Is being a "nice" guy really a problem?

Almost every piece of advice I've heard in regards to relationships with women is that being a nice guy is the ultimate turn off. But I'm not sure I got this right. Just what is it in a "nice" guy that's a turn off?

When I deal with people I'm always polite and generous, be they hot girls or 50 year old alcoholics with their bellies showing under their shirt.
When I eat at a restaurant or take delivery, I always heavily tip whoever is serving me. It's not unusual for me to tip 8 or 9 dollars when the actual order is barely twice that.
When I speak to people socially I'm always very polite and I never swear or talk rudely.
When someone asks me for help, as long as it's not outlandish I'm always happy to give a hand. But I never do these things for an ulterior motive. I never think stuff like "oh, I'm going to drive 400 miles to deliver some letter for this girl, and she'll fall in love with me! She's going to be MINE! Muahahahahahaha!"
When I am polite and respectful to someone, I don't expect anything in return because it is my natural behavior. They want to thank me for something I've done? Good. They don't want to? It dosn't matter, because I wasn't looking for thanks in the first place.

Is this truly a "problem"? I'm just being myself, and it is natural for me to be respectful and helpful to others. Normally, I would think the problem is rather "forced niceness," which is nothing but hypocrisy. A guy who's overly nice and servile to a girl and does everything she wants in hopes that he'll get to nail her is not being "nice," he's simply making a feeble and pathetic attempt at manipulating her. I would agree that this is obviously a turn off because in acting like this you are lying to the girl and trying to pass off as something you're not. Isn't real kindness simply respecting and honoring those around you because it is "natural" and without expecting gifts or anything in return? According to my friends, it seems, both are bad... but I'm not sure I can really accept that being genuinely generous and respectful is a "bad" thing when you don't have any ulterior motives. I'm not out there desperately prowling for a girlfriend. I enjoy meeting women and get to know them, and if I can click well with one then great, but I'm not going to go over my head to get a girl who's not worth it. It has to be natural.
If there are girls who are attracted to some guy because he beats someone up or because he has bad table manners and makes fun of waitresses earning minimum wage, I'm not really sure they'd be a good match for me. Yet according to my friends, 99% of girls are like that.

Any imput? Everyone seems to tell me I should change my attitude, but I don't know if it's really a good idea for me to fake a false impression around me to trick women into believing I'm something else. How can any such relationship last?

The Pedantical said:

Almost every piece of advice I've heard in regards to relationships with women is that being a nice guy is the ultimate turn off. But I'm not sure I got this right. Just what is it in a "nice" guy that's a turn off?

When I deal with people I'm always polite and generous, be they hot girls or 50 year old alcoholics with their bellies showing under their shirt.
When I eat at a restaurant or take delivery, I always heavily tip whoever is serving me. It's not unusual for me to tip 8 or 9 dollars when the actual order is barely twice that.
When I speak to people socially I'm always very polite and I never swear or talk rudely.
When someone asks me for help, as long as it's not outlandish I'm always happy to give a hand. But I never do these things for an ulterior motive. I never think stuff like "oh, I'm going to drive 400 miles to deliver some letter for this girl, and she'll fall in love with me! She's going to be MINE! Muahahahahahaha!"
When I am polite and respectful to someone, I don't expect anything in return because it is my natural behavior. They want to thank me for something I've done? Good. They don't want to? It dosn't matter, because I wasn't looking for thanks in the first place.

Is this truly a "problem"? I'm just being myself, and it is natural for me to be respectful and helpful to others. Normally, I would think the problem is rather "forced niceness," which is nothing but hypocrisy. A guy who's overly nice and servile to a girl and does everything she wants in hopes that he'll get to nail her is not being "nice," he's simply making a feeble and pathetic attempt at manipulating her. I would agree that this is obviously a turn off because in acting like this you are lying to the girl and trying to pass off as something you're not. Isn't real kindness simply respecting and honoring those around you because it is "natural" and without expecting gifts or anything in return? According to my friends, it seems, both are bad... but I'm not sure I can really accept that being genuinely generous and respectful is a "bad" thing when you don't have any ulterior motives. I'm not out there desperately prowling for a girlfriend. I enjoy meeting women and get to know them, and if I can click well with one then great, but I'm not going to go over my head to get a girl who's not worth it. It has to be natural.
If there are girls who are attracted to some guy because he beats someone up or because he has bad table manners and makes fun of waitresses earning minimum wage, I'm not really sure they'd be a good match for me. Yet according to my friends, 99% of girls are like that.

Any imput? Everyone seems to tell me I should change my attitude, but I don't know if it's really a good idea for me to fake a false impression around me to trick women into believing I'm something else. How can any such relationship last?

Click to expand...

It's not being a NICE guy that turns of woman. It's when you supplicate to her and make her your princess, that's the turn off. When you are desperate and buy her gifts for attention.

What you do, just makes you boring to some women. If that's who you are, and want to be... then just find a girl who relates to you.

Indeed. buying woman things, give an ass load of compliments all the time, putting her on a pedestal THATS what turns them off. You cant buy attraction you have to create it.

Being a "nice guy" isn't a problem.....if you don't cared about getting laid, that is.

The reason we throw the term "Nice" around with such disgust and disdain is becasue it is usually tied to a person with low self esteem, lack of self worth, and a manipulative mentality in that he uses "nice" "Gestures" in order to appease and "get" women to "like" him.
It's fake. It's disingenous. It's being manipulative.
And in these circumstances it is plain cowardly.

Being "nice" while realizing your true worth, and also very importantly, maintaining your self respect, integrity, and as a masculine, sexual man....maintaining your sexual identity is what separates you form the AFCs and REAL MEN.

DO not act like an androgenous human.

You are a male.


Act like a Man.
MEN are Masculine.
There IS a difference between Male and Masculine.


DO not HIDE in your "NICENESS". In order to downplay your sexual desires, and play it "safe" with women as to being a "threat".

For me, personally, I enjoy observing women. And just how they perceive me.

I often study women's interactions with me, be it overtly or covertly.

I can NOW TELL which women veiw me as a "Sexual THREAT."
And I am damn proud of it.
I understand women's body language and have a better grasp on their verbal language as well.
This is very important in your study of yourSELF,and WOMEN.

This basic understanding will teach you.
It will teach you on your primal psychological layers.
It will get down deep into your subconscious and you WILL at some point in time recognize your VALUE.....as a real , sexual, Masculine Man.


BOTTOM LINE:

Real, Masculine men, whom are NOT.........NOT AFRAID of their Testosterone, their Sexuality, and their Desires, are ALWAYS A "Sexual Threat."
Put simply, you are to always be recognized as a Sexual Being, and Sexually compatible, and it is organic and fundamentally tied to your Masculine Identity.
Embrace your Masculinity, and eventually your Sexuality will feel "natural" to you. This will vibe with women, and men will recognize your masculine identity.
Being perceive as a Sexual "Threat" does not for a second imply Violence or Misogyny.
It means you view yourself as Natural. Being Natural.

And your apparatus, fits in nicely with her apparatus.
The way it was meant to be.
Do NOT Shy away from this. Do not HIDE from this.


You will not be respected.
YOu will not be viewed as sexual or desirable.
You will not find natural happiness or fulfillment by ignoring or disavoqing your true natural masculine traits and your sexuality.

YOU "FIT" WITH WOMEN.
This is the way it is meant to be.

Hide from it, or deny it redeuces you to an androgenous robot.
No feelings, passions, desires.........in short, nothing a Woman would EVER find ATTRACTIVE in you.


Being "nice" should be considered Classy.
Being Nice, is being respectful.
These are qualities that distinguisghes us from the ignorant.
WHy?
Because we demonstrate we have compassion. Consideration. Thoughfulness.

IN short, real Men, Masculine men, can demonstrate "niceness" throught our Natural "Masculine Grace."

Think abou this very, very deeply.
We all possess down deep inside..........Masculine Grace.
This is real. This demonstrates education, and compassion. And deep understanding of the wiorld, and more imporantly the interactions between ourselves and others.
Masculine Grace behind "nice" Gestures is a good thing.

Nice gestures in FRONT of cowardice and resentment is UGLY. HIDEOUS. REPREHENSIBLE.ABHORRENT.
This is the true nature of the clueless, hapless, AFC.






READ THE BOOK OF POOK.
http://www.jbspencer.com/djb/Downloads/The Book of Pook.pdf

Interceptor said:

The reason we throw the term "Nice" around with such disgust and disdain is becasue it is usually tied to a person with low self esteem, lack of self worth, and a manipulative mentality in that he uses "nice" "Gestures" in order to appease and "get" women to "like" him.
It's fake. It's disingenous. It's being manipulative.
And in these circumstances it is plain cowardly.

Click to expand...

Ouch.... But it's true.

My opinion on all this (from what experience I've had with nice girls)

To be honest, I don't think being nice reduces attraction one bit! Girls will, just as men do, date and even regard someone they don't want to spend the rest of their lives with as a boyfriend.

I've done it with girls, I've given them the "I like you as a girlfriend, but I don't think we're right for a serious long-term relationship" talk. I'll continue to date them, **** them whatever, but when they start talking serious relationship and being too nice, I feel guilty and have to finish with them...



that's mostly why girls will dump nice guys. Yeah, I love a girl being overly nice to me and treating me like a serious relationship, but only if I think they're the one, if not, I back off once they get serious.

You are using half of the world.

there is nothing wrong with being NiCE, but there is something wrong ith being a NICE GUY

A NiCE GUY is the guy that is scared to aruge with a woman, scared to put his foot down, scared tot hink for himself not becuase of what he feels for her, because he thinks being nice will actually get him more ass.

that is just as deceitful as being an *******. He is trying to accomplish the same thing we are, he's just going about it the wrong way

a good strong DJ always has a smile on his face... i was raised with manners, I didn't forget them.

you don't have to be a jerk, but you do let them know there is a line that doesn't get crossed.

Interceptor said:

and as a masculine, sexual man....maintaining your sexual identity is what separates you form the AFCs and REAL MEN.

Click to expand...

Believe it or not I know a few really hot babes (22-28ish) who only seem to date skinny guys, they seem to love guys like Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp, I told one I wanted to get my body more toned like Cristiano Ronaldo (Portuguese soccer player) and she said he looked awful, far too bulky. Seems to me like only women who are 35+ go for muscular guys, I've seen hot girls in the UK with guys who even I would class as being anorexic pussies.

Interceptor is right about embracing your masculinity. Being sexually threatening is actually a turn-on for most women. If they find you can be trusted, they'll put out like no tomorrow.

Masculinity integrates with feminitity. The greater the polarity between the two (e.g. a more masculine Male with a more effiminate Female) results in greater sexual compulsion between them.

The really effiminate *girly* girls who are tiny with great azzes drive me crazy. It compliments my masculinity the best as i'm more of the bigger body-building type.

What does it mean "to supplicate to her"

To supplicate is to be OVERLY humble. To the point of acting as if you are not worthy of her or things.
When you supplicate you put the other person before you, as your Master.
You will act as if you're not worthy and come off as a spineless beggar.

Don't you think this is as UNSEXY as possible?
Do you guys recognize that Begging a woman, and putting her on a pedestal is perhaps the doom of your Manliness and any hope of a robust, healthy Bang On relationship with a Woman?

Supplicating means in essence, begging.
Begging for her attention. Her affection. Her Love. Her Sex.


NEVER, EVER, EVER BEG.

The woman in front of you is either deserving of you, or not.

If you recognize that YOU are the "Prize", the "Catch", and that she is just a Woman. A woman thatyou respect nonetheless, but she is NOT your MASTER, then you have a better balance in your relationship Dynamic.

This is why the true "Seduction Secret" is NOT DD, or MM, or C+F< or Neg hits, or "Speed Seduction".
That is ALL GARBAGE.

IT IS GARBAGE.

I will say it again...

THAT STUFF IS GARBAGE.
A mere "Band Aid" for a LACK OF YOUR INTERNAL WORK TO BECOME AND REALIZE YOUSELF. A REAL, MASCULINE MAN.
Work on your self.
Realize your Masculinity within you.
Trust me.
It's there.
IT IS IN THERE.
Somewhere.

It's up to you to find it, and realize it.

Here's something that hit me a long time ago.
I used to think "Just Be Yourself." was the dumbest advice I had ever heard.

Years later.
They were right, I was wrong.

I am grateful I followed that advice.
My BEST Self is better, happier, and more fulfilled because I am "just myself" NOW.
The caveat is that I did (and am STILL doing ) THE "WORK".

When a woman tells you "Just Be Yourself" you know what she is telling you?

Show the woman you are interested in just who you are.
What are your Dreams, Ambitions, Passions, Desires, Hobbies, etc??

Who are you, really?

This is so that right from the start, the woman knows who she's dealing with (this is not such a bad thing, if you look at it from the right perspective. A healthy perspective.) and she and you can make the right decisions, and actions according to who you are.
Are your core values the same?
Same sexual appetite?
Same morals, ethics?
Is she interesting to you?
Are you interesting enough for her? (Do you have a Life? Or do you sit around whacking off and just play Xbox all day?)
Woman WANT to know who you are.
They are attracted to passion, goals, ambition.

My mother (LOL! Can you believe it??)told me at a very early age some advice.(I was a little kid. And for the most part she rarely gave me advice. Which in hindsight, was a good thing for me. I do however, recognize and value what she did offer to me. And I offer it to you. And many of you shoudl already know this. SO again, starnge as it may seem, but that one piece of advice that my sweet, well meaning mother gave me actually makes sense.)
I still hear it in my mind.
She said "A woman wants to know what prospects you have."

What does that mean?

It means what do you have going for you?

Are you a loser?

Or are you a go-getter with a passion for life???

Can you run a household?
Can you help her raise children?
Will you be a good lover and bang her brains out and leave her drunk with pleasure?
Can you have fun with her? Or are you too uptight?
Do you have integrity?
Will you fight for her and protect her?
Will you put up with her sh*t or put her in her place?


Women will push you at certain times in the relationship in order to "see" if you're STILL a REAL Man.
They will poke you and prode you to test you, and give her info to determine if you've BEEN "Yourself) or you were just a cowardly Liar all this time.

"DO you have a pair, and a spine"?
(Reality check. That's what women are thinking about you when you don't project your Masculinity and Sexuality. They are "on the fence" about you because you still haven't provided enough info on yourSELF. That's why if you concentrate on being the BEST SELF you CAN BE....you have no problem "Just Being YourSELF.")

Well...do YOU?

To Interceptor:

You write some excellent material.

Thanks.
I truly hope this stuff helps someone out there.
We are all in the same boat.
And the way things are going, with more Masculinezed women, and Feminized Men, we really, and I mean , really need to get our sh*t together.
All of us.

Interceptor said:

Thanks.
I truly hope this stuff helps someone out there.
We are all in the same boat.
And the way things are going, with more Masculinezed women, and Feminized Men, we really, and I mean , really need to get out sh*t together.
All of us.

Click to expand...

I guess it's society that's changing with time. The stronger feminism becomes, the more boys grow up with dominant and feminist mothers who shape them into everything they shouldn't be shaped into...

Being a "nice guy" is only bad when it's a polite euphemism for spinelessness.

Interceptor hit the nail on the head.

The only thing wrong with "just be yourself" is the word "just," which implies lack of effort to improve.

Hey Interceptor, You have some really good advice.....

Bieng nice and being a gentleman is two different things.

couldn't have said it better myself

being nice is being a gentlemen when you shouldn't be

These two posts have really influenced me because most of us don't want to be jerks and we want to be ourselves but you must demonstrate confidence, strength, and leadership. aka, a real man.

Use urbandictionary.com to look up 'nice guy' and you can read the common definition of what a nice guy is.

And here are the two posts:

http://www.sosuave.com/articles/goodmen.htm

http://www.sosuave.com/articles/womenwant.htm