Give it to me straight

As I mentioned in a post the other day, I've narrowed down my plates to 1.. a 31 year old women I've been seeing for the last 3-4 months. GREAT woman...can't say enough about her. She puts a smile on my face thinking about her


ran into a problem yesterday evening. I've never had to deal with something like this before.. becuase i actually have some type of feelings for the gal.

She comes over my house, we are eating or whatnot, we were going to go catch a movie.

I go to use the bathroom, and i find a rolled up dollar bill with coke residue on it.

My heart just dropped. First I wanted to believe that it wasn't coke residue so I tasted it..defaintly coke (if it makes any difference...seemingly good coke)

Then I just wanted to hope to god there was a plausable explination. I wasn't thinking rationaly. So I went to her and just asked her, not mad, just asking.. is this yours?

She just bursted into tears.

She told me it's not something she does often, but it's something she does. She tole me that her roomate has an older brother that comes across nice quantities and he scores them some from time to time.

The problem is twofold. First of all.. I used to use coke. I used to freebase to be honest, which is alot worse than doing straight coke. Not for long and I kicked it.. almost a year now, and the urge hasn't came back... but I cant' be around someone who does drugs... I definatly cant' be dating a drug addict.

and I told her that. I told her that It's not the coke per say... to be honest, you could do worse... but it's what doing coke eventually leads to.. and the fact that I know first hand.. when I used coke... It was because I had a bigger issue at hand I didn't want to deal with. it wasn't the high.. it was running from a problem. She's defiintly not a party girl.

It was a pretty emotional conversation...partly because well.. I think I really do care for her, and partly because i know first hand what road she is going down.. I told her that she has the world by the balls.. she has no reason to be doing this.

After she stopped crying, she told me she really has no reason to be messing round with it...and then she asked was I going to leave her because of it. I had to actually think about it.. and most women I probably would have said yes, but I told her bottom line.. I can't date a drug addict.

I told her that I will do whatever I need to do to get her clean, pay for her to go to rehab if it takes it.. I dotn' give a damn. But she can't be a drug addict. The perception I get is that she is maybe a step behind where I was when I put the pipe down.... maybe a couple of months away from full blown addiction. If I would have waited around for another 2-3 months stop.. It would have been a hell of alot harder.

I asked her did she want to go to rehab.. if she needed to just say the word. And if she needed to talk about anything.. because like me she tends to keep to herself.. just talk. I'd rather talk to her then for her to try to escape any problems she might have. I know the few times i used was because i didn't feel like I had anyone to talk to.

She doesn't know this, but 2 weeks from now I'm going to give her a random drug test. If she comes back clean, I will give her another in a month or so.... if she doesn't, as much as it pains me to say it, it's rehab or we are done.


Am I making the right decision?

Ive dated a few coke heads.. and one thing they all shared in common was they where liars...

I hope it works out for you, but in my experience they all relapse and fall back into it... and lie all the while...

and do you really want to be with some one you have to random drug test?

Ouch!

Tough one man. First off, it sounds like you are REALLY into this girl as you mention paying for her re-hab. To me, it sounds VERY fishy that she would leave the dollar out. Most users, especially chix are super secretive about drug use. It sounds like she wanted to get caught (cry for help) because she already knows how into her you are.

Be careful, most people (guy or girl), need to want to change first, or it will never work. You my friend risk the chance or relaspe or playing the part of
-captn save a ho- The only possible outcome I see is that you as an ex user care about a fellow "human being" enough to try to help once, and only if they truly want the help.

Dig, find out - how shes proves it, not sure. But your instinct will tell you.

Best,
E.D.

eyedogg said:

Ouch!

Tough one man. First off, it sounds like you are REALLY into this girl as you mention paying for her re-hab. To me, it sounds VERY fishy that she would leave the dollar out. Most users, especially chix are super secretive about drug use. It sounds like she wanted to get caught (cry for help) because she already knows how into her you are.

Be careful, most people (guy or girl), need to want to change first, or it will never work. You my friend risk the chance or relaspe or playing the part of
-captn save a ho- The only possible outcome I see is that you as an ex user care about a fellow "human being" enough to try to help once, and only if they truly want the help.


Dig, find out - how shes proves it, not sure. But your instinct will tell you.

Best,
E.D.

Click to expand...

I don't think she did it on purpose.. it was on the floor like it might have fell out her wallet or purse or something. it wasn't just sitting there with a post it note saying "cocaine, right here"

To be honest.. and I'm as guarded with my emotions as anyone you will ever meet.. this girl does it for me. I will do anything to make sure she gets clean


being a former druggie myself.. all drug users aren't bad people. unless you've done drugs yourself, you have no idea. It's a nice high, and it's relaxing. Again, It's not the coke I have the big problem with, it's what coke can lead to. So I am giving her the benefit of the doubt..that it is just a thing that she does when she can get her hands on it freely. but I have somewhat raised my guard BACK up because... the majority of druggies ARE liars.. but again.. let's hope that it's something we can nip in the ass and get out the way and move on.


again... I've been in the battle field.. with armor on and all. I know coke heads when I see them.. and she doesn't strike me as a coke head. People full blown give tell tale signs, none of which she has presented. I knew my grandmothers BF was a coke head within 10 minutes of meeting him.


If I honestly felt I was in the chance of a relapse I would kick her to the curve..I have myself under control.. just like with drinking, I haven't had a stiff drink in about a year and a half.. noting stronger than a Margaretta..but i"m around people who drink all and every day.


The thing that helped me kick the habit for good was when my old oneitis found out what I was doing, drove over my house, came over my house, slapped me as hard as she could, balling like a baby and made me toss all drug paraphernalia I had on the spot....and wouldn't leave my house for a week. Not so must hat she stopped me from getting drugs but it showed me that she really cared and that she was in my corner, and I couldn't let her or myself down anymore. I'm thinking of telling her to come stay with me for the next week for support... as corny as it may sound.. my initial thought is honestly what she said.. I don't have a reason not to believe her but if it is a little more serious I really want to help her nip this in the ass.


i'm not going to leave her for making a mistake in the past (unless it's kids) everyone makes mistakes. but I will leave her if she keeps making msitakes while we are together.

Totally understand bro! I do, and I respect you for honesty and for being strong enough to overcome your habit and take control of your life.

I take this situation as helping another human being - Thats part of the reason we are here - BEST to you and her!

Keep in mind, you can't make someone quit; you can only give her incentive. Rehab only works when someone honestly admits they have a problem. A lot of people in rehab are pushed there by family or the court, and they are just going through the motions, wasting everyone's time.

You mentioned on another thread that she's 29 I think; that makes it a little more disturbing, since she should have had time to grow out of this. She is very fortunate that you have an informed perspective based upon your own experiences. Good luck.

you are thinking of a different woman .. shes' 31.

Man, I feel for you, I do.

That sucks. No real easy answer but I like your plan.

BTW, what are those tell tale signs that you can easily spot coke users.
I'd like to know because I was messing around with a coke user for a bit.

Great suggestion ST99

Drop some knowledge on us BB - what are the top tell tale signs?

1. sudden, and i mean SUDDEN change of mood. A woman who is sitting there, watching TV, goes to the bathroom and comes out and jumps on you like she can't control herself probably just took a hell of a bump

We are just talking coke here 2) Picking at nose alot.. Coke eats at the nasal cavity.. one of the common reasons people upgrade to freebase (smoking) is to give their "nose a break). Bleeding from the nose is another. I doubt you ever catch someone picking their nose, but if you do and they have big blobs of red guo coming out.. that's a coke user 98/100 times.

3. Living below their means.. a person who makes 50k a year should not be living in the ghetto or in bad part of town, behind on all their bills... they are snorting their paychecks up their nose. I used to know.. just know.. nothing else, a stripper who had to make 300 dollars or so a night and had no cable, no no cell phone and couldn't "afford" real makeup.. and was still very bangable.

at the car dealerships I used to work at... at least 5 of the guys I knew were coke heads... on the 5th when we got our commission checks, some guys would have 5,6,10 THOUSAND dollar checks..and 2 weeks later they are asking me for money to go to burger king for lunch. I know one guy who brought home a 12 THOUSAND dollar check (hell of a month).. that's after taxes and after draw... and was so broke a week.. A WEEK later that he stole a car from the car lot and sold it for drug money. Drugs are rampant in automobile industry.

4. a not so tale tale sign but keep your eyes open.. has constant trouble sleeping at night... coke makes you restless.

5. Stealing...

6. For women, a woman who associates with drug dealers is 99/100 times a chickenhead. "he's my friend" means "i fvck him and give him head for free drugs"

This woman displays none of that... looking back on it she was a tad bit giddy after she left the bathroom but that's to be expected.. she just took a good hit of some good ****. Nothing in myhouse has came up missing.. I know what she makes a week.. she's not living below her means or above it.. I don't catch her picking at her nose or twitching

Cocaine girls are getting sexed by many men!!! Don't become exclusive with her - there are much much much better prospects out there!!! Your emotions are getting in the way and because of your past personal use you are being understanding - be rational!! She is not evil, but this is a girl that you don't want to trust! For women, drugs and sex go together like bread and butter! There are other men "doing" her!!

LMS I usually appreciate your posts but now is not the time.

I've spun more plates than 90% of the guys here in the last 2 years.. probably 30 plus... this girl has stood up to the point where I don't want to spin other plates


I'm going to give her a chance. now.. if she fvcks up she's gone with the wind.. I can't make her change.

shoot I forgot how I forgot this sign.. it's the easiest to spot of all


1. someone who sniffs wAY too much... because you loose all sensation inside your nose.. you can control your mucas and the snot.. so you are sniffing like a dog looking for ass.

2. constant grinding of the teeth and biting the tounge.. I have no earthy idea why.. but coke makes you bite the **** out of yourself. I was biting tongue so hard one day it started bleeding. If you see a chick who is constant clinching her jaws.. and has no food in her mouth...take a closer look.

however the number one, tell tale sign of a coke head.. and this works 150% of the time


Just mention that you are looking to score some coke and see how she reacts. it NEVER fails. EVER.



EVER



1) she can "relax" around you know..
2) even moreso, she thinks she has a new sugar coke daddy spunge free drugs off of.


usually they won't come out and say "oh.. boy do I know someone!" but they will be a little more reserved and say " I have a friend that knows"....

I usually ask that, at some point in time to all girls I date... then afterwards tell them I was just testing them.. she honestly just seemed a little to classy to mess around with the nose candy.

As others have said, She CAN quit IF she truely wants to.
BTW I think that Rehab is usually as waste of time and money.
I was a Coke addict back in the day, so I know what I speak-of...

so you can relate in the sense that like me... when I said I was done... and ment it.. I was done.

the only time it's hard to quit is when you don't want to. I don't even find drugs attractive anymore. it's not this uncontroable urge you can't do without.

Update:

She just called and the first thing she did was apologize for this clink in our relationship and wanted to know if there is anything she can do to make it up.. I told her don't make me look like an idiot for keeping you around and we are even.

Regardless, I told her to bring her cute ass over here for the week like i said above..I'm nipping this **** in the ass NOW...

not sure you can just nip it in the but. you make it sound too easy.

I'm sure either.. if she isn't lying it shouldn't be a big deal.. like the occussional joint smoker who quits for their better half. but if it's worse.. than she's gots ta go

I thought this was a plate you were spinning? sounds to me like she is a serious gf.

Is this the same chick that you were thinking of paying her rent because she didn't have the money for it?? another red flag??. As for getting her tested without her knowing it..... man that is like Maury Povitch show lie detector test. If you already are in a point where deep down you can't trust a person unless they take a lie detector test then something is wrong here.

I would be more pissed about, not that she is taking coke but the fact that she was hiding it from me and hiding it well. It leaves an open door to other questions, such as what else is she capable of hiding....

it became serious last week.. I cut my rotation down to 1.. she made that much of an impression on me

the rent thing took care of her self.. I blew it out of porpotion and never gave her time to see what she was going to do.. not a red flag, sh emakes all of 150 a week. Considering... I know she has a little family money (don't know how much) but still.


until 24 hours ago.. my ONLY concern I have about her was 10-15 years from now, when she can't ride horses because she will be replaced by another young hot female exercise rider (and there is a plethra of them.. I guess it helps race track morale or something) what is she going to do to support her self? She's smart.. she's chasing a dream, being around horses.... but what scares me is that being a rider, and a female exercise rider at that.. there is a short shelf life... does she ahve any dreams and goals or desires after that... and if so what? If not are you just going to dwindle in the abyss? is the only reason you are in the same you are in is to ride or is that 'you'
then I thought to myself.. I dont' know if I am going to fvckign her next WEEK let alone next YEAR so dont' worry about a problem that isn't there

that's the thing... I can smell a coke head like a roach can smell crums. I honeslty couldn't tell. when I first saw the dollar I was just going to give it back to her because I didn't in any way think that could be coke... then I said what the hell.. and it was!

as far as hiding.. hell I haven't told her all my dirtyl little secrets either.. I can't be a hypocrite. she doesn't even know about my foot fetish (I don't think)