Ambigious letter - proper response?

Leporello · Oct 22, 2007

Contacted a girl on a college dating site a few weeks ago. She responded immediately and we've been trading e-mails daily since then. We're into alot of the same things, she has ideas for restaurants we could go to and the possibility of us 'clicking'.

Then today, after the usual banter she writes:

"OK, sorry to bring this up, but what exactly were you looking for? dating
or friends too..?"

She's never mentioned having a boyfriend or not being into guys (and she WAS on a dating site 'seeking a man') but you never know.

Advice?

onthepath · Oct 22, 2007

Leporello said:
but what exactly were you looking for? dating
or friends too..?"

if you've been trading emails for weeks now and yuo're interested in her step it up and meet her in person

Leporello · Oct 22, 2007

onthepath said:
if you've been trading emails for weeks now and yuo're interested in her step it up and meet her in person

That was my intention this weekend. In my last e-mail to her I mentioned a place I wanted to go with her and got this response.

onthepath · Oct 22, 2007

then perhaps try any response that makes your intentions clear without sounding too boring or lame

meet me at here at x and find out for yourself

and wear something nice

Leporello · Oct 23, 2007

It annoys me that she asked that question without giving a hint of her own feelings.

UNLESS she just wants to be sure this is a date and not just a hangout, though given my luck i doubt it.

aliasguy · Oct 23, 2007

This chick wrote you THIS????:

"OK, sorry to bring this up, but what exactly were you looking for? dating
or friends too..?"

It's not clear, and we don't even know what she really means, do we?

CALL her back ... ask her what the hell she's TALKING about ... do it smooothly and nicely. And DON'T answer her question!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are clearly in the driver's seat, here, and if you do it RIGHT, you'll win big.

Leporello · Oct 23, 2007

OK, I was thinking something along the lines of:

"I want to meet new people, and you seem pretty cool. How about you?"

onthepath · Oct 23, 2007

Leporello said:
OK, I was thinking something along the lines of:

"I want to meet new people, and you seem pretty cool. How about you?"

truth be told, i dont think you could stuff it up too badly with whatever you say

if youve been conversing for several weeks daily then its unlikely that she'll want to stop all contact

i think you should just go with it

smooth guy · Oct 23, 2007

"why are you interested?"

typical · Oct 23, 2007

smooth guy said:
"why are you interested?"

Yea but say it over the phone if you must and go from there

Leporello · Oct 23, 2007

Damnation.

I wrote "As for what am I looking for, I'm looking to
meet new people, and you seem really cool. What about you?"

She responded "I just assumed you'd be looking for a date, and I didn't make it clear in the beginning that I'm just looking for friendship. but anywho, you seem cool too- I mean, you're a music dork, and people can't get much cooler than music dorks

"

Bah

Edit: Oh yeah, what's the deal with so many chicks on dating sites not looking for a date? This was the first time in years I'd tried to use the net to game girls, but as I recall it was exctly the same back then.

Craig_87 · Oct 23, 2007

you shouldnt have answered tbh......but hey,, its not all bad ....shes teasing you "Music dork".......meet up and im sure youll click.....probably likes you, bu doesnt want to appear slutty

Bible_Belt · Oct 23, 2007

Contacted a girl on a college dating site

"I just assumed you'd be looking for a date, and I didn't make it clear in the beginning that I'm just looking for friendship. but anywho, you seem cool too- I mean, you're a music dork, and people can't get much cooler than music dorks "

That fvcking AW. Why is she on a dating site looking for "friends?" Call her on her bvllsh!t, that's what women want. But do it in a fun joking way.

And a woman who will say she just wants a "friend" will still have sex with you if you play your cards right. She could just mean that she is scared of having some clingy wuss guy bothering her all the time. This is what I hear when women say they want a friend. I just assume that I still get to have sex with her. If, after I have done my best - demonstrate value, make her laugh, kino, isolate, and kiss test, and then she turns her head or pushes me away when I go to kiss her (it happens

), then that means that she only sees you as a friend, because it's an action. Words mean nothing.

Interceptor · Oct 23, 2007

Classic sh*t tests, gentlemen.

There you have it. Right there.

You want her, Leo?

Go get her.
Her words are her screen.
You're a Man of Action.
You take what you want.
Take her.
She wants to be taken by someone.
Why not you?

Don't be put off and think you're defeated.

march on.

Go get'em, Tiger.

ketostix · Oct 23, 2007

Yeah you should've mostly ignored her original question, or replied with something like, " Wouldn't you like to know". Anyway you shouldn't have fell for the bait or went down that discussion thread imo. You should jut meet up with her and escalate and take it from there.

smooth guy · Oct 24, 2007

Well, my ex used to tell me I was her "best friend" but she still gave IOI so I followed my instinct and started to pursue her. She only said that because she thought I didn't feel the same way. So I wouldn't always trust the friends speech.

And.. she hasn't met you. How can she judge so early? You know people are and feel different in real life than behind a monitor.

James Bondage · Oct 24, 2007

"I just assumed you'd be looking for a date, and I didn't make it clear in the beginning that I'm just looking for friendship. but anywho, you seem cool too- I mean, you're a music dork, and people can't get much cooler than music dorks "

This is how I perceive it. Sorry to bring you the harsh, cold reality (or at least how I see it), but that's what this site is meant to be all about, right?

I think she is on there to look for dates, she's just not interested in you and has relegated you to the friend zone. Otherwise, she wouldn't declare to you that she's 'just looking for friendship'.. she is trying to let you down gently IMO.

Best thing to do is look elsewhere for some action.. by all means keep in touch as friends if you want but it'll be an uphill struggle if you want anything more. There's so many more women out there, why waste all your effort on this one?

Leporello · Oct 24, 2007

Actually, I just checked and her profile has been taken down.

Francisco d'Anconia · Oct 24, 2007

Leporello said:
Contacted a girl on a college dating site a few weeks ago. She responded immediately and we've been trading e-mails daily since then. We're into alot of the same things, she has ideas for restaurants we could go to and the possibility of us 'clicking'.

Then today, after the usual banter she writes:

"OK, sorry to bring this up, but what exactly were you looking for? dating
or friends too..?"

She's never mentioned having a boyfriend or not being into guys (and she WAS on a dating site 'seeking a man') but you never know.

Advice?

Until the two of you stop being pen pals and actually get together there is no definitive way to tell if she's interested or not (you need to find out too).

Ambigious letter - proper response?

Leporello

Master Don Juan

onthepath

Don Juan

Leporello

Master Don Juan

onthepath

Don Juan

Leporello

Master Don Juan

aliasguy

Master Don Juan

Leporello

Master Don Juan

onthepath

Don Juan

smooth guy

Senior Don Juan

typical

Master Don Juan

Leporello

Master Don Juan

Craig_87

Don Juan

Bible_Belt

Master Don Juan

Interceptor

Master Don Juan

ketostix

Banned

smooth guy

Senior Don Juan

James Bondage

Don Juan

Leporello

Master Don Juan

Francisco d'Anconia

Master Don Juan