My rare revisits to this site

A little background about me, I've been on this forums since 2002 and joined in 04, half a decade has just flown by. I've lived by the words of the member here, but they were just opinions. I have been influenced to turn into an @sshole these past two years. Don't let it get to you with all the pick-up lines and the "I don't give a freak" attitude because it will harm you severely.

This summer I have changed my outlook. I quit doing week and just quit smoking cigarettes about 2 weeks ago after 7 years. Hard but I just woke up and thought how I can change. I now strive to be the greatest guy.

I think its been a year since my last post and I just have a couple of pointers through experience.

1) Give a **** about everyone you meet even if it is fake. Be enthusiastic and talk a little bit louder when you say, "What's up (name)" Always try to be friendly even though you might not want to. The more friendly you are the more people come to respect you.

I have been ****blocked many times by women and men. Guys will ****block you because they think they deserve the girl more than you. Girl will ****block you because they are just looking out for their friend. I know this site says that girls will do that because they are jealous. I want to contradict that theory by asking you guys, how many girls would want to see their best friend get dumped, cheated on and beaten? If they do, then they are not really their friends, and the girls you are after are not really worth it to date in the first place if they believe they have friends like that.

Be everyone's friend and you will naturally lower the chances of getting ****blocked.

2) Don't settle too much for ONS. Even though she might be an 8+ and you can brag to your friends about her, what's is it worth the next morning? Will she bring you breakfast? Will she make you feel good? Will she ever **** you again? A ONS chick almost always will be a ONS chick.

3) Choose who you hang out with very very very wisely. People will see who you hang out with and will judge you almost immediately. Pot smokers, wankstas, basketball players, party animals, video game players. Don't try to blend in with those. Instead, diversify and hang out with everybody and have them get to know you and use the first tip.

Just try to be friendly with everyone you meet and the DJ bible will naturally fall into place. Be outgoing, be ENERGETIC and be somebody that everyone enjoys being around.

After I changed, I've notice dramatically that people are way more friendly to me. I have never been ****blocked since and am dating a lot more girls than what I would have had being an A-hole. I'm not talking about just getting girls, but to live a happier and much more successful life.

And let it be known, these tips will not let you ever fall in the friend zone if it is supplemented by the DJB

BDJ,

You were so young and stupid :')

Hey BDJ

What have you learned since your last post? Keen to hear about your developments and world views now.

World Views

It gets tougher seeing good intentions of people as you get older. I remember when I was 18 (initial post,) I was the happiest little camper with my first job laying pipes. I always had a genuine smile on my face (I still do, but not as happy and carefree as then.) As the years went by, I saw the world for what it truly was.

Headaches and heartbreaks of relationships
Fake friends that come into your life
Finding a job to pay off student loans
The stress put on with a career (I love what I do btw)
Dealing with ignorant people

Maturity is knowing the world is a f*cked up place, but making it better at the same time. Experience will teach you to take everyone's words with a grain of salt and not wear your heart on your sleeve. We will all go through bad times and people in our lives. There will be bitterness, but with a strong mind, you can bounce back, learn and live.

I always have fun and take nothing seriously, I show care and compassion for people. However, in the back of my mind, I will always be cautious. The only thing I can control is my emotions, attitude and actions. To find happiness in life, you must go through hardship and pain.

Relationships

Being the only son, I idolized my father, who was a Nice Guy. He would go out of his way to help people, he didn't expect anything in return and rarely did. I saw my mother as an untamed beast and always got her way. I could tell he was not happily married to my mother. Without knowing any better, I replicated what my father did with my first LTR. Here is what I learn after those 4 years mainly towards the end:

1) Women will only tell you what you want to hear, even if it means leaving out important details
2) Hypergamy and branch swinging genuinely exist
3) The moment she deletes a text it is over
4) Never know about each others' sexual history
5) The person that cares the least controls the relationship
6) Always be willing to walk away
7) Never live together
8) Do the opposite of what your head is telling you after the breakup

Dating

When I came back out in the dating world, still with the white knight mindset, I wasted a lot of time and money. What I learned:

1) Let her do 80% of the talking and never say more than necessary
2) Don't reply to stupid texts
3) Don't send stupid texts
4) Women who like you make dating easy and fun
5) Practice first date drinks religiously
6) If she puts on lip gloss or briefly pauses when you drop her off, kiss close
7) Action dates are overrated
8) Sex happens naturally, always escalate.
9) If she does not put out after 3-4 dates, sex will be happening on her terms.
10) Sex is never worth jumping through hoops for.

Have an appointment, will update later.

Please contribute to this thread in the meantime!

BeginningDJ said:

World Views
Relationships

Being the only son, I idolized my father, who was a Nice Guy. He would go out of his way to help people, he didn't expect anything in return and rarely did. I saw my mother as an untamed beast and always got her way. I could tell he was not happily married to my mother. Without knowing any better, I replicated what my father did with my first LTR. Here is what I learn after those 4 years mainly towards the end:

1) Women will only tell you what you want to hear, even if it means leaving out important details
2) Hypergamy and branch swinging genuinely exist
3) The moment she deletes a text it is over
4) Never know about each others' sexual history
5) The person that cares the least controls the relationship
6) Always be willing to walk away
7) Never live together
8) Do the opposite of what your head is telling you after the breakup

Dating

When I came back out in the dating world, still with the white knight mindset, I wasted a lot of time and money. What I learned:

1) Let her do 80% of the talking and never say more than necessary
2) Don't reply to stupid texts
3) Don't send stupid texts
4) Women who like you make dating easy and fun
5) Practice first date drinks religiously
6) If she puts on lip gloss or briefly pauses when you drop her off, kiss close
7) Action dates are overrated
8) Sex happens naturally, always escalate.
9) If she does not put out after 3-4 dates, sex will be happening on her terms.
10) Sex is never worth jumping through hoops for.

Have an appointment, will update later.

Please contribute to this thread in the meantime!

Click to expand...

Hey BJD,

Good stuff. It;s nice to see how you've progressed through the years. I also love "list" threads; I think they consolidate a lot of good practical knowledge into an easy to remember format.

Regarding your relationship list:

-Women will tell you what they think you want to hear. BUT---they will also tell you a lot about themselves if you listen carefully. Most red flags of the past make themselves known sooner or later.
-"Dating up" does exist and many women will take the perceived BBD when they become bored.
-Agreed about sexual history. It's better not to know.
-Always be willing to walk away!! This is every woman's greatest fear and greatest attraction--a Man who is so secure in his value that he is never afraid to walk away at any time.
-Avoid cohabitation. That whole "trail marriage" theory is rubbish.
-When you breakup, do the opposite of what you FEEL!!
-If your feelings are lukewarm about her to begin with, they will never change. But even if they are HOT, feelings can come and go. It is helpful from time to time to look at relationships from a business perspective. Is it a complementary partnership that adds to your life??


And regarding your dating list, all great points. I cant disagree with any of them. A few I'll add:

-Adhere to the 50:50 rule. Never do more than 50% of the communicating; ideally less than that. Women talk more, they text more, they think more. Let her reveal her interest in you.
-ABE= Always Be Escalating, but dont feel you need to achieve sex by X number of dates. Sex does happen naturally, and you'll know when she is playing coy and wasting your time.
-Dump any girl who doesnt say "thank you" within a couple of dates.
-Dont ever waste time on a girl you arent really into physically. Your feelings will not change and you are just being cruel by dragging it out. Millions of other pretty girls to chose from.

I agree with BeginningDJ`s post wholeheartedly

Words of wisdom and maturity. Its always good to watch yourself grow over time.

Dating advice is solid. I have to kick myself in the teeth sometimes to remind myself to shut up. I salsa dance, ride bulls, and do all of these other things. It still does me no good to reveal all of this on the first date. Gotta keep the intrigue going. Thanks for a good read.

Yer pal,
Hedo The Speedo Rick

BeginningDJ said:

1) Let her do 80% of the talking and never say more than necessary
2) Don't reply to stupid texts
3) Don't send stupid texts
4) Women who like you make dating easy and fun
5) Practice first date drinks religiously
6) If she puts on lip gloss or briefly pauses when you drop her off, kiss close
7) Action dates are overrated
8) Sex happens naturally, always escalate.
9) If she does not put out after 3-4 dates, sex will be happening on her terms.
10) Sex is never worth jumping through hoops for.

Click to expand...

Very good, BeginningDJ. I think one of the most important things I learned from lurking at SS and from reading the DJ Bible (BDJ, have you read the DJB? Heh) was to talk less on dates, keep the focus on her without making it an interview. Not just sit at a coffee shop and not only do action stuff either. Above all, limit electronic contact greatly. I still have to remind myself of that, since it is so tempting to send a message and get a reply.

Guess I should learn to mix a few drinks, good advice.