internet dating

anyone else find it frustrating?. I put up a nice profile of myself up (without picture) and got a reply from a girl who looked quite nice. I sent her a mail and we exchanged mails, and she asked for a picture. I sent her one, which I thought was okay, but got no reply. I thought it was pretty rude to ignore me after I sent her the mail and felt a bit deflated and just wrote her off. Any way two months later she sent me another mail with a wink. I wrote her a mail back saying long time no speak and hoped she was well and she hasn't bothered to reply now in about a month. What a waste of time, why send me a mail and not bother replying.

If someone is not interested why not send a polite mail after receiving a picture and move on. I would never just ignore someone- very rude. What do you think?. By the way the dating service is for professional people not school kids.

It's very frustrating if you look at it with personal expectations without understanding the medium.

?? please explain?

online dating is absurd. women go into it with utterly unrealistic expectations. look at their profiles and what they are looking for - maybe 1% of the men in society meet their criteria.

99% of the women are chasing after their 'fantasy' man. when the reality is those guys who have all those traits (the 1% if you will) aren't dating online - they have plenty of options in real life.

online dating is primarily a fantasy forum. its the last refuge for women who refuse to align their expectations with reality.

I wondered if she had been burned and was messing with people. In her profile she says she has just come out of a relationship and wasn't sure what to do.

Jeremymichael said:

I wondered if she had been burned and was messing with people. In her profile she says she has just come out of a relationship and wasn't sure what to do.

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:nono: Beware of becoming "The Rebound Guy!"



Wow, I haven't said that in a while....

Jeremymichael said:

?? please explain?

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1. Women on dating sites (especially if they have pictures posted) get bombarded with contacts from men. It's not uncommon for them to get 10 LONG emails a day.
2. Many try responding to each but it takes forever. They have a huge problem with guys that they send a polite "no thanks" to because (like you) guys get frustrated and may send an email back to her asking for an explanation.
3. If the women choose to give an explanation (which is the worse thing to do) most guys will become offended and send her flame mail. It makes her even more apprehensive to replying to anyone she may not be interested in.
4. Online you are competing with tons upon tons of other guys and not many guys know how to use this to their advantage and become even more frustrated.
5. First written impressions count. Photos alone won't cut it.
6. You have to know how to market yourself, identify your market and close a sale. Most guys need a visual means to be able to feel that they are on the right track, being online doesn't give you this.
7. Needing these visual clues from women makes setting up a meeting as soon as possible an imperative to success. Unfortunately most guys do not know how to do this without having the clues in the first place. More frustration.

These are just a few things off the top of my head which most guys having a problem online experience. Their expectations (and possibly their ability) are barriers to their success. If a guy can work past these things it will begin to show as improvements to their offline game.

Internet dating is a Buffer.

well I agree with most posts, still why send a wink and then ignore the reply. As I say this not a teenage website, the girl is 35. I guess I'll just try some of the others

Internet dating is a Buffer.

From that post:

90% of the dillemas AFCs and rAFCs find themselves in, and a majority of men's concerns, with the opposite sex find their roots in the methods and means they use to reduce their exposure to female rejection. These are buffers meant to reduce the potential for this rejection of intimacy.


That's the first time I read the buffer post, but it makes sense. The first thought that occurs to me is the difference with successful people and failure or rejection. I've known door-to-door salespeople who are at the top of their field, making great money, and they always seem like they can't wait to get to the next prospect, even if it is to face another brutal rejection. Then they repeat that process a few times until they find a receptive prospect and make a sale - all of this usually occurs while the typical salesman is still moping and complaining over that first rejection. Failure is part of success. They go hand in hand. Babe Ruth was the strikeout king, Bret Farve holds interception records, and Michael Jordan missed over twenty last-second shots that would have won the game - but we don't think of these guys as being losers. People remember the success, not the failure. If you get insulted by ten women in one night, but then the 11th turns out to be a wild hb10 that you take home - what are you going to remember about that night?

Failure is part of success, but even if you see mostly failure, it is still your success that defines you.

The number of great women online is RARE. They are there, because they don't do the bar scene and their social circle or work hasn't or doesn't yield anyone, so they try going online. I dated an ex-beauty queen a couple of years ago that I met via online dating.

It's frustrating to you because you're not getting the results you'd like.

Don't expect people to send you a nice "no thanks" if they're not interested. Women send "no thanks" replies and then often get flamed back because the men are angry, bitter and frustrated and jerks that can't take rejection.

It's a numbers game, just like in real life. You're not going to get interest from most that you contact. The thing is, the whole physical attraction element which is primary is lacking, and you can't always tell from the photos, because I've met some, as I mentioned, who looked nice enough in their photos but were knockouts in person, and others that looked way cute in their photos but weren't in person.

So, when a woman "rejects" you online, it can't really count until you've met each other face to face. It's like when I met the beauty queen, and her first words to me were, "You really ARE cute!". See? They have to SEE you in real life before they can truly REJECT you.

And that's why you want to meet them as soon as possible.

You also have to realize that your first contact email may not exactly be the stuff that piques her interest. Most guys turn off women with what they write. What I wrote the beauty queen was simply something like, "I can tell from your photos that you're goofy."

Then when a woman gets an email that gets her interest, with a picture of a guy that looks good to her, that's when she usually checks out the profile, and if your profile doesn't interest her a bit further, and most again botch it up at that point, that's where she decides whether to write you back or not. Or maybe she sees that you're too far away, or not tall enough, or whatever. Don't send an email and hope, hope, hope she responds. Keep moving. It's a numbers game.

This one probably either forgot you had contacted her, but that I doubt, or now she's digging into her inbox because there hasn't been any emails from guys she'd rather hear from. That's my guess. So she winks, which is the online equivalent of a woman making eye contact with you in real life. It could mean you're just entertainment for now.

But that email you wrote back to her wasn't very endearing. You're supposed to flirt in return if you want to make some progress, not express your bitterness to women.

That whole "I would never be so rude" vent is your way of feeling better about yourself. But the problem is, the rest of the world is going to continue they way it has, so unless you learn how to not let it irritate you, you're in for a life time of getting irritated.

I think you are right might mail was boring, but after not hearing after two months I hardly felt engaged. This is what I put

Hello again!, hope you are well!. Have you done your christmas shopping yet?. I'm going to make the effort this weekend and brave the crowds.

I'll be planning a trip up to yorkshire, to see my family and having a good drink.

Hope you are well, take care,

Jez

she probably yawned!! :-/, actually I think i'm putting myself to sleep :0)

Why are you guys spending so much time exchanging emails? Plus reading some of the things you guys are saying, they're neither neg-hits nor c/f; you're just insulting them. Don't expect many replies other than ones telling you where to get off. Otherwise, you guys aren't giving them much more than 15 second chit-chat like you'd have in an elevator with someone you'll probably not see ever again.

I find internet dating is just like the real thing. First rule is you need a picture. Second you have to be ****y & funny in both your profile and in your email. The reason why most men fail is because they are very boring in their initial email.

Thirdly its very important to get them offline ASAP if you want any chance of success.

The exact same premises are used online as in the real world. Your going to find flakes online just like you do in real life. Attraction is attraction, you need to attract the women not be the boring guy that goes up to the girl and asks her to dance, you got to get her attention first so that your the prize.

If you chat with a woman off the internet, you need to get her to send you a VIDEO of herself and then you need to talk on the phone before you even consider meeting her. More often than not you'll see pics and think she's relatively attractive (your mind often fills in the blanks optimistically), but when you meet her you'll realize what she was doing on the internet dating scene LOL and you'll be left with an awkward situation.

I know what you are saying, but why is the man has to run through hoops, be Mr personality to get the girl. You feel that at any date you would have to be a circus clown to get a second date or Mr Einstein. Its all very hard work, and they just sit there looking pretty. You do feel the odds are stacked against us these days. Maybe I'll have another go and send her another email, but construct a work of art!.

By the way its damm cold here in the UK, and I'm drowing my sorrows in a can of beer

^ I put a profile on an internet dating site (a free one, don't use the pay ones - it's not in their interest for you to find a date at all), and I just wrote a bunch of cool and crazy stuff about how awesome I am. I put some pics on there too and I'm not hard on the eyes. I get TONS of responses. If I was a cruel man I'd post some of them on here. Most of them are monsters. I've met a few chicks on there who look attractive on their profile etc, I talk to some on the phone, but I don't think I'd ever meet up with any of them unless I wanted to LJBF them, since I am very concerned they all want some kind of LTR, which is utterly against my philosophy and I wouldn't want a situation.

Oh, and I have them jumping through hoops whenever I want (which isn't often - that sh!t might get you bitten)

Bottom line,though, use plentyoffish.com - nothing else, SMILEin your pic, post pics of you doing sports and being social, and describe yourself as totally awesome and bada5s. You'll get some bites. What to do with them? Just shim your ego mate.

"Maybe I'll have another go and send her another email"

Don't be a chump. One email per customer, if she's interested, let her reply. You can't reach back and fix mistakes once they're made.

the_absolute said:

If you chat with a woman off the internet, you need to get her to send you a VIDEO of herself and then you need to talk on the phone before you even consider meeting her. More often than not you'll see pics and think she's relatively attractive (your mind often fills in the blanks optimistically), but when you meet her you'll realize what she was doing on the internet dating scene LOL and you'll be left with an awkward situation.

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Way too much work going through the fluff of a ton of emails, phone calls and especially expecting them to record a video or set up a webcam (talk about buffers). I can see why guys get frustrated, you're taking days upon days focusing on one particular woman and then if it doesn't work out all of the "Internet dating sucks" posts start popping up.

Why not trade a couple of emails just to get the initial qualifications out of the way and then set up a meeting after work? Why waste time with a lot of extra stuff? Given you need to have a talent of raising a woman's interest through just words, if you can it'll alleviate those awkward first meetings that you talk about. Guys need to understand the importance of having good communication skills beyond just asking what a woman had done over the weekend.

Jeremymichael said:

I know what you are saying, but why is the man has to run through hoops, be Mr personality to get the girl. You feel that at any date you would have to be a circus clown to get a second date or Mr Einstein. Its all very hard work, and they just sit there looking pretty. You do feel the odds are stacked against us these days. Maybe I'll have another go and send her another email, but construct a work of art!.

By the way its damm cold here in the UK, and I'm drowing my sorrows in a can of beer

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You don't need to be anything other than interesting, there's no need to jump through hoops unless that's the only way you can get a woman's attention. The other part of the equasion is the fact that guys will go out with women who are good looking dullards. They settle for looks without substance and then complain that they need to do all of the work during the date. Stop going out with boring women!

Guess what, women have the same complaints! There are guys who use the excuse of being mysterious to hide that they are dullards too. Look at the countless posts asking about what to say to a woman when she asks "what do you do for fun?" Guys are actually making things up! Madness... :crazy: