates that will jump through hoops for me.

Here is my no nonsense approach.

1) Only 1 phone call until it's returned
2) Only 1 offer to go out
3) One excuse is her last

I dont have time to ANALYZE philosophies of WHY?

If you were a CELEBRITY, a woman would return your calls, take your first offer and never make excuses.

Treat me with HIGH IL or you are out the door.

Great stuff Guru. Simplicity is best.

Victory Unlimited said:

A "state of suspension" is really just a symptom that knowledgeable men in this particular community take notice of in order to positively diagnose a woman with a fresh case of ONEitis-----for another man.

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OOOOOohhh. . .

That's a fvcking bullseye and needs no further explanation.

guru1000 said:

This is why I only go after HIGH IL women.

You reach a certain point in life, when you don't CHASE. They either open the door or I close it. There will be some women I may overlook because of this no nonsense approach. I frankly don't care. At the end of the day, I have an army of plates that will jump through hoops for me.

Here is my no nonsense approach.

1) Only 1 phone call until it's returned
2) Only 1 offer to go out
3) One excuse is her last

I dont have time to ANALYZE philosophies of WHY?

If you were a CELEBRITY, a woman would return your calls, take your first offer and never make excuses.

Treat me with HIGH IL or you are out the door.

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Excellent too. I agree that holding your time as the most precious thing in your life will drastically cut down on the bullsh!t factor.

Good post, STR8UP. FINALLY.

Good Fresh idea and discussion! Right on time for what I've recently witnessed. I'm going with Guru's Rules. Thanks guy!
Plate 2 began the EXACT behavior that you posted above. Flakish on date 3, only returns calls never initiates, and totally blew it last week. When I asked her if she was free to go to a outdoor event/ art exhibit initially I saw interest, then she said that she needed to get some things done and wasn't available. Then she TEXTS me that evening while OUT WITH THE GIRLS... Interesting either she was going for my throat in a "I'm not that interested in you KC and here's how I'll show it", or she was too dumb to realize that I would next her for poor behavior. IE too busy and then all of the sudden has time to go out with the girlfriends. Either way....FLUSH. In my past life I would have been stupid enough to chase after it. Essentially REWARDING lousy behavior. Now I know better.
Gut tells me she is doing EXACTLY what is posted above, and that I was one of her many playtoy guy friends, that she is pining for the BBD.
Great POST!
KC

I see this as the power of value. Her one-itis has value because of ???? The question that usually rolls through my head is "how can I be more valuable than Mr. X?"

I believe that women ALWAYS have at least one man in their life that hold value, whether it be an ex-bf, a crush, a celebrity, or their current bf. But if you can display more value than that other guy, then you're in. That's why I recommend guys to be their BEST selves. In other words, amplify the attractive parts of their personality, such as their sense of humor, their confidence, and kino. And if you have a talent, then show it off.

isnt it amazing how women, know matter how different, seem to carry on the same way in particular situations?

i currently have a female friend who cannot begin another relationsihp becaouse she cant move on from an old one over 2 years ago. she sabotages herself!

i think that trying to notice signs that this is that type of women is pointless though. if we keep ourselves our main priority with no regards to her words but actions, we would seldom fall into this problem

Law 10: Infection: Avoid the Unhappy and Unlucky
You can die from someone else's misery— emotional states are as infectious as diseases. You may feel you are helping the drowning man but you are only precipitating your own disaster. The unfortunate sometimes draw misfortune on themselves; they will also draw it on you. Associate with the happy and fortunate instead.

Good post, Guru.

At my age, I will pursue a woman, to a degree; but there is a line. That line has become more defined for me over time.

I have never been a supporter of the "value projection" method; i think it sidesteps what will yield the best results in the long run. For me, it is IL, IL, IL. I will self-improve to the gills, but I will not waste time trying to raise my value for a particular woman. Life is too short and there are too many.

I think we all are best served by mastering DJ fundamentals.

If they really 'took themselves out of the game' as they should, they wouldn't be wasting the guy's time and money by going out on dates when they know they aren't really available.

I agree w/ a point that Desdinova made. Good-looking and young? Then she is probably not truly single. In her life there's likely an ex-boyfriend whom she still calls, a close male friend whom she has thought of getting with (if she hasn't already), another male friend (or two) who has a crush on her, ect. These guys will hear about you (both good AND bad) before you hear about them.

Desdinova said:

I see this as the power of value. Her one-itis has value because of ???? The question that usually rolls through my head is "how can I be more valuable than Mr. X?"

I believe that women ALWAYS have at least one man in their life that hold value, whether it be an ex-bf, a crush, a celebrity, or their current bf. But if you can display more value than that other guy, then you're in. That's why I recommend guys to be their BEST selves. In other words, amplify the attractive parts of their personality, such as their sense of humor, their confidence, and kino. And if you have a talent, then show it off.

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The thing is, you don't always know what you are up against.

I suppose that is why it is so important to make sure she's INTO you, or at least that there is a progression.

And I think you are right about women always having SOMEONE they assign value to. Even if they aren't holding onto another branch when you meet them, chances are they are WISHING they were holding onto a certain branch.

There will always be one guy that turns a women out like no one else has.

The key to becoming that dude (and not the poor schmuck who ends up playing stunt c0ck) is to hit all of her emotional switches, without giving her all your energy.

It's a fine balance to achieve, satiating a women, yet at the same time leaving her wanting more.. that kind of desire grows into a flame that no one else can easily put out. She associates you with fulfillment that must be attained and this ties intimately with her sense of self-worth.

On another level, both genders serve as catalysts to each others realization and flourishment. When you are the first guy that makes her truly feel like a woman, its a psychological and spiritual imprint that she will carry forever. Every single guy she meets will be measured by the man that you are.

The real question here is, do you consider yourself a man and what does that mean to you?

Biologically speaking, I've been an adult since 18. But to be totally honest I never really thought of myself as such. I dunno how many of you can relate, but looking in the mirror I always saw a guy, dude, fella, etc.. but it wasnt until pretty recently that I really felt like a man

Having said that, one cannot rule out the fact that some women are very shallow and stupid and will place this ideal on someone totally not worthy of the title..just based off the fantasy in their head.

Legitimate or not, our ultimate goal as seducers is to surpass all those fantasies and make her long for things she didn't even know she wanted.

At the end of the day, when you help a woman to understand herself and tune into her own needs better than anyone else, you become the suspender as opposed to the subsititute.

##17 said:

If they really 'took themselves out of the game' as they should, they wouldn't be wasting the guy's time and money by going out on dates when they know they aren't really available.

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This is just another one of those self awareness deficiencies experienced by most women.

They truly have NO CLUE that they are "off the market". They go through the motions with dating because they think that's what they "should" be doing, but even if a decent prospect comes along they will sabotage the relationship without any conscious thought. They rule other guys out based upon the ideal they have set for themselves with the MAIN guy.

##17 said:

Good-looking and young? Then she is probably not truly single. In her life there's likely an ex-boyfriend whom she still calls, a close male friend whom she has thought of getting with (if she hasn't already), another male friend (or two) who has a crush on her, ect. These guys will hear about you (both good AND bad) before you hear about them.

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well damn. why u hatin this should describe YOU too.