Any Coward Can Do This (Part 3): Dress like crap!

Some important points I made last time:

I think people should feel joy during the act of approaching or not do it at all.

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My job, the entire purpose of the any coward can do this series, is to make approaching fun, so that people WANT to approach - not for the benefits later, but for the joy of approaching right now.

Now if I just got on here and told you a really easy and risk-free way of approaching a girl, NOBODY WOULD DO IT, or even listen. No, that is not the route this series must take. The point of this series is to provide simple, painless exercises that help us realize that approaching women is actually fun and easy.

Part 1, I provided an experiment to provide personal evidence that it is not fear that stops us from approaching.

In Part 2, I recommended a "straight pride parade." I recommended the student learn to talk about sex with everybody outside of the workplace - and judiciously within. Talk with your parents, your friends, your family. Tell all. This is a GREAT shortcut to approaching. I can't believe more people haven't thought of it.

You will soon see that approaching women is something that appeals to you.

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Part 3:

The old adage says that we can afford to lose the battle so long as we win the war. In the same way, I can afford to lose any particular girl so long as I continue to become more attractive.

It's not any particular girl that matters but my skill and my core beliefs about myself.

Which is why I've started dressing like crap.

Let me explain.

Ever since I started telling people about this latest eccentricity of mine, people have been really surprised that I am trying to look worse not better. And rightfully so, the notion is unusual.

We live in a world of plastic surgery, of eye-liner and lipstick, and men who live in the gym, always trying to tone their abs or biceps.

The rich buy the trendiest clothes and drive the trendiest cars.

And little old me, I walk up and say that my favorite way, and I think the best way of improving your attractiveness is to dress like crap? Who am I to go against entire industries dedicated to attracting the opposite sex, who say this hat or that pair of jeans is the secret to finding the person of your dreams.

So of course people are surprised. Dressing like crap goes against everything we can conceive, so how can it help?

"A six-pack is like honey for the honeys"

I used to think that I needed to perfect my looks to get women. I promised myself that I would "attract them with my body and keep them with my soul." But deep down, fashion and fitness for me were always motivated by a feeling of inadequacy. I felt like my only hope of being desirable was looking good. That was because I felt like a boring person.

So I went to the gym every day, I got in fabulous physical shape. I was never a hulk with an 8-pack, but I was in the best shape of my life.

But then I met women, and I always wondered... is she into me because of my looks?

Rather than helping me feel better about myself, fitness just gave me more questions.

So *what* if I looked better? I was proud of myself for my discipline, for my good health, don't get me wrong. But I didn't feel like a more attractive person for being in great physical shape. In fact, I was more suspicious than ever when a girl liked me. I felt like, "it must be because of my body."

I don't like that feeling.

I'm going even farther than dressing like crap. I'm not shaving, I'm not going to the gym, I'm not cutting my hair.

A different kind of weight training

I guess you could call what I'm doing personality-training. The goal is to make my personality stronger, which obviously has effects that go beyond improving game. But if it improves my game, that's great too.

Being out of shape, dressing like crap is a great opportunity to exercise the only muscle that really matters: my social skills.

Both looks and personality play into attraction right? If I was an Adonis, I wouldn't need much personality to get women. Women would be interested in my body, they would just want to know I wasn't an axe-murderer, then I'd be in. It wouldn't take much to sell the girl, or at least, it would take a lot less.

If I'm a regular guy, I'm going to need a lot more personality to sell the girl, right? If I'm a guy in a wheelchair, or kinda fat, I'm going to need a whole hell of a lot to get women. Of course, some will say no outright, but that's ok. If I'm a guy in a wheelchair, some very pretty women will say yes, if I have an amazing personality. That's just the way I imagine it, but I think there is some truth to that.

So I guess I am saying that for me, I don't like the idea of looking good to get women. Looking better impedes the development of true social skill. And like I said, I want to attract a woman with my mind, not my body.

So that means instead of trying to attract women because of how I look, I want to get women DESPITE how I look.

Besides, I look around me and I see bulky looking men everywhere. That's because anybody can go to the gym. I don't meet many people with personalities so powerful that they seem to give off a bright light from their head.

I see nothing wrong with working out for itself. I see nothing wrong with dressing up for a girlfriend. Ultimately, I want to be both healthy and have a great personality. I would love to be the whole package, and I don't think we have to choose.

I have chosen in my life to pursue the strengthening of my personality right now. That may be through wearing an eye patch, letting my hair and beard grow.

The point is to rely on and strengthen my personality, my social skills, not my looks. In any case, social skills are the true basis for success.

Izza

Cliff Notes please

This thread makes no sense. Why not merge threads?!

This is the worst tip I have ever read. Homeless dudes should be mPUAs according to your logic.

Ace_McGregor said:

This is the worst tip I have ever read. Homeless dudes should be mPUAs according to your logic.

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That's the worst reply I have ever read. Homeless dudes should be PUAs according to your misunderstanding of my logic.

Looking like a bum is a huge disadvantage with women. Which is why if you look like a bum, you're going to need 1000 times more social skills to bag babes. Most bums I know, for whatever reason, continually give off the creepy vibe, and don't tend to have many social skills. Which is why they're bums.

For those with not many social skills, I recommend starting small. Raggedy jeans, not shaving, unkempt hair (I tried these but women thought it was emo and hot, so I shaved it all off, then they thought it was even hotter (100% admiration rate at work lol). Women, you can't displease them!!)

But I think you have a good idea. I should try dressing up like a bum and see what happens. Sounds like a good way to build the social skills. And if I succeed, you know that'd be awesome. That's a pretty tough challenge though.

I think for now, though, I'll stick with my enormous Boba Fett t-shirt.

well it's definetely a good way to work your personality up.

Sort of like running with a heavy backpack. You train with it for a long time, building your power and speed, until you can run as if you didn't have the extra weight at all. Then when you take it off, you're incredibly fast.

Something like that, anyway, right? I can understand your thinking, but it seems like more of a long term goal. Until you've reached the end, your successes will be hampered. But I suppose once you feel you've completed this 'training', it'll all pay off, what with the awesome personality, and then the re-acquiring of better style. ^_^

I think this is going to fail.

You're building your personality and social skills that work in such a way for your current physical appearance.. let's face it. Your attitude changes along with your body. Old attitude.. new body.. it just won't work. If you somehow lost all the weight at the end and get an 8 pack, you'll have the body of a stud but you're still gonna have that personality of the nerdy overweight kid who has to try a little harder to get people to like him. It's still going to turn girls off.

Have you ever thought about improving your appearance while at the same time improving your body too? That's what most of us are doing..

izza said:

But I think you have a good idea. I should try dressing up like a bum and see what happens. Sounds like a good way to build the social skills. And if I succeed, you know that'd be awesome. That's a pretty tough challenge though.

I think for now, though, I'll stick with my enormous Boba Fett t-shirt.

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Sounds like you are just making things harder on yourself. Think about it: life is short. Why reverse what you have already accomplished? If you understand fashion and can look like a provider, why f*ck your game up just for the challenge? Work within your reality and adjust if you have to, but I don't see the sense in making the obstacles.
It sounds like your are trying to become better in order to become worse. I wouldn't flatten the tire on my truck just for the challenge of fixing it. I'd wax my truck instead. Life is just too f*cking short!

I don't agree with this tip either. A person with a better looking body will always be more sexually attractive than a person who's out of shape (given they have the same personality's). I don't say you shouldn't be working on your social skills. Social skills are MUCH more important, but you would be a fool if you didn't take care of your body and make it look great.
Would you want a woman who had great social skills, but didn't have any sense of style and was out of shape?
Off course not. You're just displaying insecurities:

But then I met women, and I always wondered... is she into me because of my looks?

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Why focus on improving only your personality when you can just as easily focus on both your personality and body.

i like your ideas...

But i'm still going to keep cleaning, grooming and dressing myself nicely.

actually its one of the best threads -ever made. i dont mean dont cut your hair or workout. do it in sense of your attitude. wear less and see what they are really attracted to. sadly most of you will be here when youre 60.

so keep doing what youre doing. you get to the point were if you have been broke you realise how women are and focus more on your personality.. i got too many experience but ill wont share with you guys because your all lazy and arnt worth it. go and discover life for your selfs.

but you must always take care of your self hygenically. shave and wear a good fragrance. but wear simple shirts and see what the deal is. thats all ima say... dont be shallow like some women..youll end up sad.. when its all gone. hb 6s come your way? you fuk em. dont always say you want a ten.

Mr. Non Juan is still the master of the Anti-Tip.

Let's take a look at why I believe this "challenge yourself" approach would help the hapless. I agree with what a lot of you are saying, this is counterintuitive.

The first thing you have to know about me is that I am not a natural. At all. I came to this board like everyone else, heart-broken, sad, and clueless. Everyone on this board believes, as you do, that success with women is a skill. And so it is. From the exterior, social skill is suaveness and eloquence, or humility and humor.

But it has been long observed, and I think you'll agree, that those who try to mimic exterior traits - confidence, happiness, flirtatiousness - fail. Those who imitate the root causes - a positive way of thinking - succeed.

I think I'm bringing a far better way to find the root characteristics of confidence. The reason why we must challenge ourselves is because the most interesting and attractive parts of ourselves feel like a disadvantage. Let's read that again, because this is a really important point.

The most interesting and attractive parts of ourselves feel like a disadvantage.

These are the most human parts, the emotions, uniqueness, even a touch of vulnerability. The parts of ourselves that embarrass us.

Have you ever met a girl who was drop dead gorgeous but didn't know it? There are millions of them all over the place. You can spot them in an instant too, because they are the ones wearing the green goop eye shadow, the bright lipstick, the mask of foundation. They wear so much makeup that they end by *hiding* their natural beauty.

The irony, of course, is that if these chicks would just drop the makeup they would be gorgeous. Now, just put on a tad of mascara, and men would follow her in a Congo line.

A woman wearing too much makeup is a great metaphor for the personality of most guys. That is a staggering percentage of the hundreds of men I know personally and of course the posts I read on this board. If they would stop trying to be as "confident," as fake and as perfect as "that guy", if they would give up imitating the flowers and find their roots, they would charm the world. But they hide behind the mask that is supposed to make them attractive. They are perpetually single. In fact, even if they have all the sex in the world, they are perpetually alone. I've been there; I'm still there to some degree.

So if the problem is that guys are not showing who they really are, what's the solution?

Men must learn the fundamentals of interaction, conversation, kissing, sex etc. I don't disagree with this. I only disagree with what most people view as fundamentals.

All I know for sure is that the best things about ourselves seem like a disadvantage. The best way to success for the unnatural is to accept the challenge of challenging themselves. Accept the challenge of being real, and taking all the disadvantages of being yourself. This is the fastest way to success.

What do I mean by challenging themselves. Again, I mean we must focus on getting women "despite" our weaknesses. For instance, in my case I simply do not care to dress in any attempt to impress anyone. So I go out with torn pants, a crappy t-shirt. I tell women that I meet that my parents are getting divorced, that I'm upset with my best friend. I tell them it feels like I don't have a real conversation with anyone.

In a sense, I am learning the "fundamentals" of being honest but attractive. In any case, those are the only fundamentals I care to learn. It is the highest art in pickup. It is the art we all aspire to if we are here - we aim to improve ourselves and also to have meaningful relationships based on who we are.

Now I understand that a lot of people will react by saying "why not just IMPROVE the way you dress. Isn't this a form of laziness?"

Believe me, I am all about self-improvement. It is my passion. But I care far more to work out my social muscles. Dressing like crap is an excellent barbell. None better. I care to improve my capacity to pick up women I like while looking like dirt. I care to improve my ability to package my life attractively. Now those are fundamentals. It is easy to connect with a girl with this sort of honest expression. Once that connection is there, you are on your way to wherever you want the road to go.

I am not married to this idea of dressing down, I suggest that people here find a way to challenge themselves. In other words, I way to do something they've always wanted to do (for me, dressing like crap on the weekends, I still have to dress up for work ) and exercise their social muscles at the same time.

Honestly, though, I think my suggestion of challenging yourself is more useful for newbies. Being ourselves always feels like a disadvantage. Which is why, ironically, in making things seemingly more difficult for ourselves, I find we actually make them easier.

Izza

'Self improvement is masturbation, self destruction is the answer'.

Alittude said:

'Self improvement is masturbation, self destruction is the answer'.

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Working on your personality is masturbation. Must look prettier, put more foundation on your face. And keep self-destructing your personality.

you guys digust me. buy all your expensive suits all you want but some contruction worker type will still fuk your wifes. learn to go out and see what lifes all about then youll learn about women along the way.

I agree with the original post, but not as an excercise so much as a habit.

I used to get nothing but compliments on how well I dressed. I put outfits together that made gay guys look foolish, while still not being confused by others as being gay myself (body language?).

And at the time I fooled myself into thinking that dressing well was just an outlet for my artist side since I gave up sketching long ago, but really I was just looking for attention.

I did get attention. Women would come up to me and compliment my outfit all the time, but I was never taken seriously by any of these girls. To them I was just entertainment. My personality hasn't changed since I stopped dressing so flashy, but it shines brighter now that the flash of my outfit isn't distracting it or cheapening it.

I still dress well but not as flashy. I'm often seen in a V neck T and jeans but I have awesome (deceptively expensive) loafers and if weather permits I'm in a nice blazer as well. But I'm not dressing up for anyone but myself anymore, and I'm not trying to impress anyone and THAT makes me stand out more than anything else.

Mr. Mystery

a POSSIBLE PROBLEM i CAN SEE IS, HOW ARE YOU GONNA BE ABLE TO WORK ON YOUR SOCIAL SKILLZ IF GIRLS DONT WANT TO TALK TO YOU BECAUSE OF YOUR APPEARANCE. FIRST IMPRESSIONS ARE REAL, AND THEY ARE USUALLY BASED ON APPEARANCE FIRST, EVEN WITH NON-SUPERFICIAL WOMEN.

yeah, about that....

Ace_McGregor said:

This is the worst tip I have ever read. Homeless dudes should be mPUAs according to your logic.

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:crackup: I am homeless. Been getting #'s and KC's like crazy too. I mean really, what does the word 'no' matter when you sleep in the street? I do tend to dress clean though compared to my fellow hobos. I think I'll stop that for a week or so and see what happens. What the hell, I'll try the opener 'nice azz' from that other thread in the MM forum.

It'll either work exceptionally well, or it will go nuclear. Either way it'll be funny.