In a predicament!

Several days ago, I was spending the night at my girlfriend's place. While we were both sleeping, she received a call ( at about 3am). She jumped and picked up the phone and left the bedroom to the living room to talk to whoever was on the other line. After about 15 mins, she came back in hoping I was sleeping and did not know the phone rang. When she came back in, I asked her who it was that she was talking to to which she responded "I will tell you later." She left from the bedroom to use the bathroom, about two minutes later, I asked her again who it was that she was talking to:
her: "There is this guy...."
Amoka: "Which guy. Which guy did you talk to for 15 plus minutes that you don't know?"
Her: "This guy I used to date. He called and said he is in the neighbourhood and just wanted to say hellow." Then I decided to leave and go to my house but she protested. I was determined and demanded to see her phone. Aparently, she has been talking to her ex-boyfriend.
Amoka: " I did not know that you and scott still talks"
Her: " Whenever I tell you I talk to him, you seemed to not care. It did not look like it troubles you so I stopped telling you."

Somehow, I have the feeling this girl is up to something:
Three days ago, while she was in the bathroom taking shower, I got the impulse to check her phone. ( Yeah, I should not have done this but I simply could not control myself). I noticed she has been talking to this guy almost on daily basis. She calls him, then calls me. I don't know why...

So the whole of yesterday I was not happy about it. I did not want to tell her I know she is constant communication with her ex because she'd know I checked her phone. I don't want her to know I checked her phone. She called serveral times but I did not pick up. Up to now, she does not know that I know. My question is how do I let her know I'm aware that she has been communicating with her exboyfriend without revealing I checked her phone?

She already told you she talks to him. Confronting her about you going into her phone just confirms what she already told you. I see nothing good coming out of you telling her you know she talks to him everyday. She told you. Now, what you need to decide is wether you can handle it or move on.

I think that you're being very insecure right now. Just play it cool and stop checking her phone. If she ever knows that you check her phone, then YOU'RE the bad guy, not her. Next time he calls her in front of you, be straight up with her. "It's alright that you're talking to him once a while, but this is starting to get ridiculous. Is there something going on that I need to know about?"

I totally disagree. There is a point of being laid back and not taking things too personally, and a point where you are being flat out played or disrespected such as here. There is NOTHING good that can come out of those two talking everyday, especially at 3 in the morning with you in the house. Talk about balls on her! Trust me from experience in this type of situation, where there is smoke there is fire.

Put it this way, would she be cool with you talking to one of your ex's everyday or at 3 in the morning while she is sleeping over? Woman are VERY careful when they really are into someone NOT TO screw that up. So if she was 100% into you or at least not into this guy at all, she would know that this is disrespectful behavior and would tell him TO NOT CALL AGAIN. In fact, she would call him up in front of you and tell him that. I've had more than one girlfriend of mine do that out of common courtesy. Couple have called the guy in front of me saying I'm with my boyfriend at the moment and we would both appreciate it if you don't call anymore, and a few have just answered the phone when a guy calls and told him to not bother calling again. It is only when they are thinking of leaving you that they will do what she is doing.

Good luck, but I would tell her either she stops talking to him, or the relationship is over. It's that simple.

Trust your gut instinct.

Its never wrong.

CordonCordon is right and though generally ultimatums are a sign of weakness in a situation like this its necessary.

If she doesn't stop talking to him you walk.

Confront her about it and explain to her that it disrespects you that she is still talking to her exes. Tell her you don't care what she talks about with them, if she has problems she can come to you with them, not her exes! Explain to her that in order for you two to have a healthy relationship she needs to let her previous one go completely.

You are the man in your relationship and need to act like it. Tell her, "when it comes to talking to your ex's it is something that I am not ok with you doing. I want you to stop immediately, understood?"

Don't tell her you checked her phone..

Just tell her that you don't want her to be in contact with him.. that is it.. end of story..

And then see what she does.. Does she break off contact with him? If so, great.. If she doesn't.. she obviously doesn't respect you enough.. so you need to get out of the relaitonship..

cordoncordon said:

Woman are VERY careful when they really are into someone NOT TO screw that up. So if she was 100% into you or at least not into this guy at all, she would know that this is disrespectful behavior and would tell him TO NOT CALL AGAIN.

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That is true. Current gal I am seeing, she's a total hottie, so I know people must call her, yet I've never seen her using her phone when she's with me. I've never heard her phone ring. I've heard it vibrate when there's a message, yet she never even aknowledges it. She usually shuts it off, and puts it in her purse, and won't look at it for 10-15 hours at a time. Now imagine, how many chicks (or even us) can be away from the cell phone that long?